Trade Mistakes 4a/?
And now we ride the aftermath and see how Thad and Sebastian are dealing with their issues
*cough not very well cough cough*
"Okay." Jeff began. "So, you see, first you take the cards and you shuffle them according to whether or not they're a murderer, weapon, or room."
"Is this really an appropriate game to play, under the circumstances?"
Jeff glared at Trent and made a point of shuffling the ClueDo cards with venom. Thad rolled his eyes and chuckled.
"No-one died so it's the perfect time for this game." Jeff huffed pointedly. Thad's phone went off and Jeff glared at him. "Is everything out to get me today? I just want to play a board game!"
"Not the centre of the universe, Jeff." Thad chastised as he pulled his phone out.
"Should be." Jeff grumbled and looked at Thad again, an eyebrow raised. "What's wrong?"
Thad blinked down at the contact on his phone. He pressed the accept button without even hearing Jeff's question.
"Blaine?" Thad breathed, causing the other boys to gasp. A feminine huff on the other end of the line told him otherwise, though.
"No, it's Urzy."
Thad relaxed slightly.
"Oh, hey Urzy." He smiled and rubbed his eyes. He heard Trent breathe a sigh of relief. "What's up?"
"Blaine's going into surgery today." She said shortly. Thad felt his mouth drop open but she barrelled on without waiting for a response. "But that's not why I called. I called because I want to know how you're doing."
Thad blinked in shock and his mouth flapped for a second.
"Well, we're fine. You know, uh, we're still in shock a bit but-"
"No." Urzy chastised, and he could tell she was rolling her eyes. "I didn't mean how the Warblers were going. I meant how are you going. You. On your own. As a person."
"Oh." Thad stood slowly. Nick mouthed 'What is it?' at him and Jeff just looked puzzled. Trent had raised both eyebrows in askance. "I'm fine, I guess. The New Directions are nice enough, but Blaine is… Well, I'm not expecting Blaine to talk to us for a while."
"Still not answering my question." Urzy sing-songed. Thad huffed and crossed one arm across his chest. "Okay, how are you feeling? Happy, sad, angry, or other?"
"Um… Other?"
"Okay, if other please describe."
"Urzy this is really-"
"Please describe." Urzy said in the sort of tone that told Thad she was not fucking around, and if she didn't get a proper answer she would bring the full force of Hell down upon him.
….
How the fuck was a nine year old capable of that tone?
"Okay, well, um..." Thad searched for an answer because having this particular Anderson mad at him was not something he really wanted to bring onto himself. "I'm not angry, because what's the point? Really, um, everyone's angry at Sebastian, so why should I waste my efforts doing something everyone else is doing? I mean, if I see him I get a bit pissed off but I'm not going out of my way to be cross."
"Continue." She coaxed.
"And well, I'm not happy because I can't really be happy, can I? I can enjoy a situation, yeah, but happy kind of implies that I'm still not concerned over Blaine or I'm not concerned with how the New Directions feel about us and all that."
"Uh-huh."
"And I'm not sad because… Well… I'm just... Not."
"So what do you feel then?"
"I feel, um…. I feel….." He looked around the room. Trent, Jeff and Nick were still looking up at him, but not as confused. They'd probably worked out what she was talking to him about. "I feel… Concerned, yet content. Yeah." He smiled, mentally crossing his fingers in the hope that he'd picked the right answer. "Concerned yet content."
"Hmm." Urzy hummed, and Thad imagined her in an egg shaped swivel chair stroking a fluffy white cat.
…
Again, how the fuck?
"Okay." Urzy said finally, probably adjusting her monocle, if Thad's brain was anywhere near correct (which it really probably wasn't). "Okay, thank you for talking Thad."
"Thank you for… Calling me?" Thad shook his head slightly. This really did have to be one of the more random calls he'd ever gotten. "I hope Blaine's surgery goes well."
"Oh it should."
In his brain, Thad added the "If it doesn't those doctor's won't live to say that they're sorry."
"Okay, well, goodbye Urzy."
"Goodbye Thad. Say 'Hi' to the other Warblers for me! Except Sebastian. He doesn't deserve it."
And then she hung up.
Thad stared at his phone for a second, still confused over what had just happened, when Jeff cleared his throat slightly.
"What was that about?" He asked and Nick rolled his eyes slightly.
Okay, so only two of them had worked out why Urzy was calling him.
"Urzy just wanted to know how I was doing." Thad explained as he sat down again, pocketing his phone. "She says 'Hi', by the way."
"Hi!" Jeff replied as he resumed shuffling the cards. Trent raised an eyebrow at him and Thad just blinked.
"...Yeah." Thad rested his elbows on his crossed knees and leant forward slightly, looking at the board. "She also says that Blaine's surgery is today."
"Hm." Nick nodded slightly. "We gathered. Poor guy, must be terrified."
"Nah, its Blaine." Jeff countered. "Even if his iron resolve has failed him, Urzy won't let him be scared. She's scary like that."
Jeff paused slightly as he worked through what he had just said, and Thad felt like laughing because his expression really was quite priceless. Eventually, Jeff's eyebrows pulled down and he frowned.
"Well." Jeff concluded as he began dealing the cards. "Buggered that up, didn't I?"
TMTMTMTM
Kurt kept them updated on Blaine's progress.
And he always managed to do it during Warbler rehearsal.
The updates were decidedly awkward. Sebastian would close himself off and just stare at nothing while they happened, and Thad wouldn't look at him.
The Warblers had not forgiven Sebastian, per say, they just… They knew that not talking to him, not keeping him included, was bullying. And they'd had enough of that sort of thing as of late.
But it had also hit the point where even Sebastian was pissed off at the lack of teacher interference. Headmaster Collins had done nothing. Neither had any of the teachers. Sebastian had gone so far as to ask Mr. Harvey, their music teacher, if he'd received any calls from McKinley.
Nothing.
But at least Kurt kept them updated. Maybe that was why Sebastian hadn't made a bigger deal out of the whole thing.
