Odds and Ends 3.2
I didn't say this last post, so happy belated New Year to everyone! I see that the new year has arrived and the HP fandom wankery continued unabated. There wasn't even a short break for "peace on earth, good will to men" that I could see.
I swear it's to the point that HP fandom should sort everyone not according to their Hogwarts house, but according to their twattish quotient. We could have:
Consistently a Twat (CATs)
Regularly a Twat (RATs)
Barely a Twat (BATs)
Generally Never a Twat (GNATs)
I expect that last house would be fairly small, and I can't say that I could get into it. Obviously, posting this excludes me from it. ;)
The HP Friending Meme, blatantly stolen from keladry_lupin:
WHO ARE YOU?
Name: Scattered Logic (or Slogic to some)
Age: Old enough not to feel the need to answer that question. ;)
Location: Texas
Astrological Sign: Gemini
HARRY POTTER STUFF
What's your favourite HP book? Half-Blood Prince
Who is your favourite character? In order: Hermione Granger, Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, Sibyll Trelawney
Least favourite character? Dolores Umbridge, Grawp
Ships? OTP? HG/SS, HG/LM, but I can be convinced of others
House affiliation? I claim Ravenclaw, but some people insist that it's really Hufflepuff ;)
If you could ask JK one question, it would be: Is she going to answer this question? If so, "How is it all going to end?"
The first HP quote you remember right now: "Don't call me coward!"
What do you do in the fandom? Write (less than I should,) beta (upon occasion,) co-mod 30minutefics, hgss_digest, and the sadly defunct hp_and_hbp, own Digital Quill, a private archive.
OTHER FANDOMS
Other fandoms: Labyrinth. I occasionally still dabble in the X-Men, and I started out in The X-Files
Favourite characters:
Labyrinth: Jareth and Sarah
The X-Men: Rogue, Wolverine
The X-Files: Scully, Mulder
Ships:
~points up~
Fandom interests: This question puzzles me. I'm interested in most fandom-associated things: canon, meta, fanfic, art. Am I supposed to choose?
GENERAL
What do you want to add to your flist? Surely they mean "who," right? Anyone who wants to friend me is welcome. I'm an equal-opportunity friender. ;)
What are your journaling habits? I don't post as often as I could, so I'm not a high-maintenance friend at all. Most of my entries are public, but occasionally I flock stuff that I'd prefer not end up causing a kerfuffle.
Anything else? or, Why should people friend you? Hmm, considering that I can sometimes be twattish and that I don't post all that often, perhaps you shouldn't. ~grin~ But I like meeting new people, so if you want to friend me, feel free. If you don't, ~shrug~ no problem.
And I recently wrote a tiny fic for the sgwlurve community in thanks for all of ginny_weasley31 and shiv5368's hard work in the recently sshg_exchange. It's barely HG/SS, but I thought I'd post it here, too. And if you'd like to thank them yourselves, feel free to pop over to sgwlurve. There are fics and artwork and icons galore there. ~tempts~
Title: The Vagaries of Fate
Rating: PG-13 for language
Warning(s): None
Genre/Category: Humor
Summary: Sometimes even Fate doesn't know what's in store.
"My Gram told me about this spell when I was just a kid." Tonks said. "I thought it would be fun for us to try it out." Tonks juggled the scrying bowl she held, then nudged Hermione with her elbow and nodded toward Ginny.
"Oh, erm, yes." Hermione plastered a wide fake smile on her face. "Doesn't that sound like fun?"
Ginny glared at both of them. "Bollocks! You don't even believe in divination," she snapped at Hermione, then turned her attention to Tonks. "And you're just trying to distract me from the fact that I've been excluded from Fleur's hen night," Ginny said. "It's not fair that I'm not allowed to go. Ron and Harry are already at Bill's bachelor party."
Tonks frowned. "I didn't make the rules. Molly did, so talk to her if you're unhappy about things. Besides, Hermione and I stayed here at the Burrow to keep you company, and we're more fun than Fleur's stuffy French friends, aren't we?"
"You're not more fun than a male stripper," Ginny said, glaring, "and I heard there was going to be one at the hen night."
"Which is probably why your mother didn't want you to go," Hermione pointed out dryly.
"I've brought exploding snap, and butterbeer, and all sort of sweets," Tonk's expression turned vaguely sulky, "and my Gram's scrying bowl. I did think it would be fun to have a little party of our own."
