2 Unfinished One-Shots
So, as I'm starting to wonder if these will ever be finished I thought I'd post them on here and get a bit of feedback--maybe it'll get the muse to work on them!
Disclaimer: I own nothing! The mouse owns OLTL and Reba McEntire owns&performs the song.
Author’s Notes: I love and adore this song more than any before it, and I thought it really would be a Natalie type song. Hope you enjoy!
Also, just a note--I've surveyed my friends and all but one seem to agree I'm the only person who could make this into an angst fic. Enjoy!
Title: You’re Gonna Be
//Six pounds and nine ounces lookin' up at me
Like I have all the answers
I hope I have the ones you need
I've never really done this
Now I know what scared is//
Natalie swallowed slightly as she stared down at the tiny baby in her arms, a sad smile playing across her lips. Just two months earlier she had been happily envisioning this moment, but now that it was here everything was wrong.
She bit back a sob as she pressed a gentle kiss to her daughter’s forehead, whispering, “Mommy doesn’t know what to do right now sweetheart but I’ll figure it out.”
Her smile widened when the baby’s eyes slowly closed, and she shut her own eyes as she forced the tears to remain at bay. “I have to.”
She carefully lay the baby in the small bed resting beside hers and turned to shed her tears as her mind traveled back to the worst day of her life one month earlier.
//Sometimes I'll protect you from everything that's wrong
Other times I'll let you just find out on your own
But that's when you'll be growin',
And the whole time I'll be knowin//
“Natalie?” Natalie yawned as she looked at the clock, frowning when she saw the time. “Uncle Bo? What is it?” Her annoyance shone through despite her attempts to hide it. It was three AM and the baby had finally quit kicking her just an hour earlier, allowing her to get some rest. “Nat, something’s happened.”
Natalie’s heart sped up as she heard the tears in his voice and she struggled to a sitting position, her eight-month pregnant belly making it harder than it would’ve been otherwise. “What is it? Is it John?” Her voice was frantic as she grabbed her cell phone, praying that he would’ve called her.
Her husband was gone on a special mission for her uncle and the FBI. He’d originally turned it down but she had insisted that he take it after seeing the wistfulness in his eyes as he’d told her about the assignment. It only lasted until two weeks from her due date and was said to be low-risk.
Suddenly bringing herself back to the present she was all too aware of her uncle’s silence. “Uncle Bo?”
“Honey, John’s gone.” His voice was soft with compassion and pain as he whispered the words.
Natalie’s eyes widened and she froze as the phone slowly slipped from her hand and hit the ground. Tears slowly began to slide down her face as she placed both hands on her stomach.
“No,” she whispered, gasping for breath. “NO!” Her scream echoed throughout the house as her sobs began.
Natalie hurriedly wiped her tears away as she heard the door open and turned over to see Michael. She smiled to the best of her ability. “Hey.” He smiled back, seeing the tear tracks. “Hey. I just wanted to come check and see how you and my niece were doing.” He sat down in the chair next to the bed and grabbed a tissue, using it to gently wipe away the last traces of her tears.
“I was trying so hard not to think about him, Michael. I wanted to be strong for my little girl, but I couldn’t. I’m just weak.” Michael grabbed her hand, squeezing it as he gently forced her chin up, forcing her to meet his gaze.
“Natalie, nobody could call you weak. You’ve gone through hell in your life, and you found out your husband died just a month ago.” His voice cracked on this as he fought back memories of his brother. “You’re the strongest woman I know, and Mom and I are damn lucky to have you in our lives.”
Natalie squeezed his hand back, blinking back her tears. “Thank you,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. “Where is your mom anyway? I thought she would’ve been here already.” Michael shook his head.
“I think she wanted to stop by the grave before she came. She is on her way though.” She nodded, silently thinking of how withdrawn Eve had been since her son’s death. It was like somebody had reached inside of her and put out that spark everyone had always admired about her… Of course, Natalie knew that many were saying the same about her.
