Fanfic: Unfounded - Alicia/Kalinda
Title: Unfounded
Author: schwarmerei1
Fandom/Pairing: The Good Wife, Alicia/Kalinda, Alicia/Peter
Rating: G
Word Count: 3,400
Warning: Assassination of Peter’s character
Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect, CBS, Scott Free, and the Kings own them
Summary: Exactly where did the money for Alicia’s partnership buy-in come from?
Spoilers: Through episode 4.13 “The Seven Day Rule”
Author's Note: This was written for randomizer based on a very interesting line of speculation on her part. Props to her thinking, and also for cleaning up my mess via beta-reading -- that was beyond the call! Thanks also to hotladykisses for looking this over.
Kalinda stuffed her sunglasses back into her pocket as she rounded the corner of reception and headed for her desk. As usual, her gaze flicked over towards the glass wall of Alicia’s office to see if she was there. She had to steel herself not to pivot on her heel and leave the building when she saw the back of Peter Florrick standing before Alicia, who was seated at her desk.
So far as Kalinda knew, Peter had only ever been at Lockhart & Gardner once, and that was nearly a year ago when he was under subpoena. He did not drop by casually to chat with his wife.
Kalinda slid into her seat in the furthest corner of the communal table with her back to Alicia. She argued with herself for several moments before opening her laptop but not switching it on so that she could see Alicia and Peter in the screen’s reflection. Her mental lecture on how what was taking place was none of her business died when she saw their body language. Peter was clearly agitated, and Alicia…Alicia looked frozen with shock.
In one piece of luck, despite the glass walls of the office, other than Kalinda they had privacy. Cary was in court, the jostling junior associates who shared what had once been Eli’s office were still at lunch, and just about every other member of staff had been sucked into a staff education session over sandwiches with Diane drumming into them the importance of billable hours and invoicing.
Peter finished talking, then moved towards Alicia before stopping. Her instinctive jerk back in her chair confirmed that he should keep his distance. He ran his hand through already tousled hair and left her office for the elevators, his steps so quick they were almost a jog.
There was no point pretending. Kalinda pushed back from the desk and rose. Her steps towards Alicia’s door felt fateful, she was pretty sure it was going to be bad -- very bad.
“What’s happened?”
It didn’t seem like someone as fair-skinned as Alicia could be paler, but she was. Her eyes looked off to nowhere and her hands gripped the edge of the desk. She couldn’t look at Kalinda when she replied. “Peter’s going to be indicted. He’s gone to surrender himself to the police so the media won’t see him being arrested.”
“Why?”
“Misuse of campaign funds.” Kalinda saw Alicia’s knuckles whiten. “He says it’s true.”
Kalinda knew how the blow felt even if she hadn’t quite experienced the same magnitude. Finding out Nick was running drugs again… But that had the advantage of being private. Other than Alicia, no one knew of her tie to him. And more importantly, it had never come out. This was going to come out, and this time the State’s Attorney was leading the race for Governor.
“Get your things, we need to go.” Alicia looked up at Kalinda dumbly. “You should get Zach and Grace out of school. As soon as this breaks that’s one of the places the media will try to corner you all.”
That spurred Alicia into action, shocked that her own maternal protectiveness hadn’t thought of that immediately. She fumbled with her coat, Kalinda intervening to get the sleeves on her properly, and slung the straps of her bag over her shoulder.
“Take your laptop too.” Kalinda told her, deciding it was unwise to leave it lying around for snooping eyes who might try to guess Alicia’s password and read her email or anything else.
Thoughts still scattered, one forced its way in. "Don't you need to prepare for Diane's case tomorrow?"
"Not important," replied Kalinda, steering Alicia towards the door.
Thankfully, the only staff member they met coming out of the lift was too absorbed by his BlackBerry to even acknowledge the two of them. Kalinda pressed the button for the parking garage and hoped not to stop at the ground floor first.
More luck. Alicia managed to put one foot in front of the other and follow her, but she almost stumbled when Kalinda continued past Alicia’s sedan and headed for her SUV. “We’ll go in my car. You’re in no state to drive and yours might be recognised.” Kalinda also had the advantage of darkly tinted windows because of her surveillance work.
