drunk rant.

[schmoo]

i am so fucking frustrated right now. there's so much inside my head. there's so much going on. i can do so much. i can create so much. there's so mcuh i want to inside me that i cant come out ... nothign can come out of me right now. i'm trapped with it inside me. all i need is the right equpiment and the right technology and i can do so fucking much. and i cant do any of it. i cant do a single fucking thing. accept sit here and feel it and hear it in my head because i have fucking nothing. and its the most fucking frustrating thing in the world to me.

i know i havent wrote in a while in here. there's alot thats changed. i'll update that later, maybe. probably not.

i just wish i could do something creative. create something. start something. make something happen on nothing but my willpower and brain. with my talent inside me, and i cant. i fucking cant. i need guitar strings. an intel processor. a keyboard. fruity loops. i need all these fucking things that i cant fucking aquire and its just to the point where its driving me insane. i could change things. people would listen. people would stop in awe ant the things ive have done if i had the fucking chance. and for every reason in the world against me, it will never happen. music. technology. photography. anything. i could change things.

i could change so much. and i try so hard to get things to happen. i try. i really do. maybe not as hard as other people. maybe i am as fucking lazy as everyone else seems to think i am. maybe its fucking true, but i do try. thats the catch.

i just wish for once in my life i coudl do the thtings that i know i could do. the things that owuld change things. the things that made a differe.nce. that turned heads. that caught ears. ...... i wish i could do those things. bu sadly i'll probably never be able to.

i could be something. i could be somnething amazing, new fresh and showstopping.

but iit will never happen.