Xenophobe's Guide to the Germans -- Ch.1, Nationalism and Identity
I just borrowed a highly entertaining book from the library called "Xenophobe's Guide to the Germans" and, out of the goodness of my heart, have decided to type up a chapter a night to share with everybody on here. It's extremely fun to see how perfectly Klaus fits some of the things said in it, and how completely different he is on other counts. ^_^
So, without further ado, I present for your edification and amusement, in violation of all copyright laws, the first chapter. Enjoy!
bold text is something that I found particularly interesting, appropriate, or inappropriate. ^_^
(small, italic text) is my commentary.
Nationalism and Identity
Forewarned or Wurst Case Scenario
The prospect of Germans may cause even the devoted xenophobe to break stride. Viewed by some as a nation of square-jawed robots whose language sounds like something awful in the drains, whose cars out-perform all others and whose football team seldom loses, the Germans seem unassailable.
But behind the façade lies a nation distinctly uncertain about where it is, where it is going, even how it got there. Seeking refuge from the world’s uncertainties, on the one hand they rely on order and system, the State and the Bundesbank; on the other they retreat into the Angst of the soul, psychoanalysis and high culture.
None of this anxiety should be mocked; humour is a quite separate category to be viewed in a serious light.
For the Germans, life is made up of two halves: the public and the private. The public sphere of jobs, officialdom, business and bureaucracy is radically different from the private one of family, friends, hobbies and holidays. What is fitting in one is quite impossible in the other. In public, po-faced propriety is the order of the day. In private, shell-suited eccentricity abounds.
As a foreigner you will, almost by definition, encounter public Germany first, and may never see more. This explains something of their reputation abroad. All those sausages, all that beer.
Now that German consolidation has become a reality, even non-xenophobes fear for the future. The Germans themselves are not so much fearful of foreigners as fearful of any foreign country getting a bad impression of the Germans. After all, their economy heavily depends on export markets.
How They See Others
The Germans generally adore England and have suffered in the past from unrequited love. (GAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! XD *dies laughing*) England used to be the ultimate role model with its amazingly advanced political, social, industrial and technological achievements. The Germans regard the English as being very nice and mostly harmless. Almost German.
They admire Americans for their (un-German) easygoing pragmatism and dislike them for their (un-German) superficiality. For the Germans, the United States is the headmaster in the school of nations, and accorded due respect if not affection. Germans are strong believers in authority. “If you know how to obey then you too can be a master” runs the refrain.
With the Italians Germans have a close understanding, because they have so much history in common. Through wars, invasion and other forms of tourism, a deep and lasting friendship has been established. Italian art treasures, (Uh, no.) food and beaches are thoroughly appreciated.
There is also a connection arising from the fact that Italy and Germany both achieved nationhood in the last century, and are still not entirely sure that this was a good thing.
The French are admired for their sophisticated civilization, and pitied for their inferior culture. The French may have higher spirits, but the Germans have deeper souls. Despite this, Francophilia is widespread among Germans, especially those living close to the French border.
Like a wistful child looking over the garden fence, Germans envy Mediterranean people for their more relaxed attitudes, cultural heritage and warm climate. But only when they are on holiday.
The only people to whom the Germans readily concede unquestioned superiority of Teutonic virtues are the Swiss. No German would argue their supremacy in the fields of order, punctuality, diligence, cleanliness and thoroughness. They have never been to war with the Swiss.
If experience has taught them one thing, it is that there is no future outside the community of nations. No other nation has a stronger sense of the importance of getting along with others. Tolerance is not only a virtue, it’s a duty. (Whoops. See, you're supposed to play nice with the other children! Klaus: *mutters* Slimy Commies. Smart-aleck Yanks.)
How They See Themselves
Generally speaking, the Germans regard themselves as modest, rather ordinary sort of people. Give them a beer, a wurst, a bit of Gemütlichkeit (cosiness) and another German with whom to argue politics or bemoan the strain of life, and they will be content. They are not greedy, do not expect something for nothing, and pay their bills on time. Simple, honest volk. (An apt description of the ever-oppressed Alphabets, perhaps?)
