Book Seven - Side Story 2 - Midnight Collector
In this side story, we get a closer look into the Earl’s formative years and early training as a thief. This story is interesting in that Dorian and the Major never interact. The Earl goes out of his way to avoid contact so that his operation isn’t compromised. Meanwhile the Major sees curly-haired Dorian look-alikes everywhere but never the genuine article, even when he’s right under his nose!
BOOK SEVEN
Side Story 2
MIDNIGHT COLLECTOR
Typos. - Only one that I could find.
--> Page 143 - It’s[1] what?
[1] Should be “its.” No apostrophe.
- - - - - - - - - - Comments, observations, and gripes - - - - - - - - - -
--> CMX has...discovered the ellipsis...and...puts them...everywhere! ...Even at...the beginning of...sentences. ...Which is incorrect in English! *groan*
--> Page 102 - The story opens with James bemoaning the fact that the Major beat the snot out of him, which was a bit of a shock to me, because, as we learned in “Special Vacation Orders,” the Major is a protector of the weak. Then James asks, “Why didn’t he hit the Earl?!” Yeah! Why didn’t he hit the Earl? Dorian says it’s because he ran faster, but I don’t believe that the man who chased him all the way to Paris and back in “Dramatic Spring” would just give up because Dorian got a head start.
--> Page 104 - Dorian brings James bananas and canned peaches. Canned? Is the hospital food that bad?
--> Page 105 - Dorian turns on the bedroom eyes with James’ straight doctor. Straight? Does he or does he not look like he might acquiesce to any request the Earl makes? Note the roses around him on the next page.
--> Page 108 - The Major says he hates London because Lawrence and Dorian live there. Fanon has the Earl’s residence as the castle in the North Downs that it has dubbed Castle Gloria, which would put him about an hour’s drive from London. Not exactly close to the action.
--> Page 111 - Rex Price is referred to as Sir Price in CMX, and Lord Price in the fan version.
--> Page 112 - Eroica’s tutor in thievery from his youth appears in the present, opening the door for a peek into the Earl’s youth. After a short conversation, the tutor walks off, wishing Dorian, “Good Luck.” Is this where he learned it? ;-D
--> Page 115 - Dorian arrives at England Art in his clever disguise as a respectable aristocrat-and looking damned sexy in a suit and tie. Bonham, on the other hand, looks more like a school master, eyeglasses and all.
--> Page 116 - Dorian knows that the Rembrandt is genuine. CMX has him valuing it as 450,000. The fan version puts it as £ 50,000. That’s inflation for you.
--> Page 120 - Dorian tosses Bonham a package for his stiff muscles. CMX has him tossing hot pads. The fan version has him tossing “a Pip Elekiban,” which are small round adhesive magnets for loosening up muscle knots. Note the “dots” all over the faces of Bonham and the others at the lower right hand corner, as well as the background of circles behind Bonham when Dorian asks to have them applied to himself.
--> Page 121 - Reflective Dorian stands at the window, giving the readers a lovely view of his really nice ass. ;-D
--> Page 124 - Young Dorian doesn’t look nearly as good in a catsuit as Eroica.
--> Page 124 - An aside on Dorian’s title and surname. His father tells him that their ancestor earned his Earldom as a privateer. I suspect that he means the title of Earl as opposed to an actual Earldom-the county from which the title Count comes from. And there is nothing in canon to indicate that Dorian actually possesses any lands. (He would earn an income from those.) This makes him the Earl Gloria, his title coming from his surname, rather than the Earl OF Gloria, his title coming from an actual place, this being the county.
And while I’m ranting... It’s just Lord Gloria, not Lord Red Gloria, as some fans seem to insist on. He introduces himself as the Earl of Gloria, for pity sake! Where “Earl of Red Gloria” came from, I have no idea. [/rant]
--> Page 126 - Dorian makes a deal with the Devil, agreeing to have sex with Sir Price in exchange for the “Young Shepherd.” Consensual or not, he was underage, making this statutory rape. He realizes his naivety too late when the forgery arrives on his fourteenth birthday. This-above all else-is the reason I believe Dorian to be a “top,” wanting to remain in control at all times. I don’t believe he will ever allow himself to be taken advantage of again. He might let it appear as though he is submitting, but he will be the one in charge at all times. [/personal opinion]
--> Page 129 - Bonham returns Dorian to reality by asking if he’s alright, to which he replies that he was just remembering his first love. Bonham wonders if it’s the Major, which is interesting, given the Earl’s history of chasing every blond young man who crosses his path. Was Dorian’s interest in other men-before meeting the Major-only infatuation? He certainly lost interest in Caesar fast enough. Is Dorian’s pursuit of the Major the first to consistently hold his interest?
--> Page 134 - The Major tosses aside a painting of a basket of pumpkins in favor of the “traditional art” of a tank. He also appears to have a screwdriver in his hand.
--> Page 138 - Lower panel row of panels, the right AND left ones. Yes, you guessed it. The lines are out of order. Right Panel - Lawrence: “They’ve closed for the day. We’ll go by tomorrow.” Klaus: “It’s good to know the SIS is good for something.” Left Panel - Klaus: “No, a man wearing a floppy had and puffy pumpkin pants.” Lawrence: “A Picasso?” Klaus: “Yeah, something like that.”
--> Page 139 - The Major thinks that there should be a British Law against curly hair. In the fan version, he says long hair, which has never made sense to me, considering how long his own hair is. I think CMX might’ve finally got something right.
--> Page 144 - The Major’s butler refers to Dorian as a “curly haired man.” At first, I thought it odd that he suddenly didn’t know who Dorian was, since, in “Glass Target,” he obviously remembered him from his very first visit. Then again, it might be because he doesn’t realize that Lawrence knows who he is.
--> Page 149 - Saleem al Sabaah tries to present himself to Dorian as devoted to Allah at England Art. “By Allah’s will...blah, blah, blah.” Then he goes on to practically throw his “harem” at the Earl later. (Page 161-2) I count at least thirteen women present, all dressed to kill rather than in an all-concealing burka because a non-relative male is present.
--> Page 154 - John Paul comments that the bug in the cigarette case works perfectly. Bonham replies that is should because it cost 5,000 pounds. The fan version has him saying 50 pounds. Man, something got seriously lost in translation!
--> Page 158 - Eroica’s forgery central, including “Eroica” aprons. At first glance, I thought the head forger was a woman, hair in a bun and all. That is, until I noticed the hair on his chest.
--> Page 159 - Dorian sits puzzling over Saleem, wondering if he should extend an olive branch. The little cloud over his head did not look like a random squiggle to me. Under a magnifying glass, it looks like a bug holding a diamond ring. Am I trying to read too much into this?
--> Page 164 - Dorian steals the bunch of bananas right out from under Saleem’s nose. This small act of defiance on Eroica’s part tickles me. As does Dorian later using the bananas as a shield to hide behind in the hotel lobby.
--> Page 166 - Dorian’s pantomime where he gives the butler the bananas is a scream. This time there is no question that the butler knows who he is, and even edits himself from describing the Earl as a “curly haired” gentleman. Also, in the last panel on the page, the Major and the butler’s lines are reversed, which spoil the effect of the Dorian’s gesticulations a bit.
