Trade Mistakes 1b/?
And here be the rest of Chapter 1 of Trade Mistakes
Enjoy
Sebastian wasn't there in the morning.
Thad tried to make it through the day and pretend his roommate wasn't AWOL, but unfortunately Sebastian hit hard, and he got asked several times why he had a massive bruise on his face.
I tripped. Was his ready reply, but no one seemed to believe it. Thad was bruised and Sebastian was missing. The rumour mill went wild. By Warbler rehearsal he was getting more funny looks than he could count.
"So," Jeff sidled up to him and gave him a half-hearted grin. "Looking forward to tonight?"
"What's tonight again?"
"West Side Story." Jeff looked taken aback that Thad had forgotten. "We're gunna watch Blaine and Kurt and all of the McKinley kids. Don't you remember?"
Thad shook his head and laughed slightly.
"Sorry, I'm just a bit under the weather." Almost unconsciously he brushed his hand across the bruise that covered most of the left side of his face. Jeff looked at him with a concerned, almost knowing glance.
"Are you sure you want to come tonight?" Jeff whispered. Thad opened his mouth to say something, but no noise came out. Eventually he managed a nod. Jeff patted him gently on the shoulder. "Okay. Feel better Thad."
Thad did always like Jeff.
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They decided to go to West Side Story in their uniforms. Like the silly little dapper puppies they were.
God, Sebastian had poisoned his mind, hadn't he? Why was he thinking about the Warblers and the uniforms like that?
They filed into their block of seats, Jeff sitting in the block across from them with a large bouquet of flowers and Blaine's little sister. Wes and David sat on her other side.
Thad looked around to see who Nick was sitting next to now that Jeff was off with Urzulla, and he blanched.
He was next to Sebastian.
Sebastian appeared to be chatting away happily while Nick looked like he was sitting next to Hitler.
God, what rumours did he hear?
Thad turned away, not sure how he'd react if he actually made eye contact with Sebastian. He focused back onto the barely worked on stage. The budget was obviously miniscule. What was the number that stupid gym teacher had mentioned on the news? $4001? In any other state that was barely a costume budget.
The lights dimmed and he stared resolutely at the stage. He didn't look back once during the show.
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He didn't go with the other Warblers to see Blaine after the show.
He didn't stop to say 'Hi' to Urzulla. They'd probably both seen enough of him in the last few hours.
He walked outside, he could see his breath. It fogged his vision before getting lost in the million other people leaving the school.
"Wasn't the boy playing Officer Krupke just delightful?"
"One of the best Tony's I've ever seen!"
"The girl playing Anita, Devil in a red dress if ever I saw one."
"Maria had a beautiful voice."
"Not sure why they couldn't get a girl with the original range though."
"YOU CAME WITH YOUR MOUT OH-EN!"
"Best line in the bloody play."
He heard a million different voices around him and he couldn't really bring himself to care. He found a clear spot next to the stairs, a small concrete slab that didn't seem to serve any purpose what so ever. He sat on it and waited for the others to come out. He'd gotten a lift with Flint, so he couldn't leave until-
"Howdy stranger." Came a small voice behind him. He jumped and turned. Sebastian was leaning on the railings, gazing off at the car park like it was incredibly interesting. "Haven't seen you much round these parts."
"Cute." Thad muttered, turning away again. It had gone silent. The audience had left. "Please, continue. I might just magically forgive you."
"I don't expect you to."
Thad turned his head slightly in interest.
"I've known you since middle school Thad." Sebastian explained. "I've known Dapper Thad, Casual Thad, Horny Thad, Angry Thad. I've seen every side of you and every single one of them is stubborn as all Hell. If you forgave me in a minute I'd be concerned for your mental health."
"Then why are you here?" Thad seethed, not quite sure if he wanted to cry or not. "Where were you all day? Just here because you wanted to see if you could get in Blaine's pants after the show?"
"You underestimate me, Thaddeus." Sebastian chuckled and Thad turned back to the sky. "I actually came here as a sort of last good-bye."
"To me?"
"To Blaine."
Thad turned sharply. Sebastian was examining the sky as well, a serene smile on his face.
"What?"
Sebastian shrugged and pushed off the railing. He shoved his hands in his pockets and began walking down to where Thad was.
"I don't know if it's our friendship, or our status as fuck buddies, or if it's the fact you're the first person I've ever had to work for, but I really respect your opinions. If you love Blaine, if you don't want me chasing after him, then I'll back off."
Everything went quiet and Thad looked at his feet. He felt his right side heat up slightly when Sebastian sat down next to him.
"You're really doing that? For me?"
"Yeah." Sebastian smiled. "Even if you just want to go back to being friends, I'll respect what you want."
Thad paused. Something didn't feel… Quite right. It felt too perfect.
But he was cold, and depressed, and Sebastian was the only person to show him any form of romantic affection.
So he relented. A little.
"Thank you." He smiled and leant onto Sebastian's shoulder. Sebastian turned his head and kissed Thad's hair. His breath fanned out across his scalp and the sudden warmth made Thad shiver. He felt Sebastian pause and turned his head slightly.
"Jesus Christ." Sebastian whispered, his fingers ghosting over Thad's bruised cheek. "Was that me?"
"You hit hard." Thad joked. Sebastian gave him a half glare and Thad sighed. "It doesn't hurt that much. I've probably hit you harder."
"God." Sebastian chuckled. "It sounds like we should go to therapy for abusing each other."
"Do they have therapy for fuck buddies that kinda hate each other's guts?" Thad wondered idly. Sebastian's head dropped down in a silent laugh.
"I knew I kept you around for a reason." Sebastian joked and Thad couldn't help but chuckle.
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There was always something about Sebastian.
And Thad had no idea what it was.
Normally, in the big wide world where Blaine had been the centre of his galaxy for two years, Thad was dapper and kind and absolutely head over heels for the short boy with curly hair, so much that it often blocked out all thought of any other boy.
But now?
Now he had Sebastian, and as much as he hated the bitch, he just had this… Charisma.