“So did you name my niece yet?” She smiled gratefully at Michael. He had been the most stabilizing influence she had in the last month, and he was the best at noticing when she was slipping. He was also the best at bringing her back… besides John. She shook her head, feeling the tears building. “No. I hadn’t even really had a chance to think about it.”
Just then a shrill cry filled the room. Michael stood to his feet and gently lifted his tiny niece out. She immediately stopped crying as he smiled down at her. “She likes you,” Natalie said softly. Michael smiled as he gently kissed the baby’s cheek and sat back down.
“So, back to the name.” Natalie smiled. “You’ve been the main thing keeping me going this past month, so what about Michele? With one ‘l’ it’s the feminine version of Michael, so if you don’t mind I’d like for my daughter to carry that name.”
Michael’s eyes filled with tears as he smiled down at the baby. “Michele,” he whispered, allowing his eyes to meet Natalie’s. “It sounds perfect.” She smiled back, and they sat in the warm silence, both feeling like John was in the room with them.
//You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
You're gonna cry, but know that that's okay
Sometimes life's not fair, but if you hang in there
You're gonna see that sometimes bad is good
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You're gonna be//
Seven years later, Natalie was sleeping in her bed when her door slowly opening suddenly awakened her. She smiled as she kept her eyelids closed just enough to see her little girl slowly put her head through the crack.
“Mommy?” she whispered. “Are you awake?” Natalie sat up, yawning and holding her arms out. Michele flung the door open and ran over to the bed, jumping up on it as she threw her arms around Natalie.
Michele McBain was a beautiful little girl with long, curly red hair and striking blue eyes. Nobody could tell which parent the eyes had come from, but sometimes when Natalie looked into them they seemed eerily familiar, and in those moments she knew without a doubt they were John’s.
Natalie hugged Michele to her, taking comfort in the warm security her daughter provided. Seven years and two months had passed since John had been killed, but Natalie still had found it impossible to move on.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Michele breaking the hug and tugging on the sleeve of Natalie’s kitty pajamas, the same ones she’d been wearing the night of that stake-out so long ago. She shook her head as she gave her daughter her full attention. “What is it sweetie?”
“Grandpa Asa told me that if you say it okay I can have a pony. Can I have a pony Mommy?” She stuck out her lower lip and her eyes widened adorably as she waited for Natalie to answer.
Natalie thought for a minute before she answered. “Well, we don’t have the room for a horse here but if Grandpa Asa will let you keep your pony at his house then of course you can.”
Michele grinned and hugged her. “Thank you, Mommy! Can I go call Grandpa Asa and ask him?” Nat looked at the clock, noting that it was after eight AM and her grandfather would no doubt be awake by now. “Go ahead.”
//I'm afraid you'll have to suffer through
some of my mistakes
Lord knows I'll be trying to give you what it takes
What it takes to know the difference
Between getting by and livin'
‘Cause anything worth doing is worth doing all the way
Just know you'll have to live with all
The choices that you make
So make sure you're always givin'
Way more than you're takin'//
Natalie took a deep breath as she took one final look around the apartment she and Michele had called home for all of Michele’s nine years. They were moving due to an offer Natalie hadn’t been able to turn down. After finishing her degree, a few phone calls and applications later here she was with a solid job offer as
“I’m going to miss it here,” Michele said, her voice so soft that Nat had to bend to catch her words. She pulled her daughter into a tight hug. “So am I, sweetheart. So am I,” she whispered back, thinking of the countless nights she’d spent under this roof.
Michele pulled back as she looked out to their car. “Mommy, are we taking Daddy with us to California?” Natalie smiled sadly as she knelt down in front of her, taking her hands in her own. “Sweetie, Daddy is with us wherever we go. It doesn’t matter how far away we are, he’s always in our hearts as long as we remember him.”
“How can I remember him when I never got to know him?” Michele asked seriously. Natalie blinked back tears as she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You know him through all the stories you’ve been told about him. Just hold on tight to those and the pictures you have of him. He loved you more than you could possibly know.”
