Rant time

Dec 29, 2003 20:56

Today wasn't very good...I went with my mom and brother to the Olive Garden for lunch, and we got into a conversation about self-esteem, I guess. My mom made a remark about how someone she knows feels like they have no self-worth, and that therefore there is something wrong mentally with that person. Something along those lines. Then I told her that I actually feel the same way...because it's true. I realize that everyone has their flaws and plusses in who they are, but in my mind, all of my flaws are on the outside. My brother also made an annoying comment about how he claims "everyone knows him in Columbus," and I said "Well, then you're the opposite of me, you're egotistical," and he abruptly flicked me off. God I swear he grates my nerves sometimes. Evidently not everyone is impressed by the fact that you have 50 different friends. Especially when he seems to take it for granted. Believe me, if you knew him personally you'd get sick of it too.

So I came home and layed down on the couch until 4 PM. I was supposed to go down to Publix today for an alcohol check at another Publix store in town. Every once in a while, some people from our store will do a check on another to make sure they're not selling lotto tickets, cigs, beer, etc. to underage people. Well guess what....I had a gut feeling that the alcohol check was at 4 PM. BUT while I was on the couch, I had a lingering suspicion that maybe it was at 3 instead of 4, but I was too lazy to get off my ass and check my schedule on the fridge. I got down to the store at 4 to find out it actually was at 3, and I end up making myself look like a moron in front of the 3 or 4 other baggers who just came back. Luckily Shannon, a manager, said I wouldn't get written up for it.

After that I went down to Video Warehouse. I decided to rent "Donnie Darko" because I had heard about it from some people on dA, and Brittany wrote that it was one of her favorites. I watched it, let me say that it was weird as all hell, but I *think* I liked it. I'll probably watch it again to piece everything together. It kind of made me feel crappy inside, because in a way I could identify with the main character (Donnie), but not in good ways. I'm not sure what it is. In the past few months or so, I've started to feel more disconnected with everyone around me. I look at everyone around me and observe their relationships and interactions and find myself out of place. Or else I don't know what to say. Lord knows I'm not the most social person, but it's like I'm indifferant to most people. And it's affecting my mood. I feel like a recluse on nights when all I do is sit on my ass on the computer. I don't know what's wrong with me....what is that disorder called? I forgot what it is. GAH. Well whatever it is, I think I have it.

I sound horrible when I'm typing my thoughts out.

Now I don't know what to do. Nobody's really online...it's only 9:30 and it feels like it's already midnight. My brother Eric just got through with watching "Don't Say a Word."

Oh yeah, last night I watched "Vanilla Sky" (from a little bit before the car crash to the end) with Eric and I thought it was interesting. It's funny, because from what I had previously heard made it out to be a giant heap of dung as bad as "Gigli."

I don't know what else to say. Those of you who are feeling good with your life right now, be happy, because I envy you.
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