--> Page 168 - Dorian on the street with a Sony Walkman. How very 1980s. And another plug for Japanese electronics. [trivia] The first portable personal stereo audio cassette player was called the “Stereobelt” and was invented by German-Brazilian Andreas Pavel in 1972. [/trivia]
--> Page 170 - The pictogram of Saleem in Dorian’s head amuses me. The mental arithmetic as he subtracts the “flowy” traditional garb.
--> Page 171 - The “Young Shepard” painting. I realize it is next to impossible for the artist to draw the painting exactly the same each time it appears. However, unlike all the other times, the version on this page looks like a dead ringer for Agent Z.
--> Page 174 - Dorian looks at the forged “Young Shepherd” and reflects. There is far less information given in the official version than the fan one, in which we learn: 1) Dorian’s age when he gets the forgery, fourteen. 2) The length of time that has passed since then, ten years. 3) This would make him twenty-four in August of 1981, pinning his birth year down to 1957, as I have always maintained. *So there. ;-P*
CMX: “The fake ‘Young Shepherd’ sent to me so long ago. It’s still so beautiful I couldn’t bear to throw it out. I never imagined it would ever be useful.”
FAN: “The Young Shepherd who stole my heart when I was fourteen. Even though it was a forgery, I couldn’t just throw it away. Ten years ago, I didn’t think it would ever be of any use.”
--> Page 175 - Bonham and John Paul dressed as proper English gents, complete with bowler and browly. *snicker*
--> Page 186 - Saleem makes a victory call to Dorian. Note the hand holding the phone is not his own, but obviously that of a woman.
--> Page 189 - The telephone call from Papa Eberbach. This is the first appearance of the Major’s father in the present. This entire scene tickles me. Who out there cannot relate to the Major’s frustration? However, unlike when he visited Sister Theresa in “Special Vacation Orders,” the Major does not revert to his submissive childhood posture. (Book 6, page 38) Well, he is the designated head of the family, branch of the Hapsburgs and all that, right? The prickly conversation leads me to believe that father and son have very similar personalities. Heaven help the universe should the time come when the author decides to put them physically together in a story. I predict very loud explosions.
--> Page 197 - Again, CMX took the English words that are in the original Japanese text and replaced them-with different text! Dorian does not run off calling back, “One can dream!” He yells, “Good Luck!”
- - - - - - - - - - The Quotes - - - - - - - - - -
James: A pox on that rotten Major! It’s not fair! Why me?! Why didn’t he hit the Earl?! (FAN: I hate him! He’s a jerk! It’s not fair! Why am I the one these things happen to? If he’s going to hit someone, why not the Earl, instead of me?)
*So loyal, isn’t he? Hit the Earl, he deserves it!*
James: (to Dorian) While you’re off gallivanting, I’m in agony! And you brought flowers!
*He’s gearing up to a good whine.*
Dorian: My dear James, a thief must always be ready to flee at a moment’s notice. At the first sign of danger, one turns and runs. It’s the law of thievery. You know that!
James: Then I deserve this for being slow?!
*Sounds good to me!*
Dorian: No, no. The Major is to blame. It is positively unforgivable that he attacked like that. He’s the source of all evil! The cruelty in cruel jokes! He’s why taxes are high and taxis are yellow! Why cheap bananas are always bruised! Everything’s his fault. Really.
*He’s laying it on with a trowel again.*
James: I can’t believe you bought me off with a rotten banana.
*I can. And Dorian’s delighted expression is great.*
Dorian: Can’t you see any way to help me?
Doctor: Please, I have a wife... A child... a girlfriend…
Dorian: No matter. This only concerns you and me... (pause) And, say, 50 pounds a day...?
*Dorian gets all seductive just to keep James in the hospital. ;-D*
Bonham: Earl! You cannae mean...
Dorian: Any price to keep James out of the way.
*Hear, hear!*
Bonham: Phew. I thought...never mind.
Dorian: Bonham! I do have my pride!
Bonham: ‘an the doctor’s ‘opes up, it seems! Be this ethical? (FAN: But that doctor was expecting something. I hope it’s okay.)
*You’re a thief worrying about ethics?*
Bonham: Any job without James or the Major be fine by me.
Dorian: At last, the time has come...for the eternally elegant aristocrat thief to work his craft!
*And…he’s off!*
Klaus: I utterly despise London! Nitwit and Dimwit both live in London. Happily, I gave Skinflint a good thrashing, but Dimwit himself got away.
*Then you should’ve concentrated on him!*
Klaus: Besides, if I tried to sell it in Germany, some idiot might think we Eberbachs are strapped for cash.
*I can see the headlines now. “Iron Klaus Forced Into Prostitution To Make Ends Meet!” Pun very much intended.*
Klaus: Oh? A fan of bloomers, are we? Those pumpkin-shaped pants, exquisite?
*I love the Major’s expression here. And note the background of pumpkins.*
Butler: The Master’s contempt for the Arts is quiet troubling at times. While I realize he detests that glamorous thief... How could he ever sell the “Man In Purple.”?
Dorian: Exactly why I had him confined to bed.
*Please, remove the context along with James!*
Dorian: Then you remember...even after ten years...
Tutor: Of course! Your first job! Don’t forget, I taught you everything you know.
*Well, not everything.*
Dorian: I ached for that painting as a naïve young lad... I was crushed by my failure!
*Awwwww*
Dorian: I’m in your hands, really. (*Can we, please, stop here?*) Never sold a painting before.
*That’s probably true. James usually does it.*
Dorian: Rather shocking security here-like a museum’s. (FAN: I’m impressed. Your security seems as good as a gallery’s.)
*So, is he shocked or impressed?*
Reynolds: Our appraiser has over fifty years of experience... (*How old is this guy? 100?*) While we do use X-ray and computers...his skills mach even advanced tests.
*Because he’s Wizened Man! - sorry*
Dorian: You forget my noble family, sir. Only paintings of considerable historical value interest me. That Rembrandt reflects my family’s illustrious heritage.
*Illustrious? Pardon me while I collapse into giggles.*
Bonham: I be stiff all over. (*ALL over?*) It be very taxin’ dressin’ as nobility! (FAN: Boy, I’m stiff. Sorting through priceless stuff is tiring!)
Dorian: Bonham, some hot pads, please.
Bonham: Yessir!
*Everybody gets excited when the Earl undresses, it seems.*
Lady Gloria: (about Sir Price) That odious man always has young men about! (FAN: He always has young men fawning over him. It’s disgusting!)
Young Dorian: But, isn’t father- (FAN: But, Father also…)
Gloria Women: GLARE!
Dorian: As long as I remember, my father only entertained men. Naturally, I was drawn into this world. (FAN: As far back as I can remember, Father always had a train of male friends. Besides artists, writers, and actors, there were some suspicious types no one knew anything about. I didn’t resist at all. I fitted myself into that atmosphere.)
*Wow. So much more information in the fan version. Might some of these “suspicious types” be the foundation of the Eroica gang?*
Dorian: My three sisters loved to dress me up. They treated me like a doll.
*And, naturally, this is what “made” him gay.*
Dorian: But the younger, handsome men favored me over my sisters...who were hurt, and angry, and jealous.
*The Gloria women are obviously not into slash.*
Papa Gloria: Your quick hands prove you’re a Gloria!
