Leaping and not looking.
So, last night freaked me the fuck out. I literally thought I would stop breathing.
But then this, today:
Life is divine chaos. Embrace it. Forgive yourself. Breathe. And enjoy the ride.
I promise to do nothing but that, now. I feel like, once again, I am getting closer to those answers. Yesterday Mark said something that struck me, it's something I have kept hearing over and over again these past few days. So when he said that to me...It was something strange:
You have to take a leap of faith.
I promise that I will forgive myself and everyone else. I promise to enjoy life as much as possible. I promise to remember to stop and breathe. And always, I will keep the faith and take the leap.
Last night I finally told Adam (after calling the ambulance for someone) that I'm here for him. I'm here for him and I love him. I fully support him taking time to fix himself, I just hope it doesn't take too long. I said I was here for him whenever he needed me. And then that was it. I'm sad, but I feel I did the right thing. I hope he can manage himself and that sooner than later he will talk to me. In the meanwhile, I am trying to enjoy life. I am trying to enjoy graduating. I am trying to make sure I'm the best Lydia that I can be for everyone. I pray that maybe he can join me in that, at some point.
But right now? I just finished writing this super long thing for my social psych class. It was about the book "The Tipping Point", by Malcom Gladwell. One of the points I brought up was about character. Gladwell believed that character was situational, which I can totally understand. But then I thought of Wayne Dyer, and his example of toothpaste. When you squeeze a tube of toothpaste -what comes out? Toothpaste, naturally, that's what's inside. So you when you get squeezed by the world - what comes out?
...
That's what's inside of you.
So here I am, getting squeezed by the world. I am seeing calmness, love, understanding, and forgiveness. This is my character. This is not situational. This is who I am.
Life, show me good results.