“But…”
“I’ll pick up your car later. Don’t worry about it.” Kalinda clicked the remote, decided that opening Alicia’s door for her was a step too far, and got into her own seat. She paused long enough to check that Alicia had her seat belt on before putting the car in gear and heading out of the basement and away from the city towards Capstone.
Alicia didn’t question how Kalinda knew where her kids went to school, let alone how to get there. She was Kalinda -- it was to be expected.
They stopped at a red light, and Kalinda looked over at her companion. Alicia looked shocked, but keeping a tight hold of herself; she was going to need her composure intact to go in to the Capstone’s office and deal with administration to get Zach and Grace out of class, after all. But there was something more, Kalinda was sure of it. This wasn’t just betrayal and stress and coping-mode-until-I-can-lose-it, something had Alicia actually fearful. Alicia met her eyes briefly. The light was green, Kalinda resumed driving.
“I might be implicated.” Alicia explained in answer to the question Kalinda hadn’t asked.
Kalinda shook her head, there was no way Alicia could be involved. “Why would anyone think that?”
Alicia scrunched her eyes and rubbed at them with her hand. She knew that breaking down was inevitable sometime soon, but she had to do what needed to be done first for her children’s sake.
"Peter gave me the money for my equity buy-in." Alicia paused, then suddenly she was rushing in an uncharacteristic fashion. "I didn't ask him where the money was from, it never occurred to me to ask. And now...now people will think I was in on it, that I was always in on it. That that's the reason I stayed, because I was corrupt too." She took a breath. "Or if they don't believe that, they'll think I'm an idiot," Alicia concluded bitterly.
Kalinda took her right hand off the steering wheel and found Alicia's left one. "I get it." And she did. She knew her actions with Nick must have looked inexplicable on the outside, but the closest Alicia had come to expressing an opinion was a raised eyebrow, or a slight shake of her head. It wasn't even a matter of returning the favour -- judgement wasn't helpful in either of their lives. What Alicia deserved was support.
Alicia felt the smoothness of Kalinda's thumb ring slide once over her knuckles and then fingers squeezed her palm. She hadn't realised what relief there was to be found here. Kalinda believed her without question, knew the person she was, would never doubt her. Tears threatened her eyes but she blinked them back again.
"I could be indicted too. Charged as an accessory." Alicia voiced her biggest fear -- what would happen to Zach and Grace if that occurred? Her reputation was going to suffer a blow regardless, it was only a matter of on what scale the damage was going to be.
"I'll do everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen," Kalinda vowed. It was unfortunate, Kalinda mused, that Eli had Elsbeth Tascioni occupied on his Justice Department issues. Kalinda had never met a lawyer better able to make complex problems disappear. But Elsbeth acting for Alicia now after having been Peter and then Eli’s lawyer would only confirm people's suspicions. And she should have kept a closer eye on what was going on with Eli, because if the investigation into him was related to what was now happening to Peter, Kalinda had failed in her vigilance when it came to threats to Alicia’s security.
Alicia’s fingers had folded over hers and Kalinda regretfully withdrew her hand when she needed it back to negotiate the twists and turns as she neared the school. She pulled up near the front steps. There was no sign of any waiting media, but she got out and walked Alicia up to the door anyway, staying outside to watch while Alicia went inside.
Kalinda got out her phone, and considered calling Eli to get an update but decided she was too angry to be civil. How had he been blindsided by this, leaving Peter’s family exposed? Why wasn’t he acting right now instead of doing who knows what? Instead she began to search news and look for hints of the story breaking. Good, so far not even a rumour of a rumour. If she could get Alicia and the kids back to their apartment without the humiliation of camera flashes and the media pack frenzy she’d count that as an achievement for the day.
Grace and Zach’s evident surprise at the appearance of their mother in the middle of the school day increased when they saw Kalinda and again as Alicia urged Grace into the middle of Kalinda’s backseat and climbed in after her. Kalinda looked away from Zach’s confused eyes in the rear-view mirror and began the trip back into Chicago.
