Fic: Newcomers deleted scene #3
Because I've signed myself up for the atlantisbigbang, and that 40,000 word minimum has rather put my follow up to 'Five Callings' on hold. (The follow up is veering between being 'Five favours John Sheppard (or the senior staff) did for AR-27 that they really don't appreciate' and 'Conversations with the Little Major', neither of which is very pithy ;)
Cut, deleted scene from the Newcomers story, Five Callings: Teyla, Janel & Mark on Ordan
Cut because it slowed the story down, and would have resolved too much of the tension too soon, but I like to think that this happened anyway, if not right then. Also, this scene is the reason Janel's carrying the scissors that play such an important role in Five Callings.
Cut*
She needs the scissors, but if she keeps them, she doesn't need the knife. But it's the chocolate that catches the stallholder's eye, and she parts - reluctantly - with a whole bar to get the powders and oils she needs.
The mix isn't quite what she remembers, but it looks well enough in the bowl as she mixes it. It isn't until she sets it aside to prove and takes up the scissors that she really starts to think about what she's doing.
She doesn't have time to prepare her hair, bleach it to take the colour. She can see white in the lock that she's holding that will take the colour just as well, and she wonders that she never saw that before.
Her hand shakes as she tries to make the first cut.
She cut most of the red from her hair when she fled the Delta, but she hasn't cut it since, hasn't thought to. Never wanted to be seen as she would be, never had the pride of the Five Towns in her.
The others both step forward when she takes up the scissors, but it's Collins who eases the scissors from her hand. "Here, let me," he says, softly, and she doesn't stop him. "How long?"
Short. Short, cut it all off. She holds out her hand, forefinger crooked against thumb.
"Short. Okay," he says, letting out a gust of breath. "That I can do." He takes the lock of hair she's still holding. "Ready?"
She can't nod, with him holding her hair, so she tilts an eyebrow, and he grins suddenly, briefly, and she returns the smile just as he makes the first cut.
He works quickly, doesn't hesitate over the cuts, doesn't slow them to a ritual as she thinks Teyla might. She still closes her eyes so she can't see the curls fall.
He pushes her head forward gently to cut the hair at the nape of her neck, and steadies her when a falling lock grazes her shoulder and makes her shiver. He works quickly, and she doesn't have time to change her mind.
When it's done, he starts to run his hand through the hair that's left, but pulls away abruptly. She shivers again, and scrubs her fingers though her hair, shaking away the sudden sensation of light-headedness.
When she stops, they're watching her, Teyla with soft understanding, Collins with an apparently critical eye for his handiwork.
"Well, it's short, anyway," he says, finally, and Teyla ducks her head to hide her laughter.
"I had forgotten that the Marines cut each others' hair," she says, smiling. "Perhaps I should recommend you to the Colonel."
Collins looks momentarily horrified.
"D'you want -" He holds up the cloth that captured her shorn hair.
"Burn it."
He nods in acknowledgement, and sends the little bundle flying into a nearby firepit. The old trader tending the fire squawks as it burns, sending up an acrid smell. "Sorry, ma'am. Sorry," says Collins to the trader, who scowls at him, barely appeased by his contrition.
He smirks as he catches Janel's eye, and she finds herself smiling back. Teyla, watching, looks very close to rolling her eyes at them, and hurries to apologise to the old woman.
"What now?" asks Collins.
She pulls the first bowl of turning dye towards her, stirring it and watching the colour swirl. "I need warm water -" She stops as Teyla sets a metal basin on the table beside her.
"Water. Just boiled," says Teyla. "And about the most expensive I've ever traded for," she adds, with a pointed look at Collins, who winces.
"Sorry."
Teyla shakes her head. "Here," she says to Janel, unwinding the basin's covering. "Use this cloth to cover your clothes." She smiles at Janel, and for the first time, Janel does not see pity there.
Bonus deleted scene:
When she walks across the gate room, she is all too aware of the heads turning to watch her. The colours that mark her as Five Towns also mark her apart from the Lanteans, further than before.
She keeps her head up, but she hardly sees in front of herself, which is why she almost walks into Dex.
He catches her arm at the elbow, and looks her up and down, before grinning, fierce and sudden. "Delta," he says.
Janel clasps her own hand around his arm, and grins back. "Sateda."
Dex's grin softens, and he runs his other hand through her newly shorn hair. It comes away blue.
Frowning, he asks, "Blue?"
Because the Five Towns were red and green, but the traders on Ordan had no red that matched her memory, so she chose green and: "Blue," she tells him. "For Atlantis."
*Yes, I'm very pleased with that. It is a pune, or, 'play on words'. The deleted scene, you see, has been 'cut' and has likewise been set behind an LJ 'cut'... I'll stop now...