He had this look in his eyes that would sweep Thad off his feet and make him hot around the collar. He just had to enter a room and it was like every nerve ending in Thad's body wanted him to go over and just be with him. It was just what Sebastian had promised, ages ago. He'd help Thad forget Blaine as long as they were together.
But that didn't stop Thad wondering when they were apart.
Despite the increasing occurrence of lunch time trips to abandoned classrooms and making-out in alcoves between classes, they spent a significant amount of time apart. Classes, studying, actually going outside. Sebastian had lacrosse and Thad was working on arrangements for the Warblers, so there went every other afternoon.
And when they were apart, when Sebastian wasn't there to give him secret smiles or knowing glances or have a hand linger on his shoulder for a fraction too long, Thad had his thoughts.
And as much as he hated it they still tended to circle around Blaine.
He'd almost gloated to Sebastian about it; the night he worked out he was in love with the shorter boy. About how Sebastian had always worked so hard to just get into Thad's pants and Blaine had just stolen his heart without even batting an exceptionally long eyelash. But he hates it. He hates that he's absolutely crazy about a boy who's absolutely crazy about someone else. He hates that Jeff and Nick will talk about Urzulla and all Thad will feel is this pool of affection in his gut as he remembers how Blaine looked down at his sister and how good a dad he would be. He hates that Blaine's now made a habit of calling them at least twice a week, because the pure joy in his voice both breaks Thad's heart and makes it soar.
Blaine's the only one who does that to him.
And it hurts like you wouldn't believe.
It's possibly the worst thing Thad has ever felt in his life and Blaine doesn't even know he's doing it to him. Doesn't know that if he clicked his fingers Thad would drop everything and go running, like an excitable puppy with its new owner. It hurts and it rips him apart and he really just wants it to stop.
So, he thinks, maybe that's why he threw himself into the entire thing he has with Sebastian. Why the thought of losing something else to Blaine makes him want to scream and cry and give up because he can't keep doing this. He can't keep getting things only to have Blaine's puppy dog eyes and wide smile whisk them away on a cloud of rainbow pixie dust like in a Katy Perry video.
Sebastian is a distraction. A drug. If he's got Sebastian then Blaine's on the back burner. He can't feel how much he loves Blaine when he's too busy getting his brains fucked out (or vice versa, ya know) six ways to Sunday. He's got a weird sort of abstract addiction to Sebastian, and he can't get enough of him because being with Sebastian means he's not Thad, the pathetic dapper boy with his heart wrapped up in a neat little bow for Blaine. He's Thad, dapper, yet easy going, and a proper individual that just requires a good shag to get his mind off things. It's a big difference and he likes revelling in it. He likes the calming sensation that having control, however minor, over a situation brings him. Like a cooling balm to a burn.
It's twisted, and not healthy, and he's fully aware of that.
He just stopped caring a long, long time ago.
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"I'm starting to regret ever introducing you to Panic! At The Disco." Sebastian offered randomly as he pulled one of Thad's headphones off of his ear. "You're becoming a fanboy."
"It's not that bad." Thad defended as he paused the music. "I'm allowed to fanboy if the music is amazing."
Sebastian pursed his lips before nodding in agreement. He smiled slightly.
"Scootch over." He instructed and Thad raised an eyebrow before complying and moving further across his bed. Sebastian clamboured next to him and took his headphones away, unplugging them from his laptop and nestling the laptop between them.
"And what are you doing?" Thad questioned as Sebastian smiled at him.
"We haven't done anything non-physical together since before the whole Blaine debacle." He wrapped an arm around Thad's shoulders. "I feel like doing something cutesy."
"But couples do cutesy things." Thad reminded him. "We're not a couple, remember?"
"Of course I do." Sebastian chuckled. "Doesn't mean I don't occasionally want to stop fucking like wild rabbits and do something adorable. I do have feelings, you know."
"What a shock." Thad deadpanned. Sebastian smiled toothily at him and Thad noticed his emblazoned sport shirt for the first time. "Don't you have lacrosse?"
Sebastian pulled a face.
"I can miss one." Sebastian appeared to be bargaining with Thad, like he needed his permission. "Mr. Wesson will be cool with it."
"Are you kidding me?" Thad crossed his arms and felt his eyebrows fly up. "Are we thinking of the same Mr. Wesson? He rules PE and after school sports with the iron fist of a tyrannical dictator. Wes nearly broke his nose the first time we played dodge ball in PE and Mr. Wesson told him to walk it off. Don't even get me started on his apparent lust for dodge ball and red shorts. The man I am thinking of would not tolerate you missing lacrosse just to be cutesy with your fuck buddy, no matter how much it may hurt your feelings not to."
Sebastian slumped and turned to Thad, puppy eyes on full blast and a pronounced pout.
"Personal Warbler training?" Sebastian offered. "We could pull that off if we sing along."
"You know how Wesson feels about anything even remotely arts based."
Sebastian dropped his head back and let a great sigh escape him.
"Alright, I'll go play dumb lacrosse." He turned miffed eyes to Thad. "If I don't get at least a post-playing-my-brains-out kiss I will burn your blazer."
"Bring it." Thad smiled as he plugged his headphones back in and Sebastian huffed off the bed. Thad paused. "Bitch."
Sebastian paused as he grabbed his lacrosse bag. Thad hadn't called him 'Bitch' since the Blaine thing.
"Jerk." Sebastian replied with a wry smile as he exited. Thad exhaled when the door shut.
He realised with a stab of humour that the 'Bitch' moment was probably the sappiest thing that had ever happened in their 'relationship'.
He smiled and turned his music back on.
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Sebastian walked into the dorm and smiled at Thad's confused expression.
"Lucy, I'm home."
"From where?" Thad wondered. Sebastian shrugged.
"Went to the Lima Bean for a coffee. Didn't ask if you wanted to go because you've been bitching about your homework for days."
Thad got up from his desk and walked over. Sebastian almost automatically wrapped his arms around Thad's waist and pulled him close as Thad's arms wound around Sebastian's neck.
