(no subject)
i feel like i need to break out of some kind of shell. its not a shell of shyness. i really could care less about being shy anymore. i just feel numb to a lot of things i shouldn't feel numb about, or i haven't felt numb about in the past. i need to BE FREE!!! i want to play like i used to play. to act retarded. to dance around in my room to music i LOVE. to bare my testimony to people. to go do yard work or plant a garden or something. there are so many restraints though. and i put those restraints on myself. sometimes they're rational restraints, but other times i make them up out of fear. fear of what? what the heck am i always afraid of? i want to paint my room a different color besides white, white, white. but i cant cause my mom would have a fit. i want to go to mount bonnell by myself and forget everything!!!! but i cant cause i worry about rapists. i think i need a place to think. somewhere far away. but i cant get there without gas. and i need a job to get money to pay for gas. its a cycle!
one thing i know i love to do is reach out to people. i love to sit by people who dont have anyone to sit by. i love to listen to people when they have a problem. i love to send people mail to make them feel special, even for just one moment. but sometimes i'm afraid to call people or invite them places, because then i feel like i'm intruding. also, i'm afraid to put them in a situation they might not want to be in.
i need to write some college essays for my applications, but i dont know how well i can write anymore. i used to be so good at expressing myself or an idea. i'm just not as emotional anymore...almost detached from myself. i dont even know what to do. i prayed really hard last night for heavenly father to help me FEEL again. i know these things take time, but i'm so frustrated. i dont know what i need to DO. i dont know how to do all i can so that heavenly father can help me. EXCLAMATION POINT. any ideas?
i'm done. i need to go study more.
one thing i know i love to do is reach out to people. i love to sit by people who dont have anyone to sit by. i love to listen to people when they have a problem. i love to send people mail to make them feel special, even for just one moment. but sometimes i'm afraid to call people or invite them places, because then i feel like i'm intruding. also, i'm afraid to put them in a situation they might not want to be in.
i need to write some college essays for my applications, but i dont know how well i can write anymore. i used to be so good at expressing myself or an idea. i'm just not as emotional anymore...almost detached from myself. i dont even know what to do. i prayed really hard last night for heavenly father to help me FEEL again. i know these things take time, but i'm so frustrated. i dont know what i need to DO. i dont know how to do all i can so that heavenly father can help me. EXCLAMATION POINT. any ideas?
i'm done. i need to go study more.