The calls were punishment enough.
...
He's gone into surgery today. We'll know how it went in a few hours.
...
Surgery went fine, but he still needs the eye-patch and is on constant bed rest.
...
He's healing up fine, but we don't expect him to be able to use his eye properly for at least a few days.
...
He's a bit depressed, he's missing out on meeting this new Spanish friend of Mr. Schue's, who's a total Ricky Martin look alike. Don't need to tell you how much of a hottie he is then, do I?
...
Slight complication. Nothing too bad he just needs a new eye-drop prescription. It'll just keep him out of school a few days longer than initially planned. It really just means I won't see him on Valentine's Day, is all.
...
After that call Sebastian looked particularly sour.
Thad couldn't blame him.
TMTMTMTM
Thad's not even sure how she got into Dalton.
All he knows is that the day after Kurt had told them that Blaine would be missing Valentine's, there was an awful lot of effeminate screaming in the hallway.
"YOU!"
Thad looked up from his sheet music towards the door. He could make out Sebastian's shoulder, turned towards the voice. A few of the Warblers who'd already arrived also turned in confusion.
"Lemme at him!" The voice screamed, and with a slight sinking feeling in his stomach Thad recognised the voice. "You rat-bastard! I'll skin you alive and feed you to a bear I will! LEMME AT HIM!"
Thad stood and raced out the door, the other Warbler's following.
He felt the colour drain from his face when he saw Urzy.
She looked like a frilly, white-blue animal. Her hair was falling in her face and she was getting held back by both Nick and Jeff, who were visibly struggling against her. Her blue eyes glinted with blood-lust.
Which looked really fucking weird on a nine year old.
"Who let Urzy in?" Thad thundered. "Jeff?"
"Wasn't me!" Jeff defended, grabbing at a small flailing arm and trying to avoid getting his blazer ripped. "She just turned up and went after Sebastian!"
"I'M GOING TO EAT HIS FACE AND TURN HIS HAIR INTO A HAT NOW LET ME GO!"
"As if we would." Nick grumbled, one hand wrapped around both her ankles. Thad turned to Sebastian and crossed his arms.
"Do you have anything to say for yourself?"
Sebastian blinked at him, obviously not understanding anything that was going on. His eyes flickered over to Urzy.
"Who is she?" Sebastian pointed at the wriggling ball of pent up anger and she snarled.
"BASTARD DON'T YOU POINT THAT FINGER AT ME I WILL RIP IT OFF AND MAKE IT INTO A NECKLACE!"
"That's Urzulla." Thad replied curtly, crossing his arms so he could look more imposing when he told Sebastian how much shit he was in. "Blaine's little sister."
Sebastian's expression just screamed: Oh fuck.
"She's Blaine's..." Sebastian was wide-eyed and a small part of Thad felt bad for him. "Woah shit."
"IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD YOU RAT-SKUNK!" She screamed, causing Sebastian to jump. "WHEN I GET MY LASER VISION YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HIT YOU!"
"Alternate universe?" Sebastian asked Thad, dumbfounded. "Laser vision? Rat-skunk?"
"She's intelligent for a nine year old. And bitchy." Trent shrugged, as if that explained everything Urzy was unleashing upon the corridors of Dalton. Trent looked over at Thad. "May I suggest that we not have Warbler rehearsal today, and instead have Sebastian go hide somewhere where she can't get him?"
"I second that." Sebastian raised his hand to show his readiness to leave. "Normally I'd be ashamed that I was hiding from a little girl, but that one is quite terrifying."
"You're telling me." Flint stepped forward and gave Urzy a precursory once over before coming to the conclusion that she was indeed the embodiment of pure evil. "C'mon. Jamie, George and I will stay with you in case she breaks free and finds you. You'll need back-up if she does."
"Fantastic." Sebastian smiled and began walking away with the three other boys.
This just enraged Urzy further.
"GET BACK HERE!" She bellowed, doubling her efforts to escape. "YOU SLUT-PIG! I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL BURN YOUR FACE! I WILL FEED YOU TO A FREAKING DEMON! I WILL SEND YOU TO PERDITION AND NO ANGEL WILL BE ABLE TO RAISE YOU FROM THERE YOU TWO-BIT STRIP OF BITCH-LING!"
"Where did you learn all these words!" Jeff asked, completely aghast. Sebastian just left the vicinity as quickly as he could.
The second he was out of sight Urzy flopped, all the fight gone from her. Jeff and Nick gingerly put her down, and she flumped onto the floor in an overly dramatic display of depression, her pale face now squished against the floor. The Warblers walked forward and surrounded her, expressions of confusion and barely concealed humour on their faces.
"Urzulla." Thad said sternly. She opened a blue eye and stared at him without moving the rest of her body. "What was all that about?"
"The rat-skunk is messing with my Klaine." She grumbled. Trent bit his lip to stop from laughing.
"Can you stop calling Sebastian a rat-skunk?" Thad asked. "And what's a Klaine?"
"Oh, it's Kurt and Blaine's pairing name." Jeff supplied. "Urzy and I came up with it months ago."
"Of course you did." Thad sighed. "Right, well, how did you get here? I know Blaine wouldn't have dropped you off."
"My school had a free day." She explained, voice oddly nasal because her nose was smooshed against the floor. "Turns out your Latin teacher drives past my house to get here. So I told him I wanted to visit and he gave me a lift."
"Damnit Mr. Abercrombie." Nick mumbled, eyes sky-ward. "You never give a student a lift, but a homicidal nine year old? Oh, no problem."
"And then I saw Sebastian." She said the name with venom, and once again Thad thought of her in an egg chair with a monocle and a cat. "And I just… Kinda… Snapped?"
"And why did you snap?"
"Isn't it freaking obvious?" She asked, turning her head to the side so she could properly glare at Thad for asking such a silly question. "He put my brother in hospital and now he and Kurt can't spend Valentine's Day together! He should count himself lucky that Nick and Jeff were strong enough to hold me back. Although they might not be able to next time."