"The Lima Bean's a pretty decent drive away." Thad said suspiciously. Sebastian shrugged.
"The coffee is totally worth it. Makes the stuff here seem like tap water."
"The Lima Bean," Thad continued, before Sebastian could cut him off with a kiss. "Is also a common haunt for Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson."
It felt like Sebastian froze for a half a second, like he'd been caught. But before Thad could even register the flash of emotion across Sebastian's face he had smoothed it into a confused expression.
"Is it?" He wondered, a small smile on his face. "I didn't see them. Had a lovely chat with the barista though. And a little girl told me I look like a meerkat."
Thad couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of his throat and Sebastian faked hurt.
"Don't laugh! I'm not a meerkat!"
"Of course you're not." Thad laughed against Sebastian's shoulder. Sebastian huffed and wrapped his arms tighter around Thad.
"Sometimes you are worse than a two year old." Sebastian huffed at him and Thad just kept laughing, a smile splitting his face in half.
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"Are you sure you don't want to go to that Halloween party?" Sebastian asked again, half naked and grinding against Thad. "All your Dalton and McKinley friends are going."
"Halloween is stupid." Thad replied, blunt nails scraping across Sebastian's bare back. "I'd much rather have sex."
Sebastian hummed in the back of his throat.
"Sex is good."
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Thad felt his mouth drop open as New Directions walked onto the stage at Sectionals. It wasn't the suits or the song or actually seeing Blaine preform with another group.
It was the combed back blond hair that caught his attention. A look that flung him back to middle school lunch times in the music room and laughing teens.
No. He thought desperately, even as he felt Sebastian's grip tighten around his forearm in both recognition and shock. It can't be.
And then he got a clear look at the boy attached to the blond hair. A mouth slightly too large for his face and eyes that flashed even from such a distance.
It's most definitely Sam Evans.
And Thad feels his heart drop into his feet when he glances over and sees the hopeful, Christmas tree bright smile Sebastian's wearing.
There goes his life again.
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Sebastian applauded the loudest when they finished. Kurt glared from the stage like Sebastian's only doing it for Blaine, still out to get what's Kurt's.
Thad really wishes it was that simple.
As much as he still suspects Sebastian's after Blaine (the clues were everywhere, he just ignored them because ignoring them made him happy), the smile is only there because he's seeing the face of his first love. The boy Sebastian had thought he'd lost when Sam had transferred back to Tennessee at the end of their first semester of middle school.
Sam's the whole reason Sebastian had given up on loving anyone properly for years, and now he's there, up on the stage and beaming with that massive, glittering smile that had drawn Sebastian to him in the first place.
Thad can slowly feel his heart getting crushed into dust as Sebastian smiles and claps and laughs, because Sam is the only thing he sees.
Because Thad wasn't anything serious.
Not to Sebastian anyway.
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"You okay?" Sebastian wondered when they returned to their dorm room. Thad replied by dropping all his things, shedding his blazer, and falling face first onto his bed. He heard Sebastian walk over and felt it when Sebastian sat down next to his shoulder. "Is that a no?"
Thad just groaned and refused to move.
"Okay." Sebastian shifted until he was on his stomach, side pressed firmly against Thad's side. "What's wrong there buddy?"
"Famph." Thad mumbled into the pillow.
"Pardon?"
Thad turned his head slightly to look at Sebastian; head perched on top of his folded hands. Thad let out a depressed sigh.
"Sam." He whispered. Realisation crossed Sebastian's face and Thad felt his stomach flip uncomfortably when Sebastian blushed and averted his gaze.
"Oh."
There was an awkward silence that seemed to stretch on for hours. Thad groaned and turned his face back into the pillow. Sebastian grabbed his shoulder and forced Thad to roll over so he could properly see his face.
"Wanna deliver the final punch face to face?" Thad grumbled, focusing on being annoyed so that he wouldn't cry. "I can handle it just fine if you just go and run into Sam's arms, you know-"
Sebastian cut him off by pressing a gentle, slow kiss to his lips. Without even thinking Thad responded, closing his eyes and moving closer instinctively. Sebastian pulled apart after a second and rested his forehead against Thad's.
"I'm not running to Sam." Sebastian whispered. Thad opened his mouth to reply, but Sebastian pressed a silencing finger to his lips. "He's straight. At the most bi curious, but not for me." Sebastian laughed breathily, and Thad closed his eyes when the heated air hit his face. "I love him." Sebastian said bluntly.
Thad felt a flinch that went right to his bones, and he realised with a pang of guilt that this would be how Sebastian had felt when he'd said the same thing about Blaine. It hurt more than he'd thought it would.
"But," Sebastian continued. "I saw the way he looked at that Mercedes girl in the audience. How he used to look at me was nothing like that, none of the adoration or love or anything." Sebastian closed his eyes for a second, like just saying it out loud hurt. "I'm just the gay kid that fell for him, and he's the straight boy that'll never love me back."
"That's all very rational of you." Thad whispered, feeling like talking too loud would break the moment, like Sebastian would suddenly break out of it and tell Thad to fuck off, Sam was the only guy for him.
"I learnt from the best." Sebastian smiled.
Thad laughed, but it sounded more like a broken sob than anything else.
"I'm not rational." Thad closed his eyes so he couldn't see Sebastian try to contradict him. "I'm in love with a boy that I could have had a real chance with, and he's in love with another guy. I'm lying in bed trying to stop my fuck buddy leaving me while a part of me wants to run out of here and try to make Blaine mine. I'm as rational and stable as a Monty Python sketch."
Sebastian let out a short chuckle and wrapped his arms around Thad's shoulders, pulling him tight against his chest.
"We're both fucked up." Sebastian smiled against Thad's hair. "How about we settle for being fucked up together?"
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"Sebastian, you have gone overboard with the mistletoe."
Sebastian turned away from the textbook on his bed to see Thad, hand on hip, gesturing vaguely at the rings of mistletoe hanging above both of their beds, an eyebrow raised in confusion. Sebastian smiled.
