FIFTEEN. Doubt.
Talk about a time you overcame serious self-doubt.
I had been at the firm almost a year when Eugene decided they no longer had a place for me. Alan stopped by for drinks - because Ellenor was otherwise occupied, he claimed. He asked for the keys to the office, not my heart. I spent appromixately two weeks questioning everything, doubting myself. I was so close to finishing law school, yet I felt so distant from ever becomming a lawyer. I wasn't even good enough to remain a secretary at Eugene's firm - true, I was let go due to my friendship with Alan, but regardless, my abilities alone weren't enough to keep me there. I appeared in court during Alan's trial and felt Eugene's cold stare. It shouldn't have mattered; I shouldn't have cared. They questioned my ethics, asking if I had slept with Alan, thus my reason to protect him; Alan objected, arguing that he had been trying to sleep me, but I kept telling him no. Despite Alan's antics, I still felt the cold stares, still doubted myself. I idly wondered if that was it - if I would only appear in court as a source of mockery. Another week passed by; I spent most of my time scrapbooking and studying - it was lonely, but it was all I felt I was good at. There was a point when I came across old pictures of Malcolm and wondered where he was, if he missed me; the very moment after that was when Alan called to inform me I had a job at his new place of employment. I still felt a degree of insecurity, but it passed with time - once I was allowed to work on cases, I started not to feel the overwhelming doubt. Still, sometimes I worry I'll fall back into that doubt, especialy now that I'm moving on.
I had been at the firm almost a year when Eugene decided they no longer had a place for me. Alan stopped by for drinks - because Ellenor was otherwise occupied, he claimed. He asked for the keys to the office, not my heart. I spent appromixately two weeks questioning everything, doubting myself. I was so close to finishing law school, yet I felt so distant from ever becomming a lawyer. I wasn't even good enough to remain a secretary at Eugene's firm - true, I was let go due to my friendship with Alan, but regardless, my abilities alone weren't enough to keep me there. I appeared in court during Alan's trial and felt Eugene's cold stare. It shouldn't have mattered; I shouldn't have cared. They questioned my ethics, asking if I had slept with Alan, thus my reason to protect him; Alan objected, arguing that he had been trying to sleep me, but I kept telling him no. Despite Alan's antics, I still felt the cold stares, still doubted myself. I idly wondered if that was it - if I would only appear in court as a source of mockery. Another week passed by; I spent most of my time scrapbooking and studying - it was lonely, but it was all I felt I was good at. There was a point when I came across old pictures of Malcolm and wondered where he was, if he missed me; the very moment after that was when Alan called to inform me I had a job at his new place of employment. I still felt a degree of insecurity, but it passed with time - once I was allowed to work on cases, I started not to feel the overwhelming doubt. Still, sometimes I worry I'll fall back into that doubt, especialy now that I'm moving on.