Jeff Foxworthy on Michigan
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting
there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights
each year because Pellston is the coldest spot in the nation, you
might live in Michigan.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you
might live in Michigan.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the
year, you might live in Michigan.
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work
there, you might live in Michigan.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his
forehead, you might live in Michigan.
If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might live in
Michigan.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live
in Michigan.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who
dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan.
Part 2 - You know you're a true MICHIGANIAN/MICHIGANDER when
1."Vacation" means going up north on I-75.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging
blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how
to use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 4 seasons:almost winter, winter, still winter and
road construction.
12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to
your blue spruce.
14. You were unaware that there is a legaldrinking age.
15. Down South to you means Ohio.
16. A brat is something you eat.
17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn.
18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
22. You drink pop and bake with soda.
23. Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it's not medicine.
24. You can actually drink Vernors without coughing
25. You know what a Yooper is.
26. You think owning a Honda is Un-American.
27. You know that UP is a place, not a direction.
28. You know it's possible to live in a thumb.
29. You understand that when visiting Detroit, the best thing to wear
is a Kevlar vest.
30. You actually understand these jokes, and you will send it to your fellow michigan friends.
Well that above is very true. Mac's are so much better than PC's hands down. There are so many awesome things that my macbook has that pc's never will. Plus they will never crash on you and you never have pop up's and virus'.
Really haven't written in here lately. Been really busy with work and school as always. But Im glad there are only a couple more weeks left. Then it all starts back up in January with more classes. I really like the online classes. With my schedule, it really works because I can get the work done at like 2am. The garage is coming along finally. The floor is finally done. Still have to insulate the roof and drywall the wall, but have to wait on my cousin for the drywall. It is definatly winter time. I just want more snow. I have no problem with the cold as long as there is snow on the ground. This cold and windy weather with no snow sucks. Not too much has been going on. Been going out to a few bars with everyone. Snookers is a good place to go. I haven't played pool in like 3 years. I still suck, but at least I can get the balls in the pocket. I like going to the dive bars too. The Blue Goose is a great place. They have a live band all the time. We were just there on sunday and the band is great. The keyboardst (sp) is amaizing. Went to the Central game last week. Me and John pregamed on the way there, then I snuck my pint inside. I wasnt' going to spend 8 dollars on a beer. There prices are nuts. That is what Pre-gaming and tailgating is for, so you don't have to spend any money there. Then after we went across to Windsor. Went to the usuall's, Aardvarks and whatever club has 2 dollar drinks. This time it was rush. Kevin and John did Absenth and they were fucked up the whole night. Fun times getting back across.
"Where did you go tonight?'
"Casino Windsor"
"And . . .?"
"Aardvarks."
"And . . . ?"
"No where else."
"And . . .?"
"Thats It."
"Ok, can you pop the trunk"
"Yes I can"
"Wow, Its a problem when the system costs more than the car"
"Yea, I know, Im working on that though"
"Alright, your passenger's are passed out, have a good night."
I look over and John and Kevin are both passed out. I still like going over because alot of my friends are still under 21, plus it is a good time. All the bars are in a 2 mile strip.
James came back Friday night. It was good seeing him and hearing all his stories. He has his military ID and it doesn't have his age on it, so we are going to try to get him in a few bars. Most places never ask for State ID's when you have a military ID just because they know you are serving the country. Dave and Brian are turning 21 this week, so we have a couple nights to go out this week. The Motor City Bowl is after Christmas, so another good game to go to and hopefully Central will wipe the field with Middle Tenn. Then after, more than likely another Canada trip. I was soposed to get a 67 Ford pickup, but im not so sure if that is going to happen. Paul might pick it up. It is his friend who is selling it so he does have first dibs. But the same friend is selling his Mustang aslo. He might do a package deal, both for one price. I do want another mustang for my summer car, then a truck for my winter/alternate vehicle. I actually need a truck because the Mercruiser can't tow the boat long distances. Down the street and back it does fine, but It won't tow it up north. It actually will, butI would I have to replace the trans on my way back.
Had the family christmas party on saturday night. Always good times. All my cousins were there, except for the 2 in Flordia and Lindsay. She couldn't make it back from school, but Adrianne made it back. Kept going up to the bar upstairs with my uncles and cousins to watch the football games. Checking scores on my phone got old. My cousin was telling us about some of his crazy jobs. It was defiently the quote of the night. "You know how you can order the double headed dildo show at bachlor parties, well I was the guy that would walk the strippers in and carry in the bag of toys. I got to see that show like 6 times a night for months at a time." I could not beleive my cousin used to drive around strippers. He said it was one of the greatest and highest paying jobs that he has had. Well its time for me to end this fuckin novel. Class starts in 8 minutes. oops. oh well, ill be late.
there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights
each year because Pellston is the coldest spot in the nation, you
might live in Michigan.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you
might live in Michigan.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the
year, you might live in Michigan.