Hermione narrowed her eyes, and shot Ginny a now-you've-hurt-her-feelings look.
Ginny sighed. "You're right, Tonks. I'm sure it will be fun."
Tonks grinned and carefully placed the scrying bowl on Molly's dining table. "Then let's get started."
"Lachesis, wake up."
The Fate murmured an obscenity in her sleep and rolled over.
"Lachesis, wake up! You're being invoked."
Her brown eyes cracked open. "What?"
"You're being invoked," Clotho repeated and prodded her sister's shoulder.
Lachesis sat up on her chaise lounge, her hair matted on one side and a pillow wrinkle on her cheek.
"Can't you see that I'm taking a nap?" she snarled. "And mortals don't believe in us anymore; we don't have to answer if they don't believe in us."
"But they're witches," Clotho insisted.
Lachesis rubbed her cheek and yawned. "So? Witches don't believe in us anymore, either."
"One of them does." Clotho sounded unbearably smug. "And she's Greek."
"Greek?" Lachesis echoed. She peered into the scrying bowl that Clotho held out to her. She could see the watery reflections of three witches, heads crowded together over a similar scrying bowl. "Stop shaking it. Put it down on the table."
Clotho placed the bowl on a nearby low table, and Lachesis leaned over the bowl again.
"She's not Greek," Lachesis protested, then frowned. "Is her hair pink?"
"She's Greek on her father's side," Clotho said, her tone still smug. "One fourth Greek to be precise, and that's enough to invoke us. It's in the rules."
Lachesis ran her tongue along the inside of her mouth and grimaced. "I need to clean my teeth. Why don't you handle this? It's not as if--"
"I just spin and Atropos just cuts," Clotho interrupted. "You control everything in between. That's in the rules, too."
Lachesis' eyes narrowed. "You've become quite the little stickler for the rules lately, haven't you? I knew you were still angry over Ares. It was just a roll in the eucalyptus; I don't know why you're holding a grudge. He wasn't even very good."
Clotho just pointed toward the bowl. "Invoked, remember?"
Lachesis gave a heavy sigh. "Oh, all right." She made a slashing motion over the bowl with her hand, and the images of the witches became crystal clear. "What do they want?"
"It's your turn, Hermione," Ginny said, bouncing in her seat happily. "You promised that you'd do it."
Hermione shook her head. "As you said before, I don't believe in divination. I still think that you and Tonks were pretending. You didn't really see Harry and Remus in there."
"Yes, I did!" Ginny nodded vigorously. "I always knew that Harry was my soul mate, and this proved it."
Tonks nodded in agreement. "I saw Remus in there, too. My Gram swore that the Fates themselves revealed your soul mate as long as you used that particular spell."
"Fates." Hermione snorted. "Don't tell me that you believe in that nonsense?"
"Just look into the bowl." Tonks pointed at the bowl. "That's all you have to do."
"Riiiight," Hermione breathed, but leaned over the bowl. "Like this shite works."
"Annoying little twat, isn't she?" Lachesis muttered.
"Lachesis!" Clotho was obviously appalled. "That's rude."
"What? She was rude first." Lachesis made a corresponding rude gesture toward the bowl and sat back on her heels. She thought for a moment, then with a snap of her fingers, a large golden trunk flew open. Small scrolls slipped from their places within to fly toward her, finally settling into a pile at her feet.
"What are those?" Clotho asked, curious.
"There's a scroll here for every mortal that currently lives," Lachesis answered absently, rummaging through the scrolls. She began opening this one and that one, glancing at the contents before sending it back to the trunk.
"I know that much," Clotho answered. "Why did you summon those particular scrolls?"
"These are the people whose lives have intersected with that girl's life." One scroll caught Lachesis' attention, and she glanced back at the bushy head still bowed over the scrying bowl. "Oh, this would serve her right."
"What would serve her right?" Clotho sounded alarmed.
Lachesis continued reading. "Besides, if anybody deserves a roll in the eucalyptus, it's this man." She allowed the scroll to snap closed, then held it over the scrying bowl. She dipped the end into the water, then laid the scroll aside to watch the girl's reaction.
Clotho picked up the scroll and scanned it, blinking at what she saw. "Lachesis, it's changing."
"What?" Lachesis asked, grinning at the horrified expression on the girl's face.
"His scroll. The writing is changing."
"Of course it is." Lachesis glanced up. "They do that all the time, you've just never looked before."
