Behind the Curtains
I've always been an observer. Observing behaviors, likes, dislikes, things people will do in public, things people will only do behind closed doors. But the more information I gather, the less any of it makes sense. There's so much conflict and uncertainty in people. This is why I have trust issues. And social anxiety. I think I know what's going on. I pretend I know what's going on. But the truth is... I don't know anything. I feel so very out-of-the-loop; downright clueless.
People have layers, right? There's what's on the outside, and then there's something different underneath, and then, like pie, there's an even deeper layer that's the same as the outside (1). But it's that middle layer that scares me. The filling. The core. The monster we only share some of the time. And what makes us share that monster? Who do we spill our filling to, and why? And furthermore, why is my monster so docile? Why does it seem like I'm all crust? This is what I mean when I say I'm out-of-the-loop. I have such a hard time relating to anyone on this level.
What makes people dance? What makes people cry? What makes people so colorful all the time? And what about me? Why am I so monochrome? And why do I have this desire, this impending need, to be in color too? (2)
I'm lost in my thoughts over this on a daily basis. I've considered the possibility that it might be psychosomatic. But I really can't say with any certainty. All I have to say is, y'all are crazier than a bunch of coconuts, and I wish I could know how you feel.
References:
(1) Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog
(2) Pleasantville
People have layers, right? There's what's on the outside, and then there's something different underneath, and then, like pie, there's an even deeper layer that's the same as the outside (1). But it's that middle layer that scares me. The filling. The core. The monster we only share some of the time. And what makes us share that monster? Who do we spill our filling to, and why? And furthermore, why is my monster so docile? Why does it seem like I'm all crust? This is what I mean when I say I'm out-of-the-loop. I have such a hard time relating to anyone on this level.
What makes people dance? What makes people cry? What makes people so colorful all the time? And what about me? Why am I so monochrome? And why do I have this desire, this impending need, to be in color too? (2)
I'm lost in my thoughts over this on a daily basis. I've considered the possibility that it might be psychosomatic. But I really can't say with any certainty. All I have to say is, y'all are crazier than a bunch of coconuts, and I wish I could know how you feel.
References:
(1) Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog
(2) Pleasantville