(no subject)
ohhh school hasn't been so much of a hassle. just spanish, really. and my mother. all i look forward to is....the end of the day. i don't want to look too far ahead. even though i really need to. college is pushing it to the limit. like....i still don't know where i'm going. i don't know what i want my future to be like.
but enough of that shit.
once upon a time i tried to hate you, but then i realized i truly hated myself and went insane.
we finally talk again. it burns inside, but i'm living still.
i see clay most the time. another thing my mom is on my dick about. he gets me these little stuffed animals a lot. pretty soon i'll have a collection, and then someone will have a problem with it. like always. i was talking to julie about joining that bronxhouse gym shit. but if i was to share that information with mi padres, i would get tackled into the dirt. money money, no responsibility, you're a dumb cunt, you're useless, you hate us and you give nothing to us is all that i can make out of their logic. that is all that goes through one of my ears and out the other.
something else bothering me....
how i can never keep anything nice. i lose things that are of value, i also lose petty things and it all adds up to me getting pissed. it's how i work in this world. i lose everything that is wonderful. the things that i still have are damaged, dirty, you name it. not all the "things" i speak of are physical. sure my heart exists, but the heart i'm talking about is that mental symbol of love. it's dented. my mp3 player is missing, causing me to hate public transportation even more with a passion. i lost my job because i was seriously in my own little world. now reality is really getting to me with it's unbearable screeching. screaming in my ears "REALITY!!!!!" i hate it. i have a feeling i'm going to fuck up even more things as i go further down the road.
i can't wait til gemma starts work at the liquor store. i will abuse the privilege!
but enough of that shit.
once upon a time i tried to hate you, but then i realized i truly hated myself and went insane.
we finally talk again. it burns inside, but i'm living still.
i see clay most the time. another thing my mom is on my dick about. he gets me these little stuffed animals a lot. pretty soon i'll have a collection, and then someone will have a problem with it. like always. i was talking to julie about joining that bronxhouse gym shit. but if i was to share that information with mi padres, i would get tackled into the dirt. money money, no responsibility, you're a dumb cunt, you're useless, you hate us and you give nothing to us is all that i can make out of their logic. that is all that goes through one of my ears and out the other.
something else bothering me....
how i can never keep anything nice. i lose things that are of value, i also lose petty things and it all adds up to me getting pissed. it's how i work in this world. i lose everything that is wonderful. the things that i still have are damaged, dirty, you name it. not all the "things" i speak of are physical. sure my heart exists, but the heart i'm talking about is that mental symbol of love. it's dented. my mp3 player is missing, causing me to hate public transportation even more with a passion. i lost my job because i was seriously in my own little world. now reality is really getting to me with it's unbearable screeching. screaming in my ears "REALITY!!!!!" i hate it. i have a feeling i'm going to fuck up even more things as i go further down the road.
i can't wait til gemma starts work at the liquor store. i will abuse the privilege!