"Okay, look, there will be no next time." Thad chastised. Urzy's face fell.
"But I want there to be!" She cried, pushing up onto her elbows. "I wanna… I wanna..."
"You wanna do something that will get you banned from coming here again." Thad asserted. Urzy closed her mouth and looked forlorn. "Headmaster Collins would not tolerate that."
"I don't know, he's tolerating a lot." Jacob piped up. "I mean, we haven't gotten told off at all for any of what's happened."
"Wait, what?" Urzy sat up fully and stared at them. "No-one's talked to you?"
They nodded.
"But Mr. Schue lodged a formal complaint! He mentioned names and everything! Has nothing really happened?"
They nodded again.
Urzy stared around her in disbelief.
"That is just not acceptable." She concluded.
And Thad secretly agreed.
TMTMTMTM
The days leading up to Valentine's were the worst.
Sebastian alternating between sulking like a child and raging at things. Apparently he'd become quite deadly on the lacrosse court and had been found tearing up homework sheets. But Thad had also heard that he'd been heard crying.
He needed help.
Thad pulled Sebastian aside after Warblers the day before Valentine's.
"You need help." Thad said seriously. Sebastian blinked at him. "You're having more mood swings than normal, and you're not coping with anything. Get someone to help you."
Thad was about to walk away when Sebastian grabbed his arm.
"Why don't you help me?" Sebastian asked quietly. Thad gaped for a second.
"I haven't forgiven you yet." Thad said shortly. He pulled his arm out of Sebastian's grasp. "Maybe when you're not so bipolar I can think about it."
"I'm bipolar?" Sebastian asked, incredulous. "Isn't that a case of the pot calling the kettle black?"
"And what do you mean by that?" Thad crossed his arms.
"I'm just saying, some of the things that come out of your mouth don't always correspond with a healthy state of mind." Sebastian countered coldly. Thad sucked in a breath through his nose.
"Some of the things that come out of your mouth don't always correspond with having a mind at all."
"Oh, how clever Thaddeus." Sebastian clapped sarcastically. "I feel thoroughly chastised now. I'll go re-evaluate my life because your barb was just so enlightening."
"Go crawl under a rock Smythe."
"How eloquent. You'll be the next Dickens."
"Oh, sarcastic remarks, how original."
"You say, while being sarcastic. Hypocrite."
"Well isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?" Thad mocked.
"Hypocrite? Tell me how I'm the hypocritical one?" Sebastian faked interest.
Thad took it as an invitation.
"Where do I begin?" Thad started, looking up to the ceiling. "You said you wouldn't go after Blaine, for one."
"Oh, and you would have held back if you had the option?" Sebastian asked, incredulous. "Tell me Thad, if you had one ounce of gumption in you, wouldn't you go after Blaine any chance you got?"
"I do have gumption!" Thad countered hotly. "And besides, I love Blaine. You just want in his pants. If you had any gumption, you'd go after Sam."
Sebastian's face turned steely.
"That's different." Sebastian crossed his arms. "I can't have Sam."
"And I can't have Blaine!" Thad groaned and turned. He was starting to get a headache. "I can't talk to you. You always make me sound like some idiotic two year old. You're impossible."
"I'm impossible!" Sebastian scoffed. "Yeah, because I'm the one who makes every conversation about sex or Blaine. I'm the one who made an argument out of a simple statement of fact. I'm the one who-"
"So I'm not perfect! Big whoop!" Thad turned back around and couldn't help but raise his voice slightly. "I never said I was! I know that I'm far from perfect! I'm the anti-perfect! I'm a big fucking mess, but at least I admit it!"
Sebastian cocked his head to the side, the anger sliding off his face. Thad glared at him.
"You're not the anti-perfect." Sebastian said quietly. "You're not a mess, Thad."
"Yes I am." Thad couldn't believe what he was hearing. He was a mess. He knew it. Everyone knew it. "I'm a great big mess of fucked up emotions and conflict, so don't you tell me otherwise."
"Thad-"
"I'm tired of the lying!" Thad cut across, throwing his hands up. "All you do, all you say, is a lie. I can't believe a word that comes out of your mouth, and I most certainly will not believe you when you tell me I'm actually okay, because I know I'm not. That just makes you an even bigger liar and… And… And I hate liars!"
"Then why are you lying to yourself?" Sebastian snapped. Thad froze.
They were silent then, both glaring.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Thad said tightly before turning on his heel and walking out. "I can't talk to you."
"Thad-"
"I can't talk to you!"
TMTMTMTM
"I used to think you were lying."
Thad turned and saw Sebastian leaning on the door frame with forced casualness. Thad turned back without putting the violin down.
"About what?" Thad asked bitterly, recommencing his playing at a quieter volume.
"About being able to play that thing." Sebastian replied. Thad could only assume he meant the violin. "You used to always bitch about how we weren't accommodating of your violin capabilities in middle school. I used to think that you just said that so you could have an excuse for not playing anything." Sebastian paused. "I guess I was wrong."
"Yeah." Thad replied. "You seem to do that a lot."
There was a tense pause.
"I didn't come here to fight." Sebastian said quietly. Thad turned again, glaring at the taller boy, who was staring at the corner of the door frame.
"Then why did you come here?" Thad asked, stopping his playing. "I haven't forgiven you, you know."
"I never said I wanted you to." Sebastian crossed his arms tightly. "Remember? I never wanted forgiveness. I just..."
"Didn't want me to hate you." Thad finished. He looked at the ground and sighed, gently tossing his violin onto the couch. "Yeah, I remember that." Thad followed his violin's path and sat down. "Why?"
"Hm?" Sebastian looked over at him.
Thad hadn't noticed how dark the shadows under his eyes had become.
"Why me?" Thad asked, fingers knotting together nervously. "Why don't you want me to hate you?"