Michele bit her lip as she carefully contemplated everything Natalie had said. After a moment she smiled. “I think I want to hear more about him, Mommy.” Natalie gave her daughter a small smile as she embraced her.
“It’s a long trip to California, so we’ll have time for a lot of stories about your daddy.”
//You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
You're gonna cry, but know that that's okay
Sometimes life's not fair, but if you hang in there
You're gonna see that sometimes bad is good
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You're gonna be
Someone's everything//
Natalie sighed as she walked through the video rental store on Valentine’s Day. Michele was out on a group date with her boyfriend and some friends, leaving her mother alone in the house. Nat sighed as she realized once again that her daughter was growing up.
In five years Michele would be moving out. The thought scared her more than she cared to admit, because then Natalie would be alone. She hadn’t been truly alone since she’d married John, and the thought terrified of her. Even when she’d lost her husband, she’d had Michele to comfort her.
But once Michele was gone, what was to keep her from falling completely to pieces?
Natalie was so deep in thought she didn’t even realize somebody was standing beside her until she looked up. Her initial reaction was a rush of hope, disbelief quickly following as she stared into those blue eyes…
“John?” she whispered.
The man looked confused. “I’m sorry, but you must have me mistaken for someone else.” Her heart broke as he turned to go, but there was something in his voice that convinced her of his identity.
“Excuse me,” she called after him. He turned around in slight annoyance. “Yes?” She swallowed as she dug out her wallet, plucking a picture from within and handing it to him as she silently replaced the wallet in her bag.
“This-this looks just like me,” he said softly. “Do you know who you are?” Natalie was afraid that her theory was far-fetched, but it certainly didn’t’ seem that way by looking at his face.
He shook his head. “No. I woke up with no memory in a hospital bed thirteen years ago.” This last was said in unison with Natalie, who had tears streaming down her face. He looked concerned. “Are you okay?”
“I’m better than okay. John, you’re alive. For the last thirteen years everyone believed you were dead but you’re alive,” she repeated. He studied her for a moment, a faint look of recognition in his eyes.
“I feel like I should know you,” he said softly. “There’s something pulling at my memory but I can’t quite get it.” Natalie wiped the tears from her face and gently touched his cheek. “Don’t worry about it. All you need to know is that I’m your wife and I’m going to get you the best help available. We’ll get you back, John.”
Title: Didn't I
Thanks to http://tvmegasite.net/day/oltl/transcripts/older/2005/oltl-trans-09-12-05.shtml for the transcript of September 12!
It's so hard to know the reasons
It’s hard to know the truth
When it’s all over.
And every time I look back
I just get more confused.
So I replay every kiss
And every clue I might have missed
Natalie hugged her knees even closer to her as she rested her chin on them, silent tears streaming down her face. She hated herself for this weakness she was feeling. She knew she didn’t owe John anything, but then days like this she wanted nothing more than to go to him and try to help.
A bitter laugh escaped her throat. He’d never let her help even if she offered. Hadn’t he just proven that when she’d gone to him today?
She sighed and angrily swiped at the tears on her face, lowering her legs over the edge of the bed to the floor. She slowly walked over to the window of her room and sat, remembering the last time she had been here.
“You don't have to say anything to me. It's enough to know that you're thinking about me.”
“Well, you know, put it this way -- I'm not exactly the type to call his girlfriend from a stakeout.”
“You just called me your girlfriend.”
“Did I? Uh, you sure?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“Well, look, I'm sorry if I don't always express myself good. But I've always been more of a quiet type, you know?”
“It's all right. You don't have to change for me, John.”
“Okay. Look, just understand this. I'm trying to get better.”
“Okay. I can work with that.”
Natalie sighed as she glanced across the room at the phone. How had things changed so much in such a short amount of time?
Didn’t I make you happy?
Didn’t I get inside your heart?
Didn’t I make you love me?
Didn’t I?
Didn’t I, now, baby?
I turned my world upside down.
I turned myself inside out,
But I still lost you,
Didn’t I?
Didn’t I?
