hmm
So, I came out to another sister.
She's cool with it, although she was in a lot of shock and denial to begin with. I answered as much as I could for her, and she's now quite cool with it.
Baby steps, Kathleen. Baby steps.
While I'm at it, I want to show you all a personal letter. This is going to (potentially) be my coming out letter to Mum. So far it has gained good criticism, so I wanna see what you think.
======================================
Dear Mum,
I write this to you in confidence and with a gut-load of courage. I want you to know that what I am about to tell you will most definitely upset you, but this is far from what I intend. I want you to know everything about me and I want to finally be a lot more mature about myself. You don't deserve to be deceived at all, and I am sorry for not telling you earlier but fear gets the better of me sometimes. I am your daughter, and although I goof up a lot and get lazy, I love you with all my heart.
Please make no mention of this letter to anyone. Not Sarah, Kelly... and especially Dad. We have discussed this issue before and his comments were really upsetting for me. His views are quite frightening and I felt that I could never speak to him about this. Your view is slightly more comforting, and I hope you will eventually come to accept me for who I am. A part of me tells me that I know you will, because you've been nothing but a loving, caring mother to all of us and you wouldn't push me away so easily. Plus, I feel you have a lot more sense and maturity than Dad with this, and naturally I trust you a lot more. I mean no disrespect, but I am being brutally honest here.
Mum, remember when Dad found all the queer material in my room? Yeah, it was mine. I left it in the room hoping you would find it, because there is something I've wanted to tell you for a while now. Mum, I'm a lesbian. I know you're probably thinking a lot of things right now, like 'how dare she do this to me', 'where did I go wrong' etc You did nothing wrong, lets get that one cleared up. I was one of the lucky ones that had been raised in a loving environment with good morals. I wasn't raised by bad parents, and I count my blessings daily for that. But Mum, please understand that this isn't a choice for me. I'm not rebelling, I'm not experimenting or trying this out. This is how I have felt since I was about twelve years old, and if this was a choice I would've changed my mind a long time ago to save myself some heartache.
I want to give you some background as to how I came to this realisation. This is so you know what I have been through behind it all, and that this isn't something ridiculous like a plea for attention or experimentation. I want you to see how sincere I am about this, and how very serious I am about coming out to you. I am breaking a huge barrier right now for you, and I need as much love and support as I can get from you.
When I was twelve, I started to notice girls at my high school a lot more than guys. I was taught at church and by you and Dad that homosexuality is a massive sin, as well as learning a few social stigmas attached to being gay. People who looked gay got slandered for it. Take for example, Michael. Of course he was gay, but he was too afraid to come out because of the harassment he recieved for "looking like a fag". I let my own phobias get the better of me, and for several years I was openly anti-gay at school. I remember when I was first friends with Jesse, I used to tell him what he did was completely wrong and that he should go see a counselor. But see, these phobias never took away what I had, and what I saw as a problem. I went to see the chaplain and the school counselor when I was fifteen to get some help. The chaplain gave me a few passages to read and told me that in the end, I had to consult to God about it. We prayed a few times over it all and he was extremely helpful. The counselor told me that being gay was okay, and that my phobia was also natural but the only thing I could truly fix in this situation. She encouraged me coming out to you and Dad and almost called for a meeting, but I told her not to as I didn't feel ready. Even now I don't feel 100% ready for it, but I feel like this has to be said to you.
When I was about sixteen I came out as bisexual to a few friends. Some left me for a while, some were cool with it. The ones who didn't like it told other people in the school, and soon my little secret became huge amongst my classmates. I quickly learned that homophobia is a very damaging thing for a teenager. I remember one such situation where I was being pushed and shoved by some guys from my class, calling me names such as "dyke cow" and "lesbian slut" and laughing. Other situations involve having rocks thrown at my head, being excluded from groups and cyber bullying. I was constantly being targeted for something I couldn't help.
When I started going out with Marko, I was kinda relieved in some sense. I had no full attraction to men, in fact I found it very hard to see it at all. I thought that I could possibly escape having to tell you the news by seeing him. Around the time we broke up, my feelings for other women grew a lot stronger. The long distance relationship meant that not going out with him anymore hurt a lot less. We never saw each other, so it only hurt for a couple of days. After this though, I began to realise that now I had to come out to you someday. I had to tell you and Dad eventually. Again, I saw the chaplain, but this time it was the RMIT chaplain. She was very helpful, and told me that homosexuality is a natural process that was not clearly understood in the times of Moses and Paul. She also noted mistranslations that actually condemn male prostitution rather than actual homosexuality in Hebrew texts. This helped me out a lot as it seemed that the Bible held me back a lot. She suggested to visit a site called PFLAG to get more information, and linked me to a booklet on homosexuality and the bible. I've printed it for you to save the trouble.
Mum, please understand that I'm only doing this as an act of trust. I want to strengthen the bond we have, and I want to share everything about me with you. I know you think that I shouldn't have kept it quiet from you, but I would've been lying to you for a long time. How would you feel if you were much older and still wondering why I didn't have a husband yet? How would you have felt if I told you a lot later in life? If I had a daughter and she didn't share that aspect of her life with me, I would feel a little betrayed and upset that she couldn't share this with me. Mum, I love you so much and I'd hate to lose you over this. Please talk to me about it when you feel a little more ready for it, and please don't think of me as an evil person over this. I would be devastated if you and Dad never wanted to see me again, and I can only pray that you will continue to love and support me as the same daughter you always had. You didn't fail me as a parent, and I sure as hell refuse to fail you as a daughter.