Sebastian shrugged slightly and moved his hands into his pockets. Carefully, still with forced casualness, he meandered into the room.
"I guess it's just… I like you." Sebastian shrugged again, not looking at Thad. "As a friend, as a fuck buddy, as a person. It's just… When I think about you hating me, wanting me to die, thinking of me with malice in your heart, it just… Hurts me. It hurts a lot more than when I think about the others hating me. I don't even know why."
Sebastian looked at Thad from under his lashes. Thad blinked when he realised the silent question in the look.
Can I sit next to you?
Thad nodded and shifted over slightly and Sebastian sat down.
"Look," Sebastian ploughed on. "I know you haven't forgiven me. I'm not sure you ever will. But can you just… Not hate me? Even a little bit?"
"I don't hate you that much." Thad said quietly. Sebastian smiled. "It's just… Sometimes you are a great big bag of dicks."
"I know." Sebastian rubbed his eyes and leant back. "Look I just… All I really want is for you to come back."
"What do you-?"
"Come back to the dorm." Sebastian peeked at Thad through his fingers, waiting for his reaction. Thad just blinked in shock. "Please? I miss you."
"We keep fighting." Thad pointed out. Sebastian sat forward, removing his hands from his face.
"We used to fight all the time! Admittedly, we fight over more serious things now, but I just… I want to fix this. I want to fix us."
"Is there an 'us' anymore?" Thad asked, not even sure what his emotions were doing anymore.
On the one hand, he really didn't want to go back into the dorm with Sebastian. Back to the fighting and the confusion and the lies and everything that was toxic about a relationship. He didn't want to go back.
But on the other hand…
He really kind of did.
"Well, I don't know." Sebastian admitted, knotting his fingers together. It still weirded Thad out that Sebastian could be nervous. "It's all your decision. I'm okay with anything, as long as you come back."
"You are desperate, aren't you?" Thad joked, blushing awkwardly. Sebastian smiled but said nothing. "I um… I need to think."
"That's cool." Sebastian nodded and continued smiling, though his eyes weren't in it anymore. "You take all the time you want. I'm willing to wait for you. No matter what."
Thad licked his lips and nodded as well.
TMTMTMTM
This was all too familiar.
The last time this sort of thing had happened, after West Side Story, Thad had just accepted Sebastian's apology and continued as normal. He'd ignored his instincts to try and keep himself happy.
Look where that had gotten him.
So now he recognises the signs. He can feel the too perfect promises pressing against his skin, and as much as he wants to run back to the dorm and pretend that one day the promises may come true, he can't afford to go down that path again. Lord knows he'd barely gotten away unscathed last time around. He was still stumbling back from that dark point, still having days where he debated how much he actually valued his own life. He'd barely healed, and running off for a second time with the boy who'd broken him could prove disastrous on so many levels. He needed to take a step back and wait. He had to pull it back and really work out how he felt, how Sebastian felt, and how much he was willing to lay on the line the second time around.
God, this was so much easier when they started.
Why couldn't it be that simple again?
TMTMTMTM
"Happy Valentine's!" Trent beamed as he plopped into his seat at morning rehearsals. "What a beautiful day, isn't it a beautiful day? I think it's a beautiful day."
Sebastian just glared at him slightly.
"And why is it a beautiful day?" George asked pointedly. Trent seemed to be the only chipper one. The rest of them had been slowly dreading this day, knowing that one of the best couples they knew wasn't spending the day together because of them. Kurt was kind enough to pretend it didn't bother him.
Blaine wouldn't talk to any of them.
At all.
Ever.
"It is a beautiful day," Trent smiled, pulling his phone out of his blazer. "For two reasons. One, guess who's got a date tonight?"
"George Clooney?" Jeremy replied dryly. Trent stuck his tongue out at him.
"Well, probably, but also one Trent Nixon!" Trent held out his phone, a picture of a young man in a hat smiling out of the screen. "He's adorable and taking me out for Chinese tonight because Breadstix, now known as the Sugar Shack, is being rented out for a big ass McKinley party. Which brings me to point two." He flicked to another picture on his phone, a different smiling boy on the screen, but this one caused a much bigger reaction. "Urzy texted and said that Blaine's eye is going to be fine, and he'll make it to said big ass party, and he and Kurt will be happy forever and ever. The end." Trent put his phone away and smiled at the stunned faces around him. "Well? Is the bearer of good news going to get praise or what?"
TMTMTMTM
"So."
Thad turned and saw Sebastian leaning against the door frame again. Thad put his pen down.
"So." Thad copied.
"Blaine's okay." Sebastian said casually, eyes raking the side of the door frame. "Guess that means forgiveness is on the horizon. For you guys, at least."
"Seb..."
"I've accepted it." Sebastian shrugged, arms crossed. "Hell, I'm still grateful for you guys. Even if you haven't forgiven me you're talking to me. That's something. I don't expect Blaine to even look at me in the future. You, on the other hand," Sebastian glanced at him. "You'll probably be back on speaking terms in a month."
"Maybe I don't want to be."
Sebastian started and gaped at him. Thad bit his lip and began playing with a scrunched up piece of paper on his desk.
"Huh?" Was Sebastian's eloquent reply. Thad gulped.
"I… I just think, maybe it'll be easier for me to get over Blaine if he hates me. It hurts like all fuck, but maybe then I can train myself out of it."
"Love isn't training." Sebastian countered.
"Oh what do you know?" Thad sniped. Sebastian froze slightly before clenching his fists.
"I know that you can't force yourself to forget someone." Sebastian pressed. "I know that you can't make yourself fall out of love. You can't stop it by convincing yourself they hate you or lying to yourself or anything else you think might work. You fall in love and then… That's it. It lasts whether you want it to or not, that's it."
"But I don't want that to be it!" Thad exclaimed before flumping forward, his head in his hands. He sighed. "I'm sorry. About what I said. Sometimes I forget that you love Sam."
"Yeah." Sebastian agreed, but his tone was strange. Thad couldn't pin down what was different, but it made his stomach flip. "Yeah… Sam."