Alicia quickly explained that no one was hurt or sick, that it was not that kind of emergency. It was awkward, Kalinda mused, to be present for such an intimate family conversation. But she did want to know more detail, if only to see if there were things she could do to help Alicia. And then Alicia met her eyes in the mirror, and Kalinda could see that as far as Alicia was concerned her presence was welcome.
Alicia recited the brief details Peter had told her. It was bad, very bad. Kalinda couldn’t see how Peter was going to obfuscate his way out of it. She listened without comment, unlike Zach and Grace: the former looking for loopholes and possible innocent explanations, the latter primarily distressed that this was happening again to her family. Unlike Zach, Kalinda had the benefit of her own knowledge of Peter’s conduct back during his first term as State’s Attorney. She knew money had changed hands then and that what was happening now was part of a longer history. Not for the first time, she wondered if she’d been right to give Alicia the choice to know about what Peter had done. But she’d allowed Alicia to be an adult, she hadn’t forced that knowledge on her, and that couldn’t be changed now. And she knew from bitter personal experience that even the most reasoned and calculated decisions could produce an outcome years later no one could have predicted at the time.
Kalinda pulled into the driveway that led to the basement of Alicia’s building. Alicia passed her keys to swipe her way in. It looked deserted, but Kalinda preceded the Florricks to the elevator and then looked cautiously into the foyer on Alicia’s floor before she led them to their door. She was still holding Alicia’s keys and took that as an excuse to give them privacy for the moment. Grace was already in her mother’s arms sobbing as Kalinda murmured something about collecting Alicia’s car and slipped away.
Hailing a cab and instructing him to drive to Lockhart & Gardner, Kalinda settled back and tried to think of anything else useful she could do. A family in crisis was not her area of expertise. As she got out she saw the hole-in-the-wall pizza joint that the office often used for ordering dinner after-hours, and a few times she’d seen Alicia head there after drinks to pick something up for home. She doubted Alicia was the type for the comfort of melted cheese at such a time, a bottle of wine or two seemed more likely, but who knew about Zach and Grace? No one was going to cook tonight. And it would use up a few minutes -- she felt like she should be giving them more time alone to talk.
She ordered; she sat; she got out her phone again. Everything was still quiet. She wasn’t even sure if that was a good thing, waiting for the inevitable didn’t seem to have much over disaster actually falling. She grabbed her order and walked down the ramp, rather than entering the foyer and taking the lift, to lessen the chance of running into a colleague. In half an hour it would be busy with the secretaries and administrative staff beginning to head home, but for now it was quiet and she got to Alicia’s car unobserved and after a few adjustments to Alicia’s seat and mirrors began the short drive back.
Before heading for Alicia’s floor Kalinda stopped by the building superintendant to warn of possible media interest and the need to maintain security. She announced herself as she unlocked Alicia’s door, she could hear them talking in the living room. Kalinda took the pizza to the kitchen bench, put Alicia’s keys in the bowl on the hall table, and slid off her leather jacket. She was torn: she was probably intruding and should go, but if there was anything she could do for Alicia she wanted to know. Looking in the living room, Grace was being held by her mother but looked calmer, Zach was sitting on the edge of the sofa clearly itching to leave. He used the distraction of Kalinda as an excuse.
“I need to go check things on my computer.”
Kalinda couldn’t blame him, in his position she’d be online immediately too, although she doubted there was anything constructive Zach could do in this case.
Alicia turned after Zach departed and saw Kalinda. “Uh, your car’s downstairs. And I bought a pizza in case anyone is hungry.” Yeah, not likely...
“Grace honey, do you want anything to eat?”
Grace disengaged herself and shook her head. “I just don’t get it. Why would Dad do it?”
Kalinda didn’t get it either. She probably had a better idea than even his children of who Peter was fundamentally. He was ambitious and arrogant, but she had liked the bastard in a way, and still did in the privacy of her thoughts. She knew he wasn’t stupid, so why had he done this? How could he not realise that after his past history that people were watching and the merest wisp of smoke, let alone an actual fire, would end his candidacy? Was his avarice or his ego really so much bigger than his political cunning? Kalinda knew she was cynical, but she’d never believed in Peter’s supposed reformation and his oft-repeated references to “time inside” had made her scoff. She’d met him while he was in prison -- he was no different to the man she slept with, the boss that exchanged favours with everyone who suited him, or the person who’d fired her when Childs had turned up the heat on him. As far as she could see, the only thing that had changed was that he no longer took Alicia for granted.