Natalie sighed as she stood to her feet, walking over to where her cell phone lay on the table beside her bed. She picked it up and punched in John’s number, her finger hesitating over the send button for a split second before she pushed cancel and threw it down onto the bed.
She couldn’t be the one making all the moves, not now. Her choice was made, had been since the night she had told John as much-hadn’t he realized that she meant it when she said he was her choice even if Cristian was alive?
She groaned, hating the feel of the tears still sliding down her cheeks. Surrendering to her weakness, Natalie reached into her drawer and pulled out the small strip of pictures she had banished there immediately after the Statesville fiasco was over.
There was a jagged edge about halfway down where she had torn some off and given them to John. She briefly let her mind wonder if he still had them-but she quickly shook the question away. She didn’t know if she could handle the answer her mind would give her.
She refocused her attention on the pictures in her hand. “We were so happy,” she whispered. She remembered the day they had been taken so clearly-the last pictures before the truth about Cristian had come out. They were also some of their only pictures, as John wasn’t very keen on being photographed.
They had been in Atlantic City for the day, just wandering and reminiscing when she had spotted the small photo booth. It hadn’t taken much sweet talking from her before they were squeezed into the booth and taking pictures.
She smiled weakly as she ran a finger over her favorite. He had said something and when she turned he’d leaned in, giving her a short and sweet kiss. She could remember the blissful feeling that had shot through her so clearly, and it heightened the pain of the moment that much more.
Why do I keep believing?
What am I hoping for?
Why can’t I let you go?
I did all I could do.
Why do I think there’s something more?
I just don’t understand,
How love slipped right through our hands,
John sighed as he stared down at the small photo strip in his hand. If anyone had told him that he would ever get into one of those booths, he would have laughed them out of the police station. But Natalie had asked and he’d known there was no way he could turn her down.
“Wonder why that is?” he mused aloud. He knew why. He couldn’t say the words, but he damn well felt them. Why couldn’t that be enough for her?
Of course, that was another question he knew the answer to. She didn’t trust her judgment when it came to him anymore, and who could blame her?
He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he looked at the floor around him. Every picture of Natalie he owned was spread out in front of him. He gently ran a finger over his favorite-their first picture together.
He looked so uncomfortable, as he always did in front of a camera, yet he also recognized the slight ease that nobody else could see. It came from being next to her, she’d always had a calming effect on him and that was one of the many things he missed so much.
God, there were so many things he missed. He missed waking up with her arms, missed going to sleep with her in them, and most of all he missed just having her there. He knew that he should, but he couldn’t regret the stolen time he’d shared with her. Memories, though they tore him apart inside, was all that kept him going these days.
Didn’t I make you happy?
Didn’t I get inside your heart?
Didn’t I make you love me?
Didn’t I?
Didn’t I, now, baby?
I turned my world upside down.
I turned myself inside out,
But I still lost you,
Didn’t I?
Natalie jumped at the knock on the door and she hurried to replace the pictures in her drawer. She moved to sit on the bed, scrubbing at her face as she tried to erase all traces of her tears.
“Come in,” she called out. The door opened and Tess-or was it Jess? These days there was no guarantee-walked in.
“Hey.”
“Hello Tess,” she replied dryly, hating that they hadn’t been able to integrate Jessica yet. Tess was the last person she wanted to see right now. “What do you want?
“That’s not a very nice way to speak to your ‘sister’,” Tess replied, laying on the sarcasm with the last word before sitting down on the bed beside Natalie.
“I got bored. Nash is still in California and-I know I don’t show it, but I do get lonely you know. I’m never alone but this kid isn’t exactly great company.” Natalie looked at Tess in surprise.
“You came in here for the company?” Tess shrugged, clearly uncomfortable. “Well, you are this kid’s aunt-no matter who the mother or father is. Besides, like I said I’m bored.”
“I’m not really in the mood for company right now.” Tess studied her for a moment. “You’re obsessing over that cop, huh?” Natalie opened her mouth to protest, but Tess cut her off. “I recognize the look. Why don’t you just call him if you miss him so much?”
