she was a nasty kant but you had good willandrelinaAugust 27 2005, 18:49:36 UTC
aaaawwwww, noooooo. it saddens me that last night's events and their "friendshipial" implications make you happy to be leaving berlin so soon.
i too used to have a fairly fight-free history up until last summer, when i was involved in a quite similar altercation. luckily, all my friends stood behind me (and even applauded me for standing up to the hoebag!). but it was super awkward too because it was at houseparty, the hb lived there, and my friend's girlfriend was her flatmate.
in my case, my friend's girlfriend actually apologized for her flatmate's behavior! but nonetheless, i can see how overlapping social circles can definitely complicate matters. so don't let it get you too down that some blamed you more than they otherwise might have. just lots of second-hand accounts compounded by f'd up circumstances and conflicts of interest.
and about the whole berlin transiency/friendship thing. people here (especially new/temporary ex-pats) inevitably end up with tons of acquaintances and friends (and varying degrees of each). and i think that although fights should stay a thing of past elementary school playgrounds, we should bring back having "best friends." although they are few and far between, one bf is much more reliable and loyal than a dozen friends (and well worth searching out). but even so, there's always ups and downs. so just as much as you expect your friends not to abandon you when the going gets rough, don't give up on them either.
can't we just all get along?!?andrelinaAugust 28 2005, 10:08:52 UTC
i thought her boyfriend worked at the callcenter with some the others. not that that automatically puts him or her in the same social circle. but i guess, sphere of contact??? whatev. the whole thing was a messy mistake on all sides. but friendship is a two-way street. and in all honesty. even if you say some people weren't the friends you thought they were, you giving up on them so quickly doesn't sound like you were the better friend either. why can't everybody just apologize to each other and forgive and forget???
Re: can't we just all get along?!?scharnweberAugust 28 2005, 13:20:38 UTC
no point in arguing about the same social circle thing, no one had ever met the girl before, probably never meet her again, etc. and like i said, this is something that has been bothering me for quite a while, not a single upsetting incident, but the straw that broke the camel jockey's back. i think you and i have even talked about this kind of thing before.. i don't really care about being the "better friend" - friendship should not be a competition.. the "can't we all just get along" thing is a nice sentiment.... and if this were just about one night where lots of people were drunk and dramatic, great, apologize, forgive, go on with your lives. but you can't forgive and forget fundamental flaws in a relationship. i don't plan to start being uncivil or to make any enemies, i just don't want to delude myself any longer about who my friends are, it is much too painful.
i too used to have a fairly fight-free history up until last summer, when i was involved in a quite similar altercation. luckily, all my friends stood behind me (and even applauded me for standing up to the hoebag!). but it was super awkward too because it was at houseparty, the hb lived there, and my friend's girlfriend was her flatmate.
in my case, my friend's girlfriend actually apologized for her flatmate's behavior! but nonetheless, i can see how overlapping social circles can definitely complicate matters. so don't let it get you too down that some blamed you more than they otherwise might have. just lots of second-hand accounts compounded by f'd up circumstances and conflicts of interest.
and about the whole berlin transiency/friendship thing. people here (especially new/temporary ex-pats) inevitably end up with tons of acquaintances and friends (and varying degrees of each). and i think that although fights should stay a thing of past elementary school playgrounds, we should bring back having "best friends." although they are few and far between, one bf is much more reliable and loyal than a dozen friends (and well worth searching out). but even so, there's always ups and downs. so just as much as you expect your friends not to abandon you when the going gets rough, don't give up on them either.
xoxo
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i am done with the whole group.
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and like i said, this is something that has been bothering me for quite a while, not a single upsetting incident, but the straw that broke the camel jockey's back. i think you and i have even talked about this kind of thing before..
i don't really care about being the "better friend" - friendship should not be a competition..
the "can't we all just get along" thing is a nice sentiment.... and if this were just about one night where lots of people were drunk and dramatic, great, apologize, forgive, go on with your lives. but you can't forgive and forget fundamental flaws in a relationship.
i don't plan to start being uncivil or to make any enemies, i just don't want to delude myself any longer about who my friends are, it is much too painful.
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