Nightmares...
...
My head hurts.
I... had another dream. Well, a memory, in fact.
It was strange, because... I'm not sure if that is actually what transpired.
I was Ienzo, talking to Xehanort. He had finally discovered a way to replicate Heartless artificially. I was apprehensive about this, wondering what it would do to the world if we did so, or what purpose it could serve. Yes, we'd have far more test subjects, and would not have to worry about hurting people anymore and yet... what if they got out? What if, what if, what if...
I do not remember being quite that apprehensive. Indeed, what I remember was being... thrilled. Enthralled. I think I may have taken the plans to Master Ansem right away and encouraged him to build a prototype machine. And later, when he insisted we dismantle it, it was I who spoke with Dilan and Eleaus about building a new one deep in the bowels of the castle, where Ansem could not thwart our plans.
But in the dream, I was truly frightened of what was happening to myself, and to my friend.
Upon reflection, such fear may have been wise. If I had been afraid, instead of charging ahead with no regard to who I hurt, perhaps I would still be Ienzo, and not Zexion.
... then again, as Zexion I have seen so very much. I know what it is to lose a heart; I have seen stars die, I have walked from one end of the universe to the other, I have woven my dreams into reality and turned reality into dreams...
But I cannot fully appreciate these things without a heart.
Why must we have one, without the other? To gain power, we must deny what makes us real. And once we have that power, we cannot use it unless we are real... is there any middle road?
Promises, promises... we had so many plans in store. I remember at first, I thought that I would help to vanquish darkness for all time, and lead our people into an era of peace... then I thought we could use the darkness to help others, much in the same way that Mako, though terribly dangerous, had been used as a force for good.
Then I wondered why we should fear the darkness at all.
And finally, there was only the power, the sweet feeling that twisting tendrils of shadow 'round my soul gave me.
How far we fell...
What's dream? What's reality? Sometimes, my existance now seems as a mere dream... I keep expecting to awaken, to realize that I've never lost my heart, that I am still Ienzo, still dreaming, still ordinary...
And then I wonder if I really want that. There are so many people I never would have met, so many things I would not know if I were still he.
Why can't I have both?
Why are these memories plaguing me now, in dreams? Why the change in the dream? What's happening?
I don't understand...
My head hurts.
I... had another dream. Well, a memory, in fact.
It was strange, because... I'm not sure if that is actually what transpired.
I was Ienzo, talking to Xehanort. He had finally discovered a way to replicate Heartless artificially. I was apprehensive about this, wondering what it would do to the world if we did so, or what purpose it could serve. Yes, we'd have far more test subjects, and would not have to worry about hurting people anymore and yet... what if they got out? What if, what if, what if...
I do not remember being quite that apprehensive. Indeed, what I remember was being... thrilled. Enthralled. I think I may have taken the plans to Master Ansem right away and encouraged him to build a prototype machine. And later, when he insisted we dismantle it, it was I who spoke with Dilan and Eleaus about building a new one deep in the bowels of the castle, where Ansem could not thwart our plans.
But in the dream, I was truly frightened of what was happening to myself, and to my friend.
Upon reflection, such fear may have been wise. If I had been afraid, instead of charging ahead with no regard to who I hurt, perhaps I would still be Ienzo, and not Zexion.
... then again, as Zexion I have seen so very much. I know what it is to lose a heart; I have seen stars die, I have walked from one end of the universe to the other, I have woven my dreams into reality and turned reality into dreams...
But I cannot fully appreciate these things without a heart.
Why must we have one, without the other? To gain power, we must deny what makes us real. And once we have that power, we cannot use it unless we are real... is there any middle road?
Promises, promises... we had so many plans in store. I remember at first, I thought that I would help to vanquish darkness for all time, and lead our people into an era of peace... then I thought we could use the darkness to help others, much in the same way that Mako, though terribly dangerous, had been used as a force for good.
Then I wondered why we should fear the darkness at all.
And finally, there was only the power, the sweet feeling that twisting tendrils of shadow 'round my soul gave me.
How far we fell...
What's dream? What's reality? Sometimes, my existance now seems as a mere dream... I keep expecting to awaken, to realize that I've never lost my heart, that I am still Ienzo, still dreaming, still ordinary...
And then I wonder if I really want that. There are so many people I never would have met, so many things I would not know if I were still he.
Why can't I have both?
Why are these memories plaguing me now, in dreams? Why the change in the dream? What's happening?
I don't understand...