“Because I’ve wasted too much time chasing John around as it is,” she replied, stunned at the words coming from her lips. When had she become desperate enough that Tess qualified as someone to spill her heart out to?
“Okay, does John know you want him to be doing the chasing? From what I hear you pretty much told him not to. The man’s not a mind-reader, is he?”
Natalie looked at her in disbelief. “What?” Tess rolled her eyes. “And people say men are dense."
And last but not least, my 'baby' that I still want to try and finish if only to say I did. It's Nikey though (Michael/Natalie), so be warned.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, don’t sue.
Author’s Note: I will always be a Jolie fan, but I think I’m getting a bit burnt out writing just them all the time. Also, I have always loved the potential of this pairing!
Inspired By: “Mustard on French Fries” http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2418669/1/
Summary: What will happen when Natalie and Michael grow closer after their partner’s betrayals?
A/N2: This takes place around current events. MARCIE FANS BE WARNED I dislike her immensely and that will shine through here.
Natalie Buchanan groaned as she watched Michael McBain walk into the diner. He smiled his lopsided grin and plopped himself down at her table. She made a face at his intrusion and dipped her fry in mustard. “Whoa, are we back to this?” She tore the end of the French fry off with a savageness that caused Michael to sit back and put his hands up in surrender. “I come in peace.” She rolled her eyes and couldn’t help but laugh, shaking her head.
“It’s not you,” she said. Michael nodded, understanding dawning in his eyes as he waited to hear more. “It’s that idiot you call a brother.” He nodded. “Isn’t it always?” She reached across the table, punching him in the shoulder. He rubbed it, grimacing in pain. “So what’d Johnny do this time?” She rolled her eyes. “It’s more what he didn’t-what he’s not doing.”
Michael nodded. “Uh… huh.” She shook a fist at him and he quickly backtracked. “I meant uh, what isn’t he doing?” “I feel like we’re back to how we were before I got kidnapped. He gives me his little puppy dog, ‘don’t-hate-me-Natalie-I’m-not-such-a-bad-guy’ looks and lately he’s even been talking to me about his feelings.” She let out a frustrated sigh. “But-“ “But its’ not enough,” Michael supplied as she tried to find the words. “Yeah, exactly. I think I’m finally beginning to move on.”
“Move on-as in to Cristian?” Natalie snorted with laughter. “Yeah, right. I don’t even know who he is anymore. He’s not the man I married.” Michael nodded. “That’s for sure.” “To be honest, I think that what Cris and I had-it was real, and it was special, but-“ She shook her head. “It was first love. John and I-we were real love, the kind that could have lasted, but John’s just not in the place for that right now. I can’t keep hanging on to us to give him time to fix himself, you know? I’m sick of being in limbo.”
Michael nodded, reaching over and stealing a fry; looking offended when Natalie slaps his hand away. “What? You steal my food and I can’t return the favor?” “Yeah, that’s generally the way it works. You need to make a note?” He rolled his eyes and pointedly stole another fry. She threw her hands up. “You’re just like your brother-so damn impossible!” He grinned. “But that’s why you love us!”
Her eyes glinted evilly as she picked up the bottle of mustard and poured it all over her fries. Nonplussed, Michael reached over and stole another one. He popped it into his mouth and chewed. Natalie laughed as a shocked look crossed over his face. “Hey, this is good!” She smirked at him. “Told you.” She tossed her hair back and ate the last French fry. “So, now what do you want to do?”
Thirty minutes later, Natalie was sitting on Michael’s bed. “I cannot believe I let you talk me into this.” She shook her head and he laughed as she gingerly lowered the tweezers. Suddenly a loud buzzing sound filled the room and Michael pumped his hand in the air victoriously. “And the Operation champion holds his title!”
Natalie was furious, however. “We’re playing again!” He chuckled. “Just face it, Nattie. You’re good at a lot of things, Operation just isn’t one of them.” She stuck her tongue out at him. “Oh, how mature we are.” “Damn straight. Now I am going to the bathroom and when I come back I’m kicking your ass!” She walked out of the room, not acknowledging his rebuttal.