The Germans like to dream, see themselves as romantic. Not in a Mediterranean flowery-compliments-and-bottom-pinching way, but in the stormy genius mode. (Finding beauty in polished steel rather than a painting, for instance? ^_~)
In every German there is a touch of the wild haired Beethoven striding through forests and weeping over a mountain sunset, grappling against impossible odds to express the inexpressible. This is the Great German Soul, prominent display of which is essential whenever Art, Feeling and Truth are under discussion.
The Germans did not actually invent the Romantic Movement (although they are pretty sure that they did), but they at least kitted it out with a lot of appropriately fraught and complicated philosophy.
They see themselves as profoundly well educated. Contrary to popular belief, the Germans do not know everything, they just know everything better.
Special Relationships
Before the 1990s all West Germans were passionately keen on the idea of the two Germanys coming together again. How, they asked themselves and each other, can we find fulfilment as a nation while the great German Geist (spirit) is divided by a concrete wall?
All were agreed that reunification was a historical necessity. The same sort of consensus never existed drüben (over there), where people generally coveted the consumer durables but had their doubts about life in a society without ideological commitments. Now that unification is a fact, West Germans have their doubts, too.
All Wessies (former West Germans) know that all Ossies (former East Germans) are idle and complaining. All Ossies know that Wessies are cynical and deceitful. It was ever so.
Cementing two nations together doesn’t come cheap, especially when one of them (in estate agent terminology) “needs attention” and has many “period details” and “original features.” In order to cope, the Germans set up The Trust Authority (Treuhand), which instantly became the world’s largest employer, with 9,000 companies, nearly two million hectares of farm land and two million hectares of forest under its control. Its job was to privatise as much as it could, and shut down the rest.
Needless to say, the work of the Treuhand created suspicion among eastern Germans, who felt that their economic assets were being sold at knock-down prices, while they were treated as second class citizens. Tension between the two kinds of Germans remains tangible, with some people now wondering if reunification was such a historical necessity after all, and if the Wall hadn’t been the backbone of the great German Geist-only the politicians had been too stupid to realize it.
Ever since the Change, Germans have suffered Angst like never before, and the soul-searching has taken on epic proportions. The effect has been to deepen German commitment to the ideals of the European Community still further; it offers a stable context for the turmoil within. Secretly some wish they had never embarked on this adventure and yearn for the old days, when life seemed simple and you knew who your enemies were. (Do you suppose Klaus would be one of these?)
How Others See Them
The emotions which Germans arouse in others oscillate between admiration and fear-they are said to be either “at your knees or at your throat”. They are thought of as efficient, self-obsessed, arrogant and domineering-altogether too good at finance and manufacturing.
The English have always had a high regard for German cleverness and thoroughness, somehow imagining that of all Europeans, the Germans are most like themselves. This quaint illusion probably has its roots in the fact that so many Germans have occupied the British throne or been powers behind it.
The French regard the Germans with suspicion and a measure of loathing, and seek to contain them by chumming-up. The Italians are dumbfounded by the German capacity to get things done without bribing anyone, but regard them as utterly lacking in style.
To the Austrians, a good German is one who is far away-preferably across the Atlantic, or even further.
How They Would Like Others to See Them
The Germans long to be understood and liked by others, yet secretly take pride that this can never be. After all, how can outsiders understand such a complex, deep, sensitive people? What can they know of the German struggle for identity or the tortured German spirit searching for release? (I have a strong suspicion that, if Klaus has some kind of inner melodramatic streak, this is what it looks like. ^_^)
The Germans would like to be respected for their devotion to truth and honesty. They are surprised that this is sometimes taken as tactlessness or worse. After all, if I know you to be in error, surely it is my duty to correct you? Surely the Truth is more important that pretending to like your ghastly shirt? ("And incidentally, I would never wear something as insipid as a red, sleeveless shirt." ^_^) Foreigners just cannot seem to appreciate this.
Dismissing German introspection as navel-gazing is taken as proof of shallowness. Complaints about German rudeness show misunderstanding. Germans console themselves that devotion to higher causes and being true to the demands of the inner self are bound to rub a few people the wrong way. It is sad, but quite unalterable.
