For me, I'm always trying to do better, be better--stagnation is anathema, and it's almost compulsive how often I try to change. (Bloody Gemini?) Sometimes I just set my mind to something and do it because I'm a firm believer in creating your own destiny. Most recently, I reached a crossroads and it was feeling gutted that compelled me to change my life because it seemed like the current one wasn't working out too well--I lost a job offer because I didn't have a college degree, so I started thinking about going back to get one. Once the wheels were set in motion, I decided that if I was going to spend all that time and money, I may as well do it getting a degree in a field I really love, which means a complete career change for me.
It usually takes me awhile to sort through everything in my head until I reach a decision as important as that and while it's scary, I find that once the seed is planted in my head, it's inevitable that a change must be made.
What are you looking to do/become? I'm a firm believer in existentialism, in that you are your own Creator. Whatever you want to be, be it. No one else is going to do it for you, Heavenly Host or otherwise. What have you to lose? If you achieve your goal, you win. Even if you don't, you tried and you learned something, so you still win. It's scary as fuck but worth it. Plus, sometimes it really is the journey that helps you grow rather than actually reaching the destination you envision.
Thank you for such a lengthy response! I totally appreciate the ideas you have provided here. There's much to muse on.
Between the sight seeing and the hunts for the next tasty meal, I can manage only a little time to turn my thoughts to both the questions that I asked and the responses you gave. The key part of this topic is simply defining what it is that I do want. In many ways I've spent most of my time doing the following: - doing what others want - deliberately doing exactly the opposite of what others expect of me - doing what I don't want just for the cash
In all this time, I've not really decided on what it is that I want for no other reason than it is what I want. That or I cannot find any reasonable way to make what I want in any way practical or feasible.
The other issue here is, of course, that it will take some work and that thought alone makes me tired. However, if I find what I want, then it shouldn't feel too much like work anyway. We'll see.
I know that this is what everyone goes through, but I just wanted some advice from people I know. It feels a little more tangible or credible when it's intimate.
Again, thank you for the response. I hope to be more responsive to your posts in the future. I feel I need to re-commit to this internet thing in a personal way. It has, after all, provided far more than I've ever contributed and that inequality irks me somewhat.
It usually takes me awhile to sort through everything in my head until I reach a decision as important as that and while it's scary, I find that once the seed is planted in my head, it's inevitable that a change must be made.
What are you looking to do/become? I'm a firm believer in existentialism, in that you are your own Creator. Whatever you want to be, be it. No one else is going to do it for you, Heavenly Host or otherwise. What have you to lose? If you achieve your goal, you win. Even if you don't, you tried and you learned something, so you still win. It's scary as fuck but worth it. Plus, sometimes it really is the journey that helps you grow rather than actually reaching the destination you envision.
Reply
Between the sight seeing and the hunts for the next tasty meal, I can manage only a little time to turn my thoughts to both the questions that I asked and the responses you gave. The key part of this topic is simply defining what it is that I do want. In many ways I've spent most of my time doing the following:
- doing what others want
- deliberately doing exactly the opposite of what others expect of me
- doing what I don't want just for the cash
In all this time, I've not really decided on what it is that I want for no other reason than it is what I want. That or I cannot find any reasonable way to make what I want in any way practical or feasible.
The other issue here is, of course, that it will take some work and that thought alone makes me tired. However, if I find what I want, then it shouldn't feel too much like work anyway. We'll see.
I know that this is what everyone goes through, but I just wanted some advice from people I know. It feels a little more tangible or credible when it's intimate.
Again, thank you for the response. I hope to be more responsive to your posts in the future. I feel I need to re-commit to this internet thing in a personal way. It has, after all, provided far more than I've ever contributed and that inequality irks me somewhat.
Reply
Leave a comment