*cough - Note the framed Jolly Roger on the wall behind them.*
Dorian: The painting was worth more to him than our relationship. It was a cold slap of reality. At the same time, my pride burned that Sir Price thought I’d be taken in by a fake. (FAN: I didn’t sleep with him to get a painting like that. I learned of the viciousness of adults, and at the same time, my pride was hurt that he’d think he could take me in with a forgery.)
*CMX reads like Dorian actually expected some kind of relationship, where the fan version has it as a business transaction - sex for the painting.*
Klaus: No! It’s Dimwit! (Curly-haired man turns.) No... Even dimwit’s better looking than that. (FAN: It’s that bastard! No, it’s not... Though I might prefer Eroica’s face to that one...)
*Major! You noticed!*
Lawrence: (behind Klaus) Oh, Major!
Klaus: That contemptible way of talking! I can only be-nitwit! (FAN: That loud voice…It’s another idiot on the scene.)
Lawrence: Agent Lawrence of the SIS, at your service!
*Gad, what a pose!*
Lawrence: Who’s that balding man? (FAN: Who’s the billiard ball?)
Klaus: My butler. And don’t mention his hairline, he’s sensitive.
Lawrence: Does everyone in Bonn go bald like that? (FAN: Are there a lot of billiard balls in Bonn?)
Klaus: Pardon?!
*I guess his butler isn’t the only one who’s sensitive.*
Klaus: Curly haired Londoners give me the creeps. I can barely control my urge to pummel them.
*Is that because you didn’t pummel Dorian when you had the chance?
Klaus: Is all of London out to get me?
*Now...I know he’s paranoid, but this is a bit much.*
Dorian: (silently panicking at England Art) The Major! That can only be the Major! (FAN: It’s honest-to-God the Major!)
Dorian: The Major will convulse if he sees me! That’d destroy all of my plans...! (FAN: He’ll make a huge fuss. He’ll chase after me. And if he does, my whole plan is ruined.
*Finally, the Major interferes in one of Eroica’s operations. Too bad he’s too oblivious to enjoy it.*
Klaus: Who cares about some old bat? Shut it!
Dorian: (laughs quietly)
Klaus: Did you just laugh at me?! (FAN: You bastard! Are you laughing at my ignorance?)
Lawrence: No! I swear!
Klaus: Right! Here’s the painting. It’s yours.
Reynolds: But...but, how much...?
Klaus: About the price of a Leopard tank, but it’s yours free.
Reynolds: Excuse me? (pause) What’s its provenance?
Klaus: Its what? Got me. I just yanked it off my wall.
*This “negotiation” still makes me laugh. So much for the cultural heritage of Germany.*
Butler: Mr. Lawrence...?
Lawrence: Yes?
Butler: That curly haired man. He’s telling us to block the sale. Should I tell the Master?
Lawrence: Best not... He’s already so touchy about curly hair...
Butler: Indeed.
*Panic attack by proxy.*
Klaus: Just chuck it if you don’t want it. I already feel better without it. (FAN: If it’s in the way, you can throw it out. I don’t care.)
*If you don’t care, why don’t you just give it to the Earl and have done with it?*
Dorian: He was close enough to touch... Alas, I could not even pat his manly shoulders… (FAN: I was close enough to touch him. It’s a pity I didn’t just tap him on the shoulder.)
Dorian: Merely reminded of a recent “Polar Bear In Red,” by Mischa.
Reynolds: Mischa...?
Dorian: From the Russian school.
*Heh.*
Dorian: Why would he sell such an important family heirloom? Have the Eberbachs fallen on hard times?
*Please note, this is exactly what the Major said people would think if he sold the painting in Germany! (Page 108)*
Dorian: I must send the Major a positive flurry of kisses. (FAN: I’d like to give the Major a shower of kisses.)
Dorian: A love affair which will finally be consummated...
*Please, remove context!*
Saleem: Your beloved is very attractive. Perhaps I’m in love myself.
*Please, do not remove context.*
Dorian: It’s a veritable bomb shelter. Even in a nuclear war, these masterpieces would survive.
*Along with the cockroaches.*
Dorian: It’s too perfect!
*If you were the Major, you’d have alarm bells going off about now.*
Bonham: This job be so much easier this time. No tightwad, and no Major!
Butler: To think of throwing out such a valuable heirloom! Your father would never- (FAN: It’s a priceless heirloom of generations past, and you just throw it away. If your father knew, think how distressed he’d be...)
Klaus: Don’t even think of ratting me out! (FAN: You’re not going to tell my father.)
Butler: No, of course not. (FAN: Sir, That’s going too far.)
Klaus: That’s a bloody red Mercedes! A Mercedes Benz, the dignified symbol of German engineering painted red?! Red?! Who is that blithering idiot? (. . .) Go drive a gas-guzzling yank boat, you crass zillionaire! I should run him over!
*As amusing as this is, I’m surprised Major Politically Incorrect von dem Eberbach doesn’t call Saleem a “towel head” or “camel jockey.” He’s probably one of the only people who can get away with it.*
Lawrence: He heard you! Look at him glare!
*Christ, Lawrence, you’re in a car with a man whose glare can melt iron!*
Klaus: Curly hair! Red Mercedes! Oil money! I detest London! (FAN: I hate long hair. I hate oil sheiks. I had red Benzes. And most of all, I hate London.)
*Get to the short list, Major. Do you actually like anything?*
Saleem: His resemblance to the man in the painting is striking at first. But upon closer look, the likeness ends. That hooligan had the same features, but none of the class and breeding of the “Man in Purple.”
*has giggle fit - Wasn’t it the Major who accused Detective Casket of having no class or breeding?*
Saleem: He [Dorian] wants the “Man,” too.
*Yeah. And the painting as well. ;-D*
Bakchial Sr: Earl, how are you?
Bakchial Jr: Father, do get off the phone. (FAN: Hurry up, Papa.)
Bakchial Sr: You’re one to talk. (to Dorian) We told that upstart that we adored you! (Fan: Ye, but you were talking forever. I’ve been telling that Saabah kid all about you.
Dorian: Oh... Er... Lovely. (FAN: Ohh-thanks.)
Bakchial Sr: Do come visit us again. (FAN: Come and see us sometimes.)
Dorian: Yes, yes, soon...
*He’ll be on the next plane out!*
John Paul: That art dealer is a rotten crook.
*And you lot aren’t?*
Dorian: Did I walk into a harem?! (FAN: Is this some kind of cabaret club?)
*Nah, I think it’s a harem.*
Dorian: If only they were beautiful men...
Saleem: You’re sick.
Dorian: Am I? I’m surprised you’re not dead, with so many women to please.
*Ever heard of Viagra? Whoops, wrong decade.*
Dorian: Bakchial’s father is a bit...excitable.
Dorian: I steal for fun. Theft is an irresistible thrill! (FAN: Stealing is a hobby for me. I do it for the thrills and the danger.)
Saleem: You have strange tastes. (FAN: You’ve got a strange personality.)
Dorian: He reminds me of a certain someone... Blunt, and utterly devoid of passion. (FAN: Talking to him reminds me of someone else. He makes sense, but he hasn’t an ounce of romance in him.)
*Wrong in both translations, Dorian. The Major is full of passion and romance, you just don’t see it.*
Dorian: He [Saleem] should meet James. They both adore money. (FAN: Maybe I should introduce him to James. They both love money. They’ve got that in common.)
*And that’s about all...*
Dorian: Is that butler psychic?!
