(no subject)
wow, yet again i have allowed a great deal of time to elapse since my previous update. but for somereason i suspect that very few of you are really bothered by this. so any way i have decided to kepp the tradition of this livejournal intact and continue to use it to do my whining and complaining.
I find that in recent weeks, i really havent felt any better at all, which is rather disconcerting. Addittionally i find that my patientence is beginning to ruin extra thin. I become exceedingly angry about the tiniest things. Also,i find myself drifting away from people i know, and just hangout alone. I belive that i have pretty much cut myself off from people. I just kinda sit around on the computer or play guitar, i think that these actions serve only as a means for me to focus my energy away from dealing with things that bother me.
What is truely bothersome is taht i dont foresee an end to my behavior. i think its jsut a pattern that continuously repeats itself and always ends with me beibng sad and alone.
so livejournal friends,( i refer to you as such for the majority of you have little involvement in my actual life but do serve your internet positions well) Do you have any advice for will, because at this point i am accepting just about anything.
As is standard with will bing i will use music to illustrate my feelings, there fore i present to you
Kevin Devine - Ballgame
"A good man doesn't drink,
and i've been drinking alone.
So what does that make me?
My hands they always shake,
and no one's callin my phone.
So what does that make me?
I know the kid with his guitar so drunk and anxious,
it's been done to death but tell me what hasn't, i'll try it.
Because i'm selfish enough to want to get better,
but i'm backwards enough not to take any steps to get there.
And when you realize it's a pattern and not a phase,
it's what you've become and it's what you will stay,
that's the ballgame.
Cause i don't got room in my life for anyone else.
And i've driven away all the people that can help.
And i still don't even know what i need to do to fix myself.
There's a clamp around my chest that tightens everytime i lapse into another sorry story,
about my miserable collapse.
A brown box i keep encased in glass and dust off whenever i want your pity.
Cause lately i've had to come to grips with scope and figure.
How my problems stack up in a world two steps from ruin,
or maybe it's rapture.
Well either way i realize that my shits about as small as it could be,
but that makes me feel worse for even feeling this bad in the first place.
Cause there's a war starting soon and all the flags will be waving,
Daniel's twenty year old friend will be ready, and willing, and waiting.
He's a marine and he told me.
And it makes me sad, really really fucking sad,
but at least he'll act.
I'll just bite my tongue and then say
"Daniel you wish him luck, i'll pray that he comes back for mother's sake,"
and then i'll drink those thoughts away,
I've gotten good at that.
Cause when you realize it's a pattern and not a phase,
it's what you've become and it's what you will stay,
that's the ballgame."
I find that in recent weeks, i really havent felt any better at all, which is rather disconcerting. Addittionally i find that my patientence is beginning to ruin extra thin. I become exceedingly angry about the tiniest things. Also,i find myself drifting away from people i know, and just hangout alone. I belive that i have pretty much cut myself off from people. I just kinda sit around on the computer or play guitar, i think that these actions serve only as a means for me to focus my energy away from dealing with things that bother me.
What is truely bothersome is taht i dont foresee an end to my behavior. i think its jsut a pattern that continuously repeats itself and always ends with me beibng sad and alone.
so livejournal friends,( i refer to you as such for the majority of you have little involvement in my actual life but do serve your internet positions well) Do you have any advice for will, because at this point i am accepting just about anything.
As is standard with will bing i will use music to illustrate my feelings, there fore i present to you
Kevin Devine - Ballgame
"A good man doesn't drink,
and i've been drinking alone.
So what does that make me?
My hands they always shake,
and no one's callin my phone.
So what does that make me?
I know the kid with his guitar so drunk and anxious,
it's been done to death but tell me what hasn't, i'll try it.
Because i'm selfish enough to want to get better,
but i'm backwards enough not to take any steps to get there.
And when you realize it's a pattern and not a phase,
it's what you've become and it's what you will stay,
that's the ballgame.
Cause i don't got room in my life for anyone else.
And i've driven away all the people that can help.
And i still don't even know what i need to do to fix myself.
There's a clamp around my chest that tightens everytime i lapse into another sorry story,
about my miserable collapse.
A brown box i keep encased in glass and dust off whenever i want your pity.
Cause lately i've had to come to grips with scope and figure.
How my problems stack up in a world two steps from ruin,
or maybe it's rapture.
Well either way i realize that my shits about as small as it could be,
but that makes me feel worse for even feeling this bad in the first place.
Cause there's a war starting soon and all the flags will be waving,
Daniel's twenty year old friend will be ready, and willing, and waiting.
He's a marine and he told me.
And it makes me sad, really really fucking sad,
but at least he'll act.
I'll just bite my tongue and then say
"Daniel you wish him luck, i'll pray that he comes back for mother's sake,"
and then i'll drink those thoughts away,
I've gotten good at that.
Cause when you realize it's a pattern and not a phase,
it's what you've become and it's what you will stay,
that's the ballgame."