Fwd from my friend Gary
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex
with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently
damaged. I have a better description for these kids:
lucky bastards.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect
baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the
cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown
man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's
how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two
of them? Okay, we're done.
As a bloke I've often wondered in my boredom how to make shopping more interesting, here are 14 things you can do in Asda/Walmart while your wife/girlfriend is taking her time:
01. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in other people's trolleys when they aren't looking.
02. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
03. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies toilet.
04. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: 'Code 3 in housewares...' and see what happens.
05. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on credit.
06. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
07. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department? and tell other shoppersyou are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.
08. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: " Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
09. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are located.
11 Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible
12. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and assume the foetal position and scream "NO!...It's those
voices again!!!"
And last but not least...
14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while...then yell
loudly:"There's no toilet paper in here!"
with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently
damaged. I have a better description for these kids:
lucky bastards.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect
baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the
cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown
man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's
how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two
of them? Okay, we're done.
As a bloke I've often wondered in my boredom how to make shopping more interesting, here are 14 things you can do in Asda/Walmart while your wife/girlfriend is taking her time:
01. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in other people's trolleys when they aren't looking.
02. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
03. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies toilet.
04. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: 'Code 3 in housewares...' and see what happens.
05. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on credit.
06. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
07. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department? and tell other shoppersyou are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.
08. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: " Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
09. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are located.
11 Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible
12. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and assume the foetal position and scream "NO!...It's those
voices again!!!"
And last but not least...
14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while...then yell
loudly:"There's no toilet paper in here!"