*Maybe the Major transferred his powers to him. ;-D*
Klaus: (checks bananas) Security, check out these bananas. They could be poisoned-or rigged to explode.
*Explode? Because of all that potassium?*
Dorian: He’s freaking out over bananas…? Good thing he didn’t see me. I think it best I avoid this hotel in the future.
Dorian: (about Saleem) He spends time like money.
*I like this analogy.*
Dorian: I told you to look inconspicuous.
Saleem: Oh, am I conspicuous?
Dorian: Well, it is less...flowy than your traditional garb…
*And damned sexy, too. Although, I much prefer that outfit on the Major.*
Dorian: A normal man could never handle that powerful machine. *cough*
Saleem: I had it custom made in Japan.
*[sings] Kawasaki lets the good times roll...*
Dorian: (thinks) A man of wealth, power…and pride. Wound his pride, and heaven help you...
*Yeah, he is just like the Major. Only calmer…and less abrasive.*
Dorian: It’s my proposal. You may dicker if you like.
*Not touching that.*
Saleem: Before we begin, you must swear to Allah that you will not swindle me.
Dorian: I don’t believe in God.
*You mean you’re an atheist as opposed to just ‘not being religious”?*
Dorian: Attractive as you are in your robes, this look suits you much better. You definitely look much sexier.
Saleem: You’re dreaming. (FAN: You’re sick.)
*That’s what he excels at!*
Dorian: He deserves a good smack with a rock. (FAN: I should hit that guy with a rock or something.)
*Maybe you should introduce him to the Major. I’m sure he’ll be delighted to do that for you.*
Dorian: No matter. Just think of him as a giant wad of cash.
*Note the tear falling in the shape of a James-like patch.*
Dorian: Can I count on you?
Bonham: Aye, leave it to me. (to the others) Let’s get to work! It’s so much easier without James around!
James: Humph. You wish.
*Fourth wall, anyone?*
Eroica member: Tsk tisk. Guards caught off guard.
Reynolds: He’s topped it.
*No comment necessary.*
BBC Reporter: Mr. Sabaah, you must be so pleased to acquire the entire Price collection.
Saleem: Not really.
BBC Reporter: And your thoughts on your erstwhile rival, the Earl? (FAN: Lord Gloria fought to the very end. What do you think of him?)
Saleem: Men don’t interest me much. (FAN: I’ve no interest in men.)
Male Spectator: Wealth. Prestige. Babes. Youth. I’d kill to be him.
Female Spectator: I’d kill to be his mistress.
BBC Reporter: Bad Luck, Earl. Any comments? (FAN: Lord Gloria, it’s too bad. How do you feel?)
Dorian: (in tears) The English Empire has been ransacked by Sabaah! I’ve failed England! Excuse me... ~SOB~ (FAN: British honor has been trampled by an Arab. I feel I must apologize to her Majesty. Excuse me...)
*Give him an Emmy!*
Male Spectator: A true English blue-blood! Or a sad relic...
Male Spectator: I’d kill to be his lover.
*It’s an old joke, but it still works. - snicker*
Dorian: Was I convincing?
John Paul: Embarrassingly so.
*I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that the Major never catches wind of this news flash.*
Klaus: Despite the fog, this is a brilliant day! (FAN: It’s foggy outside-but there’s sun in my heart!
*Dear Lord, he’s happy and waxing poetic. Everybody, take cover!*
Operator: Mr. Eberbach, a call from Switzerland.
Papa Eberbach: Klaus? It is I. *This grammar is fingernails on a blackboard* (FAN: Hey-That Klaus? It’s me.)
Klaus: (thinks) Who? I need more than “I...” You pompous geezer. (FAN: Some old man-pretty damned casual. I don’t know someone named “Me.”)
(Realization dawns in a big way!)
Klaus: Ah! Good morning, Father! Klaus speaking! How did you find me, sir?
*Note the Major is now standing at attention.*
Papa Eberbach: Are you suggesting that I’m old? (FAN: You treating me like an old man?)
Klaus: (thinks) Yes, you’re a bloody relic! (FAN: Damn right I am-because you are.)
Papa Eberbach: Are you trying to hide something from me, Klaus?
Klaus: No, of course n- (FAN: Well, I’m just kinda...)
Papa Eberbach: Stop slouching! Stand up straight! (FAN: You’re a grown man! Why’re you talking like that?)
Klaus: Sorry, sir! I’m so busy, I won’t be able to entertain you properly! (thinks) Get bent, you cantankerous old goat!
*How can anyone think the Major is terrified of his father after this?*
Papa Eberbach: It’s not you I want to see, clod, it’s the castle!
*Did you teach your son how to curse as well as fight?*
Papa Eberbach: Klaus Heinz von dem Eberbach! Are you doing anything I might not approve...?! (*You’re in for it now, Major. He used your full name.*)
Klaus: Not me, sir! I’m a paragon of virtue! (FAN: I’m always completely upright and honest!)
*falls off chair laughing.
Klaus: That bald tattletale finked on me! The old man will go ballistic if he finds I’ve sold that painting… He adores “Pumpkin Boy.” Tyrant! Why can’t he retire to Switzerland and write his memoirs?!
*Note the background of pumpkins.*
Reynolds: Ah, Mr. Eberbach. What a pleasure.
*Liar, liar, pants on fire!*
Reynolds: He’s the snappiest customer. Hop to it! (FAN: It’s that short-tempered German. Get it done quickly.)
*That’s our Major. Always makes a lasting impression.*
Reynolds: I’m afraid I’m in a rush. There’s a very impatient German waiting.
Bonham: Earl, we can’t find it! It isn’t here!
Dorian: Impossible! It was there when… (Realization dawns in a big way!) Very impatient-German?!
Klaus: This had better actually be Pumpkin Boy.
*Such a connoisseur of the arts.*
Dorian: Major! (Watches as the Mercedes roars off)
*So near and yet so far. Which pretty much sums up this manga, actually*
Dorian: So close-and there it goes back to Germany!
Saleem: Stolen from the thief!
*Pretty ironic, isn’t it?*
Dorian: Ah, well. Half the Price collection is a worthy haul.
Saleem: Just half? Does that truly satisfy you?
*No comment*
Saleem: You… You thief!
*Now there’s a news flash.*
Saleem: The Police will fix you!
Dorian: I doubt it! I’m a very lucky boy! (FAN: No way. I’m off. I have the devil’s own luck.)
Dorian: The Giorgione, my very first love, is mine at last! Alas, the other prize is again beyond my reach. So, who did get the last laugh? The Major, an unknowing foil? Or was it… (FAN: I’ve got my first love, just the way I planned-but I’m back to square one with my other heart’s desire. The one who gets the last laugh is probably the Major-who doesn’t know a thing.)
*Too bad. I’m sure he’d appreciate the irony.*
Klaus: This bloody painting is a curse! Eroica has to have it. The butler’s always blubbing about it. My old man has to visit it. (opens wrapping) What’re you so smug for? You were well out of it. Having a good giggle at my expense? (FAN: Thanks to that painting, life is really a pain. Eroica trails me; my butler howls at me...and finally, my father comes all the way from Switzerland. [opens wrapping] He doesn’t care about the fuss, with that conceited face... You- Bet you think we’re really funny, huh?)
Dorian: The “Man in Purple”... He must be laughing at us all...