Yeah, that's it. Have fun with the reading, and please feed the muse--I really wanna finish these!!!!
Disclaimer: I own nothing! The mouse owns OLTL and Reba McEntire owns&performs the song.
Author’s Notes: I love and adore this song more than any before it, and I thought it really would be a Natalie type song. Hope you enjoy!
Also, just a note--I've surveyed my friends and all but one seem to agree I'm the only person who could make this into an angst fic. Enjoy!
Title: You’re Gonna Be
//Six pounds and nine ounces lookin' up at me
Like I have all the answers
I hope I have the ones you need
I've never really done this
Now I know what scared is//
Natalie swallowed slightly as she stared down at the tiny baby in her arms, a sad smile playing across her lips. Just two months earlier she had been happily envisioning this moment, but now that it was here everything was wrong.
She bit back a sob as she pressed a gentle kiss to her daughter’s forehead, whispering, “Mommy doesn’t know what to do right now sweetheart but I’ll figure it out.”
Her smile widened when the baby’s eyes slowly closed, and she shut her own eyes as she forced the tears to remain at bay. “I have to.”
She carefully lay the baby in the small bed resting beside hers and turned to shed her tears as her mind traveled back to the worst day of her life one month earlier.
//Sometimes I'll protect you from everything that's wrong
Other times I'll let you just find out on your own
But that's when you'll be growin',
And the whole time I'll be knowin//
“Natalie?” Natalie yawned as she looked at the clock, frowning when she saw the time. “Uncle Bo? What is it?” Her annoyance shone through despite her attempts to hide it. It was three AM and the baby had finally quit kicking her just an hour earlier, allowing her to get some rest. “Nat, something’s happened.”
Natalie’s heart sped up as she heard the tears in his voice and she struggled to a sitting position, her eight-month pregnant belly making it harder than it would’ve been otherwise. “What is it? Is it John?” Her voice was frantic as she grabbed her cell phone, praying that he would’ve called her.
Her husband was gone on a special mission for her uncle and the FBI. He’d originally turned it down but she had insisted that he take it after seeing the wistfulness in his eyes as he’d told her about the assignment. It only lasted until two weeks from her due date and was said to be low-risk.
Suddenly bringing herself back to the present she was all too aware of her uncle’s silence. “Uncle Bo?”
“Honey, John’s gone.” His voice was soft with compassion and pain as he whispered the words.
Natalie’s eyes widened and she froze as the phone slowly slipped from her hand and hit the ground. Tears slowly began to slide down her face as she placed both hands on her stomach.
“No,” she whispered, gasping for breath. “NO!” Her scream echoed throughout the house as her sobs began.
Natalie hurriedly wiped her tears away as she heard the door open and turned over to see Michael. She smiled to the best of her ability. “Hey.” He smiled back, seeing the tear tracks. “Hey. I just wanted to come check and see how you and my niece were doing.” He sat down in the chair next to the bed and grabbed a tissue, using it to gently wipe away the last traces of her tears.
“I was trying so hard not to think about him, Michael. I wanted to be strong for my little girl, but I couldn’t. I’m just weak.” Michael grabbed her hand, squeezing it as he gently forced her chin up, forcing her to meet his gaze.
“Natalie, nobody could call you weak. You’ve gone through hell in your life, and you found out your husband died just a month ago.” His voice cracked on this as he fought back memories of his brother. “You’re the strongest woman I know, and Mom and I are damn lucky to have you in our lives.”
Natalie squeezed his hand back, blinking back her tears. “Thank you,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. “Where is your mom anyway? I thought she would’ve been here already.” Michael shook his head.
“I think she wanted to stop by the grave before she came. She is on her way though.” She nodded, silently thinking of how withdrawn Eve had been since her son’s death. It was like somebody had reached inside of her and put out that spark everyone had always admired about her… Of course, Natalie knew that many were saying the same about her.
“So did you name my niece yet?” She smiled gratefully at Michael. He had been the most stabilizing influence she had in the last month, and he was the best at noticing when she was slipping. He was also the best at bringing her back… besides John. She shook her head, feeling the tears building. “No. I hadn’t even really had a chance to think about it.”