"Have not."
"Are you going to take any of them down?" Thad asked pointedly. Sebastian pretended to ponder it for a second.
"No, I shan't." Sebastian rolled until he was in a sitting position, feet hanging off the side of the bed. "It's Christmas."
Thad rolled his eyes and began walking towards the door, fully intent on making it to lunch without once getting trapped under the kissing minefield Sebastian had converted their room into. He heard Sebastian roll off the bed and go to follow him.
"We should do something today." Sebastian said idly. Thad just smiled and kept walking. "I got the newest season of Torchwood on DVD yesterday, wanna watch it with me?"
Thad froze.
No. He thought. He wrapped his arms around himself and tried to hold it in, hold it together. He vaguely heard Sebastian's voice behind him but all he could focus on was not breaking down.
The memory flooded back. A curly haired boy hunched over in his car, half asleep on pain meds and alcohol while Thad poured out his heart and soul.
"It's like Captain Jack and Ianto in Torchwood. You know? For Ianto it wasn't guys, it was only ever Jack. And that's me with you."
He hadn't thought about Blaine since Sectionals. But he'd had bigger things on his mind, even then. Sam and all that drama. Blaine had been in the back of his head because Sebastian had become so set on helping Thad forget, on helping them both forget, that he'd actually started to.
"And I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"That I fell for Kurt before I could fall for you."
He'd thought he might even be getting over the boy. But one mention of a vague reference and now look at him, clutching himself while Sebastian tried to work out what's going on and Thad just wanted to die.
"THAD!" Sebastian grabbed Thad's shoulders, he could feel the heat through the thick winter layers, but Blaine was still on his mind.
Thad felt his eyes go wide. He could never think about Blaine when there was contact, when Sebastian was real and there and permanent. Now he could and it freaked him out, it made his heart hurt.
"Just… I think you should know that, if he and Kurt weren't perfect together, I'd be cheering for you."
"Thad, c'mon man talk to me!" Sebastian shook him slightly. Thad blinked and stared at Sebastian, trying to force every detail of the taller boy into his brain but it was still all Blaine.
He needed more contact. Not just warmth and layers but flesh and sweat and desperation. He needed to get Blaine out of his head because it was hurting so much more than he remembered, so much more than it used to now that he knew what he wanted and what he was feeling and that it could never happen. He just wanted it to be gone because what was the point of falling in love if all it did was make you want to cry?
He broke out of whatever trance he was in and grabbed Sebastian. His face, his shirt, anywhere he could reach, really. He grabbed him and pulled him as close as humanly possible, mashing their mouths together in a kiss that was all teeth and tongue and fuck me, fuck me now.
"Thad!" Sebastian, for the first time ever, pulled back. Thad whimpered at the loss of contact and felt his hands start to shake now that they weren't doing something. "Thad what's wrong?"
"I need you." Thad whispered, staring at his shaking hands because they wouldn't move. "I need you now."
"Why?" Sebastian peeled Thad's hands off his shirt and began pulling him towards the bed so he could sit down. "Two seconds ago you weren't even breathing, and now you want sex? This isn't like you."
"I don't care." Thad licked his lips and grabbed Sebastian's hands. "I don't care if I never act like me again, I just need you right fucking now."
Sebastian went to speak again but Thad just pulled him close, burying his head in the crook of Sebastian's neck.
"I need you now because I just want to forget."
Blaine was still there. Smiling at Thad like he used to, back when Thad thought he couldn't smile any brighter. Kurt disproved that.
"I need to forget because it just hurts, Seb. It hurts so much and I just..." Words failed him. He felt Sebastian's arms wrap around his shoulders, pulling him ever closer. "Please."
Sebastian was silent for a second, the longest second of Thad's life, and then he pulled back, freeing Thad's face so he could kiss him.
Their lips met and the sensation was instant, the heat and passion and more, now, always please more…
Sebastian ran a hand under Thad's shirt, cold against Thad's searing flesh, and Blaine vanished from his mind like a puff of smoke.
Like he was never even there in the first place.
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"I need a shower." Sebastian muttered, running his hands through Thad's sweat-slicked curls. Thad pulled Sebastian's naked torso closer.
"Can I come with you?"
Sebastian was silent, his fingers slowly coming to a stop. He exhaled.
"This got to you, didn't it?" Sebastian asked carefully. "Whatever made you think of Blaine, I mean."
Thad tried to say something, maybe deny it or pour out his soul or something, but his throat wouldn't work. He couldn't get the bubbles of air in his lungs to become sound. So instead he just closed his eyes and nuzzled into Sebastian's chest. The smell of sweat and sex and Sebastian hanging in the air like a ghost, pressing down on Thad's skin and telling him you're here, you're fine, Blaine's not here, you're safe.
Sebastian ran a hand down Thad's spine, fingers ghosting patterns along the vertebra that made Thad shiver. He twined his arms tighter around Sebastian's waist and tried to keep grounding himself, scared that any second he wasn't with Sebastian he'd start thinking of Blaine again and then his heart would break. It would literally shatter into a million pieces and he'd break right along with it.
"Placing a smile at the perfect event…" Sebastian began singing quietly, the same Panic! At The Disco song that had kind of started it all, but this time slower, more like a lullaby.
"Gracing your skin with the side of my hand
If I ever leave I could learn to miss you
But 'Sentimental Boy' is my nom de plume."
Without even meaning to Thad could feel the tired creeping up on him. The emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion that he'd been fighting for longer than he ever wanted to was finally hitting him. He felt his brain slowly shut down as he got lost in Sebastian's whispered words.
"Let me save you, hold this rope."
He didn't belt the chorus, he kept to the lullaby vibe, and Thad felt his muscles relax as he continued.
"I may never sleep tonight
As long as you're still burning bright
If I could trade mistakes for sheep
Count me away before you sleep
So I'll stay awake 'till I trade my mistakes
Or they fade away…."
Enjoy
Sebastian wasn't there in the morning.