A good German wears his Weltschmerz (world-pain) on his sleeve and doesn’t really mind being misunderstood.
(Just so you know from what point-of-view and on what authority this is being written, the authors are two Germans, and it was published in 1993, revised & updated in 1997.)
So, without further ado, I present for your edification and amusement, in violation of all copyright laws, the first chapter. Enjoy!
bold text is something that I found particularly interesting, appropriate, or inappropriate. ^_^
(small, italic text) is my commentary.
Nationalism and Identity
Forewarned or Wurst Case Scenario
The prospect of Germans may cause even the devoted xenophobe to break stride. Viewed by some as a nation of square-jawed robots whose language sounds like something awful in the drains, whose cars out-perform all others and whose football team seldom loses, the Germans seem unassailable.
But behind the façade lies a nation distinctly uncertain about where it is, where it is going, even how it got there. Seeking refuge from the world’s uncertainties, on the one hand they rely on order and system, the State and the Bundesbank; on the other they retreat into the Angst of the soul, psychoanalysis and high culture.
None of this anxiety should be mocked; humour is a quite separate category to be viewed in a serious light.
For the Germans, life is made up of two halves: the public and the private. The public sphere of jobs, officialdom, business and bureaucracy is radically different from the private one of family, friends, hobbies and holidays. What is fitting in one is quite impossible in the other. In public, po-faced propriety is the order of the day. In private, shell-suited eccentricity abounds.
As a foreigner you will, almost by definition, encounter public Germany first, and may never see more. This explains something of their reputation abroad. All those sausages, all that beer.
Now that German consolidation has become a reality, even non-xenophobes fear for the future. The Germans themselves are not so much fearful of foreigners as fearful of any foreign country getting a bad impression of the Germans. After all, their economy heavily depends on export markets.
How They See Others
The Germans generally adore England and have suffered in the past from unrequited love. (GAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! XD *dies laughing*) England used to be the ultimate role model with its amazingly advanced political, social, industrial and technological achievements. The Germans regard the English as being very nice and mostly harmless. Almost German.
They admire Americans for their (un-German) easygoing pragmatism and dislike them for their (un-German) superficiality. For the Germans, the United States is the headmaster in the school of nations, and accorded due respect if not affection. Germans are strong believers in authority. “If you know how to obey then you too can be a master” runs the refrain.
With the Italians Germans have a close understanding, because they have so much history in common. Through wars, invasion and other forms of tourism, a deep and lasting friendship has been established. Italian art treasures, (Uh, no.) food and beaches are thoroughly appreciated.
There is also a connection arising from the fact that Italy and Germany both achieved nationhood in the last century, and are still not entirely sure that this was a good thing.
The French are admired for their sophisticated civilization, and pitied for their inferior culture. The French may have higher spirits, but the Germans have deeper souls. Despite this, Francophilia is widespread among Germans, especially those living close to the French border.
Like a wistful child looking over the garden fence, Germans envy Mediterranean people for their more relaxed attitudes, cultural heritage and warm climate. But only when they are on holiday.
The only people to whom the Germans readily concede unquestioned superiority of Teutonic virtues are the Swiss. No German would argue their supremacy in the fields of order, punctuality, diligence, cleanliness and thoroughness. They have never been to war with the Swiss.
If experience has taught them one thing, it is that there is no future outside the community of nations. No other nation has a stronger sense of the importance of getting along with others. Tolerance is not only a virtue, it’s a duty. (Whoops. See, you're supposed to play nice with the other children! Klaus: *mutters* Slimy Commies. Smart-aleck Yanks.)
How They See Themselves
Generally speaking, the Germans regard themselves as modest, rather ordinary sort of people. Give them a beer, a wurst, a bit of Gemütlichkeit (cosiness) and another German with whom to argue politics or bemoan the strain of life, and they will be content. They are not greedy, do not expect something for nothing, and pay their bills on time. Simple, honest volk. (An apt description of the ever-oppressed Alphabets, perhaps?)
The Germans like to dream, see themselves as romantic. Not in a Mediterranean flowery-compliments-and-bottom-pinching way, but in the stormy genius mode. (Finding beauty in polished steel rather than a painting, for instance? ^_~)
In every German there is a touch of the wild haired Beethoven striding through forests and weeping over a mountain sunset, grappling against impossible odds to express the inexpressible. This is the Great German Soul, prominent display of which is essential whenever Art, Feeling and Truth are under discussion.