*cough not very well cough cough*
"Okay." Jeff began. "So, you see, first you take the cards and you shuffle them according to whether or not they're a murderer, weapon, or room."
"Is this really an appropriate game to play, under the circumstances?"
Jeff glared at Trent and made a point of shuffling the ClueDo cards with venom. Thad rolled his eyes and chuckled.
"No-one died so it's the perfect time for this game." Jeff huffed pointedly. Thad's phone went off and Jeff glared at him. "Is everything out to get me today? I just want to play a board game!"
"Not the centre of the universe, Jeff." Thad chastised as he pulled his phone out.
"Should be." Jeff grumbled and looked at Thad again, an eyebrow raised. "What's wrong?"
Thad blinked down at the contact on his phone. He pressed the accept button without even hearing Jeff's question.
"Blaine?" Thad breathed, causing the other boys to gasp. A feminine huff on the other end of the line told him otherwise, though.
"No, it's Urzy."
Thad relaxed slightly.
"Oh, hey Urzy." He smiled and rubbed his eyes. He heard Trent breathe a sigh of relief. "What's up?"
"Blaine's going into surgery today." She said shortly. Thad felt his mouth drop open but she barrelled on without waiting for a response. "But that's not why I called. I called because I want to know how you're doing."
Thad blinked in shock and his mouth flapped for a second.
"Well, we're fine. You know, uh, we're still in shock a bit but-"
"No." Urzy chastised, and he could tell she was rolling her eyes. "I didn't mean how the Warblers were going. I meant how are you going. You. On your own. As a person."
"Oh." Thad stood slowly. Nick mouthed 'What is it?' at him and Jeff just looked puzzled. Trent had raised both eyebrows in askance. "I'm fine, I guess. The New Directions are nice enough, but Blaine is… Well, I'm not expecting Blaine to talk to us for a while."
"Still not answering my question." Urzy sing-songed. Thad huffed and crossed one arm across his chest. "Okay, how are you feeling? Happy, sad, angry, or other?"
"Um… Other?"
"Okay, if other please describe."
"Urzy this is really-"
"Please describe." Urzy said in the sort of tone that told Thad she was not fucking around, and if she didn't get a proper answer she would bring the full force of Hell down upon him.
….
How the fuck was a nine year old capable of that tone?
"Okay, well, um..." Thad searched for an answer because having this particular Anderson mad at him was not something he really wanted to bring onto himself. "I'm not angry, because what's the point? Really, um, everyone's angry at Sebastian, so why should I waste my efforts doing something everyone else is doing? I mean, if I see him I get a bit pissed off but I'm not going out of my way to be cross."
"Continue." She coaxed.
"And well, I'm not happy because I can't really be happy, can I? I can enjoy a situation, yeah, but happy kind of implies that I'm still not concerned over Blaine or I'm not concerned with how the New Directions feel about us and all that."
"Uh-huh."
"And I'm not sad because… Well… I'm just... Not."
"So what do you feel then?"
"I feel, um…. I feel….." He looked around the room. Trent, Jeff and Nick were still looking up at him, but not as confused. They'd probably worked out what she was talking to him about. "I feel… Concerned, yet content. Yeah." He smiled, mentally crossing his fingers in the hope that he'd picked the right answer. "Concerned yet content."
"Hmm." Urzy hummed, and Thad imagined her in an egg shaped swivel chair stroking a fluffy white cat.
…
Again, how the fuck?
"Okay." Urzy said finally, probably adjusting her monocle, if Thad's brain was anywhere near correct (which it really probably wasn't). "Okay, thank you for talking Thad."
"Thank you for… Calling me?" Thad shook his head slightly. This really did have to be one of the more random calls he'd ever gotten. "I hope Blaine's surgery goes well."
"Oh it should."
In his brain, Thad added the "If it doesn't those doctor's won't live to say that they're sorry."
"Okay, well, goodbye Urzy."
"Goodbye Thad. Say 'Hi' to the other Warblers for me! Except Sebastian. He doesn't deserve it."
And then she hung up.
Thad stared at his phone for a second, still confused over what had just happened, when Jeff cleared his throat slightly.
"What was that about?" He asked and Nick rolled his eyes slightly.
Okay, so only two of them had worked out why Urzy was calling him.
"Urzy just wanted to know how I was doing." Thad explained as he sat down again, pocketing his phone. "She says 'Hi', by the way."
"Hi!" Jeff replied as he resumed shuffling the cards. Trent raised an eyebrow at him and Thad just blinked.
"...Yeah." Thad rested his elbows on his crossed knees and leant forward slightly, looking at the board. "She also says that Blaine's surgery is today."
"Hm." Nick nodded slightly. "We gathered. Poor guy, must be terrified."
"Nah, its Blaine." Jeff countered. "Even if his iron resolve has failed him, Urzy won't let him be scared. She's scary like that."
Jeff paused slightly as he worked through what he had just said, and Thad felt like laughing because his expression really was quite priceless. Eventually, Jeff's eyebrows pulled down and he frowned.
"Well." Jeff concluded as he began dealing the cards. "Buggered that up, didn't I?"
TMTMTMTM
Kurt kept them updated on Blaine's progress.
And he always managed to do it during Warbler rehearsal.
The updates were decidedly awkward. Sebastian would close himself off and just stare at nothing while they happened, and Thad wouldn't look at him.
The Warblers had not forgiven Sebastian, per say, they just… They knew that not talking to him, not keeping him included, was bullying. And they'd had enough of that sort of thing as of late.
But it had also hit the point where even Sebastian was pissed off at the lack of teacher interference. Headmaster Collins had done nothing. Neither had any of the teachers. Sebastian had gone so far as to ask Mr. Harvey, their music teacher, if he'd received any calls from McKinley.
Nothing.
But at least Kurt kept them updated. Maybe that was why Sebastian hadn't made a bigger deal out of the whole thing.