Thad tried to make it through the day and pretend his roommate wasn't AWOL, but unfortunately Sebastian hit hard, and he got asked several times why he had a massive bruise on his face.
I tripped. Was his ready reply, but no one seemed to believe it. Thad was bruised and Sebastian was missing. The rumour mill went wild. By Warbler rehearsal he was getting more funny looks than he could count.
"So," Jeff sidled up to him and gave him a half-hearted grin. "Looking forward to tonight?"
"What's tonight again?"
"West Side Story." Jeff looked taken aback that Thad had forgotten. "We're gunna watch Blaine and Kurt and all of the McKinley kids. Don't you remember?"
Thad shook his head and laughed slightly.
"Sorry, I'm just a bit under the weather." Almost unconsciously he brushed his hand across the bruise that covered most of the left side of his face. Jeff looked at him with a concerned, almost knowing glance.
"Are you sure you want to come tonight?" Jeff whispered. Thad opened his mouth to say something, but no noise came out. Eventually he managed a nod. Jeff patted him gently on the shoulder. "Okay. Feel better Thad."
Thad did always like Jeff.
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They decided to go to West Side Story in their uniforms. Like the silly little dapper puppies they were.
God, Sebastian had poisoned his mind, hadn't he? Why was he thinking about the Warblers and the uniforms like that?
They filed into their block of seats, Jeff sitting in the block across from them with a large bouquet of flowers and Blaine's little sister. Wes and David sat on her other side.
Thad looked around to see who Nick was sitting next to now that Jeff was off with Urzulla, and he blanched.
He was next to Sebastian.
Sebastian appeared to be chatting away happily while Nick looked like he was sitting next to Hitler.
God, what rumours did he hear?
Thad turned away, not sure how he'd react if he actually made eye contact with Sebastian. He focused back onto the barely worked on stage. The budget was obviously miniscule. What was the number that stupid gym teacher had mentioned on the news? $4001? In any other state that was barely a costume budget.
The lights dimmed and he stared resolutely at the stage. He didn't look back once during the show.
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He didn't go with the other Warblers to see Blaine after the show.
He didn't stop to say 'Hi' to Urzulla. They'd probably both seen enough of him in the last few hours.
He walked outside, he could see his breath. It fogged his vision before getting lost in the million other people leaving the school.
"Wasn't the boy playing Officer Krupke just delightful?"
"One of the best Tony's I've ever seen!"
"The girl playing Anita, Devil in a red dress if ever I saw one."
"Maria had a beautiful voice."
"Not sure why they couldn't get a girl with the original range though."
"YOU CAME WITH YOUR MOUT OH-EN!"
"Best line in the bloody play."
He heard a million different voices around him and he couldn't really bring himself to care. He found a clear spot next to the stairs, a small concrete slab that didn't seem to serve any purpose what so ever. He sat on it and waited for the others to come out. He'd gotten a lift with Flint, so he couldn't leave until-
"Howdy stranger." Came a small voice behind him. He jumped and turned. Sebastian was leaning on the railings, gazing off at the car park like it was incredibly interesting. "Haven't seen you much round these parts."
"Cute." Thad muttered, turning away again. It had gone silent. The audience had left. "Please, continue. I might just magically forgive you."
"I don't expect you to."
Thad turned his head slightly in interest.
"I've known you since middle school Thad." Sebastian explained. "I've known Dapper Thad, Casual Thad, Horny Thad, Angry Thad. I've seen every side of you and every single one of them is stubborn as all Hell. If you forgave me in a minute I'd be concerned for your mental health."
"Then why are you here?" Thad seethed, not quite sure if he wanted to cry or not. "Where were you all day? Just here because you wanted to see if you could get in Blaine's pants after the show?"
"You underestimate me, Thaddeus." Sebastian chuckled and Thad turned back to the sky. "I actually came here as a sort of last good-bye."
"To me?"
"To Blaine."
Thad turned sharply. Sebastian was examining the sky as well, a serene smile on his face.
"What?"
Sebastian shrugged and pushed off the railing. He shoved his hands in his pockets and began walking down to where Thad was.
"I don't know if it's our friendship, or our status as fuck buddies, or if it's the fact you're the first person I've ever had to work for, but I really respect your opinions. If you love Blaine, if you don't want me chasing after him, then I'll back off."
Everything went quiet and Thad looked at his feet. He felt his right side heat up slightly when Sebastian sat down next to him.
"You're really doing that? For me?"
"Yeah." Sebastian smiled. "Even if you just want to go back to being friends, I'll respect what you want."
Thad paused. Something didn't feel… Quite right. It felt too perfect.
But he was cold, and depressed, and Sebastian was the only person to show him any form of romantic affection.
So he relented. A little.
"Thank you." He smiled and leant onto Sebastian's shoulder. Sebastian turned his head and kissed Thad's hair. His breath fanned out across his scalp and the sudden warmth made Thad shiver. He felt Sebastian pause and turned his head slightly.
"Jesus Christ." Sebastian whispered, his fingers ghosting over Thad's bruised cheek. "Was that me?"
"You hit hard." Thad joked. Sebastian gave him a half glare and Thad sighed. "It doesn't hurt that much. I've probably hit you harder."
"God." Sebastian chuckled. "It sounds like we should go to therapy for abusing each other."
"Do they have therapy for fuck buddies that kinda hate each other's guts?" Thad wondered idly. Sebastian's head dropped down in a silent laugh.
"I knew I kept you around for a reason." Sebastian joked and Thad couldn't help but chuckle.
TMTMTMTM
There was always something about Sebastian.
And Thad had no idea what it was.
Normally, in the big wide world where Blaine had been the centre of his galaxy for two years, Thad was dapper and kind and absolutely head over heels for the short boy with curly hair, so much that it often blocked out all thought of any other boy.
But now?
Now he had Sebastian, and as much as he hated the bitch, he just had this… Charisma.