The Germans did not actually invent the Romantic Movement (although they are pretty sure that they did), but they at least kitted it out with a lot of appropriately fraught and complicated philosophy.
They see themselves as profoundly well educated. Contrary to popular belief, the Germans do not know everything, they just know everything better.
Special Relationships
Before the 1990s all West Germans were passionately keen on the idea of the two Germanys coming together again. How, they asked themselves and each other, can we find fulfilment as a nation while the great German Geist (spirit) is divided by a concrete wall?
All were agreed that reunification was a historical necessity. The same sort of consensus never existed drüben (over there), where people generally coveted the consumer durables but had their doubts about life in a society without ideological commitments. Now that unification is a fact, West Germans have their doubts, too.
All Wessies (former West Germans) know that all Ossies (former East Germans) are idle and complaining. All Ossies know that Wessies are cynical and deceitful. It was ever so.
Cementing two nations together doesn’t come cheap, especially when one of them (in estate agent terminology) “needs attention” and has many “period details” and “original features.” In order to cope, the Germans set up The Trust Authority (Treuhand), which instantly became the world’s largest employer, with 9,000 companies, nearly two million hectares of farm land and two million hectares of forest under its control. Its job was to privatise as much as it could, and shut down the rest.
Needless to say, the work of the Treuhand created suspicion among eastern Germans, who felt that their economic assets were being sold at knock-down prices, while they were treated as second class citizens. Tension between the two kinds of Germans remains tangible, with some people now wondering if reunification was such a historical necessity after all, and if the Wall hadn’t been the backbone of the great German Geist-only the politicians had been too stupid to realize it.
Ever since the Change, Germans have suffered Angst like never before, and the soul-searching has taken on epic proportions. The effect has been to deepen German commitment to the ideals of the European Community still further; it offers a stable context for the turmoil within. Secretly some wish they had never embarked on this adventure and yearn for the old days, when life seemed simple and you knew who your enemies were. (Do you suppose Klaus would be one of these?)
How Others See Them
The emotions which Germans arouse in others oscillate between admiration and fear-they are said to be either “at your knees or at your throat”. They are thought of as efficient, self-obsessed, arrogant and domineering-altogether too good at finance and manufacturing.
The English have always had a high regard for German cleverness and thoroughness, somehow imagining that of all Europeans, the Germans are most like themselves. This quaint illusion probably has its roots in the fact that so many Germans have occupied the British throne or been powers behind it.
The French regard the Germans with suspicion and a measure of loathing, and seek to contain them by chumming-up. The Italians are dumbfounded by the German capacity to get things done without bribing anyone, but regard them as utterly lacking in style.
To the Austrians, a good German is one who is far away-preferably across the Atlantic, or even further.
How They Would Like Others to See Them
The Germans long to be understood and liked by others, yet secretly take pride that this can never be. After all, how can outsiders understand such a complex, deep, sensitive people? What can they know of the German struggle for identity or the tortured German spirit searching for release? (I have a strong suspicion that, if Klaus has some kind of inner melodramatic streak, this is what it looks like. ^_^)
The Germans would like to be respected for their devotion to truth and honesty. They are surprised that this is sometimes taken as tactlessness or worse. After all, if I know you to be in error, surely it is my duty to correct you? Surely the Truth is more important that pretending to like your ghastly shirt? ("And incidentally, I would never wear something as insipid as a red, sleeveless shirt." ^_^) Foreigners just cannot seem to appreciate this.
Dismissing German introspection as navel-gazing is taken as proof of shallowness. Complaints about German rudeness show misunderstanding. Germans console themselves that devotion to higher causes and being true to the demands of the inner self are bound to rub a few people the wrong way. It is sad, but quite unalterable.
A good German wears his Weltschmerz (world-pain) on his sleeve and doesn’t really mind being misunderstood.
(Just so you know from what point-of-view and on what authority this is being written, the authors are two Germans, and it was published in 1993, revised & updated in 1997.)