"But... But... He was going to die in some magical battle with Volte, um, Volde, uh, Volle -- Oh, for pity's sake, you have to do something about your handwriting; it's awful -- with someone, but now he's not going to die for years and years. Atropos isn't going to be happy about that."
"Atropos cuts when it's time to cut." Lachesis shrugged. "His time just changed, that's all. It's no big deal. Atropos will get her chance eventually."
Clotho peered farther down on the scroll and smiled. "He marries that girl."
Lachesis snatched the scroll out of her sister's hands. "Where does it say that?"
Clotho pointed out the passage on the scroll. "And they're apparently quite happy together."
"Well, I'll be damned," Lachesis said, raising an eyebrow. "Who knew?"
Hermione ducked as a curse flew over her head, then sent a Stunner back at the wizard targeting her. Voldemort was dead, but his Death Eaters seemed determined to fight to the last. The bolt of red light struck the Death Eater squarely in the chest and, senseless, he dropped to the ground.
She whirled around looking for Harry or Ron, when she saw Severus Snape duelling with three Death Eaters who were clearly intent upon killing him. At the beginning of the battle, it had become apparent that he was fighting on the side of the Order of the Phoenix, and the Death Eaters wanted their revenge.
She had so many questions regarding Snape. Professor Dumbledore's portrait had assured the Order members that Snape was truly working on their side, and had insisted that everything had happened according to plan, but the portrait refused to discuss the details.
This was the first time that she'd seen Snape since that stupid scrying bowl had revealed him as her soul mate.
Divination was absolute nonsense, she reminded herself firmly.
But what if... her traitorous mind whispered. What if...
For a long moment, Hermione simply watched as Snape fended off his opponents. Then with a sigh, she waded into the fight, sending a curse streaking toward the Death Eater nearest Snape.
Snape glanced at her in surprise. "You imbecilic girl," he shouted, "what do you think you're doing?"
"Giving fate a chance, you bastard," Hermione spat out. "Now shut up and fight."
Author's Note: According to the Encyclopedia Mythica, "The Fates, or Moirae, were the goddesses who controlled the destiny of everyone from the time they were born to the time they died. They were: Clotho, the spinner, who spun the thread of a person's life, Lachesis, the apportioner, who decided how much time was to be allowed each person, and Atropos, the inevitable, who cut the thread when you were supposed to die."
I swear it's to the point that HP fandom should sort everyone not according to their Hogwarts house, but according to their twattish quotient. We could have:
Consistently a Twat (CATs)
Regularly a Twat (RATs)
Barely a Twat (BATs)
Generally Never a Twat (GNATs)
I expect that last house would be fairly small, and I can't say that I could get into it. Obviously, posting this excludes me from it. ;)
The HP Friending Meme, blatantly stolen from keladry_lupin:
WHO ARE YOU?
Name: Scattered Logic (or Slogic to some)
Age: Old enough not to feel the need to answer that question. ;)
Location: Texas
Astrological Sign: Gemini
HARRY POTTER STUFF
What's your favourite HP book? Half-Blood Prince
Who is your favourite character? In order: Hermione Granger, Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, Sibyll Trelawney
Least favourite character? Dolores Umbridge, Grawp
Ships? OTP? HG/SS, HG/LM, but I can be convinced of others
House affiliation? I claim Ravenclaw, but some people insist that it's really Hufflepuff ;)
If you could ask JK one question, it would be: Is she going to answer this question? If so, "How is it all going to end?"
The first HP quote you remember right now: "Don't call me coward!"
What do you do in the fandom? Write (less than I should,) beta (upon occasion,) co-mod 30minutefics, hgss_digest, and the sadly defunct hp_and_hbp, own Digital Quill, a private archive.
OTHER FANDOMS
Other fandoms: Labyrinth. I occasionally still dabble in the X-Men, and I started out in The X-Files
Favourite characters:
Labyrinth: Jareth and Sarah
The X-Men: Rogue, Wolverine
The X-Files: Scully, Mulder
Ships:
~points up~
Fandom interests: This question puzzles me. I'm interested in most fandom-associated things: canon, meta, fanfic, art. Am I supposed to choose?
GENERAL
What do you want to add to your flist? Surely they mean "who," right? Anyone who wants to friend me is welcome. I'm an equal-opportunity friender. ;)
What are your journaling habits? I don't post as often as I could, so I'm not a high-maintenance friend at all. Most of my entries are public, but occasionally I flock stuff that I'd prefer not end up causing a kerfuffle.