He had this look in his eyes that would sweep Thad off his feet and make him hot around the collar. He just had to enter a room and it was like every nerve ending in Thad's body wanted him to go over and just be with him. It was just what Sebastian had promised, ages ago. He'd help Thad forget Blaine as long as they were together.
But that didn't stop Thad wondering when they were apart.
Despite the increasing occurrence of lunch time trips to abandoned classrooms and making-out in alcoves between classes, they spent a significant amount of time apart. Classes, studying, actually going outside. Sebastian had lacrosse and Thad was working on arrangements for the Warblers, so there went every other afternoon.
And when they were apart, when Sebastian wasn't there to give him secret smiles or knowing glances or have a hand linger on his shoulder for a fraction too long, Thad had his thoughts.
And as much as he hated it they still tended to circle around Blaine.
He'd almost gloated to Sebastian about it; the night he worked out he was in love with the shorter boy. About how Sebastian had always worked so hard to just get into Thad's pants and Blaine had just stolen his heart without even batting an exceptionally long eyelash. But he hates it. He hates that he's absolutely crazy about a boy who's absolutely crazy about someone else. He hates that Jeff and Nick will talk about Urzulla and all Thad will feel is this pool of affection in his gut as he remembers how Blaine looked down at his sister and how good a dad he would be. He hates that Blaine's now made a habit of calling them at least twice a week, because the pure joy in his voice both breaks Thad's heart and makes it soar.
Blaine's the only one who does that to him.
And it hurts like you wouldn't believe.
It's possibly the worst thing Thad has ever felt in his life and Blaine doesn't even know he's doing it to him. Doesn't know that if he clicked his fingers Thad would drop everything and go running, like an excitable puppy with its new owner. It hurts and it rips him apart and he really just wants it to stop.
So, he thinks, maybe that's why he threw himself into the entire thing he has with Sebastian. Why the thought of losing something else to Blaine makes him want to scream and cry and give up because he can't keep doing this. He can't keep getting things only to have Blaine's puppy dog eyes and wide smile whisk them away on a cloud of rainbow pixie dust like in a Katy Perry video.
Sebastian is a distraction. A drug. If he's got Sebastian then Blaine's on the back burner. He can't feel how much he loves Blaine when he's too busy getting his brains fucked out (or vice versa, ya know) six ways to Sunday. He's got a weird sort of abstract addiction to Sebastian, and he can't get enough of him because being with Sebastian means he's not Thad, the pathetic dapper boy with his heart wrapped up in a neat little bow for Blaine. He's Thad, dapper, yet easy going, and a proper individual that just requires a good shag to get his mind off things. It's a big difference and he likes revelling in it. He likes the calming sensation that having control, however minor, over a situation brings him. Like a cooling balm to a burn.
It's twisted, and not healthy, and he's fully aware of that.
He just stopped caring a long, long time ago.
TMTMTMTM
"I'm starting to regret ever introducing you to Panic! At The Disco." Sebastian offered randomly as he pulled one of Thad's headphones off of his ear. "You're becoming a fanboy."
"It's not that bad." Thad defended as he paused the music. "I'm allowed to fanboy if the music is amazing."
Sebastian pursed his lips before nodding in agreement. He smiled slightly.
"Scootch over." He instructed and Thad raised an eyebrow before complying and moving further across his bed. Sebastian clamboured next to him and took his headphones away, unplugging them from his laptop and nestling the laptop between them.
"And what are you doing?" Thad questioned as Sebastian smiled at him.
"We haven't done anything non-physical together since before the whole Blaine debacle." He wrapped an arm around Thad's shoulders. "I feel like doing something cutesy."
"But couples do cutesy things." Thad reminded him. "We're not a couple, remember?"
"Of course I do." Sebastian chuckled. "Doesn't mean I don't occasionally want to stop fucking like wild rabbits and do something adorable. I do have feelings, you know."
"What a shock." Thad deadpanned. Sebastian smiled toothily at him and Thad noticed his emblazoned sport shirt for the first time. "Don't you have lacrosse?"
Sebastian pulled a face.
"I can miss one." Sebastian appeared to be bargaining with Thad, like he needed his permission. "Mr. Wesson will be cool with it."
"Are you kidding me?" Thad crossed his arms and felt his eyebrows fly up. "Are we thinking of the same Mr. Wesson? He rules PE and after school sports with the iron fist of a tyrannical dictator. Wes nearly broke his nose the first time we played dodge ball in PE and Mr. Wesson told him to walk it off. Don't even get me started on his apparent lust for dodge ball and red shorts. The man I am thinking of would not tolerate you missing lacrosse just to be cutesy with your fuck buddy, no matter how much it may hurt your feelings not to."
Sebastian slumped and turned to Thad, puppy eyes on full blast and a pronounced pout.
"Personal Warbler training?" Sebastian offered. "We could pull that off if we sing along."
"You know how Wesson feels about anything even remotely arts based."
Sebastian dropped his head back and let a great sigh escape him.
"Alright, I'll go play dumb lacrosse." He turned miffed eyes to Thad. "If I don't get at least a post-playing-my-brains-out kiss I will burn your blazer."
"Bring it." Thad smiled as he plugged his headphones back in and Sebastian huffed off the bed. Thad paused. "Bitch."
Sebastian paused as he grabbed his lacrosse bag. Thad hadn't called him 'Bitch' since the Blaine thing.
"Jerk." Sebastian replied with a wry smile as he exited. Thad exhaled when the door shut.
He realised with a stab of humour that the 'Bitch' moment was probably the sappiest thing that had ever happened in their 'relationship'.
He smiled and turned his music back on.
TMTMTMTM
Sebastian walked into the dorm and smiled at Thad's confused expression.
"Lucy, I'm home."
"From where?" Thad wondered. Sebastian shrugged.
"Went to the Lima Bean for a coffee. Didn't ask if you wanted to go because you've been bitching about your homework for days."
Thad got up from his desk and walked over. Sebastian almost automatically wrapped his arms around Thad's waist and pulled him close as Thad's arms wound around Sebastian's neck.
