(no subject)
im proud of myself for sticking it out this morning in practice, even though i only stayed for half. i could have just decided that my back was going to hurt indefinitely and used it as an excuse to not go.
but i toughed it out. i have to be dedicated, i have to. i have to push myself even more than im pushing myself now. yall have no idea how bad i want this, how bad i want my figure to look better. and i want to do it the right way. i dont want to starve myself or throw up. ive tried a million times before to start things to help, but theyve always fallen right through the floor. its harder when youre a teenager than when youre an adult, cuz youre constantly around zillions of peers who can eat whatever they want and do whatever. not saying that all my friends can, but a lot can, and it just makes it that much more difficult for me.
my mom is gonna show me some weight training exercises tonight. that i can do in the comfort of my own home and not feel weak and stupid. because lets face it, i have arms like a rubber chicken. so im gonna work on that too.
meggie and i hung out again today, no surprise there. i love you to death meg. you can eat the entire contents of my pantry if you want, im perfectly content with my bag of real mozzarella cheese. we went to target and i bought hair stuff, no comments please. we ran into susie and devon, which i admit was a smidge uncomfortable for me, but its okay. then we ran into kara and theresa which was cool. right before we checked out, i made a huge impulse buy - cruel intentions for 9 dollars and 44 cent (plus tax of course). ive been in love with that movie since i was supposedly "corrupted" at marisas birthday two years ago - and not because of the pool scene.
needless to say, meggie and i viewed it out of range from kathleen and maureen.
then we were haggled by dustin, which has become inevitable at meggies casa.
then i wound up at home, curled up on the couch with a book that took me 30 minutes to read, and now im here, typing away.
perhaps ill go find myself a sugar-free cherry popsicle.
but i toughed it out. i have to be dedicated, i have to. i have to push myself even more than im pushing myself now. yall have no idea how bad i want this, how bad i want my figure to look better. and i want to do it the right way. i dont want to starve myself or throw up. ive tried a million times before to start things to help, but theyve always fallen right through the floor. its harder when youre a teenager than when youre an adult, cuz youre constantly around zillions of peers who can eat whatever they want and do whatever. not saying that all my friends can, but a lot can, and it just makes it that much more difficult for me.
my mom is gonna show me some weight training exercises tonight. that i can do in the comfort of my own home and not feel weak and stupid. because lets face it, i have arms like a rubber chicken. so im gonna work on that too.
meggie and i hung out again today, no surprise there. i love you to death meg. you can eat the entire contents of my pantry if you want, im perfectly content with my bag of real mozzarella cheese. we went to target and i bought hair stuff, no comments please. we ran into susie and devon, which i admit was a smidge uncomfortable for me, but its okay. then we ran into kara and theresa which was cool. right before we checked out, i made a huge impulse buy - cruel intentions for 9 dollars and 44 cent (plus tax of course). ive been in love with that movie since i was supposedly "corrupted" at marisas birthday two years ago - and not because of the pool scene.
needless to say, meggie and i viewed it out of range from kathleen and maureen.
then we were haggled by dustin, which has become inevitable at meggies casa.
then i wound up at home, curled up on the couch with a book that took me 30 minutes to read, and now im here, typing away.
perhaps ill go find myself a sugar-free cherry popsicle.