“I think I want to go talk to my friends.”
Alicia nodded. Four years ago Grace had been a child who needed the comfort of her mother when her life fell apart. Now she wanted the company of her peers instead. Understanding it didn’t make the wrench any less.
Kalinda hung awkwardly in the doorway as Grace slipped away to her room. It looked like her cue to leave and finally give Alicia some time in private.
“If there’s anything I can do...”
Alicia cut her off before she could finish. “Can you stay?”
“Sure.” Was there any question?
Alicia pushed herself up slowly. “I don’t know if I can bear to put the television on.”
“Nothing’s broken yet. Going to the police seems to have kept it quiet so far.”
“It’s not going to stay that way.”
“No.”
“Do you want a drink?” That seemed like the thing to offer given it was the two of them.
Kalinda shook her head. “You go ahead though.”
Alicia walked through the hallway, didn’t head for the kitchen and went into her bedroom instead. She’d need to be paralytic with wine to touch this feeling, so there wasn’t any point.
Kalinda followed and lingered awkwardly in another doorway, while Alicia sat heavily on the edge of her bed. She could scarcely believe it when Alicia buried her face in her hands. Kalinda had expected to be tasked with a mission. She never suspected someone as private as Alicia would break down in front of her.
Hesitant, like she was approaching a wounded animal, Kalinda moved until she was standing in front of her. They weren’t the sort of women who hugged other people, let alone each other, but instinct led her to Alicia anyway. She put one hand on Alicia’s shoulder to give the other woman the choice to keep things as a simple gesture of support.
“I know how strong you are, Alicia. You never have to be strong for me.”
Alicia wasn’t. Alicia’s hand grasped hers and without thinking further Kalinda pulled Alicia into her body. One arm tight around Alicia’s shoulders, the other wrapped around her head, cradling her. She felt Alicia’s arms encircle her waist just as tightly as her body begin to shake.
All the things that Kalinda had ever imagined doing if she ever had the chance to hold Alicia were forgotten. She didn’t stroke caresses down Alicia’s back or plant soft kisses in her hair. She just held her, strong and unwavering so that Alicia would know ending their embrace was for her to choose. She let her face rest on top of Alicia’s head and tried to breathe for both of them.
Kalinda could feel the heat of Alicia’s face against her breast and her tears begin to soak through her blouse. Someone else might have known helpful platitudes to whisper, but Kalinda didn’t, so she stayed silent and hoped being present spoke for her.
Alicia sobbed into Kalinda’s body and felt her support as solid and immovable as Kalinda had always been. Maybe someday down the track she’d be able to look back on this and almost find it funny how badly she’d chosen. For a long time Kalinda and Peter had both been packed away in a box labelled “betrayal” that she never intended to reopen. But eventually they had both asserted their presence in her life. How was it that she’d managed to bring herself to start to do the actual hard work of rebuilding with Kalinda but never truly let her back in? And by contrast, she’d halted every attempt on Peter’s part to truly restore their marriage, while letting him back into her life, her body, and her career. And now their family was wounded once again.
She kept weeping as her thoughts continued. It felt different from four years ago. Despite the rhetoric of it-takes-two-people-to-sustain-a-marriage, she had felt like the innocent party. If many questioned how she could have not known, she certainly wasn’t unique, just unfortunate enough to be in the public eye. But now she couldn’t escape her own judgement. She’d been an idiot, or at best wilfully ignorant. And the carefully constructed stability she’d built for herself and her children looked to be ruined.
There were two things Alicia clung to. She knew she had the strength to rebuild. The world had underestimated her once and maybe it would again, but she would fight her way back.
And this time she wasn’t alone. Four years ago she had wept night after night in bewildered humiliation by herself in the too-large bed while Zach and Grace slept and Peter was exiled to the guest room downstairs. Owen had been in Oregon, her mother was judgemental, and her friends had turned out to be no more than women she happened to sit on a series of committees with. She didn’t have a Kalinda then.