Anything else? or, Why should people friend you? Hmm, considering that I can sometimes be twattish and that I don't post all that often, perhaps you shouldn't. ~grin~ But I like meeting new people, so if you want to friend me, feel free. If you don't, ~shrug~ no problem.
And I recently wrote a tiny fic for the sgwlurve community in thanks for all of ginny_weasley31 and shiv5368's hard work in the recently sshg_exchange. It's barely HG/SS, but I thought I'd post it here, too. And if you'd like to thank them yourselves, feel free to pop over to sgwlurve. There are fics and artwork and icons galore there. ~tempts~
Title: The Vagaries of Fate
Rating: PG-13 for language
Warning(s): None
Genre/Category: Humor
Summary: Sometimes even Fate doesn't know what's in store.
"My Gram told me about this spell when I was just a kid." Tonks said. "I thought it would be fun for us to try it out." Tonks juggled the scrying bowl she held, then nudged Hermione with her elbow and nodded toward Ginny.
"Oh, erm, yes." Hermione plastered a wide fake smile on her face. "Doesn't that sound like fun?"
Ginny glared at both of them. "Bollocks! You don't even believe in divination," she snapped at Hermione, then turned her attention to Tonks. "And you're just trying to distract me from the fact that I've been excluded from Fleur's hen night," Ginny said. "It's not fair that I'm not allowed to go. Ron and Harry are already at Bill's bachelor party."
Tonks frowned. "I didn't make the rules. Molly did, so talk to her if you're unhappy about things. Besides, Hermione and I stayed here at the Burrow to keep you company, and we're more fun than Fleur's stuffy French friends, aren't we?"
"You're not more fun than a male stripper," Ginny said, glaring, "and I heard there was going to be one at the hen night."
"Which is probably why your mother didn't want you to go," Hermione pointed out dryly.
"I've brought exploding snap, and butterbeer, and all sort of sweets," Tonk's expression turned vaguely sulky, "and my Gram's scrying bowl. I did think it would be fun to have a little party of our own."
Hermione narrowed her eyes, and shot Ginny a now-you've-hurt-her-feelings look.
Ginny sighed. "You're right, Tonks. I'm sure it will be fun."
Tonks grinned and carefully placed the scrying bowl on Molly's dining table. "Then let's get started."
"Lachesis, wake up."
The Fate murmured an obscenity in her sleep and rolled over.
"Lachesis, wake up! You're being invoked."
Her brown eyes cracked open. "What?"
"You're being invoked," Clotho repeated and prodded her sister's shoulder.
Lachesis sat up on her chaise lounge, her hair matted on one side and a pillow wrinkle on her cheek.
"Can't you see that I'm taking a nap?" she snarled. "And mortals don't believe in us anymore; we don't have to answer if they don't believe in us."
"But they're witches," Clotho insisted.
Lachesis rubbed her cheek and yawned. "So? Witches don't believe in us anymore, either."
"One of them does." Clotho sounded unbearably smug. "And she's Greek."
"Greek?" Lachesis echoed. She peered into the scrying bowl that Clotho held out to her. She could see the watery reflections of three witches, heads crowded together over a similar scrying bowl. "Stop shaking it. Put it down on the table."
Clotho placed the bowl on a nearby low table, and Lachesis leaned over the bowl again.
"She's not Greek," Lachesis protested, then frowned. "Is her hair pink?"
"She's Greek on her father's side," Clotho said, her tone still smug. "One fourth Greek to be precise, and that's enough to invoke us. It's in the rules."
Lachesis ran her tongue along the inside of her mouth and grimaced. "I need to clean my teeth. Why don't you handle this? It's not as if--"
"I just spin and Atropos just cuts," Clotho interrupted. "You control everything in between. That's in the rules, too."
Lachesis' eyes narrowed. "You've become quite the little stickler for the rules lately, haven't you? I knew you were still angry over Ares. It was just a roll in the eucalyptus; I don't know why you're holding a grudge. He wasn't even very good."
Clotho just pointed toward the bowl. "Invoked, remember?"
Lachesis gave a heavy sigh. "Oh, all right." She made a slashing motion over the bowl with her hand, and the images of the witches became crystal clear. "What do they want?"
"It's your turn, Hermione," Ginny said, bouncing in her seat happily. "You promised that you'd do it."