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work
there, you might live in Michigan.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his
forehead, you might live in Michigan.
If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might live in
Michigan.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live
in Michigan.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who
dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan.
Part 2 - You know you're a true MICHIGANIAN/MICHIGANDER when
1."Vacation" means going up north on I-75.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging
blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how
to use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 4 seasons:almost winter, winter, still winter and
road construction.
12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to
your blue spruce.
14. You were unaware that there is a legaldrinking age.
15. Down South to you means Ohio.
16. A brat is something you eat.
17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn.
18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
22. You drink pop and bake with soda.
23. Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it's not medicine.
24. You can actually drink Vernors without coughing
25. You know what a Yooper is.
26. You think owning a Honda is Un-American.
27. You know that UP is a place, not a direction.
28. You know it's possible to live in a thumb.
29. You understand that when visiting Detroit, the best thing to wear
is a Kevlar vest.
30. You actually understand these jokes, and you will send it to your fellow michigan friends.
Well that above is very true. Mac's are so much better than PC's hands down. There are so many awesome things that my macbook has that pc's never will. Plus they will never crash on you and you never have pop up's and virus'.
Really haven't written in here lately. Been really busy with work and school as always. But Im glad there are only a couple more weeks left. Then it all starts back up in January with more classes. I really like the online classes. With my schedule, it really works because I can get the work done at like 2am. The garage is coming along finally. The floor is finally done. Still have to insulate the roof and drywall the wall, but have to wait on my cousin for the drywall. It is definatly winter time. I just want more snow. I have no problem with the cold as long as there is snow on the ground. This cold and windy weather with no snow sucks. Not too much has been going on. Been going out to a few bars with everyone. Snookers is a good place to go. I haven't played pool in like 3 years. I still suck, but at least I can get the balls in the pocket. I like going to the dive bars too. The Blue Goose is a great place. They have a live band all the time. We were just there on sunday and the band is great. The keyboardst (sp) is amaizing. Went to the Central game last week. Me and John pregamed on the way there, then I snuck my pint inside. I wasnt' going to spend 8 dollars on a beer. There prices are nuts. That is what Pre-gaming and tailgating is for, so you don't have to spend any money there. Then after we went across to Windsor. Went to the usuall's, Aardvarks and whatever club has 2 dollar drinks. This time it was rush. Kevin and John did Absenth and they were fucked up the whole night. Fun times getting back across.
"Where did you go tonight?'
"Casino Windsor"
"And . . .?"
"Aardvarks."
"And . . . ?"
"No where else."
"And . . .?"
"Thats It."
"Ok, can you pop the trunk"
"Yes I can"
"Wow, Its a problem when the system costs more than the car"
"Yea, I know, Im working on that though"
"Alright, your passenger's are passed out, have a good night."
I look over and John and Kevin are both passed out. I still like going over because alot of my friends are still under 21, plus it is a good time. All the bars are in a 2 mile strip.
James came back Friday night. It was good seeing him and hearing all his stories. He has his military ID and it doesn't have his age on it, so we are going to try to get him in a few bars. Most places never ask for State ID's when you have a military ID just because they know you are serving the country. Dave and Brian are turning 21 this week, so we have a couple nights to go out this week. The Motor City Bowl is after Christmas, so another good game to go to and hopefully Central will wipe the field with Middle Tenn. Then after, more than likely another Canada trip. I was soposed to get a 67 Ford pickup, but im not so sure if that is going to happen. Paul might pick it up. It is his friend who is selling it so he does have first dibs. But the same friend is selling his Mustang aslo. He might do a package deal, both for one price. I do want another mustang for my summer car, then a truck for my winter/alternate vehicle. I actually need a truck because the Mercruiser can't tow the boat long distances. Down the street and back it does fine, but It won't tow it up north. It actually will, butI would I have to replace the trans on my way back.
Had the family christmas party on saturday night. Always good times. All my cousins were there, except for the 2 in Flordia and Lindsay. She couldn't make it back from school, but Adrianne made it back. Kept going up to the bar upstairs with my uncles and cousins to watch the football games. Checking scores on my phone got old. My cousin was telling us about some of his crazy jobs. It was defiently the quote of the night. "You know how you can order the double headed dildo show at bachlor parties, well I was the guy that would walk the strippers in and carry in the bag of toys. I got to see that show like 6 times a night for months at a time." I could not beleive my cousin used to drive around strippers. He said it was one of the greatest and highest paying jobs that he has had. Well its time for me to end this fuckin novel. Class starts in 8 minutes. oops. oh well, ill be late.