She had Kalinda now and Alicia clung to her and didn’t let go.
Author: schwarmerei1
Fandom/Pairing: The Good Wife, Alicia/Kalinda, Alicia/Peter
Rating: G
Word Count: 3,400
Warning: Assassination of Peter’s character
Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect, CBS, Scott Free, and the Kings own them
Summary: Exactly where did the money for Alicia’s partnership buy-in come from?
Spoilers: Through episode 4.13 “The Seven Day Rule”
Author's Note: This was written for randomizer based on a very interesting line of speculation on her part. Props to her thinking, and also for cleaning up my mess via beta-reading -- that was beyond the call! Thanks also to hotladykisses for looking this over.
Kalinda stuffed her sunglasses back into her pocket as she rounded the corner of reception and headed for her desk. As usual, her gaze flicked over towards the glass wall of Alicia’s office to see if she was there. She had to steel herself not to pivot on her heel and leave the building when she saw the back of Peter Florrick standing before Alicia, who was seated at her desk.
So far as Kalinda knew, Peter had only ever been at Lockhart & Gardner once, and that was nearly a year ago when he was under subpoena. He did not drop by casually to chat with his wife.
Kalinda slid into her seat in the furthest corner of the communal table with her back to Alicia. She argued with herself for several moments before opening her laptop but not switching it on so that she could see Alicia and Peter in the screen’s reflection. Her mental lecture on how what was taking place was none of her business died when she saw their body language. Peter was clearly agitated, and Alicia…Alicia looked frozen with shock.
In one piece of luck, despite the glass walls of the office, other than Kalinda they had privacy. Cary was in court, the jostling junior associates who shared what had once been Eli’s office were still at lunch, and just about every other member of staff had been sucked into a staff education session over sandwiches with Diane drumming into them the importance of billable hours and invoicing.
Peter finished talking, then moved towards Alicia before stopping. Her instinctive jerk back in her chair confirmed that he should keep his distance. He ran his hand through already tousled hair and left her office for the elevators, his steps so quick they were almost a jog.
There was no point pretending. Kalinda pushed back from the desk and rose. Her steps towards Alicia’s door felt fateful, she was pretty sure it was going to be bad -- very bad.
“What’s happened?”
It didn’t seem like someone as fair-skinned as Alicia could be paler, but she was. Her eyes looked off to nowhere and her hands gripped the edge of the desk. She couldn’t look at Kalinda when she replied. “Peter’s going to be indicted. He’s gone to surrender himself to the police so the media won’t see him being arrested.”
“Why?”
“Misuse of campaign funds.” Kalinda saw Alicia’s knuckles whiten. “He says it’s true.”
Kalinda knew how the blow felt even if she hadn’t quite experienced the same magnitude. Finding out Nick was running drugs again… But that had the advantage of being private. Other than Alicia, no one knew of her tie to him. And more importantly, it had never come out. This was going to come out, and this time the State’s Attorney was leading the race for Governor.
“Get your things, we need to go.” Alicia looked up at Kalinda dumbly. “You should get Zach and Grace out of school. As soon as this breaks that’s one of the places the media will try to corner you all.”
That spurred Alicia into action, shocked that her own maternal protectiveness hadn’t thought of that immediately. She fumbled with her coat, Kalinda intervening to get the sleeves on her properly, and slung the straps of her bag over her shoulder.
“Take your laptop too.” Kalinda told her, deciding it was unwise to leave it lying around for snooping eyes who might try to guess Alicia’s password and read her email or anything else.
Thoughts still scattered, one forced its way in. "Don't you need to prepare for Diane's case tomorrow?"
"Not important," replied Kalinda, steering Alicia towards the door.
Thankfully, the only staff member they met coming out of the lift was too absorbed by his BlackBerry to even acknowledge the two of them. Kalinda pressed the button for the parking garage and hoped not to stop at the ground floor first.
More luck. Alicia managed to put one foot in front of the other and follow her, but she almost stumbled when Kalinda continued past Alicia’s sedan and headed for her SUV. “We’ll go in my car. You’re in no state to drive and yours might be recognised.” Kalinda also had the advantage of darkly tinted windows because of her surveillance work.