Just then a shrill cry filled the room. Michael stood to his feet and gently lifted his tiny niece out. She immediately stopped crying as he smiled down at her. “She likes you,” Natalie said softly. Michael smiled as he gently kissed the baby’s cheek and sat back down.
“So, back to the name.” Natalie smiled. “You’ve been the main thing keeping me going this past month, so what about Michele? With one ‘l’ it’s the feminine version of Michael, so if you don’t mind I’d like for my daughter to carry that name.”
Michael’s eyes filled with tears as he smiled down at the baby. “Michele,” he whispered, allowing his eyes to meet Natalie’s. “It sounds perfect.” She smiled back, and they sat in the warm silence, both feeling like John was in the room with them.
//You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
You're gonna cry, but know that that's okay
Sometimes life's not fair, but if you hang in there
You're gonna see that sometimes bad is good
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You're gonna be//
Seven years later, Natalie was sleeping in her bed when her door slowly opening suddenly awakened her. She smiled as she kept her eyelids closed just enough to see her little girl slowly put her head through the crack.
“Mommy?” she whispered. “Are you awake?” Natalie sat up, yawning and holding her arms out. Michele flung the door open and ran over to the bed, jumping up on it as she threw her arms around Natalie.
Michele McBain was a beautiful little girl with long, curly red hair and striking blue eyes. Nobody could tell which parent the eyes had come from, but sometimes when Natalie looked into them they seemed eerily familiar, and in those moments she knew without a doubt they were John’s.
Natalie hugged Michele to her, taking comfort in the warm security her daughter provided. Seven years and two months had passed since John had been killed, but Natalie still had found it impossible to move on.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Michele breaking the hug and tugging on the sleeve of Natalie’s kitty pajamas, the same ones she’d been wearing the night of that stake-out so long ago. She shook her head as she gave her daughter her full attention. “What is it sweetie?”
“Grandpa Asa told me that if you say it okay I can have a pony. Can I have a pony Mommy?” She stuck out her lower lip and her eyes widened adorably as she waited for Natalie to answer.
Natalie thought for a minute before she answered. “Well, we don’t have the room for a horse here but if Grandpa Asa will let you keep your pony at his house then of course you can.”
Michele grinned and hugged her. “Thank you, Mommy! Can I go call Grandpa Asa and ask him?” Nat looked at the clock, noting that it was after eight AM and her grandfather would no doubt be awake by now. “Go ahead.”
//I'm afraid you'll have to suffer through
some of my mistakes
Lord knows I'll be trying to give you what it takes
What it takes to know the difference
Between getting by and livin'
‘Cause anything worth doing is worth doing all the way
Just know you'll have to live with all
The choices that you make
So make sure you're always givin'
Way more than you're takin'//
Natalie took a deep breath as she took one final look around the apartment she and Michele had called home for all of Michele’s nine years. They were moving due to an offer Natalie hadn’t been able to turn down. After finishing her degree, a few phone calls and applications later here she was with a solid job offer as
“I’m going to miss it here,” Michele said, her voice so soft that Nat had to bend to catch her words. She pulled her daughter into a tight hug. “So am I, sweetheart. So am I,” she whispered back, thinking of the countless nights she’d spent under this roof.
Michele pulled back as she looked out to their car. “Mommy, are we taking Daddy with us to California?” Natalie smiled sadly as she knelt down in front of her, taking her hands in her own. “Sweetie, Daddy is with us wherever we go. It doesn’t matter how far away we are, he’s always in our hearts as long as we remember him.”
“How can I remember him when I never got to know him?” Michele asked seriously. Natalie blinked back tears as she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You know him through all the stories you’ve been told about him. Just hold on tight to those and the pictures you have of him. He loved you more than you could possibly know.”
Michele bit her lip as she carefully contemplated everything Natalie had said. After a moment she smiled. “I think I want to hear more about him, Mommy.” Natalie gave her daughter a small smile as she embraced her.