- - - - - - - - - -
END SIDE STORY TWO
- - - - - - - - - -
NOTE: These are all being saved to the community's memories to make it easier to locate any one particular story.
Next - Story 11 - Seven Days In September - Part 1
BOOK SEVEN
Side Story 2
MIDNIGHT COLLECTOR
Typos. - Only one that I could find.
--> Page 143 - It’s[1] what?
[1] Should be “its.” No apostrophe.
- - - - - - - - - - Comments, observations, and gripes - - - - - - - - - -
--> CMX has...discovered the ellipsis...and...puts them...everywhere! ...Even at...the beginning of...sentences. ...Which is incorrect in English! *groan*
--> Page 102 - The story opens with James bemoaning the fact that the Major beat the snot out of him, which was a bit of a shock to me, because, as we learned in “Special Vacation Orders,” the Major is a protector of the weak. Then James asks, “Why didn’t he hit the Earl?!” Yeah! Why didn’t he hit the Earl? Dorian says it’s because he ran faster, but I don’t believe that the man who chased him all the way to Paris and back in “Dramatic Spring” would just give up because Dorian got a head start.
--> Page 104 - Dorian brings James bananas and canned peaches. Canned? Is the hospital food that bad?
--> Page 105 - Dorian turns on the bedroom eyes with James’ straight doctor. Straight? Does he or does he not look like he might acquiesce to any request the Earl makes? Note the roses around him on the next page.
--> Page 108 - The Major says he hates London because Lawrence and Dorian live there. Fanon has the Earl’s residence as the castle in the North Downs that it has dubbed Castle Gloria, which would put him about an hour’s drive from London. Not exactly close to the action.
--> Page 111 - Rex Price is referred to as Sir Price in CMX, and Lord Price in the fan version.
--> Page 112 - Eroica’s tutor in thievery from his youth appears in the present, opening the door for a peek into the Earl’s youth. After a short conversation, the tutor walks off, wishing Dorian, “Good Luck.” Is this where he learned it? ;-D
--> Page 115 - Dorian arrives at England Art in his clever disguise as a respectable aristocrat-and looking damned sexy in a suit and tie. Bonham, on the other hand, looks more like a school master, eyeglasses and all.
--> Page 116 - Dorian knows that the Rembrandt is genuine. CMX has him valuing it as 450,000. The fan version puts it as £ 50,000. That’s inflation for you.
--> Page 120 - Dorian tosses Bonham a package for his stiff muscles. CMX has him tossing hot pads. The fan version has him tossing “a Pip Elekiban,” which are small round adhesive magnets for loosening up muscle knots. Note the “dots” all over the faces of Bonham and the others at the lower right hand corner, as well as the background of circles behind Bonham when Dorian asks to have them applied to himself.
--> Page 121 - Reflective Dorian stands at the window, giving the readers a lovely view of his really nice ass. ;-D
--> Page 124 - Young Dorian doesn’t look nearly as good in a catsuit as Eroica.
--> Page 124 - An aside on Dorian’s title and surname. His father tells him that their ancestor earned his Earldom as a privateer. I suspect that he means the title of Earl as opposed to an actual Earldom-the county from which the title Count comes from. And there is nothing in canon to indicate that Dorian actually possesses any lands. (He would earn an income from those.) This makes him the Earl Gloria, his title coming from his surname, rather than the Earl OF Gloria, his title coming from an actual place, this being the county.
And while I’m ranting... It’s just Lord Gloria, not Lord Red Gloria, as some fans seem to insist on. He introduces himself as the Earl of Gloria, for pity sake! Where “Earl of Red Gloria” came from, I have no idea. [/rant]
--> Page 126 - Dorian makes a deal with the Devil, agreeing to have sex with Sir Price in exchange for the “Young Shepherd.” Consensual or not, he was underage, making this statutory rape. He realizes his naivety too late when the forgery arrives on his fourteenth birthday. This-above all else-is the reason I believe Dorian to be a “top,” wanting to remain in control at all times. I don’t believe he will ever allow himself to be taken advantage of again. He might let it appear as though he is submitting, but he will be the one in charge at all times. [/personal opinion]
--> Page 129 - Bonham returns Dorian to reality by asking if he’s alright, to which he replies that he was just remembering his first love. Bonham wonders if it’s the Major, which is interesting, given the Earl’s history of chasing every blond young man who crosses his path. Was Dorian’s interest in other men-before meeting the Major-only infatuation? He certainly lost interest in Caesar fast enough. Is Dorian’s pursuit of the Major the first to consistently hold his interest?
--> Page 134 - The Major tosses aside a painting of a basket of pumpkins in favor of the “traditional art” of a tank. He also appears to have a screwdriver in his hand.
--> Page 138 - Lower panel row of panels, the right AND left ones. Yes, you guessed it. The lines are out of order. Right Panel - Lawrence: “They’ve closed for the day. We’ll go by tomorrow.” Klaus: “It’s good to know the SIS is good for something.” Left Panel - Klaus: “No, a man wearing a floppy had and puffy pumpkin pants.” Lawrence: “A Picasso?” Klaus: “Yeah, something like that.”
--> Page 139 - The Major thinks that there should be a British Law against curly hair. In the fan version, he says long hair, which has never made sense to me, considering how long his own hair is. I think CMX might’ve finally got something right.
--> Page 144 - The Major’s butler refers to Dorian as a “curly haired man.” At first, I thought it odd that he suddenly didn’t know who Dorian was, since, in “Glass Target,” he obviously remembered him from his very first visit. Then again, it might be because he doesn’t realize that Lawrence knows who he is.
--> Page 149 - Saleem al Sabaah tries to present himself to Dorian as devoted to Allah at England Art. “By Allah’s will...blah, blah, blah.” Then he goes on to practically throw his “harem” at the Earl later. (Page 161-2) I count at least thirteen women present, all dressed to kill rather than in an all-concealing burka because a non-relative male is present.
--> Page 154 - John Paul comments that the bug in the cigarette case works perfectly. Bonham replies that is should because it cost 5,000 pounds. The fan version has him saying 50 pounds. Man, something got seriously lost in translation!
--> Page 158 - Eroica’s forgery central, including “Eroica” aprons. At first glance, I thought the head forger was a woman, hair in a bun and all. That is, until I noticed the hair on his chest.
--> Page 159 - Dorian sits puzzling over Saleem, wondering if he should extend an olive branch. The little cloud over his head did not look like a random squiggle to me. Under a magnifying glass, it looks like a bug holding a diamond ring. Am I trying to read too much into this?
--> Page 164 - Dorian steals the bunch of bananas right out from under Saleem’s nose. This small act of defiance on Eroica’s part tickles me. As does Dorian later using the bananas as a shield to hide behind in the hotel lobby.
--> Page 166 - Dorian’s pantomime where he gives the butler the bananas is a scream. This time there is no question that the butler knows who he is, and even edits himself from describing the Earl as a “curly haired” gentleman. Also, in the last panel on the page, the Major and the butler’s lines are reversed, which spoil the effect of the Dorian’s gesticulations a bit.
--> Page 168 - Dorian on the street with a Sony Walkman. How very 1980s. And another plug for Japanese electronics. [trivia] The first portable personal stereo audio cassette player was called the “Stereobelt” and was invented by German-Brazilian Andreas Pavel in 1972. [/trivia]
--> Page 170 - The pictogram of Saleem in Dorian’s head amuses me. The mental arithmetic as he subtracts the “flowy” traditional garb.
