a month of internal debate...

[schitzofrantic]

The past month (as many of u might have noticed) I have been quite a bit more internal... and quite a bit more thoughtful, about myself.. I realised that I really didn't know who I was. It scared me. I have hid too many feelings away inside, and it has made me pretty much numb to ervything. All negative emotion and thought was locked away where

Comments

[skate111]

I see. You confirmed something that you wouldn't understand and that in your wording doesn't even exist.

I'm open to trying new things, and that's why I even said that comment - it was off of a test in the first place, smart one.

I like how you come to conclusions. I like how you ignore all of your friends and start hanging out with people who you hardly ever talked to the remainder of the year. That is what is most respectable about you... how you can take things, one little thing, drop off everyone you know and go back to people who will still accept you... why? I don't know. They probably shouldn't. I was warned before I became your friend and I should have taken that warning; I didn't, but it doesn't matter.

I probably want you when I'm dating Rachel and love her to death. Probably.

Oh, and telling you things that she said and did is wanting to cause you two to break up. I may have wanted that, but definitely not for your reasoning. You're being entirely ridiculous and egocentric by thinking that -- I never said anything that wasn't true; and as far as what I told Megan I only helped her form her decisions.

Fuck off if you're going to make assumptions. Fuck off if you're not going to understand and fuck you for making this public when it isn't anyones business from the start. Fuck you.

[prayersforrai]

tension, anyone?
ouch. ouch... ouccchhh!!!
its all been a downward spiral...

"I'm dating Rachel and love her to death"
LOVE ISNT REAL.
ADAM taught me this.
couchcoughypocritecough

[skate111]

...I love a lot of people.

[schitzofrantic]

hmmm, where to begin... No place better than the start I guess. If "in my wording" this something does not exist, in which wording and context would it? Which test might it have been off of? Also, I must appologize, I meant to include a clause which would explain that your supposed attraction(?) to me could have been a thing of the past and not still exist (although I'm sure it doesn't now..more than ever). Also, I love how u assume things, the past week at lunch has been spent making up tests and the like. Mornings I have been woring on a Spanish project, afternoons as well. As for hanging out with other people, i realised that I haven't really talked to many other people that I feel are nice and good people, another side efect both of the approaching end of the year, and of my period of quiet contemplation. I still believe, though I may be mistaken, that people I was friends with are still my friend. Who knows, if a bump in the road such as this causes them to dissasociate with me and quit calling themselves my friend, then they weren't that good of friends anyways, though I would still love to talk to them either way. Just out of curiousity, what were u warned about??? Oh well, I see myself as becoming a good person, and as long as I see that, I am happy with myself. Hope to hear your reply soon ;-)
~Zach~

[prayersforrai]

many words i have said in the past, have just been mentioned.
i'm proud of you zach. i'm glad you have realized these things. and i know i have had a part in you
revelation.

[skate111]

I"m not mentioning names, or exact wordings about what I was warned about because that would be unfair to the person who told me. It's someone you know and it's something they told me a long time ago.

WHy haven't you talked to Rachel in 6th period all week? Eh? That seems like avoidance to me.

The time when I came to commons in the morning and you were standing by talking to Kory, and others?

Monday at lunch when you walked away as soon as I started coming to sit with everyone?

You may have excuses. I don't speak for anyone but myself; if they choose to discociate with you that would be their perogative. I personally don't think anyone should be involved with this, nor do I think this hsould be going on because it's a waste of my time.

--

As far as when it was said... the only time I recall ever saying anything (at least to you-) would be the night when we took the test here.

You make hanous claims like that is very very disrespectful and can give other people the wrong ideas and bad iamges about me. What you may have posted friends-only or private is different than posting that public -- it shouldn't haev been posted at all because none of that is anyones business. For the record, I'm not going to go and deny that I may have or sitll have any bicurious thoughts because I -am- open with my body and sexuality and don't think it'd be totally fair to be any other way.

I find it funny that some of the people you socialize with are people you have actually made fun of before... too. hah.

I have things that can better consume another five minutes of my life... all I know is that you're taking the whole situation extremely immature by even making those kind of accusations based on things with no evidence at all. I didn't -break- you up ever, you both made those decisions. I was only there for the both of you because I cared.