My Big Bang story? Features declassification, hapless journalists and other gratuitous OCs, Genii double-crosses, daring rescues on Wraith hive ships, sex pollen and the infamous SGC Kissing Protocol. And that's all before I've worked out the final act.
Also, it has a title! See me with my competent story-planning all of a sudden.
Cut, deleted scene from the Newcomers story, Five Callings: Teyla, Janel & Mark on Ordan
Cut because it slowed the story down, and would have resolved too much of the tension too soon, but I like to think that this happened anyway, if not right then. Also, this scene is the reason Janel's carrying the scissors that play such an important role in Five Callings.
Cut*
She needs the scissors, but if she keeps them, she doesn't need the knife. But it's the chocolate that catches the stallholder's eye, and she parts - reluctantly - with a whole bar to get the powders and oils she needs.
The mix isn't quite what she remembers, but it looks well enough in the bowl as she mixes it. It isn't until she sets it aside to prove and takes up the scissors that she really starts to think about what she's doing.
She doesn't have time to prepare her hair, bleach it to take the colour. She can see white in the lock that she's holding that will take the colour just as well, and she wonders that she never saw that before.
Her hand shakes as she tries to make the first cut.
She cut most of the red from her hair when she fled the Delta, but she hasn't cut it since, hasn't thought to. Never wanted to be seen as she would be, never had the pride of the Five Towns in her.
The others both step forward when she takes up the scissors, but it's Collins who eases the scissors from her hand. "Here, let me," he says, softly, and she doesn't stop him. "How long?"
Short. Short, cut it all off. She holds out her hand, forefinger crooked against thumb.
"Short. Okay," he says, letting out a gust of breath. "That I can do." He takes the lock of hair she's still holding. "Ready?"
She can't nod, with him holding her hair, so she tilts an eyebrow, and he grins suddenly, briefly, and she returns the smile just as he makes the first cut.
He works quickly, doesn't hesitate over the cuts, doesn't slow them to a ritual as she thinks Teyla might. She still closes her eyes so she can't see the curls fall.
He pushes her head forward gently to cut the hair at the nape of her neck, and steadies her when a falling lock grazes her shoulder and makes her shiver. He works quickly, and she doesn't have time to change her mind.
When it's done, he starts to run his hand through the hair that's left, but pulls away abruptly. She shivers again, and scrubs her fingers though her hair, shaking away the sudden sensation of light-headedness.
When she stops, they're watching her, Teyla with soft understanding, Collins with an apparently critical eye for his handiwork.
"Well, it's short, anyway," he says, finally, and Teyla ducks her head to hide her laughter.
"I had forgotten that the Marines cut each others' hair," she says, smiling. "Perhaps I should recommend you to the Colonel."
Collins looks momentarily horrified.
"D'you want -" He holds up the cloth that captured her shorn hair.
"Burn it."
He nods in acknowledgement, and sends the little bundle flying into a nearby firepit. The old trader tending the fire squawks as it burns, sending up an acrid smell. "Sorry, ma'am. Sorry," says Collins to the trader, who scowls at him, barely appeased by his contrition.
He smirks as he catches Janel's eye, and she finds herself smiling back. Teyla, watching, looks very close to rolling her eyes at them, and hurries to apologise to the old woman.
"What now?" asks Collins.
She pulls the first bowl of turning dye towards her, stirring it and watching the colour swirl. "I need warm water -" She stops as Teyla sets a metal basin on the table beside her.
"Water. Just boiled," says Teyla. "And about the most expensive I've ever traded for," she adds, with a pointed look at Collins, who winces.
"Sorry."
Teyla shakes her head. "Here," she says to Janel, unwinding the basin's covering. "Use this cloth to cover your clothes." She smiles at Janel, and for the first time, Janel does not see pity there.
Bonus deleted scene:
When she walks across the gate room, she is all too aware of the heads turning to watch her. The colours that mark her as Five Towns also mark her apart from the Lanteans, further than before.
She keeps her head up, but she hardly sees in front of herself, which is why she almost walks into Dex.
He catches her arm at the elbow, and looks her up and down, before grinning, fierce and sudden. "Delta," he says.
Janel clasps her own hand around his arm, and grins back. "Sateda."
Dex's grin softens, and he runs his other hand through her newly shorn hair. It comes away blue.
Frowning, he asks, "Blue?"
Because the Five Towns were red and green, but the traders on Ordan had no red that matched her memory, so she chose green and: "Blue," she tells him. "For Atlantis."
*Yes, I'm very pleased with that. It is a pune, or, 'play on words'. The deleted scene, you see, has been 'cut' and has likewise been set behind an LJ 'cut'... I'll stop now...
My Big Bang story? Features declassification, hapless journalists and other gratuitous OCs, Genii double-crosses, daring rescues on Wraith hive ships, sex pollen and the infamous SGC Kissing Protocol. And that's all before I've worked out the final act.
Also, it has a title! See me with my competent story-planning all of a sudden.