--> Page 171 - The “Young Shepard” painting. I realize it is next to impossible for the artist to draw the painting exactly the same each time it appears. However, unlike all the other times, the version on this page looks like a dead ringer for Agent Z.
--> Page 174 - Dorian looks at the forged “Young Shepherd” and reflects. There is far less information given in the official version than the fan one, in which we learn: 1) Dorian’s age when he gets the forgery, fourteen. 2) The length of time that has passed since then, ten years. 3) This would make him twenty-four in August of 1981, pinning his birth year down to 1957, as I have always maintained. *So there. ;-P*
CMX: “The fake ‘Young Shepherd’ sent to me so long ago. It’s still so beautiful I couldn’t bear to throw it out. I never imagined it would ever be useful.”
FAN: “The Young Shepherd who stole my heart when I was fourteen. Even though it was a forgery, I couldn’t just throw it away. Ten years ago, I didn’t think it would ever be of any use.”
--> Page 175 - Bonham and John Paul dressed as proper English gents, complete with bowler and browly. *snicker*
--> Page 186 - Saleem makes a victory call to Dorian. Note the hand holding the phone is not his own, but obviously that of a woman.
--> Page 189 - The telephone call from Papa Eberbach. This is the first appearance of the Major’s father in the present. This entire scene tickles me. Who out there cannot relate to the Major’s frustration? However, unlike when he visited Sister Theresa in “Special Vacation Orders,” the Major does not revert to his submissive childhood posture. (Book 6, page 38) Well, he is the designated head of the family, branch of the Hapsburgs and all that, right? The prickly conversation leads me to believe that father and son have very similar personalities. Heaven help the universe should the time come when the author decides to put them physically together in a story. I predict very loud explosions.
--> Page 197 - Again, CMX took the English words that are in the original Japanese text and replaced them-with different text! Dorian does not run off calling back, “One can dream!” He yells, “Good Luck!”
- - - - - - - - - - The Quotes - - - - - - - - - -
James: A pox on that rotten Major! It’s not fair! Why me?! Why didn’t he hit the Earl?! (FAN: I hate him! He’s a jerk! It’s not fair! Why am I the one these things happen to? If he’s going to hit someone, why not the Earl, instead of me?)
*So loyal, isn’t he? Hit the Earl, he deserves it!*
James: (to Dorian) While you’re off gallivanting, I’m in agony! And you brought flowers!
*He’s gearing up to a good whine.*
Dorian: My dear James, a thief must always be ready to flee at a moment’s notice. At the first sign of danger, one turns and runs. It’s the law of thievery. You know that!
James: Then I deserve this for being slow?!
*Sounds good to me!*
Dorian: No, no. The Major is to blame. It is positively unforgivable that he attacked like that. He’s the source of all evil! The cruelty in cruel jokes! He’s why taxes are high and taxis are yellow! Why cheap bananas are always bruised! Everything’s his fault. Really.
*He’s laying it on with a trowel again.*
James: I can’t believe you bought me off with a rotten banana.
*I can. And Dorian’s delighted expression is great.*
Dorian: Can’t you see any way to help me?
Doctor: Please, I have a wife... A child... a girlfriend…
Dorian: No matter. This only concerns you and me... (pause) And, say, 50 pounds a day...?
*Dorian gets all seductive just to keep James in the hospital. ;-D*
Bonham: Earl! You cannae mean...
Dorian: Any price to keep James out of the way.
*Hear, hear!*
Bonham: Phew. I thought...never mind.
Dorian: Bonham! I do have my pride!
Bonham: ‘an the doctor’s ‘opes up, it seems! Be this ethical? (FAN: But that doctor was expecting something. I hope it’s okay.)
*You’re a thief worrying about ethics?*
Bonham: Any job without James or the Major be fine by me.
Dorian: At last, the time has come...for the eternally elegant aristocrat thief to work his craft!
*And…he’s off!*
Klaus: I utterly despise London! Nitwit and Dimwit both live in London. Happily, I gave Skinflint a good thrashing, but Dimwit himself got away.
*Then you should’ve concentrated on him!*
Klaus: Besides, if I tried to sell it in Germany, some idiot might think we Eberbachs are strapped for cash.
*I can see the headlines now. “Iron Klaus Forced Into Prostitution To Make Ends Meet!” Pun very much intended.*
Klaus: Oh? A fan of bloomers, are we? Those pumpkin-shaped pants, exquisite?
*I love the Major’s expression here. And note the background of pumpkins.*
Butler: The Master’s contempt for the Arts is quiet troubling at times. While I realize he detests that glamorous thief... How could he ever sell the “Man In Purple.”?
Dorian: Exactly why I had him confined to bed.
*Please, remove the context along with James!*
Dorian: Then you remember...even after ten years...
Tutor: Of course! Your first job! Don’t forget, I taught you everything you know.
*Well, not everything.*
Dorian: I ached for that painting as a naïve young lad... I was crushed by my failure!
*Awwwww*
Dorian: I’m in your hands, really. (*Can we, please, stop here?*) Never sold a painting before.
*That’s probably true. James usually does it.*
Dorian: Rather shocking security here-like a museum’s. (FAN: I’m impressed. Your security seems as good as a gallery’s.)
*So, is he shocked or impressed?*
Reynolds: Our appraiser has over fifty years of experience... (*How old is this guy? 100?*) While we do use X-ray and computers...his skills mach even advanced tests.
*Because he’s Wizened Man! - sorry*
Dorian: You forget my noble family, sir. Only paintings of considerable historical value interest me. That Rembrandt reflects my family’s illustrious heritage.
*Illustrious? Pardon me while I collapse into giggles.*
Bonham: I be stiff all over. (*ALL over?*) It be very taxin’ dressin’ as nobility! (FAN: Boy, I’m stiff. Sorting through priceless stuff is tiring!)
Dorian: Bonham, some hot pads, please.
Bonham: Yessir!
*Everybody gets excited when the Earl undresses, it seems.*
Lady Gloria: (about Sir Price) That odious man always has young men about! (FAN: He always has young men fawning over him. It’s disgusting!)
Young Dorian: But, isn’t father- (FAN: But, Father also…)
Gloria Women: GLARE!
Dorian: As long as I remember, my father only entertained men. Naturally, I was drawn into this world. (FAN: As far back as I can remember, Father always had a train of male friends. Besides artists, writers, and actors, there were some suspicious types no one knew anything about. I didn’t resist at all. I fitted myself into that atmosphere.)
*Wow. So much more information in the fan version. Might some of these “suspicious types” be the foundation of the Eroica gang?*
Dorian: My three sisters loved to dress me up. They treated me like a doll.
*And, naturally, this is what “made” him gay.*
Dorian: But the younger, handsome men favored me over my sisters...who were hurt, and angry, and jealous.
*The Gloria women are obviously not into slash.*
Papa Gloria: Your quick hands prove you’re a Gloria!
*cough - Note the framed Jolly Roger on the wall behind them.*
Dorian: The painting was worth more to him than our relationship. It was a cold slap of reality. At the same time, my pride burned that Sir Price thought I’d be taken in by a fake. (FAN: I didn’t sleep with him to get a painting like that. I learned of the viciousness of adults, and at the same time, my pride was hurt that he’d think he could take me in with a forgery.)