“But…”
“I’ll pick up your car later. Don’t worry about it.” Kalinda clicked the remote, decided that opening Alicia’s door for her was a step too far, and got into her own seat. She paused long enough to check that Alicia had her seat belt on before putting the car in gear and heading out of the basement and away from the city towards Capstone.
Alicia didn’t question how Kalinda knew where her kids went to school, let alone how to get there. She was Kalinda -- it was to be expected.
They stopped at a red light, and Kalinda looked over at her companion. Alicia looked shocked, but keeping a tight hold of herself; she was going to need her composure intact to go in to the Capstone’s office and deal with administration to get Zach and Grace out of class, after all. But there was something more, Kalinda was sure of it. This wasn’t just betrayal and stress and coping-mode-until-I-can-lose-it, something had Alicia actually fearful. Alicia met her eyes briefly. The light was green, Kalinda resumed driving.
“I might be implicated.” Alicia explained in answer to the question Kalinda hadn’t asked.
Kalinda shook her head, there was no way Alicia could be involved. “Why would anyone think that?”
Alicia scrunched her eyes and rubbed at them with her hand. She knew that breaking down was inevitable sometime soon, but she had to do what needed to be done first for her children’s sake.
"Peter gave me the money for my equity buy-in." Alicia paused, then suddenly she was rushing in an uncharacteristic fashion. "I didn't ask him where the money was from, it never occurred to me to ask. And now...now people will think I was in on it, that I was always in on it. That that's the reason I stayed, because I was corrupt too." She took a breath. "Or if they don't believe that, they'll think I'm an idiot," Alicia concluded bitterly.
Kalinda took her right hand off the steering wheel and found Alicia's left one. "I get it." And she did. She knew her actions with Nick must have looked inexplicable on the outside, but the closest Alicia had come to expressing an opinion was a raised eyebrow, or a slight shake of her head. It wasn't even a matter of returning the favour -- judgement wasn't helpful in either of their lives. What Alicia deserved was support.
Alicia felt the smoothness of Kalinda's thumb ring slide once over her knuckles and then fingers squeezed her palm. She hadn't realised what relief there was to be found here. Kalinda believed her without question, knew the person she was, would never doubt her. Tears threatened her eyes but she blinked them back again.
"I could be indicted too. Charged as an accessory." Alicia voiced her biggest fear -- what would happen to Zach and Grace if that occurred? Her reputation was going to suffer a blow regardless, it was only a matter of on what scale the damage was going to be.
"I'll do everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen," Kalinda vowed. It was unfortunate, Kalinda mused, that Eli had Elsbeth Tascioni occupied on his Justice Department issues. Kalinda had never met a lawyer better able to make complex problems disappear. But Elsbeth acting for Alicia now after having been Peter and then Eli’s lawyer would only confirm people's suspicions. And she should have kept a closer eye on what was going on with Eli, because if the investigation into him was related to what was now happening to Peter, Kalinda had failed in her vigilance when it came to threats to Alicia’s security.
Alicia’s fingers had folded over hers and Kalinda regretfully withdrew her hand when she needed it back to negotiate the twists and turns as she neared the school. She pulled up near the front steps. There was no sign of any waiting media, but she got out and walked Alicia up to the door anyway, staying outside to watch while Alicia went inside.
Kalinda got out her phone, and considered calling Eli to get an update but decided she was too angry to be civil. How had he been blindsided by this, leaving Peter’s family exposed? Why wasn’t he acting right now instead of doing who knows what? Instead she began to search news and look for hints of the story breaking. Good, so far not even a rumour of a rumour. If she could get Alicia and the kids back to their apartment without the humiliation of camera flashes and the media pack frenzy she’d count that as an achievement for the day.
Grace and Zach’s evident surprise at the appearance of their mother in the middle of the school day increased when they saw Kalinda and again as Alicia urged Grace into the middle of Kalinda’s backseat and climbed in after her. Kalinda looked away from Zach’s confused eyes in the rear-view mirror and began the trip back into Chicago.
Alicia quickly explained that no one was hurt or sick, that it was not that kind of emergency. It was awkward, Kalinda mused, to be present for such an intimate family conversation. But she did want to know more detail, if only to see if there were things she could do to help Alicia. And then Alicia met her eyes in the mirror, and Kalinda could see that as far as Alicia was concerned her presence was welcome.
