reflections on this summer
I'm feeling pretty good today, especially considering my hormones are at their wackiest.
I'm feeling entertained by the internet. I've checked my e-mail, interacted introvertedly in my communities, stalked the people I miss, talked with a friend that I've never met in person, learned some new aspects of art history, talked to a friend in England, listened to some music, sampled some interesting erotica, read some news, and seen some cool technology. Not bad, internet2008.
I'm feeling like it's 110 degrees out, which it is, but my swamp cooler is slowly blowin' some evaporated air on me gently, and I have a potentially ethically non-monstrous strawberry popsicle in my left hand as I type, rather impressingly, with my right hand alone.
I'm feeling rather excited about the future. I have lots of beautiful visions I hope to turn into realites. But I'm not feeling particularly time-crunched about them. I'm perplexed by whether there's a rush to do things before I have babies or whether babies can wait till I'm ready hopefully with minimal birth defects due to my past-peakedness. Babies aren't in my visions, but I suppose they don't particularly conflict. I feel like having a baby at this point in my life would be pretty convenient because it would make my priorities crystal clear (ie, give baby best possible life, acquire enough money and social support to make this possible). But I'm really not ready for a baby right now. I can't keep a plant alive, for pete's sake. Rather, I need to figure out my priorities and driving forces independantly.
I'm feeling as un-energetic as I have ever felt. Lazy? or Lucky? Being full-fledgedly in American society and in the workforce, doing nothing or minimal work seems to be a new ideal presented to me. I've always been really busy and active and surrounded by others who were that way as well. Now I hear so many complainers who abhor their occupations, struggle to have time to do what they want, and find that all they want to do when they have time is nothing. Has society entered into a period of increased whining?
I'm feeling like I'm adapting and coping. I've applied to graduate school, hopefully to resolve my existential angst. Hopefully it will connect me with the people, knowledge and skills that I want to get an awesome job being active and happy, traveling, teaching, sharing and living. I just don't want to be inside, frankly.
I'm feeling like I'm getting good at my job. I can do everything it requires, and succeed fairly well. I struggle with being part time, but I'm glad I'm not there more often because it is understimulating and not sufficiently challenging. Hopefully I can figure out how to stimulate and challenge myself more in my time off, rather than being lazy. I'm not working hard enough to justify being lazy with the full-timers when they're off work. Being a student again, however, could be ideal. I'm turning in my grad school application later today.
I'm feeling like a lot has happened in the last year, but much of it has been in my head, and the actual pace of things and events is rather slower than I'm used to.
and so I'll march on along this poorly marked path.
I'm feeling entertained by the internet. I've checked my e-mail, interacted introvertedly in my communities, stalked the people I miss, talked with a friend that I've never met in person, learned some new aspects of art history, talked to a friend in England, listened to some music, sampled some interesting erotica, read some news, and seen some cool technology. Not bad, internet2008.
I'm feeling like it's 110 degrees out, which it is, but my swamp cooler is slowly blowin' some evaporated air on me gently, and I have a potentially ethically non-monstrous strawberry popsicle in my left hand as I type, rather impressingly, with my right hand alone.
I'm feeling rather excited about the future. I have lots of beautiful visions I hope to turn into realites. But I'm not feeling particularly time-crunched about them. I'm perplexed by whether there's a rush to do things before I have babies or whether babies can wait till I'm ready hopefully with minimal birth defects due to my past-peakedness. Babies aren't in my visions, but I suppose they don't particularly conflict. I feel like having a baby at this point in my life would be pretty convenient because it would make my priorities crystal clear (ie, give baby best possible life, acquire enough money and social support to make this possible). But I'm really not ready for a baby right now. I can't keep a plant alive, for pete's sake. Rather, I need to figure out my priorities and driving forces independantly.
I'm feeling as un-energetic as I have ever felt. Lazy? or Lucky? Being full-fledgedly in American society and in the workforce, doing nothing or minimal work seems to be a new ideal presented to me. I've always been really busy and active and surrounded by others who were that way as well. Now I hear so many complainers who abhor their occupations, struggle to have time to do what they want, and find that all they want to do when they have time is nothing. Has society entered into a period of increased whining?
I'm feeling like I'm adapting and coping. I've applied to graduate school, hopefully to resolve my existential angst. Hopefully it will connect me with the people, knowledge and skills that I want to get an awesome job being active and happy, traveling, teaching, sharing and living. I just don't want to be inside, frankly.
I'm feeling like I'm getting good at my job. I can do everything it requires, and succeed fairly well. I struggle with being part time, but I'm glad I'm not there more often because it is understimulating and not sufficiently challenging. Hopefully I can figure out how to stimulate and challenge myself more in my time off, rather than being lazy. I'm not working hard enough to justify being lazy with the full-timers when they're off work. Being a student again, however, could be ideal. I'm turning in my grad school application later today.
I'm feeling like a lot has happened in the last year, but much of it has been in my head, and the actual pace of things and events is rather slower than I'm used to.
and so I'll march on along this poorly marked path.