The calls were punishment enough.
...
He's gone into surgery today. We'll know how it went in a few hours.
...
Surgery went fine, but he still needs the eye-patch and is on constant bed rest.
...
He's healing up fine, but we don't expect him to be able to use his eye properly for at least a few days.
...
He's a bit depressed, he's missing out on meeting this new Spanish friend of Mr. Schue's, who's a total Ricky Martin look alike. Don't need to tell you how much of a hottie he is then, do I?
...
Slight complication. Nothing too bad he just needs a new eye-drop prescription. It'll just keep him out of school a few days longer than initially planned. It really just means I won't see him on Valentine's Day, is all.
...
After that call Sebastian looked particularly sour.
Thad couldn't blame him.
TMTMTMTM
Thad's not even sure how she got into Dalton.
All he knows is that the day after Kurt had told them that Blaine would be missing Valentine's, there was an awful lot of effeminate screaming in the hallway.
"YOU!"
Thad looked up from his sheet music towards the door. He could make out Sebastian's shoulder, turned towards the voice. A few of the Warblers who'd already arrived also turned in confusion.
"Lemme at him!" The voice screamed, and with a slight sinking feeling in his stomach Thad recognised the voice. "You rat-bastard! I'll skin you alive and feed you to a bear I will! LEMME AT HIM!"
Thad stood and raced out the door, the other Warbler's following.
He felt the colour drain from his face when he saw Urzy.
She looked like a frilly, white-blue animal. Her hair was falling in her face and she was getting held back by both Nick and Jeff, who were visibly struggling against her. Her blue eyes glinted with blood-lust.
Which looked really fucking weird on a nine year old.
"Who let Urzy in?" Thad thundered. "Jeff?"
"Wasn't me!" Jeff defended, grabbing at a small flailing arm and trying to avoid getting his blazer ripped. "She just turned up and went after Sebastian!"
"I'M GOING TO EAT HIS FACE AND TURN HIS HAIR INTO A HAT NOW LET ME GO!"
"As if we would." Nick grumbled, one hand wrapped around both her ankles. Thad turned to Sebastian and crossed his arms.
"Do you have anything to say for yourself?"
Sebastian blinked at him, obviously not understanding anything that was going on. His eyes flickered over to Urzy.
"Who is she?" Sebastian pointed at the wriggling ball of pent up anger and she snarled.
"BASTARD DON'T YOU POINT THAT FINGER AT ME I WILL RIP IT OFF AND MAKE IT INTO A NECKLACE!"
"That's Urzulla." Thad replied curtly, crossing his arms so he could look more imposing when he told Sebastian how much shit he was in. "Blaine's little sister."
Sebastian's expression just screamed: Oh fuck.
"She's Blaine's..." Sebastian was wide-eyed and a small part of Thad felt bad for him. "Woah shit."
"IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD YOU RAT-SKUNK!" She screamed, causing Sebastian to jump. "WHEN I GET MY LASER VISION YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HIT YOU!"
"Alternate universe?" Sebastian asked Thad, dumbfounded. "Laser vision? Rat-skunk?"
"She's intelligent for a nine year old. And bitchy." Trent shrugged, as if that explained everything Urzy was unleashing upon the corridors of Dalton. Trent looked over at Thad. "May I suggest that we not have Warbler rehearsal today, and instead have Sebastian go hide somewhere where she can't get him?"
"I second that." Sebastian raised his hand to show his readiness to leave. "Normally I'd be ashamed that I was hiding from a little girl, but that one is quite terrifying."
"You're telling me." Flint stepped forward and gave Urzy a precursory once over before coming to the conclusion that she was indeed the embodiment of pure evil. "C'mon. Jamie, George and I will stay with you in case she breaks free and finds you. You'll need back-up if she does."
"Fantastic." Sebastian smiled and began walking away with the three other boys.
This just enraged Urzy further.
"GET BACK HERE!" She bellowed, doubling her efforts to escape. "YOU SLUT-PIG! I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL BURN YOUR FACE! I WILL FEED YOU TO A FREAKING DEMON! I WILL SEND YOU TO PERDITION AND NO ANGEL WILL BE ABLE TO RAISE YOU FROM THERE YOU TWO-BIT STRIP OF BITCH-LING!"
"Where did you learn all these words!" Jeff asked, completely aghast. Sebastian just left the vicinity as quickly as he could.
The second he was out of sight Urzy flopped, all the fight gone from her. Jeff and Nick gingerly put her down, and she flumped onto the floor in an overly dramatic display of depression, her pale face now squished against the floor. The Warblers walked forward and surrounded her, expressions of confusion and barely concealed humour on their faces.
"Urzulla." Thad said sternly. She opened a blue eye and stared at him without moving the rest of her body. "What was all that about?"
"The rat-skunk is messing with my Klaine." She grumbled. Trent bit his lip to stop from laughing.
"Can you stop calling Sebastian a rat-skunk?" Thad asked. "And what's a Klaine?"
"Oh, it's Kurt and Blaine's pairing name." Jeff supplied. "Urzy and I came up with it months ago."
"Of course you did." Thad sighed. "Right, well, how did you get here? I know Blaine wouldn't have dropped you off."
"My school had a free day." She explained, voice oddly nasal because her nose was smooshed against the floor. "Turns out your Latin teacher drives past my house to get here. So I told him I wanted to visit and he gave me a lift."
"Damnit Mr. Abercrombie." Nick mumbled, eyes sky-ward. "You never give a student a lift, but a homicidal nine year old? Oh, no problem."
"And then I saw Sebastian." She said the name with venom, and once again Thad thought of her in an egg chair with a monocle and a cat. "And I just… Kinda… Snapped?"
"And why did you snap?"
"Isn't it freaking obvious?" She asked, turning her head to the side so she could properly glare at Thad for asking such a silly question. "He put my brother in hospital and now he and Kurt can't spend Valentine's Day together! He should count himself lucky that Nick and Jeff were strong enough to hold me back. Although they might not be able to next time."
