Semi-ramblomatic afternoon
For no good reason whatsoever, here are a few notable Zero Punctuation episodes:
Clive Barker's Cliver Barker's Jericho by Clive Barker - "Maybe some of this could be forgiven if the seven main characters weren't all completely unlikeable. There's so much black leather on display its like someone took the goth clique from a small town high school, pinned them down in front of a 24-hour Rambo marathon, then smacked them brutally around the head with a baseball bat made out of frozen stupid."
Too Human - "The story is to be congratulated for taking the fiery, thunderous personalities of the Norse gods and somehow turning them in to a bunch of boring, self-righteous, robotic twats with all the warmth and emotion of a glass of water."
Duke Nuke'Em Forever - "My one criticism for Duke Nukem Forever is that it comes on fourteen DVDs, but I'd expect nothing less from a game with such a long development time! And every second is on display, and a good thing too. I mean, hypothetically, if 3D Realms hadn't used the time to put together a titanic super-game and had merely been jerking off for twelve years, then it raises unfortunate implications."
Uncharted: Drake's Fortune - "It takes no risks and pushes no envelopes. An envelope would move more if you put it in front of a glacier... I don't expect every game to spark a revolution, but you could at least set off a measly firework."
Call of Duty 4 - "What I like about Call of Duty 4 is that it has less of the smarmy, black-and-white, my-country-tis-of-thee jingoism that turns me off from most war games. While the US Marines act with short-sighted self righteousness, convinced that they're the heroes in their own personal war movie - you know, just like in real life - their attitude eventually leads to the screwing the pooch so hard that the pooch need to lock itself in the bathroom for an hour with a tube of soothing cream. You spend most the game with the British SAS as they fix things from behind the scenes,, but they are depicted as a bunch of morally questionable psychotic thugs - again, just like real life."
God of War III - "I've always liked Kratos, although I suspect he wouldn't like me because I'm alive. In a medium saturated with generic dark-haired clear-skinned hypocritically violent self-righteous white boys assigned the role of hero by virtue of being the handsomest guy in the plot - usually voiced by Nolan North - it's nice to play an admittedly ugly hate-ridden fuck with no heroic qualities and who crushes people's skulls against jagged rocks as a form of greeting. I'd like to see Nathan Drake get locked in a room with Kratos, see how far smug wisecracks get him when his head is getting sandwiched between a concrete floor and a foot that kicks so much ass that it permanently smells of farts."
Clive Barker's Cliver Barker's Jericho by Clive Barker - "Maybe some of this could be forgiven if the seven main characters weren't all completely unlikeable. There's so much black leather on display its like someone took the goth clique from a small town high school, pinned them down in front of a 24-hour Rambo marathon, then smacked them brutally around the head with a baseball bat made out of frozen stupid."
Too Human - "The story is to be congratulated for taking the fiery, thunderous personalities of the Norse gods and somehow turning them in to a bunch of boring, self-righteous, robotic twats with all the warmth and emotion of a glass of water."
Duke Nuke'Em Forever - "My one criticism for Duke Nukem Forever is that it comes on fourteen DVDs, but I'd expect nothing less from a game with such a long development time! And every second is on display, and a good thing too. I mean, hypothetically, if 3D Realms hadn't used the time to put together a titanic super-game and had merely been jerking off for twelve years, then it raises unfortunate implications."
Uncharted: Drake's Fortune - "It takes no risks and pushes no envelopes. An envelope would move more if you put it in front of a glacier... I don't expect every game to spark a revolution, but you could at least set off a measly firework."
Call of Duty 4 - "What I like about Call of Duty 4 is that it has less of the smarmy, black-and-white, my-country-tis-of-thee jingoism that turns me off from most war games. While the US Marines act with short-sighted self righteousness, convinced that they're the heroes in their own personal war movie - you know, just like in real life - their attitude eventually leads to the screwing the pooch so hard that the pooch need to lock itself in the bathroom for an hour with a tube of soothing cream. You spend most the game with the British SAS as they fix things from behind the scenes,, but they are depicted as a bunch of morally questionable psychotic thugs - again, just like real life."
God of War III - "I've always liked Kratos, although I suspect he wouldn't like me because I'm alive. In a medium saturated with generic dark-haired clear-skinned hypocritically violent self-righteous white boys assigned the role of hero by virtue of being the handsomest guy in the plot - usually voiced by Nolan North - it's nice to play an admittedly ugly hate-ridden fuck with no heroic qualities and who crushes people's skulls against jagged rocks as a form of greeting. I'd like to see Nathan Drake get locked in a room with Kratos, see how far smug wisecracks get him when his head is getting sandwiched between a concrete floor and a foot that kicks so much ass that it permanently smells of farts."