Tat

[schadenfreudeli]

I got my saint tattoo fixed. It's a long story why I left it unfinished when I got it, and it all had to do with being psychotic. One thing though, when I'm psychotic, getting tattooed really hurts. I don't even know how I managed through my koi tat. I remember that hurting. In my head, Henry Rollins was tattooing me and he wanted it to be as painful as possible. I really could have jumped up and told the artist that I'd had enough, the way I did to the guy who was working on my saint, but I'm so glad I braced it. Anyway, one of the reasons why I'd been putting off getting my tattoo finished was the pain. I have four tats, two I got before I was diagnosed, the other two I got when I was actively psychotic. The first two felt so good, especially the second one. I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt, but I'd also be lying if I said it didn't feel amazing at times.

Yesterday was like getting tattooed for the first time. I had the same anxiety I did when I got my first tat--watching the artist prepare his tools, especially that thick needle, made me uneasy. But as soon as he began, my heart rate dropped. At its most painful, it was still very bearable. I didn't squirm, I didn't hold my breath, I didn't close my eyes. And when the artist was coloring my saint with a Medusa head's dress, it felt really good. It was very therapeutic, like someone scratching an itch.

It's gonna take a couple of days to heal, so for now I'm in the ointment phase.