"Okay, look, there will be no next time." Thad chastised. Urzy's face fell.
"But I want there to be!" She cried, pushing up onto her elbows. "I wanna… I wanna..."
"You wanna do something that will get you banned from coming here again." Thad asserted. Urzy closed her mouth and looked forlorn. "Headmaster Collins would not tolerate that."
"I don't know, he's tolerating a lot." Jacob piped up. "I mean, we haven't gotten told off at all for any of what's happened."
"Wait, what?" Urzy sat up fully and stared at them. "No-one's talked to you?"
They nodded.
"But Mr. Schue lodged a formal complaint! He mentioned names and everything! Has nothing really happened?"
They nodded again.
Urzy stared around her in disbelief.
"That is just not acceptable." She concluded.
And Thad secretly agreed.
TMTMTMTM
The days leading up to Valentine's were the worst.
Sebastian alternating between sulking like a child and raging at things. Apparently he'd become quite deadly on the lacrosse court and had been found tearing up homework sheets. But Thad had also heard that he'd been heard crying.
He needed help.
Thad pulled Sebastian aside after Warblers the day before Valentine's.
"You need help." Thad said seriously. Sebastian blinked at him. "You're having more mood swings than normal, and you're not coping with anything. Get someone to help you."
Thad was about to walk away when Sebastian grabbed his arm.
"Why don't you help me?" Sebastian asked quietly. Thad gaped for a second.
"I haven't forgiven you yet." Thad said shortly. He pulled his arm out of Sebastian's grasp. "Maybe when you're not so bipolar I can think about it."
"I'm bipolar?" Sebastian asked, incredulous. "Isn't that a case of the pot calling the kettle black?"
"And what do you mean by that?" Thad crossed his arms.
"I'm just saying, some of the things that come out of your mouth don't always correspond with a healthy state of mind." Sebastian countered coldly. Thad sucked in a breath through his nose.
"Some of the things that come out of your mouth don't always correspond with having a mind at all."
"Oh, how clever Thaddeus." Sebastian clapped sarcastically. "I feel thoroughly chastised now. I'll go re-evaluate my life because your barb was just so enlightening."
"Go crawl under a rock Smythe."
"How eloquent. You'll be the next Dickens."
"Oh, sarcastic remarks, how original."
"You say, while being sarcastic. Hypocrite."
"Well isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?" Thad mocked.
"Hypocrite? Tell me how I'm the hypocritical one?" Sebastian faked interest.
Thad took it as an invitation.
"Where do I begin?" Thad started, looking up to the ceiling. "You said you wouldn't go after Blaine, for one."
"Oh, and you would have held back if you had the option?" Sebastian asked, incredulous. "Tell me Thad, if you had one ounce of gumption in you, wouldn't you go after Blaine any chance you got?"
"I do have gumption!" Thad countered hotly. "And besides, I love Blaine. You just want in his pants. If you had any gumption, you'd go after Sam."
Sebastian's face turned steely.
"That's different." Sebastian crossed his arms. "I can't have Sam."
"And I can't have Blaine!" Thad groaned and turned. He was starting to get a headache. "I can't talk to you. You always make me sound like some idiotic two year old. You're impossible."
"I'm impossible!" Sebastian scoffed. "Yeah, because I'm the one who makes every conversation about sex or Blaine. I'm the one who made an argument out of a simple statement of fact. I'm the one who-"
"So I'm not perfect! Big whoop!" Thad turned back around and couldn't help but raise his voice slightly. "I never said I was! I know that I'm far from perfect! I'm the anti-perfect! I'm a big fucking mess, but at least I admit it!"
Sebastian cocked his head to the side, the anger sliding off his face. Thad glared at him.
"You're not the anti-perfect." Sebastian said quietly. "You're not a mess, Thad."
"Yes I am." Thad couldn't believe what he was hearing. He was a mess. He knew it. Everyone knew it. "I'm a great big mess of fucked up emotions and conflict, so don't you tell me otherwise."
"Thad-"
"I'm tired of the lying!" Thad cut across, throwing his hands up. "All you do, all you say, is a lie. I can't believe a word that comes out of your mouth, and I most certainly will not believe you when you tell me I'm actually okay, because I know I'm not. That just makes you an even bigger liar and… And… And I hate liars!"
"Then why are you lying to yourself?" Sebastian snapped. Thad froze.
They were silent then, both glaring.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Thad said tightly before turning on his heel and walking out. "I can't talk to you."
"Thad-"
"I can't talk to you!"
TMTMTMTM
"I used to think you were lying."
Thad turned and saw Sebastian leaning on the door frame with forced casualness. Thad turned back without putting the violin down.
"About what?" Thad asked bitterly, recommencing his playing at a quieter volume.
"About being able to play that thing." Sebastian replied. Thad could only assume he meant the violin. "You used to always bitch about how we weren't accommodating of your violin capabilities in middle school. I used to think that you just said that so you could have an excuse for not playing anything." Sebastian paused. "I guess I was wrong."
"Yeah." Thad replied. "You seem to do that a lot."
There was a tense pause.
"I didn't come here to fight." Sebastian said quietly. Thad turned again, glaring at the taller boy, who was staring at the corner of the door frame.
"Then why did you come here?" Thad asked, stopping his playing. "I haven't forgiven you, you know."
"I never said I wanted you to." Sebastian crossed his arms tightly. "Remember? I never wanted forgiveness. I just..."
"Didn't want me to hate you." Thad finished. He looked at the ground and sighed, gently tossing his violin onto the couch. "Yeah, I remember that." Thad followed his violin's path and sat down. "Why?"
"Hm?" Sebastian looked over at him.
Thad hadn't noticed how dark the shadows under his eyes had become.
"Why me?" Thad asked, fingers knotting together nervously. "Why don't you want me to hate you?"
Sebastian shrugged slightly and moved his hands into his pockets. Carefully, still with forced casualness, he meandered into the room.
