A new beginning.
It's been a while since I made an actual blog post beyond just quotes and pictures. Then again, it's been a while since I felt happy and positive.
This is what happened. I was betrayed by 3 of close friends. Or at least I thought they were friends. Turns out, over the past 5 years, they were just colleagues. Naive as I was, I actually thought colleagues can be friends and not just friendly. I learned that lesson the hard way.
I never saw it coming. I honestly thought they were happy when I was promoted, when I was asked to lunch with the president of the organisation together with other top performers and when I was praised by the director. I am not someone who trusts and loves easily so to have these people who I truly did care suddenly sabotage and bully me was...shocking and traumatising. The betrayal was painful but even more so was the self-doubt I started experiencing. How could I have not seen their jealousy and the manipulation? How did my instincts get so blunted? I have always read people well but apparently not the ones who are close to me.
I quit my job in July after I could no longer cope with the bullying I was experiencing and only last week found another. It was hard wait but in the end it was a worthwhile wait, with more pay and less responsibilities and an exciting new sector. It felt like the past 4 months of grief and self-doubt was my crucible and in the end, god and the universe said, learn your lesson and now go on to a better life. Professionally, leaving the old job was a good move. The pain had more to do with the relationship.
I am now ready for a new beginning. I want nothing to do with those 3 but I still have other ex-colleagues who are still there and who are experiencing their own problems with these 3 who have now taken over the management of the place after I and the other manager left. They are apparently now in the process of trying to kick out the head of the place, AM, by going to the director and HR. I feel bad for AM. She is not a perfect boss but she put her heart and soul into the division and rewards those who work hard. The timing of when they plan to get her out is just horrible as she has just survived a difficult pregnancy and has been away since April. She is not ready for what is coming. I can empathise as she is going to experience exactly what I did because she trusts the 3 of them. However, back in Feb, I tried to warn her. I told her how they were not cooperating and how they were refusing to do their work but she dismissed what was happening to me as something I needed to work on rather than anything wrong with the 3 of them. She made me question myself and wonder if there really was something wrong with me for expecting people to do their job. Her mistake. Now it's going to happen to her as the 3 of them have threatened to resign unless the director get AM out. Empty threats as they know that given how short-handed the centre is, the director needs the 3 of them. Also 2 years ago, one of them, the ringleader, told me how she would like to run the centre one day and how she wants to get AM out as she felt AM was too young to be head. Seems like they will get their way because HR will rather move one person out to another department than lose 3 staff...especially in a year which has already seen 5 people resign.
So many good people have left that place this year. One guy, who is married with kids, and whom I thought would never leave, resigned without another job in place. He said he could not take it anymore as the 3 would keep nitpicking everything he did even though he was doing more than them. The problem was we had an absent boss and a director who was never around. The place became an high school.
Looking back, I am learning what I should have done better. I am seeing the signs I had missed back then. I feel sad that a division which I had put blood sweat and tears into was now going down the drain as recently I met with the receptionist of the place for dinner and she told me how complaints have skyrocketed. For 5 years, I love that place and the people. It no longer hurts to think about the place and the people but there is a slight heaviness which will always remain. However I also am proud of my values and integrity. I stood up for work ethics and staff who were being gossiped about unfairly. I paid for it but the lesson was worth the price.
Going forward, I will always trust my instincts even when it is with regards to the people closest to me. I will never again ignore it. I will also remind myself that I can be very friendly with my colleagues but they will never be friends as long as we work together. In the end, only family matters and I thank god for mine.
This is what happened. I was betrayed by 3 of close friends. Or at least I thought they were friends. Turns out, over the past 5 years, they were just colleagues. Naive as I was, I actually thought colleagues can be friends and not just friendly. I learned that lesson the hard way.
I never saw it coming. I honestly thought they were happy when I was promoted, when I was asked to lunch with the president of the organisation together with other top performers and when I was praised by the director. I am not someone who trusts and loves easily so to have these people who I truly did care suddenly sabotage and bully me was...shocking and traumatising. The betrayal was painful but even more so was the self-doubt I started experiencing. How could I have not seen their jealousy and the manipulation? How did my instincts get so blunted? I have always read people well but apparently not the ones who are close to me.
I quit my job in July after I could no longer cope with the bullying I was experiencing and only last week found another. It was hard wait but in the end it was a worthwhile wait, with more pay and less responsibilities and an exciting new sector. It felt like the past 4 months of grief and self-doubt was my crucible and in the end, god and the universe said, learn your lesson and now go on to a better life. Professionally, leaving the old job was a good move. The pain had more to do with the relationship.
I am now ready for a new beginning. I want nothing to do with those 3 but I still have other ex-colleagues who are still there and who are experiencing their own problems with these 3 who have now taken over the management of the place after I and the other manager left. They are apparently now in the process of trying to kick out the head of the place, AM, by going to the director and HR. I feel bad for AM. She is not a perfect boss but she put her heart and soul into the division and rewards those who work hard. The timing of when they plan to get her out is just horrible as she has just survived a difficult pregnancy and has been away since April. She is not ready for what is coming. I can empathise as she is going to experience exactly what I did because she trusts the 3 of them. However, back in Feb, I tried to warn her. I told her how they were not cooperating and how they were refusing to do their work but she dismissed what was happening to me as something I needed to work on rather than anything wrong with the 3 of them. She made me question myself and wonder if there really was something wrong with me for expecting people to do their job. Her mistake. Now it's going to happen to her as the 3 of them have threatened to resign unless the director get AM out. Empty threats as they know that given how short-handed the centre is, the director needs the 3 of them. Also 2 years ago, one of them, the ringleader, told me how she would like to run the centre one day and how she wants to get AM out as she felt AM was too young to be head. Seems like they will get their way because HR will rather move one person out to another department than lose 3 staff...especially in a year which has already seen 5 people resign.
So many good people have left that place this year. One guy, who is married with kids, and whom I thought would never leave, resigned without another job in place. He said he could not take it anymore as the 3 would keep nitpicking everything he did even though he was doing more than them. The problem was we had an absent boss and a director who was never around. The place became an high school.
Looking back, I am learning what I should have done better. I am seeing the signs I had missed back then. I feel sad that a division which I had put blood sweat and tears into was now going down the drain as recently I met with the receptionist of the place for dinner and she told me how complaints have skyrocketed. For 5 years, I love that place and the people. It no longer hurts to think about the place and the people but there is a slight heaviness which will always remain. However I also am proud of my values and integrity. I stood up for work ethics and staff who were being gossiped about unfairly. I paid for it but the lesson was worth the price.
Going forward, I will always trust my instincts even when it is with regards to the people closest to me. I will never again ignore it. I will also remind myself that I can be very friendly with my colleagues but they will never be friends as long as we work together. In the end, only family matters and I thank god for mine.