Subject Spelt Backwards is tcejbuS
I can't sleep. I just end up tossing and turning, messing up the sheets on my bed. So many thoughts run through my head, but I don't have anyone that I can talk to about them. My mom would probably just think I'm babbling about nonsense.. which I tend to do at times, so I don't blame her. Heather is a cunt.. so yeah that automatically crosses her off the list. Aymen is just too young to understand.
Theres no one else in my life right now that I can talk to. Amanda is never on AIM, but thats ok.. she has a life and doesn't need to waste it talking to me on the computer. Besides, she has her own issues to deal with right now. I don't want to bother her with my nonsense. Brig has been a total bitch to me lately, so there no point in speaking with her. Eric has a new girlfriend to dote over.. so he's never there.
I don't feel that anyone else I know would care... So I'll just right my bull shit in my journal. Thats the only thing I feel like I can talk to now... Kinda sad, huh?
I have finally realized whats been depressing me so much about the move. Its not just the obvious things.. like losing my friends, moving thousands of miles away, etc. Its the little things... I realize now that I have lost everything that I took for granted, and that make me both angry and sad at the same time.
I now realize that I will never be able to see my best friends face to face for a long time. I won't be able to touch them or go places with them. I won't be able to do the stupid shit that we always planned to do. I won't be able to take classes with them. I won't be able to graduate with them...
I won't be able to go to the places that I wanted to go to.. even if I don't even know about them. I won't be able to meet the people I wanted to meet, even if I've never saw or heard about them.
I won't be able to walk down the hallway of my old home. I won't be able to feel the grass under my feet in our old backyard. I won't be able to hear the dogs in our neighborhood bark and howl as sirens wail in the distance. I won't be able to hear my boots clunk as I walked down to driveway to put the key in my car.. and drive away.
I won't be able to breath in the Florida air. I won't be able to see countless palm trees as I drive down the street. I won't be able to make fun of the way old people drive with my friends. I won't be able to party with my friends.. I can't do anything with the people I treasure the most.
I won't be able to do any of those things.. not there anyway. I can't believe I took so many things for granted. Now I lie awake and alone all night in this loud and cold city. No friends, no inspiration for my creativity, nothing... just a vast wasteland.. of nothing...
Theres no one else in my life right now that I can talk to. Amanda is never on AIM, but thats ok.. she has a life and doesn't need to waste it talking to me on the computer. Besides, she has her own issues to deal with right now. I don't want to bother her with my nonsense. Brig has been a total bitch to me lately, so there no point in speaking with her. Eric has a new girlfriend to dote over.. so he's never there.
I don't feel that anyone else I know would care... So I'll just right my bull shit in my journal. Thats the only thing I feel like I can talk to now... Kinda sad, huh?
I have finally realized whats been depressing me so much about the move. Its not just the obvious things.. like losing my friends, moving thousands of miles away, etc. Its the little things... I realize now that I have lost everything that I took for granted, and that make me both angry and sad at the same time.
I now realize that I will never be able to see my best friends face to face for a long time. I won't be able to touch them or go places with them. I won't be able to do the stupid shit that we always planned to do. I won't be able to take classes with them. I won't be able to graduate with them...
I won't be able to go to the places that I wanted to go to.. even if I don't even know about them. I won't be able to meet the people I wanted to meet, even if I've never saw or heard about them.
I won't be able to walk down the hallway of my old home. I won't be able to feel the grass under my feet in our old backyard. I won't be able to hear the dogs in our neighborhood bark and howl as sirens wail in the distance. I won't be able to hear my boots clunk as I walked down to driveway to put the key in my car.. and drive away.
I won't be able to breath in the Florida air. I won't be able to see countless palm trees as I drive down the street. I won't be able to make fun of the way old people drive with my friends. I won't be able to party with my friends.. I can't do anything with the people I treasure the most.
I won't be able to do any of those things.. not there anyway. I can't believe I took so many things for granted. Now I lie awake and alone all night in this loud and cold city. No friends, no inspiration for my creativity, nothing... just a vast wasteland.. of nothing...