Fic: Jenka growing up in the Castle, part 3
Seeing the new drabble tennis post (two of them!) at sensualgeometry made me realize I should actually post some fics instead of waiting months to see if they improve with more re-reading. So here's one, at least. We'll see how long this resolution lasts.
Constructive criticism always wanted. I'd feel much safer posting fics I haven't been sitting on for months to quintuple-check for problems/improvements if I knew someone would point them out to me afterward.
Title: The Castle Knows Everything (A Good Day, part 3)
Characters: Jenka, the Castle
Warnings: only the usual ;)
Wordcount: 700
Jenka wasn't sure it would really be good for her injured leg - she'd suffered enough of Marek's jokes not to take his medical claims at face value - but she was running anyway. She was going Outside today!
Bought from her parents as a five-year-old, the girl barely remembered anything from her life before the Castle, and she wasn't sure if even those bits weren't made up. But she'd heard plenty of stories over the years - and now she would see it all for herself! She wasn't thinking far past that. Originally, all the children were dreaming of escape - but for Jenka, getting out of the experimental ward into the Castle at large had been escape enough. She was often hungry, usually cold, always bruised and bloodied, but happy. After all, how could anyone enjoy their life without barely avoiding death at least a few times a week?
The potion worked well. The child was Jägerkin now, and her place was with the Heterodynes.
Still, she wanted to see the Outside! A few more turns down the old, twisted corridors, then the section with a half-collapsed ceiling - on tiptoe, as quietly as she could - and she was there. The hole had only appeared a few days ago, and Jenka didn't think anyone had noticed. Accidental explosions, flier crashes or death-ray blasts were common enough here.
"WHERE ARE WE GOING, NOW, LITTLE JÄGERKIN?"
...but the Castle knew, of course. The Castle knew everything.
"I'z just goink out! Umm... pleaze don't keel me?" She tried to make her voice as small and frightened as she could, which wasn't very hard right then. The Castle snorted with satisfaction. It got annoyed when people forgot It could kill them on a whim, even if It had declined to do so for years. But little Jenka, with her peculiar attitude about death, always did remember. Living at Its sufferance all these years probably had something to do with it.
Still, Master Iago wanted the Jäger-children available, so the Castle wasn't about to just let the girl go. "IF YOU'RE NOT BACK BY NEXT WEEK, YOU WILL DIE IN UNIMAGINABLE PAIN" It promised cheerfully. Jenka looked up in insulted surprise. "Ov cozz Hy'll be beck!" (better be extra-careful about the time though), "Hy liffs here!" She was only faintly aware of the rather profound meaning of her words. And anyway, she wasn't going to stand here and think about things when she could pull out the few loose bricks and start pulling herself through the narrow gap in the outer wall - assuming the Castle was going to let her. As usual, It gave her no sign one way or the other. And as usual, there was only one way to find out.
The Castle was quite sure the kid was telling the truth. It knew the Jägerkin mindset as well as any outsider could. Satisfied, It let the little Jäger crawl through, although without making the way unduly easy for her. Jenka was thoroughly scratched up by the time she squeezed through to the other side of the wall, and only about half her shirt had made it along with her. Finally, panting with equal parts exertion and excitement, she looked out. And then down. And down.
This hallway was on the ground floor ten minutes earlier. Oh, she knew the Castle well enough not to assume she'd end up anywhere near where she started, but this was much worse than she expected. The girl took a deep, calming breath - only to spoil it with a snarl when she heard the wall chuckle. "Shut op! Hy dun haff suckers on my fingers like some schtupid sqvouse*!" "THAT COULD BE CORRECTED" the Castle answered helpfully. Dammit, she thought, she should have known better than to make that kind of comment! If she didn't manage to get down now, the Castle probably would decide she needed a few improvements. And It had a way of getting what It wanted.
That shiny patch down to the left was part of the moat, right? Jenka's experience with large bodies of water was extremely limited, but she was pretty sure it would be softer than the ground.