"I guess it's just… I like you." Sebastian shrugged again, not looking at Thad. "As a friend, as a fuck buddy, as a person. It's just… When I think about you hating me, wanting me to die, thinking of me with malice in your heart, it just… Hurts me. It hurts a lot more than when I think about the others hating me. I don't even know why."
Sebastian looked at Thad from under his lashes. Thad blinked when he realised the silent question in the look.
Can I sit next to you?
Thad nodded and shifted over slightly and Sebastian sat down.
"Look," Sebastian ploughed on. "I know you haven't forgiven me. I'm not sure you ever will. But can you just… Not hate me? Even a little bit?"
"I don't hate you that much." Thad said quietly. Sebastian smiled. "It's just… Sometimes you are a great big bag of dicks."
"I know." Sebastian rubbed his eyes and leant back. "Look I just… All I really want is for you to come back."
"What do you-?"
"Come back to the dorm." Sebastian peeked at Thad through his fingers, waiting for his reaction. Thad just blinked in shock. "Please? I miss you."
"We keep fighting." Thad pointed out. Sebastian sat forward, removing his hands from his face.
"We used to fight all the time! Admittedly, we fight over more serious things now, but I just… I want to fix this. I want to fix us."
"Is there an 'us' anymore?" Thad asked, not even sure what his emotions were doing anymore.
On the one hand, he really didn't want to go back into the dorm with Sebastian. Back to the fighting and the confusion and the lies and everything that was toxic about a relationship. He didn't want to go back.
But on the other hand…
He really kind of did.
"Well, I don't know." Sebastian admitted, knotting his fingers together. It still weirded Thad out that Sebastian could be nervous. "It's all your decision. I'm okay with anything, as long as you come back."
"You are desperate, aren't you?" Thad joked, blushing awkwardly. Sebastian smiled but said nothing. "I um… I need to think."
"That's cool." Sebastian nodded and continued smiling, though his eyes weren't in it anymore. "You take all the time you want. I'm willing to wait for you. No matter what."
Thad licked his lips and nodded as well.
TMTMTMTM
This was all too familiar.
The last time this sort of thing had happened, after West Side Story, Thad had just accepted Sebastian's apology and continued as normal. He'd ignored his instincts to try and keep himself happy.
Look where that had gotten him.
So now he recognises the signs. He can feel the too perfect promises pressing against his skin, and as much as he wants to run back to the dorm and pretend that one day the promises may come true, he can't afford to go down that path again. Lord knows he'd barely gotten away unscathed last time around. He was still stumbling back from that dark point, still having days where he debated how much he actually valued his own life. He'd barely healed, and running off for a second time with the boy who'd broken him could prove disastrous on so many levels. He needed to take a step back and wait. He had to pull it back and really work out how he felt, how Sebastian felt, and how much he was willing to lay on the line the second time around.
God, this was so much easier when they started.
Why couldn't it be that simple again?
TMTMTMTM
"Happy Valentine's!" Trent beamed as he plopped into his seat at morning rehearsals. "What a beautiful day, isn't it a beautiful day? I think it's a beautiful day."
Sebastian just glared at him slightly.
"And why is it a beautiful day?" George asked pointedly. Trent seemed to be the only chipper one. The rest of them had been slowly dreading this day, knowing that one of the best couples they knew wasn't spending the day together because of them. Kurt was kind enough to pretend it didn't bother him.
Blaine wouldn't talk to any of them.
At all.
Ever.
"It is a beautiful day," Trent smiled, pulling his phone out of his blazer. "For two reasons. One, guess who's got a date tonight?"
"George Clooney?" Jeremy replied dryly. Trent stuck his tongue out at him.
"Well, probably, but also one Trent Nixon!" Trent held out his phone, a picture of a young man in a hat smiling out of the screen. "He's adorable and taking me out for Chinese tonight because Breadstix, now known as the Sugar Shack, is being rented out for a big ass McKinley party. Which brings me to point two." He flicked to another picture on his phone, a different smiling boy on the screen, but this one caused a much bigger reaction. "Urzy texted and said that Blaine's eye is going to be fine, and he'll make it to said big ass party, and he and Kurt will be happy forever and ever. The end." Trent put his phone away and smiled at the stunned faces around him. "Well? Is the bearer of good news going to get praise or what?"
TMTMTMTM
"So."
Thad turned and saw Sebastian leaning against the door frame again. Thad put his pen down.
"So." Thad copied.
"Blaine's okay." Sebastian said casually, eyes raking the side of the door frame. "Guess that means forgiveness is on the horizon. For you guys, at least."
"Seb..."
"I've accepted it." Sebastian shrugged, arms crossed. "Hell, I'm still grateful for you guys. Even if you haven't forgiven me you're talking to me. That's something. I don't expect Blaine to even look at me in the future. You, on the other hand," Sebastian glanced at him. "You'll probably be back on speaking terms in a month."
"Maybe I don't want to be."
Sebastian started and gaped at him. Thad bit his lip and began playing with a scrunched up piece of paper on his desk.
"Huh?" Was Sebastian's eloquent reply. Thad gulped.
"I… I just think, maybe it'll be easier for me to get over Blaine if he hates me. It hurts like all fuck, but maybe then I can train myself out of it."
"Love isn't training." Sebastian countered.
"Oh what do you know?" Thad sniped. Sebastian froze slightly before clenching his fists.
"I know that you can't force yourself to forget someone." Sebastian pressed. "I know that you can't make yourself fall out of love. You can't stop it by convincing yourself they hate you or lying to yourself or anything else you think might work. You fall in love and then… That's it. It lasts whether you want it to or not, that's it."
"But I don't want that to be it!" Thad exclaimed before flumping forward, his head in his hands. He sighed. "I'm sorry. About what I said. Sometimes I forget that you love Sam."
"Yeah." Sebastian agreed, but his tone was strange. Thad couldn't pin down what was different, but it made his stomach flip. "Yeah… Sam."