(no subject)
I have worked the past 4 days for a total of about 30 hours. It really eats your time up, leaving you too tired when you get home to do anything but shower and sleep. But I now have 4 days off in a row, not by choice. I will nonetheless attempt to enjoy the time off... though I have had a bit too much of it lately.
Yesterday I texted him, "You make me happy. Thank you." In reply he texted me a <3.
What do I do with that? Accept it as a quiet but genuine response? Doubt it as a return word, wondering why he would not have said the same of me? It sort of bothers me - he's told me that I'm not trusting enough of him, that I act afraid of him, that I don't tell him about what is going on in my head. So... I'm trying to be more candid, to me more honest and revelatory of the love that I carry around for him. But how can I carry on without proper encouragement?
It is rather confusing to me, all that exists between us. He says that he wants to stay with me but never accepts the opportunities I give him. We kiss with such a passion, but one that doesn't extend to actual consummation. He looks at me, holds me, with this quiet gentleness that comforts me - but we are as unofficial as we could possibly be. I felt guilty calling him my boyfriend at work today. No one knows about us, most people don't even know we are friends and... can I even call us lovers? It is the most confusing uncomplicated relationship I've ever been in.
Again, I must chalk it up to the process of letting things go. Oi vey.
Yesterday I texted him, "You make me happy. Thank you." In reply he texted me a <3.
What do I do with that? Accept it as a quiet but genuine response? Doubt it as a return word, wondering why he would not have said the same of me? It sort of bothers me - he's told me that I'm not trusting enough of him, that I act afraid of him, that I don't tell him about what is going on in my head. So... I'm trying to be more candid, to me more honest and revelatory of the love that I carry around for him. But how can I carry on without proper encouragement?
It is rather confusing to me, all that exists between us. He says that he wants to stay with me but never accepts the opportunities I give him. We kiss with such a passion, but one that doesn't extend to actual consummation. He looks at me, holds me, with this quiet gentleness that comforts me - but we are as unofficial as we could possibly be. I felt guilty calling him my boyfriend at work today. No one knows about us, most people don't even know we are friends and... can I even call us lovers? It is the most confusing uncomplicated relationship I've ever been in.
Again, I must chalk it up to the process of letting things go. Oi vey.