"The Lima Bean's a pretty decent drive away." Thad said suspiciously. Sebastian shrugged.
"The coffee is totally worth it. Makes the stuff here seem like tap water."
"The Lima Bean," Thad continued, before Sebastian could cut him off with a kiss. "Is also a common haunt for Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson."
It felt like Sebastian froze for a half a second, like he'd been caught. But before Thad could even register the flash of emotion across Sebastian's face he had smoothed it into a confused expression.
"Is it?" He wondered, a small smile on his face. "I didn't see them. Had a lovely chat with the barista though. And a little girl told me I look like a meerkat."
Thad couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of his throat and Sebastian faked hurt.
"Don't laugh! I'm not a meerkat!"
"Of course you're not." Thad laughed against Sebastian's shoulder. Sebastian huffed and wrapped his arms tighter around Thad.
"Sometimes you are worse than a two year old." Sebastian huffed at him and Thad just kept laughing, a smile splitting his face in half.
TMTMTMTM
"Are you sure you don't want to go to that Halloween party?" Sebastian asked again, half naked and grinding against Thad. "All your Dalton and McKinley friends are going."
"Halloween is stupid." Thad replied, blunt nails scraping across Sebastian's bare back. "I'd much rather have sex."
Sebastian hummed in the back of his throat.
"Sex is good."
TMTMTMTM
Thad felt his mouth drop open as New Directions walked onto the stage at Sectionals. It wasn't the suits or the song or actually seeing Blaine preform with another group.
It was the combed back blond hair that caught his attention. A look that flung him back to middle school lunch times in the music room and laughing teens.
No. He thought desperately, even as he felt Sebastian's grip tighten around his forearm in both recognition and shock. It can't be.
And then he got a clear look at the boy attached to the blond hair. A mouth slightly too large for his face and eyes that flashed even from such a distance.
It's most definitely Sam Evans.
And Thad feels his heart drop into his feet when he glances over and sees the hopeful, Christmas tree bright smile Sebastian's wearing.
There goes his life again.
TMTMTMTM
Sebastian applauded the loudest when they finished. Kurt glared from the stage like Sebastian's only doing it for Blaine, still out to get what's Kurt's.
Thad really wishes it was that simple.
As much as he still suspects Sebastian's after Blaine (the clues were everywhere, he just ignored them because ignoring them made him happy), the smile is only there because he's seeing the face of his first love. The boy Sebastian had thought he'd lost when Sam had transferred back to Tennessee at the end of their first semester of middle school.
Sam's the whole reason Sebastian had given up on loving anyone properly for years, and now he's there, up on the stage and beaming with that massive, glittering smile that had drawn Sebastian to him in the first place.
Thad can slowly feel his heart getting crushed into dust as Sebastian smiles and claps and laughs, because Sam is the only thing he sees.
Because Thad wasn't anything serious.
Not to Sebastian anyway.
TMTMTMTM
"You okay?" Sebastian wondered when they returned to their dorm room. Thad replied by dropping all his things, shedding his blazer, and falling face first onto his bed. He heard Sebastian walk over and felt it when Sebastian sat down next to his shoulder. "Is that a no?"
Thad just groaned and refused to move.
"Okay." Sebastian shifted until he was on his stomach, side pressed firmly against Thad's side. "What's wrong there buddy?"
"Famph." Thad mumbled into the pillow.
"Pardon?"
Thad turned his head slightly to look at Sebastian; head perched on top of his folded hands. Thad let out a depressed sigh.
"Sam." He whispered. Realisation crossed Sebastian's face and Thad felt his stomach flip uncomfortably when Sebastian blushed and averted his gaze.
"Oh."
There was an awkward silence that seemed to stretch on for hours. Thad groaned and turned his face back into the pillow. Sebastian grabbed his shoulder and forced Thad to roll over so he could properly see his face.
"Wanna deliver the final punch face to face?" Thad grumbled, focusing on being annoyed so that he wouldn't cry. "I can handle it just fine if you just go and run into Sam's arms, you know-"
Sebastian cut him off by pressing a gentle, slow kiss to his lips. Without even thinking Thad responded, closing his eyes and moving closer instinctively. Sebastian pulled apart after a second and rested his forehead against Thad's.
"I'm not running to Sam." Sebastian whispered. Thad opened his mouth to reply, but Sebastian pressed a silencing finger to his lips. "He's straight. At the most bi curious, but not for me." Sebastian laughed breathily, and Thad closed his eyes when the heated air hit his face. "I love him." Sebastian said bluntly.
Thad felt a flinch that went right to his bones, and he realised with a pang of guilt that this would be how Sebastian had felt when he'd said the same thing about Blaine. It hurt more than he'd thought it would.
"But," Sebastian continued. "I saw the way he looked at that Mercedes girl in the audience. How he used to look at me was nothing like that, none of the adoration or love or anything." Sebastian closed his eyes for a second, like just saying it out loud hurt. "I'm just the gay kid that fell for him, and he's the straight boy that'll never love me back."
"That's all very rational of you." Thad whispered, feeling like talking too loud would break the moment, like Sebastian would suddenly break out of it and tell Thad to fuck off, Sam was the only guy for him.
"I learnt from the best." Sebastian smiled.
Thad laughed, but it sounded more like a broken sob than anything else.
"I'm not rational." Thad closed his eyes so he couldn't see Sebastian try to contradict him. "I'm in love with a boy that I could have had a real chance with, and he's in love with another guy. I'm lying in bed trying to stop my fuck buddy leaving me while a part of me wants to run out of here and try to make Blaine mine. I'm as rational and stable as a Monty Python sketch."
Sebastian let out a short chuckle and wrapped his arms around Thad's shoulders, pulling him tight against his chest.
"We're both fucked up." Sebastian smiled against Thad's hair. "How about we settle for being fucked up together?"
TMTMTMTM
"Sebastian, you have gone overboard with the mistletoe."
Sebastian turned away from the textbook on his bed to see Thad, hand on hip, gesturing vaguely at the rings of mistletoe hanging above both of their beds, an eyebrow raised in confusion. Sebastian smiled.