Hermione shook her head. "As you said before, I don't believe in divination. I still think that you and Tonks were pretending. You didn't really see Harry and Remus in there."
"Yes, I did!" Ginny nodded vigorously. "I always knew that Harry was my soul mate, and this proved it."
Tonks nodded in agreement. "I saw Remus in there, too. My Gram swore that the Fates themselves revealed your soul mate as long as you used that particular spell."
"Fates." Hermione snorted. "Don't tell me that you believe in that nonsense?"
"Just look into the bowl." Tonks pointed at the bowl. "That's all you have to do."
"Riiiight," Hermione breathed, but leaned over the bowl. "Like this shite works."
"Annoying little twat, isn't she?" Lachesis muttered.
"Lachesis!" Clotho was obviously appalled. "That's rude."
"What? She was rude first." Lachesis made a corresponding rude gesture toward the bowl and sat back on her heels. She thought for a moment, then with a snap of her fingers, a large golden trunk flew open. Small scrolls slipped from their places within to fly toward her, finally settling into a pile at her feet.
"What are those?" Clotho asked, curious.
"There's a scroll here for every mortal that currently lives," Lachesis answered absently, rummaging through the scrolls. She began opening this one and that one, glancing at the contents before sending it back to the trunk.
"I know that much," Clotho answered. "Why did you summon those particular scrolls?"
"These are the people whose lives have intersected with that girl's life." One scroll caught Lachesis' attention, and she glanced back at the bushy head still bowed over the scrying bowl. "Oh, this would serve her right."
"What would serve her right?" Clotho sounded alarmed.
Lachesis continued reading. "Besides, if anybody deserves a roll in the eucalyptus, it's this man." She allowed the scroll to snap closed, then held it over the scrying bowl. She dipped the end into the water, then laid the scroll aside to watch the girl's reaction.
Clotho picked up the scroll and scanned it, blinking at what she saw. "Lachesis, it's changing."
"What?" Lachesis asked, grinning at the horrified expression on the girl's face.
"His scroll. The writing is changing."
"Of course it is." Lachesis glanced up. "They do that all the time, you've just never looked before."
"But... But... He was going to die in some magical battle with Volte, um, Volde, uh, Volle -- Oh, for pity's sake, you have to do something about your handwriting; it's awful -- with someone, but now he's not going to die for years and years. Atropos isn't going to be happy about that."
"Atropos cuts when it's time to cut." Lachesis shrugged. "His time just changed, that's all. It's no big deal. Atropos will get her chance eventually."
Clotho peered farther down on the scroll and smiled. "He marries that girl."
Lachesis snatched the scroll out of her sister's hands. "Where does it say that?"
Clotho pointed out the passage on the scroll. "And they're apparently quite happy together."
"Well, I'll be damned," Lachesis said, raising an eyebrow. "Who knew?"
Hermione ducked as a curse flew over her head, then sent a Stunner back at the wizard targeting her. Voldemort was dead, but his Death Eaters seemed determined to fight to the last. The bolt of red light struck the Death Eater squarely in the chest and, senseless, he dropped to the ground.
She whirled around looking for Harry or Ron, when she saw Severus Snape duelling with three Death Eaters who were clearly intent upon killing him. At the beginning of the battle, it had become apparent that he was fighting on the side of the Order of the Phoenix, and the Death Eaters wanted their revenge.
She had so many questions regarding Snape. Professor Dumbledore's portrait had assured the Order members that Snape was truly working on their side, and had insisted that everything had happened according to plan, but the portrait refused to discuss the details.
This was the first time that she'd seen Snape since that stupid scrying bowl had revealed him as her soul mate.
Divination was absolute nonsense, she reminded herself firmly.
But what if... her traitorous mind whispered. What if...
For a long moment, Hermione simply watched as Snape fended off his opponents. Then with a sigh, she waded into the fight, sending a curse streaking toward the Death Eater nearest Snape.
Snape glanced at her in surprise. "You imbecilic girl," he shouted, "what do you think you're doing?"
"Giving fate a chance, you bastard," Hermione spat out. "Now shut up and fight."
Author's Note: According to the Encyclopedia Mythica, "The Fates, or Moirae, were the goddesses who controlled the destiny of everyone from the time they were born to the time they died. They were: Clotho, the spinner, who spun the thread of a person's life, Lachesis, the apportioner, who decided how much time was to be allowed each person, and Atropos, the inevitable, who cut the thread when you were supposed to die."