*CMX reads like Dorian actually expected some kind of relationship, where the fan version has it as a business transaction - sex for the painting.*
Klaus: No! It’s Dimwit! (Curly-haired man turns.) No... Even dimwit’s better looking than that. (FAN: It’s that bastard! No, it’s not... Though I might prefer Eroica’s face to that one...)
*Major! You noticed!*
Lawrence: (behind Klaus) Oh, Major!
Klaus: That contemptible way of talking! I can only be-nitwit! (FAN: That loud voice…It’s another idiot on the scene.)
Lawrence: Agent Lawrence of the SIS, at your service!
*Gad, what a pose!*
Lawrence: Who’s that balding man? (FAN: Who’s the billiard ball?)
Klaus: My butler. And don’t mention his hairline, he’s sensitive.
Lawrence: Does everyone in Bonn go bald like that? (FAN: Are there a lot of billiard balls in Bonn?)
Klaus: Pardon?!
*I guess his butler isn’t the only one who’s sensitive.*
Klaus: Curly haired Londoners give me the creeps. I can barely control my urge to pummel them.
*Is that because you didn’t pummel Dorian when you had the chance?
Klaus: Is all of London out to get me?
*Now...I know he’s paranoid, but this is a bit much.*
Dorian: (silently panicking at England Art) The Major! That can only be the Major! (FAN: It’s honest-to-God the Major!)
Dorian: The Major will convulse if he sees me! That’d destroy all of my plans...! (FAN: He’ll make a huge fuss. He’ll chase after me. And if he does, my whole plan is ruined.
*Finally, the Major interferes in one of Eroica’s operations. Too bad he’s too oblivious to enjoy it.*
Klaus: Who cares about some old bat? Shut it!
Dorian: (laughs quietly)
Klaus: Did you just laugh at me?! (FAN: You bastard! Are you laughing at my ignorance?)
Lawrence: No! I swear!
Klaus: Right! Here’s the painting. It’s yours.
Reynolds: But...but, how much...?
Klaus: About the price of a Leopard tank, but it’s yours free.
Reynolds: Excuse me? (pause) What’s its provenance?
Klaus: Its what? Got me. I just yanked it off my wall.
*This “negotiation” still makes me laugh. So much for the cultural heritage of Germany.*
Butler: Mr. Lawrence...?
Lawrence: Yes?
Butler: That curly haired man. He’s telling us to block the sale. Should I tell the Master?
Lawrence: Best not... He’s already so touchy about curly hair...
Butler: Indeed.
*Panic attack by proxy.*
Klaus: Just chuck it if you don’t want it. I already feel better without it. (FAN: If it’s in the way, you can throw it out. I don’t care.)
*If you don’t care, why don’t you just give it to the Earl and have done with it?*
Dorian: He was close enough to touch... Alas, I could not even pat his manly shoulders… (FAN: I was close enough to touch him. It’s a pity I didn’t just tap him on the shoulder.)
Dorian: Merely reminded of a recent “Polar Bear In Red,” by Mischa.
Reynolds: Mischa...?
Dorian: From the Russian school.
*Heh.*
Dorian: Why would he sell such an important family heirloom? Have the Eberbachs fallen on hard times?
*Please note, this is exactly what the Major said people would think if he sold the painting in Germany! (Page 108)*
Dorian: I must send the Major a positive flurry of kisses. (FAN: I’d like to give the Major a shower of kisses.)
Dorian: A love affair which will finally be consummated...
*Please, remove context!*
Saleem: Your beloved is very attractive. Perhaps I’m in love myself.
*Please, do not remove context.*
Dorian: It’s a veritable bomb shelter. Even in a nuclear war, these masterpieces would survive.
*Along with the cockroaches.*
Dorian: It’s too perfect!
*If you were the Major, you’d have alarm bells going off about now.*
Bonham: This job be so much easier this time. No tightwad, and no Major!
Butler: To think of throwing out such a valuable heirloom! Your father would never- (FAN: It’s a priceless heirloom of generations past, and you just throw it away. If your father knew, think how distressed he’d be...)
Klaus: Don’t even think of ratting me out! (FAN: You’re not going to tell my father.)
Butler: No, of course not. (FAN: Sir, That’s going too far.)
Klaus: That’s a bloody red Mercedes! A Mercedes Benz, the dignified symbol of German engineering painted red?! Red?! Who is that blithering idiot? (. . .) Go drive a gas-guzzling yank boat, you crass zillionaire! I should run him over!
*As amusing as this is, I’m surprised Major Politically Incorrect von dem Eberbach doesn’t call Saleem a “towel head” or “camel jockey.” He’s probably one of the only people who can get away with it.*
Lawrence: He heard you! Look at him glare!
*Christ, Lawrence, you’re in a car with a man whose glare can melt iron!*
Klaus: Curly hair! Red Mercedes! Oil money! I detest London! (FAN: I hate long hair. I hate oil sheiks. I had red Benzes. And most of all, I hate London.)
*Get to the short list, Major. Do you actually like anything?*
Saleem: His resemblance to the man in the painting is striking at first. But upon closer look, the likeness ends. That hooligan had the same features, but none of the class and breeding of the “Man in Purple.”
*has giggle fit - Wasn’t it the Major who accused Detective Casket of having no class or breeding?*
Saleem: He [Dorian] wants the “Man,” too.
*Yeah. And the painting as well. ;-D*
Bakchial Sr: Earl, how are you?
Bakchial Jr: Father, do get off the phone. (FAN: Hurry up, Papa.)
Bakchial Sr: You’re one to talk. (to Dorian) We told that upstart that we adored you! (Fan: Ye, but you were talking forever. I’ve been telling that Saabah kid all about you.
Dorian: Oh... Er... Lovely. (FAN: Ohh-thanks.)
Bakchial Sr: Do come visit us again. (FAN: Come and see us sometimes.)
Dorian: Yes, yes, soon...
*He’ll be on the next plane out!*
John Paul: That art dealer is a rotten crook.
*And you lot aren’t?*
Dorian: Did I walk into a harem?! (FAN: Is this some kind of cabaret club?)
*Nah, I think it’s a harem.*
Dorian: If only they were beautiful men...
Saleem: You’re sick.
Dorian: Am I? I’m surprised you’re not dead, with so many women to please.
*Ever heard of Viagra? Whoops, wrong decade.*
Dorian: Bakchial’s father is a bit...excitable.
Dorian: I steal for fun. Theft is an irresistible thrill! (FAN: Stealing is a hobby for me. I do it for the thrills and the danger.)
Saleem: You have strange tastes. (FAN: You’ve got a strange personality.)
Dorian: He reminds me of a certain someone... Blunt, and utterly devoid of passion. (FAN: Talking to him reminds me of someone else. He makes sense, but he hasn’t an ounce of romance in him.)
*Wrong in both translations, Dorian. The Major is full of passion and romance, you just don’t see it.*
Dorian: He [Saleem] should meet James. They both adore money. (FAN: Maybe I should introduce him to James. They both love money. They’ve got that in common.)
*And that’s about all...*
Dorian: Is that butler psychic?!
*Maybe the Major transferred his powers to him. ;-D*
Klaus: (checks bananas) Security, check out these bananas. They could be poisoned-or rigged to explode.