"Have not."
"Are you going to take any of them down?" Thad asked pointedly. Sebastian pretended to ponder it for a second.
"No, I shan't." Sebastian rolled until he was in a sitting position, feet hanging off the side of the bed. "It's Christmas."
Thad rolled his eyes and began walking towards the door, fully intent on making it to lunch without once getting trapped under the kissing minefield Sebastian had converted their room into. He heard Sebastian roll off the bed and go to follow him.
"We should do something today." Sebastian said idly. Thad just smiled and kept walking. "I got the newest season of Torchwood on DVD yesterday, wanna watch it with me?"
Thad froze.
No. He thought. He wrapped his arms around himself and tried to hold it in, hold it together. He vaguely heard Sebastian's voice behind him but all he could focus on was not breaking down.
The memory flooded back. A curly haired boy hunched over in his car, half asleep on pain meds and alcohol while Thad poured out his heart and soul.
"It's like Captain Jack and Ianto in Torchwood. You know? For Ianto it wasn't guys, it was only ever Jack. And that's me with you."
He hadn't thought about Blaine since Sectionals. But he'd had bigger things on his mind, even then. Sam and all that drama. Blaine had been in the back of his head because Sebastian had become so set on helping Thad forget, on helping them both forget, that he'd actually started to.
"And I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"That I fell for Kurt before I could fall for you."
He'd thought he might even be getting over the boy. But one mention of a vague reference and now look at him, clutching himself while Sebastian tried to work out what's going on and Thad just wanted to die.
"THAD!" Sebastian grabbed Thad's shoulders, he could feel the heat through the thick winter layers, but Blaine was still on his mind.
Thad felt his eyes go wide. He could never think about Blaine when there was contact, when Sebastian was real and there and permanent. Now he could and it freaked him out, it made his heart hurt.
"Just… I think you should know that, if he and Kurt weren't perfect together, I'd be cheering for you."
"Thad, c'mon man talk to me!" Sebastian shook him slightly. Thad blinked and stared at Sebastian, trying to force every detail of the taller boy into his brain but it was still all Blaine.
He needed more contact. Not just warmth and layers but flesh and sweat and desperation. He needed to get Blaine out of his head because it was hurting so much more than he remembered, so much more than it used to now that he knew what he wanted and what he was feeling and that it could never happen. He just wanted it to be gone because what was the point of falling in love if all it did was make you want to cry?
He broke out of whatever trance he was in and grabbed Sebastian. His face, his shirt, anywhere he could reach, really. He grabbed him and pulled him as close as humanly possible, mashing their mouths together in a kiss that was all teeth and tongue and fuck me, fuck me now.
"Thad!" Sebastian, for the first time ever, pulled back. Thad whimpered at the loss of contact and felt his hands start to shake now that they weren't doing something. "Thad what's wrong?"
"I need you." Thad whispered, staring at his shaking hands because they wouldn't move. "I need you now."
"Why?" Sebastian peeled Thad's hands off his shirt and began pulling him towards the bed so he could sit down. "Two seconds ago you weren't even breathing, and now you want sex? This isn't like you."
"I don't care." Thad licked his lips and grabbed Sebastian's hands. "I don't care if I never act like me again, I just need you right fucking now."
Sebastian went to speak again but Thad just pulled him close, burying his head in the crook of Sebastian's neck.
"I need you now because I just want to forget."
Blaine was still there. Smiling at Thad like he used to, back when Thad thought he couldn't smile any brighter. Kurt disproved that.
"I need to forget because it just hurts, Seb. It hurts so much and I just..." Words failed him. He felt Sebastian's arms wrap around his shoulders, pulling him ever closer. "Please."
Sebastian was silent for a second, the longest second of Thad's life, and then he pulled back, freeing Thad's face so he could kiss him.
Their lips met and the sensation was instant, the heat and passion and more, now, always please more…
Sebastian ran a hand under Thad's shirt, cold against Thad's searing flesh, and Blaine vanished from his mind like a puff of smoke.
Like he was never even there in the first place.
TMTMTMTM
"I need a shower." Sebastian muttered, running his hands through Thad's sweat-slicked curls. Thad pulled Sebastian's naked torso closer.
"Can I come with you?"
Sebastian was silent, his fingers slowly coming to a stop. He exhaled.
"This got to you, didn't it?" Sebastian asked carefully. "Whatever made you think of Blaine, I mean."
Thad tried to say something, maybe deny it or pour out his soul or something, but his throat wouldn't work. He couldn't get the bubbles of air in his lungs to become sound. So instead he just closed his eyes and nuzzled into Sebastian's chest. The smell of sweat and sex and Sebastian hanging in the air like a ghost, pressing down on Thad's skin and telling him you're here, you're fine, Blaine's not here, you're safe.
Sebastian ran a hand down Thad's spine, fingers ghosting patterns along the vertebra that made Thad shiver. He twined his arms tighter around Sebastian's waist and tried to keep grounding himself, scared that any second he wasn't with Sebastian he'd start thinking of Blaine again and then his heart would break. It would literally shatter into a million pieces and he'd break right along with it.
"Placing a smile at the perfect event…" Sebastian began singing quietly, the same Panic! At The Disco song that had kind of started it all, but this time slower, more like a lullaby.
"Gracing your skin with the side of my hand
If I ever leave I could learn to miss you
But 'Sentimental Boy' is my nom de plume."
Without even meaning to Thad could feel the tired creeping up on him. The emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion that he'd been fighting for longer than he ever wanted to was finally hitting him. He felt his brain slowly shut down as he got lost in Sebastian's whispered words.
"Let me save you, hold this rope."
He didn't belt the chorus, he kept to the lullaby vibe, and Thad felt his muscles relax as he continued.
"I may never sleep tonight
As long as you're still burning bright
If I could trade mistakes for sheep
Count me away before you sleep
So I'll stay awake 'till I trade my mistakes
Or they fade away…."