Wheeljack's only response at first is a grunt from where he's curled up in a ball in a far corner. It's apparent he's been crying- bawling, really- from the redness of his face and puffiness of his eyes. Once Perceptor had entered and Wheeljack knew it was only his mate, he found his voice.
"I hate her sometimes," he grumped sadly, tiredly. "She and Wheelie had it so good, Percy, and we went through hell, and she has the ball bearings to say that to me? I know you care about the kid, but slag, Percy, that wasn't fair. I did everything in my power to keep you safe, and I still couldn't do it. How dare she point that out, when she did nothing to help us!"
Perceptor crosses to his mate, dropping down to kneel beside him so that he can wrap himself around the battered engineer. "She did not mean it, 'Jack," he offers softly. "It was her way of trying to cope by attempting levity. She does not understand..." Perceptor sighs sadly, shoving everything down deep to concentrate on soothing Wheeljack. "And you promised that you would not blame yourself." He holds Wheeljack tightly, needing the contact himself, as much as he needs to comfort his mate. "You mustn't blame yourself, 'Jack. Please. We would not have escaped without you."
Wheeljack lets out a sob and hugs Perceptor close. After all this time, through all the merry shades of hell and torture, he hasn't cried once. He's about due for a good cry.
"You can cry too, if you need too," Wheeljack murmurs, sitting down and pulling Perceptor down next to him. It was far more comfortable than crouching. "We're alone back here, and you probably need a good cry as much as I do."
"I told you... It is my turn to be strong for you. Remember?" Perceptor murmurs in reply, gathering Wheeljack as close as physically possible. Finally being able to help his mate, to do something constructive, makes it easy to ignore his own fears and frailties. He feels useful and strong again, which goes a long way towards patching his battered confidence.
He will need to lean upon Wheeljack's strength again all too soon. For now, however, it feels good to be able to let Wheeljack lean on him. He brushes his lips against his mate's forehead, and borrows Wheeljack's trick of rubbing gently along his mate's back to comfort him.
Wheeljack clings tight and sobs, letting out all of the grief as best as he could. "Thanks, Percy," he whispers, snuggling close. "I love you. I don't know how I would have gotten out of that pit if it hadn't been for you."
"Had I not been present, you would not have let the others down. I have faith in you. You must never forget that," Perceptor murmurs softly, holding Wheeljack tightly. He bends his head over Wheeljack again, brushing his lips against the top of his mate's head. 'I love you, Wheeljack," he murmurs. "I love you, and I trust you, and I have faith in you. We will be home soon, and returned to our normal bodies. I will request a leave of absence, and we will abscond to a private location. Until everything is settled." He keeps his voice low and soothing, and his hand never stills along Wheeljack's back, rubbing slow circles.
"'Until everything is settled' sounds so ominous," Wheeljack mumbles into Perceptor's chest, face still buried there. "It sounds like you want to leave me and go be a monk somewhere."
"I thought you would have deduced by now that I cannot function without you," Perceptor explained softly, warm breath ruffling through Wheeljack's hair. "It was merely a... a more expedient manner of stating, 'until the bond is stable.' 'Until you can teach me how to face the world again.' 'Until we can face Cureall again without fear or hate.'" He sighs, nuzzling Wheeljack softly. "I did not wish to say those things so clearly, because you still blame yourself. You must believe me, Wheeljack, it was not your fault. Please believe me," he begs softly, feeling excess moisture starting to build in his eyes.
"If it wasn't my fault, why am I still blaming myself? I should've been able to protect you, to get all of us out of there without anybody getting hurt." Wheeljack sighed and just let himself be held and comforted.
"You still want to bond, after all that happened?" Wheeljack asked softly a few minutes later. He was concerned that Perceptor would panic after the rape.
Perceptor sighs sadly, blinking away his frustrated tears. "I do not know why you still blame yourself, 'Jack. If I did know, I would also know how to fix it. I cannot even repair myself now without your assistance. I do not know how to make you believe the truth, but that does not negate its status as the truth. You are not omnicient, nor omnipotent. If I am not to blame for being unable to defend myself, then I refuse to allow you to shoulder any blame for... For my inability to defend myself," he explains, before shaking his head. He's having a hard time framing his thoughts, to be honest. That does not, of course, seem to be putting a damper in his tendancy expound in great detail.
"I... I want you back," he continues in a nearly silent whisper. He can feel the panic hovering at the edges, though he is studiously ignoring it, still concentrating on comforting Wheeljack. "I need you back. I trust you. And I love you. I will not lie and tell you that it will be immediate, nor that it will be easy... But I need you. To feel you
( ... )
"I think we'll have to teach each other," Wheeljack mumbles softly, cuddling close. "We're both so broken right now, for different reasons, but we're still suffering... Together, we can make it, I know we can. But it's going to be a long time before either of us are truly better."
The slow, steady rubbing is slowly relaxing Wheeljack. Soon, he's drifted off into a somewhat peaceful sleep- it was certainly more peaceful than any of the sleep he'd gotten when they were slaves. Now he *knows* they are safe, and that he can sleep without needing to wake at any moment to defend himself, or Perceptor. After the rape, Wheeljack had been particularly paranoid about protecting his mate at night.
Perceptor nods against the top of Wheeljack's head. sighing a little with relief as he feels his mate finally relax into sleep. He keeps up the soothing motion of his hand until he is certain that his mate is settled deeply enough not to reawaken easily. Only then does he allow himself the luxury of tears, letting them slide silently down his cheeks.
Somehow, he must find a way to make Wheeljack believe. If only he'd been strong enough to hide the whole thing from his mate altogether.
He watches the doorway for intruders, and continues holding his mate while the engineer finally gets some restful sleep.
"I hate her sometimes," he grumped sadly, tiredly. "She and Wheelie had it so good, Percy, and we went through hell, and she has the ball bearings to say that to me? I know you care about the kid, but slag, Percy, that wasn't fair. I did everything in my power to keep you safe, and I still couldn't do it. How dare she point that out, when she did nothing to help us!"
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"You can cry too, if you need too," Wheeljack murmurs, sitting down and pulling Perceptor down next to him. It was far more comfortable than crouching. "We're alone back here, and you probably need a good cry as much as I do."
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He will need to lean upon Wheeljack's strength again all too soon. For now, however, it feels good to be able to let Wheeljack lean on him. He brushes his lips against his mate's forehead, and borrows Wheeljack's trick of rubbing gently along his mate's back to comfort him.
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"You still want to bond, after all that happened?" Wheeljack asked softly a few minutes later. He was concerned that Perceptor would panic after the rape.
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"I... I want you back," he continues in a nearly silent whisper. He can feel the panic hovering at the edges, though he is studiously ignoring it, still concentrating on comforting Wheeljack. "I need you back. I trust you. And I love you. I will not lie and tell you that it will be immediate, nor that it will be easy... But I need you. To feel you ( ... )
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The slow, steady rubbing is slowly relaxing Wheeljack. Soon, he's drifted off into a somewhat peaceful sleep- it was certainly more peaceful than any of the sleep he'd gotten when they were slaves. Now he *knows* they are safe, and that he can sleep without needing to wake at any moment to defend himself, or Perceptor. After the rape, Wheeljack had been particularly paranoid about protecting his mate at night.
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Somehow, he must find a way to make Wheeljack believe. If only he'd been strong enough to hide the whole thing from his mate altogether.
He watches the doorway for intruders, and continues holding his mate while the engineer finally gets some restful sleep.
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