Alicia recited the brief details Peter had told her. It was bad, very bad. Kalinda couldn’t see how Peter was going to obfuscate his way out of it. She listened without comment, unlike Zach and Grace: the former looking for loopholes and possible innocent explanations, the latter primarily distressed that this was happening again to her family. Unlike Zach, Kalinda had the benefit of her own knowledge of Peter’s conduct back during his first term as State’s Attorney. She knew money had changed hands then and that what was happening now was part of a longer history. Not for the first time, she wondered if she’d been right to give Alicia the choice to know about what Peter had done. But she’d allowed Alicia to be an adult, she hadn’t forced that knowledge on her, and that couldn’t be changed now. And she knew from bitter personal experience that even the most reasoned and calculated decisions could produce an outcome years later no one could have predicted at the time.
Kalinda pulled into the driveway that led to the basement of Alicia’s building. Alicia passed her keys to swipe her way in. It looked deserted, but Kalinda preceded the Florricks to the elevator and then looked cautiously into the foyer on Alicia’s floor before she led them to their door. She was still holding Alicia’s keys and took that as an excuse to give them privacy for the moment. Grace was already in her mother’s arms sobbing as Kalinda murmured something about collecting Alicia’s car and slipped away.
Hailing a cab and instructing him to drive to Lockhart & Gardner, Kalinda settled back and tried to think of anything else useful she could do. A family in crisis was not her area of expertise. As she got out she saw the hole-in-the-wall pizza joint that the office often used for ordering dinner after-hours, and a few times she’d seen Alicia head there after drinks to pick something up for home. She doubted Alicia was the type for the comfort of melted cheese at such a time, a bottle of wine or two seemed more likely, but who knew about Zach and Grace? No one was going to cook tonight. And it would use up a few minutes -- she felt like she should be giving them more time alone to talk.
She ordered; she sat; she got out her phone again. Everything was still quiet. She wasn’t even sure if that was a good thing, waiting for the inevitable didn’t seem to have much over disaster actually falling. She grabbed her order and walked down the ramp, rather than entering the foyer and taking the lift, to lessen the chance of running into a colleague. In half an hour it would be busy with the secretaries and administrative staff beginning to head home, but for now it was quiet and she got to Alicia’s car unobserved and after a few adjustments to Alicia’s seat and mirrors began the short drive back.
Before heading for Alicia’s floor Kalinda stopped by the building superintendant to warn of possible media interest and the need to maintain security. She announced herself as she unlocked Alicia’s door, she could hear them talking in the living room. Kalinda took the pizza to the kitchen bench, put Alicia’s keys in the bowl on the hall table, and slid off her leather jacket. She was torn: she was probably intruding and should go, but if there was anything she could do for Alicia she wanted to know. Looking in the living room, Grace was being held by her mother but looked calmer, Zach was sitting on the edge of the sofa clearly itching to leave. He used the distraction of Kalinda as an excuse.
“I need to go check things on my computer.”
Kalinda couldn’t blame him, in his position she’d be online immediately too, although she doubted there was anything constructive Zach could do in this case.
Alicia turned after Zach departed and saw Kalinda. “Uh, your car’s downstairs. And I bought a pizza in case anyone is hungry.” Yeah, not likely...
“Grace honey, do you want anything to eat?”
Grace disengaged herself and shook her head. “I just don’t get it. Why would Dad do it?”
Kalinda didn’t get it either. She probably had a better idea than even his children of who Peter was fundamentally. He was ambitious and arrogant, but she had liked the bastard in a way, and still did in the privacy of her thoughts. She knew he wasn’t stupid, so why had he done this? How could he not realise that after his past history that people were watching and the merest wisp of smoke, let alone an actual fire, would end his candidacy? Was his avarice or his ego really so much bigger than his political cunning? Kalinda knew she was cynical, but she’d never believed in Peter’s supposed reformation and his oft-repeated references to “time inside” had made her scoff. She’d met him while he was in prison -- he was no different to the man she slept with, the boss that exchanged favours with everyone who suited him, or the person who’d fired her when Childs had turned up the heat on him. As far as she could see, the only thing that had changed was that he no longer took Alicia for granted.