Love always,
Kathleen.
She's cool with it, although she was in a lot of shock and denial to begin with. I answered as much as I could for her, and she's now quite cool with it.
Baby steps, Kathleen. Baby steps.
While I'm at it, I want to show you all a personal letter. This is going to (potentially) be my coming out letter to Mum. So far it has gained good criticism, so I wanna see what you think.
======================================
Dear Mum,
I write this to you in confidence and with a gut-load of courage. I want you to know that what I am about to tell you will most definitely upset you, but this is far from what I intend. I want you to know everything about me and I want to finally be a lot more mature about myself. You don't deserve to be deceived at all, and I am sorry for not telling you earlier but fear gets the better of me sometimes. I am your daughter, and although I goof up a lot and get lazy, I love you with all my heart.
Please make no mention of this letter to anyone. Not Sarah, Kelly... and especially Dad. We have discussed this issue before and his comments were really upsetting for me. His views are quite frightening and I felt that I could never speak to him about this. Your view is slightly more comforting, and I hope you will eventually come to accept me for who I am. A part of me tells me that I know you will, because you've been nothing but a loving, caring mother to all of us and you wouldn't push me away so easily. Plus, I feel you have a lot more sense and maturity than Dad with this, and naturally I trust you a lot more. I mean no disrespect, but I am being brutally honest here.
Mum, remember when Dad found all the queer material in my room? Yeah, it was mine. I left it in the room hoping you would find it, because there is something I've wanted to tell you for a while now. Mum, I'm a lesbian. I know you're probably thinking a lot of things right now, like 'how dare she do this to me', 'where did I go wrong' etc You did nothing wrong, lets get that one cleared up. I was one of the lucky ones that had been raised in a loving environment with good morals. I wasn't raised by bad parents, and I count my blessings daily for that. But Mum, please understand that this isn't a choice for me. I'm not rebelling, I'm not experimenting or trying this out. This is how I have felt since I was about twelve years old, and if this was a choice I would've changed my mind a long time ago to save myself some heartache.
I want to give you some background as to how I came to this realisation. This is so you know what I have been through behind it all, and that this isn't something ridiculous like a plea for attention or experimentation. I want you to see how sincere I am about this, and how very serious I am about coming out to you. I am breaking a huge barrier right now for you, and I need as much love and support as I can get from you.
When I was twelve, I started to notice girls at my high school a lot more than guys. I was taught at church and by you and Dad that homosexuality is a massive sin, as well as learning a few social stigmas attached to being gay. People who looked gay got slandered for it. Take for example, Michael. Of course he was gay, but he was too afraid to come out because of the harassment he recieved for "looking like a fag". I let my own phobias get the better of me, and for several years I was openly anti-gay at school. I remember when I was first friends with Jesse, I used to tell him what he did was completely wrong and that he should go see a counselor. But see, these phobias never took away what I had, and what I saw as a problem. I went to see the chaplain and the school counselor when I was fifteen to get some help. The chaplain gave me a few passages to read and told me that in the end, I had to consult to God about it. We prayed a few times over it all and he was extremely helpful. The counselor told me that being gay was okay, and that my phobia was also natural but the only thing I could truly fix in this situation. She encouraged me coming out to you and Dad and almost called for a meeting, but I told her not to as I didn't feel ready. Even now I don't feel 100% ready for it, but I feel like this has to be said to you.
When I was about sixteen I came out as bisexual to a few friends. Some left me for a while, some were cool with it. The ones who didn't like it told other people in the school, and soon my little secret became huge amongst my classmates. I quickly learned that homophobia is a very damaging thing for a teenager. I remember one such situation where I was being pushed and shoved by some guys from my class, calling me names such as "dyke cow" and "lesbian slut" and laughing. Other situations involve having rocks thrown at my head, being excluded from groups and cyber bullying. I was constantly being targeted for something I couldn't help.
When I started going out with Marko, I was kinda relieved in some sense. I had no full attraction to men, in fact I found it very hard to see it at all. I thought that I could possibly escape having to tell you the news by seeing him. Around the time we broke up, my feelings for other women grew a lot stronger. The long distance relationship meant that not going out with him anymore hurt a lot less. We never saw each other, so it only hurt for a couple of days. After this though, I began to realise that now I had to come out to you someday. I had to tell you and Dad eventually. Again, I saw the chaplain, but this time it was the RMIT chaplain. She was very helpful, and told me that homosexuality is a natural process that was not clearly understood in the times of Moses and Paul. She also noted mistranslations that actually condemn male prostitution rather than actual homosexuality in Hebrew texts. This helped me out a lot as it seemed that the Bible held me back a lot. She suggested to visit a site called PFLAG to get more information, and linked me to a booklet on homosexuality and the bible. I've printed it for you to save the trouble.
Mum, please understand that I'm only doing this as an act of trust. I want to strengthen the bond we have, and I want to share everything about me with you. I know you think that I shouldn't have kept it quiet from you, but I would've been lying to you for a long time. How would you feel if you were much older and still wondering why I didn't have a husband yet? How would you have felt if I told you a lot later in life? If I had a daughter and she didn't share that aspect of her life with me, I would feel a little betrayed and upset that she couldn't share this with me. Mum, I love you so much and I'd hate to lose you over this. Please talk to me about it when you feel a little more ready for it, and please don't think of me as an evil person over this. I would be devastated if you and Dad never wanted to see me again, and I can only pray that you will continue to love and support me as the same daughter you always had. You didn't fail me as a parent, and I sure as hell refuse to fail you as a daughter.
Love always,
Kathleen.