the light breaking the bones of your heart like twigs.
i want, desperately, to know the definitive list of individual things that can outweigh sadness. for a long time i wanted to write it, but i realized i wouldn't know where to begin.
*
i really am sad, all of the time. do not be deceived by whatever i do to suggest otherwise. it will always catch in the corners of my eyes and the spaces between my fingers. i am always on my knees because i don't know how to reach you; i'll dig my joints into the church pews and look up at stained glass windows. i'll sink down in the dirt to scatter my apologies like seeds. can you see me? my mouth moves sometimes and i don't know how to coax the words out. more and more often i am pleading silently the things i used to pray out loud.
*
i really am sad, all of the time. do not be deceived by whatever i do to suggest otherwise. it will always catch in the corners of my eyes and the spaces between my fingers. i am always on my knees because i don't know how to reach you; i'll dig my joints into the church pews and look up at stained glass windows. i'll sink down in the dirt to scatter my apologies like seeds. can you see me? my mouth moves sometimes and i don't know how to coax the words out. more and more often i am pleading silently the things i used to pray out loud.