2020
Something I did in 2020 that I have never done before is have to wear a face mask everywhere. I did not keep my New Year's resolutions because I never make any. One of my friends gave birth. Several others from my La Leche League group did as well. Quite a few people died. Ron's death hit the hardest. I didn't visit any other countries. Next year I would like to spend more time with family. June 17th will be forever etched in my memory because it is the day my heart died. My biggest achievement of the year was becoming a COTA. My biggest failure was waiting until too late to go after what I wanted. I suffered no major illnesses this year except several difficult bouts of depression. The best thing I bought was either my tattoo or my Ron ring. Bobby's behavior merited celebration. He listened and came here to get his life back together. I was appalled by some things that have happened with my husband. Most of my money went to school, food, mortgage, and helping others. I got excited about a few fleeting things like going to the ballet with Marc. "Feels like Summer" by Weezer will always remind me of 2020. Compared to this time last year, I am neither happier nor more sad. I am poorer. I am neither thinner nor fatter. I wish I spent more time with my children and less time working. I wish I had done less crying. I will be spending Christmas with my family, which is a welcome change from the norm. I thought I had not fallen in love in 2020, but love took me by surprise at the end of the year. I did not have any one night stands this year. I did not have any favorite TV shows this year. My favorite of all time remains "The Golden Girls." I do not hate anyone currently that I did not hate this time last year, though I can't think of anyone I hated then either. The best book I read this year was "Medical Bondage: Race, Gender, and the Origins of American Gynecology." My greatest musical discovery this year was Poets of the Fall. I'd heard them before but really started listening this year. One thing I wanted and got was to finish school. One thing I wanted and did not get was a job in my new field. I didn't have a favorite film this year. I didn't really watch any. On my birthday I was 35. I've already forgotten how I spent the day, but I'm pretty sure Caleb went and got donuts for me at lunch. One thing that would have made my year more satisfying would have been not having to deal with plan changes due to covid. My personal fashion concept this year was scrubs. I worked alot. My friends kept me sane. I fancied vintage pin ups the most. I can't even begin to get into which political issue stirred me the most. I missed Ron. I missed him almost more than my heart could stand. The best new person I met was Josh. A valuable life lesson I learned was that sometimes people do want to help me. A song lyric that sums up my year: Time spent like a spendthrift clown So many chances wasted So many hopes let down You didn't see how your pain Became your refrain You always thought there was tomorrow Wish you could get back what you let go But it's alright if you fall You just get up, just go on Never mind the hurt, even if you burn 'Cause it's all gonna be so much better The moment your true self's shining through