Home and sooo heartbroken...miss the boyfriend
as i walked into my little weekly home with brian i felt so comfortable and happy. each morning i woke up at 6 and watched as my wonderful boyfriend got up and seized the day, while i slept in till noon. i woken up with a kiss each morning and then right before he left i would slide to the end of the bed and give him another HUGE kiss and then a big hug and wishing him a great day. I would wake up around noon, get up clean the house, do the laundry, get ready for the day, go on walks, talk on the phone, go tanning and lay out by the pool, make drinks, then around 5 start cooking dinner and then around 5:30 or 6 brian would come home and give me a big kiss and then wed eat dinner. i would gladly play little housewife and i had sooo much fun doing it!!! Then wed have a "date" and watch a movie, drink a little and just enjoy eachothers company. Brian would usually fall asleep half way through the movie and Id keep him up to watch it. Usually that didnt work, but at least i tried. this went on for an entire week and for an entire week i was so happy and so content with my life. why it only gets to go on for a week is beyond me, but god help me, because now im falling apart. i cant stop crying, i cried myself to sleep and am crying right now as im typing this. why does the one i wanna be with have to be in fuckin california and why cant i just be there now with him, waiting at his house for him to get home so i can just jump on him and just tell him how much i love him? why why why...
We walked into the airport arm in arm and hand in hand...not wanting to lose sight of one another. its hard, but you gotta do it even when everything is telling you to just turn around and jump over security to just go running back to the one you belong to...this time was harder than the last and everytime i think about it, it makes me cry...that is basically what i have been doing since i left the fresno airport. as i got on the plane all i could do is think about how i wish brian was sitting next to me, coming home with me. and then i just started hoping that maybe something would go wrong and i would have to stay another day with brian, but as it happens...im sitting at home, made it home safe and sound. so im sitting here, wondering what the hell i am going to do for the next month and a half until i see brian again. let me remind you that this time will be way different because hes coming home. so this means our families are gunna meet and hes meeting my parents and i will be meeting them too. im scared, but at the same time really excited because it will be nice to finally meet his family and him meet mine...i love this guy, its gunna be fun!
so we had our serious talk on the last day i was there...the serious talk of deciding whether or not i will be moving the life i know and i love to live with him in california. as scared as i was to face the talk i knew that we had to have it and we did. my initial plan was to move down there in june with him and then find a job and just work. well before i left for cali my mom and i had a talk and she told me that if brian wanted to make things work then he would be willing to let me finish school and then have me move down there with him. she told me that if he was willing to do that, then everything would work out for the best and him and i would be fine and able to get through anything. i had been pondering that thought over the whole week that i spent with brian, but never thought to bring it up until the end...so as luck would have it...we began our talk and the first thing brian brought up was school...hes like steff, if its gunna work then its gunna work and if i have to wait for you to go through school then thats fine. i couldnt believe what i was hearing. it was like god, was taking our lives and keeping them together and making sure that everything would work out. at the same time i wanted to cry because i hate being away from brian. like ive been inlove and been happy with others before, but this is so different, i cant explain the feelings that i never thought i could have for someone. i have them and its the best feeling in the whole world, but at the same time its so hard because im so far away from him. i want to move down there now and be with him, but at the same time i know that i need an education before i go down there and start my life with him. and he makes a great point...if we can go a whole year of waitin for me to finish school, then our relationship will only grow stronger and get better. so once again im back to the beginning...not really sure of what to do or where to go from here...but in the end, sooner or later...it will all work out...
We walked into the airport arm in arm and hand in hand...not wanting to lose sight of one another. its hard, but you gotta do it even when everything is telling you to just turn around and jump over security to just go running back to the one you belong to...this time was harder than the last and everytime i think about it, it makes me cry...that is basically what i have been doing since i left the fresno airport. as i got on the plane all i could do is think about how i wish brian was sitting next to me, coming home with me. and then i just started hoping that maybe something would go wrong and i would have to stay another day with brian, but as it happens...im sitting at home, made it home safe and sound. so im sitting here, wondering what the hell i am going to do for the next month and a half until i see brian again. let me remind you that this time will be way different because hes coming home. so this means our families are gunna meet and hes meeting my parents and i will be meeting them too. im scared, but at the same time really excited because it will be nice to finally meet his family and him meet mine...i love this guy, its gunna be fun!
so we had our serious talk on the last day i was there...the serious talk of deciding whether or not i will be moving the life i know and i love to live with him in california. as scared as i was to face the talk i knew that we had to have it and we did. my initial plan was to move down there in june with him and then find a job and just work. well before i left for cali my mom and i had a talk and she told me that if brian wanted to make things work then he would be willing to let me finish school and then have me move down there with him. she told me that if he was willing to do that, then everything would work out for the best and him and i would be fine and able to get through anything. i had been pondering that thought over the whole week that i spent with brian, but never thought to bring it up until the end...so as luck would have it...we began our talk and the first thing brian brought up was school...hes like steff, if its gunna work then its gunna work and if i have to wait for you to go through school then thats fine. i couldnt believe what i was hearing. it was like god, was taking our lives and keeping them together and making sure that everything would work out. at the same time i wanted to cry because i hate being away from brian. like ive been inlove and been happy with others before, but this is so different, i cant explain the feelings that i never thought i could have for someone. i have them and its the best feeling in the whole world, but at the same time its so hard because im so far away from him. i want to move down there now and be with him, but at the same time i know that i need an education before i go down there and start my life with him. and he makes a great point...if we can go a whole year of waitin for me to finish school, then our relationship will only grow stronger and get better. so once again im back to the beginning...not really sure of what to do or where to go from here...but in the end, sooner or later...it will all work out...