“I think I want to go talk to my friends.”
Alicia nodded. Four years ago Grace had been a child who needed the comfort of her mother when her life fell apart. Now she wanted the company of her peers instead. Understanding it didn’t make the wrench any less.
Kalinda hung awkwardly in the doorway as Grace slipped away to her room. It looked like her cue to leave and finally give Alicia some time in private.
“If there’s anything I can do...”
Alicia cut her off before she could finish. “Can you stay?”
“Sure.” Was there any question?
Alicia pushed herself up slowly. “I don’t know if I can bear to put the television on.”
“Nothing’s broken yet. Going to the police seems to have kept it quiet so far.”
“It’s not going to stay that way.”
“No.”
“Do you want a drink?” That seemed like the thing to offer given it was the two of them.
Kalinda shook her head. “You go ahead though.”
Alicia walked through the hallway, didn’t head for the kitchen and went into her bedroom instead. She’d need to be paralytic with wine to touch this feeling, so there wasn’t any point.
Kalinda followed and lingered awkwardly in another doorway, while Alicia sat heavily on the edge of her bed. She could scarcely believe it when Alicia buried her face in her hands. Kalinda had expected to be tasked with a mission. She never suspected someone as private as Alicia would break down in front of her.
Hesitant, like she was approaching a wounded animal, Kalinda moved until she was standing in front of her. They weren’t the sort of women who hugged other people, let alone each other, but instinct led her to Alicia anyway. She put one hand on Alicia’s shoulder to give the other woman the choice to keep things as a simple gesture of support.
“I know how strong you are, Alicia. You never have to be strong for me.”
Alicia wasn’t. Alicia’s hand grasped hers and without thinking further Kalinda pulled Alicia into her body. One arm tight around Alicia’s shoulders, the other wrapped around her head, cradling her. She felt Alicia’s arms encircle her waist just as tightly as her body begin to shake.
All the things that Kalinda had ever imagined doing if she ever had the chance to hold Alicia were forgotten. She didn’t stroke caresses down Alicia’s back or plant soft kisses in her hair. She just held her, strong and unwavering so that Alicia would know ending their embrace was for her to choose. She let her face rest on top of Alicia’s head and tried to breathe for both of them.
Kalinda could feel the heat of Alicia’s face against her breast and her tears begin to soak through her blouse. Someone else might have known helpful platitudes to whisper, but Kalinda didn’t, so she stayed silent and hoped being present spoke for her.
Alicia sobbed into Kalinda’s body and felt her support as solid and immovable as Kalinda had always been. Maybe someday down the track she’d be able to look back on this and almost find it funny how badly she’d chosen. For a long time Kalinda and Peter had both been packed away in a box labelled “betrayal” that she never intended to reopen. But eventually they had both asserted their presence in her life. How was it that she’d managed to bring herself to start to do the actual hard work of rebuilding with Kalinda but never truly let her back in? And by contrast, she’d halted every attempt on Peter’s part to truly restore their marriage, while letting him back into her life, her body, and her career. And now their family was wounded once again.
She kept weeping as her thoughts continued. It felt different from four years ago. Despite the rhetoric of it-takes-two-people-to-sustain-a-marriage, she had felt like the innocent party. If many questioned how she could have not known, she certainly wasn’t unique, just unfortunate enough to be in the public eye. But now she couldn’t escape her own judgement. She’d been an idiot, or at best wilfully ignorant. And the carefully constructed stability she’d built for herself and her children looked to be ruined.
There were two things Alicia clung to. She knew she had the strength to rebuild. The world had underestimated her once and maybe it would again, but she would fight her way back.
And this time she wasn’t alone. Four years ago she had wept night after night in bewildered humiliation by herself in the too-large bed while Zach and Grace slept and Peter was exiled to the guest room downstairs. Owen had been in Oregon, her mother was judgemental, and her friends had turned out to be no more than women she happened to sit on a series of committees with. She didn’t have a Kalinda then.
She had Kalinda now and Alicia clung to her and didn’t let go.