(no subject)
so i've noticed that over the past year i've gotten somewhat desensitized to nudity. contributing factors include at least rocky and mylz.
tangent: i've never had a sense of style. if i had a style it was pretty much because other people said so. i had a way of dressing, but i wouldn't have called it a style. there weren't outfits i looked better or worse in, or at all. there were just whichever articles of clothing i wore that day.
mylz has a sense of style that for the most part i like, and likes dressing girls, so i asked him for help. the one way that i can dress is Properly. classically. i can dress well for the symphony, dinner out with your grandmother, that sort of affair. because there are rules. you learn, then follow the rules and you'll be good. i expected mylz to give me the rules for his style and quickly enough i'd be able to do it myself. maybe i wouldn't be the best dressed, but i'd make myself passable. not so. his rules seem to be a thing you have to have a feel for rather than knowledge of. i don't have a feel for things, almost ever, so i'm not catching on. after almost a year of trying if we're going to an event of his and i want to feel i'll look good i have to get his opinion on every item . it's annoying to both of us.
back to the point: this style involves shorter skirts and tighter fits than i've ever been comfortable wearing. short because that's just not proper, tight because my feminine ideal is an hour glass and i'm not only straight up and down, but built wide. i'm see through if you turn me sideways, but feel like the side of a barn from the front or back. but once we're at whatever event and having fun i forget about my discomfort and the next time it pretty much doesn't bother me.
at rocky if i'm not going for a particular costume i always try to push my own boundaries. the atmosphere i want at rocky is a bunch of people hanging out in next to nothing. pgh has almost no rocky scene so people come to shows dressed for the library and we have a particularly conservative cast. if i want that atmosphere someone has to start it and i'm just about the only one there is. i've progressed quicker than i ever expected from wearing a leotard and stockings under anything to ensure no slips, to short shorts and corsety-tops, to panties and bustiers or bras even if i'm not performing.
mylz and i went to a valentine bash decked all out. the top i wore was hot pink fishnet with little red hearts over my nipples*. they didn't stay there because the shirt moved as i moved. after a short while i gave up trying to adjust them, then completely forgot about it.
i haven't worn a bra regularly in about a year; just haven't felt like it.
with these two things i've pretty much forgotten about SNE and it doesn't even occur to me to check if a shirt is a bit too see through or too light in color. i've forgotten that nipples through clothing can be a sexual thing, they're just my nipples, what?
because of my straight, wide torso i've never been comfortable baring my midriff. it took me belly dancing for three years to roll my shirt up *in classes!*
i happened to come into a cache of belly shirts about the same time i got my tattoo and i'm nearly completely comfortable in them. i know that because of the tattoo i'm not only pretty much comfortable showing my belly, but excited to. that's an effect i couldn't have guessed.
i guess i don't have a point. i just realized all these things today and am struck by how strange it is. i'm very modest about my body, i've said for years the only people unlucky enough to see my belly are my lovers and belly dancers. i don't know what to make of this new attitude; whether to think of it as a phase or to embrace it as my own. it hasn't gotten me any ill effects that i know of, no one talks about me. i still don't really get hit on, so there's no encouragement for conditioning. it doesn't really make any difference at all. i guess i also don't know what to make of that, i thought that it would.
*remind me to post about the reactions to that outfit
tangent: i've never had a sense of style. if i had a style it was pretty much because other people said so. i had a way of dressing, but i wouldn't have called it a style. there weren't outfits i looked better or worse in, or at all. there were just whichever articles of clothing i wore that day.
mylz has a sense of style that for the most part i like, and likes dressing girls, so i asked him for help. the one way that i can dress is Properly. classically. i can dress well for the symphony, dinner out with your grandmother, that sort of affair. because there are rules. you learn, then follow the rules and you'll be good. i expected mylz to give me the rules for his style and quickly enough i'd be able to do it myself. maybe i wouldn't be the best dressed, but i'd make myself passable. not so. his rules seem to be a thing you have to have a feel for rather than knowledge of. i don't have a feel for things, almost ever, so i'm not catching on. after almost a year of trying if we're going to an event of his and i want to feel i'll look good i have to get his opinion on every item . it's annoying to both of us.
back to the point: this style involves shorter skirts and tighter fits than i've ever been comfortable wearing. short because that's just not proper, tight because my feminine ideal is an hour glass and i'm not only straight up and down, but built wide. i'm see through if you turn me sideways, but feel like the side of a barn from the front or back. but once we're at whatever event and having fun i forget about my discomfort and the next time it pretty much doesn't bother me.
at rocky if i'm not going for a particular costume i always try to push my own boundaries. the atmosphere i want at rocky is a bunch of people hanging out in next to nothing. pgh has almost no rocky scene so people come to shows dressed for the library and we have a particularly conservative cast. if i want that atmosphere someone has to start it and i'm just about the only one there is. i've progressed quicker than i ever expected from wearing a leotard and stockings under anything to ensure no slips, to short shorts and corsety-tops, to panties and bustiers or bras even if i'm not performing.
mylz and i went to a valentine bash decked all out. the top i wore was hot pink fishnet with little red hearts over my nipples*. they didn't stay there because the shirt moved as i moved. after a short while i gave up trying to adjust them, then completely forgot about it.
i haven't worn a bra regularly in about a year; just haven't felt like it.
with these two things i've pretty much forgotten about SNE and it doesn't even occur to me to check if a shirt is a bit too see through or too light in color. i've forgotten that nipples through clothing can be a sexual thing, they're just my nipples, what?
because of my straight, wide torso i've never been comfortable baring my midriff. it took me belly dancing for three years to roll my shirt up *in classes!*
i happened to come into a cache of belly shirts about the same time i got my tattoo and i'm nearly completely comfortable in them. i know that because of the tattoo i'm not only pretty much comfortable showing my belly, but excited to. that's an effect i couldn't have guessed.
i guess i don't have a point. i just realized all these things today and am struck by how strange it is. i'm very modest about my body, i've said for years the only people unlucky enough to see my belly are my lovers and belly dancers. i don't know what to make of this new attitude; whether to think of it as a phase or to embrace it as my own. it hasn't gotten me any ill effects that i know of, no one talks about me. i still don't really get hit on, so there's no encouragement for conditioning. it doesn't really make any difference at all. i guess i also don't know what to make of that, i thought that it would.
*remind me to post about the reactions to that outfit