Home....
**Sorry.. its cross posted to my MySpace too**
All the packing and getting ready to move has got me really really down. I am disapointed that things didn't work out. Then again- The way my life is I really shouldn't be surprised any more. I have been thinking a lot lately about what home really means. Is it about location? Is it about people? Is it about the "stuff" you have around you? I don't know. I don't know anything any more.
I don't want to pack up all my stuff. I don't want to admit defeat once again. I worry that I will never be able to live with any one (this is my second failed room mate situation. Thank goodness Sarah and I have rebuilt our friendship after that fiasco). I worry that I will never fall in love, live with a man and have a family. Maybe the Stillwell ladies really are meant to be alone. I dont want to think that it is hard to come up with any other conclusion.
I have had a rough 6 months. School, work, the relationship with Tim, and the new apartment have all turned out very differently than I expected them to. All the fresh new starts have been toxic. I am now about 25 pounds over my beginning weight for weightwatchers a couple years ago.
Although I guess I'm not quite as defeated as I thought. Because as I was sitting here typing all this a thought came to me. "Nowhere to go but up". Perhaps all this negative stuff was just to help me be thankful for the GREAT stuff thats in store. I know its quite a stretch but honestly its the only thought keeping me from jumping in front of a Max train....
Well.. I'm gonna go for a bit. More of "my so called life" later.
All the packing and getting ready to move has got me really really down. I am disapointed that things didn't work out. Then again- The way my life is I really shouldn't be surprised any more. I have been thinking a lot lately about what home really means. Is it about location? Is it about people? Is it about the "stuff" you have around you? I don't know. I don't know anything any more.
I don't want to pack up all my stuff. I don't want to admit defeat once again. I worry that I will never be able to live with any one (this is my second failed room mate situation. Thank goodness Sarah and I have rebuilt our friendship after that fiasco). I worry that I will never fall in love, live with a man and have a family. Maybe the Stillwell ladies really are meant to be alone. I dont want to think that it is hard to come up with any other conclusion.
I have had a rough 6 months. School, work, the relationship with Tim, and the new apartment have all turned out very differently than I expected them to. All the fresh new starts have been toxic. I am now about 25 pounds over my beginning weight for weightwatchers a couple years ago.
Although I guess I'm not quite as defeated as I thought. Because as I was sitting here typing all this a thought came to me. "Nowhere to go but up". Perhaps all this negative stuff was just to help me be thankful for the GREAT stuff thats in store. I know its quite a stretch but honestly its the only thought keeping me from jumping in front of a Max train....
Well.. I'm gonna go for a bit. More of "my so called life" later.