* squouse (plural squice) - a mouse-squid construct. See this fic: http://community.livejournal.com/fan_constructs/6938.html
Constructive criticism always wanted. I'd feel much safer posting fics I haven't been sitting on for months to quintuple-check for problems/improvements if I knew someone would point them out to me afterward.
Title: The Castle Knows Everything (A Good Day, part 3)
Characters: Jenka, the Castle
Warnings: only the usual ;)
Wordcount: 700
Jenka wasn't sure it would really be good for her injured leg - she'd suffered enough of Marek's jokes not to take his medical claims at face value - but she was running anyway. She was going Outside today!
Bought from her parents as a five-year-old, the girl barely remembered anything from her life before the Castle, and she wasn't sure if even those bits weren't made up. But she'd heard plenty of stories over the years - and now she would see it all for herself! She wasn't thinking far past that. Originally, all the children were dreaming of escape - but for Jenka, getting out of the experimental ward into the Castle at large had been escape enough. She was often hungry, usually cold, always bruised and bloodied, but happy. After all, how could anyone enjoy their life without barely avoiding death at least a few times a week?
The potion worked well. The child was Jägerkin now, and her place was with the Heterodynes.
Still, she wanted to see the Outside! A few more turns down the old, twisted corridors, then the section with a half-collapsed ceiling - on tiptoe, as quietly as she could - and she was there. The hole had only appeared a few days ago, and Jenka didn't think anyone had noticed. Accidental explosions, flier crashes or death-ray blasts were common enough here.
"WHERE ARE WE GOING, NOW, LITTLE JÄGERKIN?"
...but the Castle knew, of course. The Castle knew everything.
"I'z just goink out! Umm... pleaze don't keel me?" She tried to make her voice as small and frightened as she could, which wasn't very hard right then. The Castle snorted with satisfaction. It got annoyed when people forgot It could kill them on a whim, even if It had declined to do so for years. But little Jenka, with her peculiar attitude about death, always did remember. Living at Its sufferance all these years probably had something to do with it.
Still, Master Iago wanted the Jäger-children available, so the Castle wasn't about to just let the girl go. "IF YOU'RE NOT BACK BY NEXT WEEK, YOU WILL DIE IN UNIMAGINABLE PAIN" It promised cheerfully. Jenka looked up in insulted surprise. "Ov cozz Hy'll be beck!" (better be extra-careful about the time though), "Hy liffs here!" She was only faintly aware of the rather profound meaning of her words. And anyway, she wasn't going to stand here and think about things when she could pull out the few loose bricks and start pulling herself through the narrow gap in the outer wall - assuming the Castle was going to let her. As usual, It gave her no sign one way or the other. And as usual, there was only one way to find out.
The Castle was quite sure the kid was telling the truth. It knew the Jägerkin mindset as well as any outsider could. Satisfied, It let the little Jäger crawl through, although without making the way unduly easy for her. Jenka was thoroughly scratched up by the time she squeezed through to the other side of the wall, and only about half her shirt had made it along with her. Finally, panting with equal parts exertion and excitement, she looked out. And then down. And down.
This hallway was on the ground floor ten minutes earlier. Oh, she knew the Castle well enough not to assume she'd end up anywhere near where she started, but this was much worse than she expected. The girl took a deep, calming breath - only to spoil it with a snarl when she heard the wall chuckle. "Shut op! Hy dun haff suckers on my fingers like some schtupid sqvouse*!" "THAT COULD BE CORRECTED" the Castle answered helpfully. Dammit, she thought, she should have known better than to make that kind of comment! If she didn't manage to get down now, the Castle probably would decide she needed a few improvements. And It had a way of getting what It wanted.
That shiny patch down to the left was part of the moat, right? Jenka's experience with large bodies of water was extremely limited, but she was pretty sure it would be softer than the ground.
* squouse (plural squice) - a mouse-squid construct. See this fic: http://community.livejournal.com/fan_constructs/6938.html