I miss these days...
Todd: This isn't a big deal, right? I mean, you're -- you're going to get over this, right?
Blair: Ugh!
Troy: Blair!
Sam: What's going on?
Troy: I don't know. I hear voices. There's a guy talking to her, but I can barely hear her. We may have a bad connection. Maybe we should hang up and call her --
Sam: No! No, no, no! It's Mexico. We might never reconnect. Come out here where the signal is stronger.
Todd: Ok, um -- the baby's -- baby's coming now?
Blair: Yes. The baby's coming now, Todd.
Todd: Ok, that's not so good because the midwife is nowhere to be found. And, well, everybody's gone, from -- from everywhere. I mean, there's nobody for miles.
Blair: Yeah, well, what'd you do, run them off?
Todd: No, I -- well, I -- I heard a car, so I ran down to the side of the road, but I was too late.
Blair: Oh, where did they go?
Todd: But there's good news.
Blair: What?
Todd: Oh, I don't know where they went. I did see a sign when I was coming in, though. There was some kind of All-Saints Festival or something. But then again, it could have been something about a chicken. I don't know, my Spanish is kind of shaky.
Blair: Great.
Todd: Anyway, the good news is that there was a map in the rental car and there's a hospital like 50 miles from here.
Blair: Yeah, I know.
Todd: Well, I'll drive you.
Blair: You can't drive me, Todd. It's an hour on these roads, and I'm having the baby now!
Todd: Why'd you come here to have a baby?
Blair: Stop yelling at me!
Todd: Well, it's a stupid thing to do!
Blair: Don't you call me stupid, d**n it! You're the stupid one!
Todd: Hey, you watch the way you talk to me, ok? I'm the only person you got around here.
Blair: Ok, ok, I'm sorry. Just shut up!
Todd: Why?
Blair: Because I've got something to tell you, that's why!
Todd: I know, you're having a baby. Blah, blah, blah.
Blair: No, I've got something to tell -- ow! Oh, Todd! Oh! Oh!
Troy: Hello? Is there anybody there? Hello? Can you hear me? Is there anybody there? Hello?
Todd: Who's this?
Troy: This is Dr. Troy MacIver from Llanview hospital. Is Blair ok?
Todd: Well, no, she -- she's not looking so hot right now.
Troy: Ok, whom am I speaking with?
Todd: Todd.
Troy: Todd, look, I was going to talk Blair through this, but now that you're here, I'm going to talk to you.
Todd: About what?
Troy: About how to deliver a baby.
Todd: Ok, I got that water and the towels.
Troy: Ok, good. Now, how long since the last contraction?
Todd: How long since the last contraction?
Blair: I don't know -- two minutes, you jerk!
Todd: Hey, she just called me a jerk!
Blair: Oh!
Troy: Ok, Todd, look, labor is extremely painful. Now, there comes a point when a patient will scream at whoever is nearby.
Todd: Yeah, well, I think she reached that point.
Blair: What point, Todd? What are you talking about? Oh!
Troy: Todd? Todd, are you there?
Todd: Yeah.
Troy: Ok, look, the important thing is that you don't take anything personal, ok?
Todd: Oh, that's easy for you to say. You're, like, 5,000 miles away.
Troy: You're very right. But listen to me; I need you to do something for me now. I need you to check and tell me if you can see the baby's head.
Todd: Yeah. How am I supposed to do that?
Blair: What? What?
Todd: You want me to look down there?
Troy: That's what I need you to do. Just look down and tell me if the head is visible.
Todd: Oh, no, no. I -- I don't think I can stomach that.
Blair: Todd Manning, I swear to God, if you don't help me have this baby, I'm going to -- I'm going to kill you!
Todd: Hey, just hold your water -- hey, that's funny. It's not like you can hold your water now. It's a little late for --
Blair: Shut up!
Sam: What's happening? How is she?
Troy: He's checking to see if the baby is crowning.
Todd: Are -- are you still there?
Troy: Yeah, Todd, I'm still here.
Todd: Ok, I -- I saw the head.
Troy: Ok, good.
Todd: No, it's really not pretty.
Troy: That's ok, never mind that. You just need to get ready.
Todd: For what?
Troy: This baby is about to be born.
Blair: Oh, God!
[Blair screams]
Todd: Now, I don't know nothing about birthing no babies.
I miss Roger Howarth. TSJ is a wonderful actor but he just doesn't bring the snark and I miss that. *dejected sigh*
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand random post is now over
X-posted to onelifetolive