*Explode? Because of all that potassium?*
Dorian: He’s freaking out over bananas…? Good thing he didn’t see me. I think it best I avoid this hotel in the future.
Dorian: (about Saleem) He spends time like money.
*I like this analogy.*
Dorian: I told you to look inconspicuous.
Saleem: Oh, am I conspicuous?
Dorian: Well, it is less...flowy than your traditional garb…
*And damned sexy, too. Although, I much prefer that outfit on the Major.*
Dorian: A normal man could never handle that powerful machine. *cough*
Saleem: I had it custom made in Japan.
*[sings] Kawasaki lets the good times roll...*
Dorian: (thinks) A man of wealth, power…and pride. Wound his pride, and heaven help you...
*Yeah, he is just like the Major. Only calmer…and less abrasive.*
Dorian: It’s my proposal. You may dicker if you like.
*Not touching that.*
Saleem: Before we begin, you must swear to Allah that you will not swindle me.
Dorian: I don’t believe in God.
*You mean you’re an atheist as opposed to just ‘not being religious”?*
Dorian: Attractive as you are in your robes, this look suits you much better. You definitely look much sexier.
Saleem: You’re dreaming. (FAN: You’re sick.)
*That’s what he excels at!*
Dorian: He deserves a good smack with a rock. (FAN: I should hit that guy with a rock or something.)
*Maybe you should introduce him to the Major. I’m sure he’ll be delighted to do that for you.*
Dorian: No matter. Just think of him as a giant wad of cash.
*Note the tear falling in the shape of a James-like patch.*
Dorian: Can I count on you?
Bonham: Aye, leave it to me. (to the others) Let’s get to work! It’s so much easier without James around!
James: Humph. You wish.
*Fourth wall, anyone?*
Eroica member: Tsk tisk. Guards caught off guard.
Reynolds: He’s topped it.
*No comment necessary.*
BBC Reporter: Mr. Sabaah, you must be so pleased to acquire the entire Price collection.
Saleem: Not really.
BBC Reporter: And your thoughts on your erstwhile rival, the Earl? (FAN: Lord Gloria fought to the very end. What do you think of him?)
Saleem: Men don’t interest me much. (FAN: I’ve no interest in men.)
Male Spectator: Wealth. Prestige. Babes. Youth. I’d kill to be him.
Female Spectator: I’d kill to be his mistress.
BBC Reporter: Bad Luck, Earl. Any comments? (FAN: Lord Gloria, it’s too bad. How do you feel?)
Dorian: (in tears) The English Empire has been ransacked by Sabaah! I’ve failed England! Excuse me... ~SOB~ (FAN: British honor has been trampled by an Arab. I feel I must apologize to her Majesty. Excuse me...)
*Give him an Emmy!*
Male Spectator: A true English blue-blood! Or a sad relic...
Male Spectator: I’d kill to be his lover.
*It’s an old joke, but it still works. - snicker*
Dorian: Was I convincing?
John Paul: Embarrassingly so.
*I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that the Major never catches wind of this news flash.*
Klaus: Despite the fog, this is a brilliant day! (FAN: It’s foggy outside-but there’s sun in my heart!
*Dear Lord, he’s happy and waxing poetic. Everybody, take cover!*
Operator: Mr. Eberbach, a call from Switzerland.
Papa Eberbach: Klaus? It is I. *This grammar is fingernails on a blackboard* (FAN: Hey-That Klaus? It’s me.)
Klaus: (thinks) Who? I need more than “I...” You pompous geezer. (FAN: Some old man-pretty damned casual. I don’t know someone named “Me.”)
(Realization dawns in a big way!)
Klaus: Ah! Good morning, Father! Klaus speaking! How did you find me, sir?
*Note the Major is now standing at attention.*
Papa Eberbach: Are you suggesting that I’m old? (FAN: You treating me like an old man?)
Klaus: (thinks) Yes, you’re a bloody relic! (FAN: Damn right I am-because you are.)
Papa Eberbach: Are you trying to hide something from me, Klaus?
Klaus: No, of course n- (FAN: Well, I’m just kinda...)
Papa Eberbach: Stop slouching! Stand up straight! (FAN: You’re a grown man! Why’re you talking like that?)
Klaus: Sorry, sir! I’m so busy, I won’t be able to entertain you properly! (thinks) Get bent, you cantankerous old goat!
*How can anyone think the Major is terrified of his father after this?*
Papa Eberbach: It’s not you I want to see, clod, it’s the castle!
*Did you teach your son how to curse as well as fight?*
Papa Eberbach: Klaus Heinz von dem Eberbach! Are you doing anything I might not approve...?! (*You’re in for it now, Major. He used your full name.*)
Klaus: Not me, sir! I’m a paragon of virtue! (FAN: I’m always completely upright and honest!)
*falls off chair laughing.
Klaus: That bald tattletale finked on me! The old man will go ballistic if he finds I’ve sold that painting… He adores “Pumpkin Boy.” Tyrant! Why can’t he retire to Switzerland and write his memoirs?!
*Note the background of pumpkins.*
Reynolds: Ah, Mr. Eberbach. What a pleasure.
*Liar, liar, pants on fire!*
Reynolds: He’s the snappiest customer. Hop to it! (FAN: It’s that short-tempered German. Get it done quickly.)
*That’s our Major. Always makes a lasting impression.*
Reynolds: I’m afraid I’m in a rush. There’s a very impatient German waiting.
Bonham: Earl, we can’t find it! It isn’t here!
Dorian: Impossible! It was there when… (Realization dawns in a big way!) Very impatient-German?!
Klaus: This had better actually be Pumpkin Boy.
*Such a connoisseur of the arts.*
Dorian: Major! (Watches as the Mercedes roars off)
*So near and yet so far. Which pretty much sums up this manga, actually*
Dorian: So close-and there it goes back to Germany!
Saleem: Stolen from the thief!
*Pretty ironic, isn’t it?*
Dorian: Ah, well. Half the Price collection is a worthy haul.
Saleem: Just half? Does that truly satisfy you?
*No comment*
Saleem: You… You thief!
*Now there’s a news flash.*
Saleem: The Police will fix you!
Dorian: I doubt it! I’m a very lucky boy! (FAN: No way. I’m off. I have the devil’s own luck.)
Dorian: The Giorgione, my very first love, is mine at last! Alas, the other prize is again beyond my reach. So, who did get the last laugh? The Major, an unknowing foil? Or was it… (FAN: I’ve got my first love, just the way I planned-but I’m back to square one with my other heart’s desire. The one who gets the last laugh is probably the Major-who doesn’t know a thing.)
*Too bad. I’m sure he’d appreciate the irony.*
Klaus: This bloody painting is a curse! Eroica has to have it. The butler’s always blubbing about it. My old man has to visit it. (opens wrapping) What’re you so smug for? You were well out of it. Having a good giggle at my expense? (FAN: Thanks to that painting, life is really a pain. Eroica trails me; my butler howls at me...and finally, my father comes all the way from Switzerland. [opens wrapping] He doesn’t care about the fuss, with that conceited face... You- Bet you think we’re really funny, huh?)
Dorian: The “Man in Purple”... He must be laughing at us all...
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END SIDE STORY TWO
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NOTE: These are all being saved to the community's memories to make it easier to locate any one particular story.
Next - Story 11 - Seven Days In September - Part 1