The Church Search: Thus Do We Covenant
What is it to feel compelled?
Sometimes, you just know you have to do something. Sometimes, you just know you have to say something or go somewhere. Sometimes...you just know. It's that quiet, inner knowledge that pulls you. So when I started this search for something more, I felt like I did not have a real personal connection to the higher power in the Universe. But I felt compelled. And so far in this search, I have been to four different houses of worship. The last of which was the Flagstaff Christian Fellowship, housed in a Baptist church along downtown. Now, I've already been to an Assembly of God, which is what I thought this would be like (and I was wrong). And I actually didn't plan on going to this service today. I planned on attending a UU service, also downtown. But, as with many plans in my life, this idea never came to fruition. Providence, it seems, moved - and somehow we ended up driving down Beaver street looking for a late church service.
And somehow, we ended up there.
Now, as a former Catholic, there are some things that I find slightly alarming in a church. They are the banes of my church-going experience. First of all: a full drum kit. I mean, it's not horrible. I just find it so strange. I feel like when I walk in the House of God and see a hi hat, next I'm going to see smoke and lasers. I suppose, though, it would be pretty awesome to rock out with Jesus....But I digress.
So, after walking in and feeling uncomfortable (note to self: never wear a Playboy Miss February necklace to church again), I look around. I see....a full drum kit. Hrm. I looked through the church program. The first thing that struck me as different: a sum of the funds gathered in the collection, how much they had in their church fund, and how much more they needed. I don't know why, but it reminded me of something in the New Testament. Why was there any discussion of money in the church? I imagined Jesus flipping out and knocking over tables, for some reason....but I kept that to myself. And apparently, this church was full of big believers in group prayer. I like that idea. And then came what I like to call, "The fire and brimstone" sermon. Was it emotional? Yes. Based on scripture? Yes. Did it make me feel like I should become a Buddhist? Also, yes.
I know the pastor had good intentions, but this sermon did not resonate with me. This sermon did not make me feel loved. This sermon did not make me feel peaceful. This sermon made me feel....guilty. It made me feel bad. And it wasn't anything in particular he said. It made me feel bad because (and I have never said this in relation to a church service before) I felt like I knew what was true in my life. I feel my connection to God, and this did not strengthen it. During the entire sermon, in my head I repeated, "Thank you, but no thank you." Thank you, FCF, for being a place of worship. Thank you for allowing me to attend. I appreciate all the good things you're doing, but I know, for sure, this is not for me.
Sigh.