“It’s a long trip to California, so we’ll have time for a lot of stories about your daddy.”
//You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
You're gonna cry, but know that that's okay
Sometimes life's not fair, but if you hang in there
You're gonna see that sometimes bad is good
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You're gonna be
Someone's everything//
Natalie sighed as she walked through the video rental store on Valentine’s Day. Michele was out on a group date with her boyfriend and some friends, leaving her mother alone in the house. Nat sighed as she realized once again that her daughter was growing up.
In five years Michele would be moving out. The thought scared her more than she cared to admit, because then Natalie would be alone. She hadn’t been truly alone since she’d married John, and the thought terrified of her. Even when she’d lost her husband, she’d had Michele to comfort her.
But once Michele was gone, what was to keep her from falling completely to pieces?
Natalie was so deep in thought she didn’t even realize somebody was standing beside her until she looked up. Her initial reaction was a rush of hope, disbelief quickly following as she stared into those blue eyes…
“John?” she whispered.
The man looked confused. “I’m sorry, but you must have me mistaken for someone else.” Her heart broke as he turned to go, but there was something in his voice that convinced her of his identity.
“Excuse me,” she called after him. He turned around in slight annoyance. “Yes?” She swallowed as she dug out her wallet, plucking a picture from within and handing it to him as she silently replaced the wallet in her bag.
“This-this looks just like me,” he said softly. “Do you know who you are?” Natalie was afraid that her theory was far-fetched, but it certainly didn’t’ seem that way by looking at his face.
He shook his head. “No. I woke up with no memory in a hospital bed thirteen years ago.” This last was said in unison with Natalie, who had tears streaming down her face. He looked concerned. “Are you okay?”
“I’m better than okay. John, you’re alive. For the last thirteen years everyone believed you were dead but you’re alive,” she repeated. He studied her for a moment, a faint look of recognition in his eyes.
“I feel like I should know you,” he said softly. “There’s something pulling at my memory but I can’t quite get it.” Natalie wiped the tears from her face and gently touched his cheek. “Don’t worry about it. All you need to know is that I’m your wife and I’m going to get you the best help available. We’ll get you back, John.”
Title: Didn't I
Thanks to http://tvmegasite.net/day/oltl/transcripts/older/2005/oltl-trans-09-12-05.shtml for the transcript of September 12!
It's so hard to know the reasons
It’s hard to know the truth
When it’s all over.
And every time I look back
I just get more confused.
So I replay every kiss
And every clue I might have missed
Natalie hugged her knees even closer to her as she rested her chin on them, silent tears streaming down her face. She hated herself for this weakness she was feeling. She knew she didn’t owe John anything, but then days like this she wanted nothing more than to go to him and try to help.
A bitter laugh escaped her throat. He’d never let her help even if she offered. Hadn’t he just proven that when she’d gone to him today?
She sighed and angrily swiped at the tears on her face, lowering her legs over the edge of the bed to the floor. She slowly walked over to the window of her room and sat, remembering the last time she had been here.
“You don't have to say anything to me. It's enough to know that you're thinking about me.”
“Well, you know, put it this way -- I'm not exactly the type to call his girlfriend from a stakeout.”
“You just called me your girlfriend.”
“Did I? Uh, you sure?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“Well, look, I'm sorry if I don't always express myself good. But I've always been more of a quiet type, you know?”
“It's all right. You don't have to change for me, John.”
“Okay. Look, just understand this. I'm trying to get better.”
“Okay. I can work with that.”
Natalie sighed as she glanced across the room at the phone. How had things changed so much in such a short amount of time?
Didn’t I make you happy?
Didn’t I get inside your heart?
Didn’t I make you love me?
Didn’t I?
Didn’t I, now, baby?
I turned my world upside down.
I turned myself inside out,
But I still lost you,
Didn’t I?
Didn’t I?
Natalie sighed as she stood to her feet, walking over to where her cell phone lay on the table beside her bed. She picked it up and punched in John’s number, her finger hesitating over the send button for a split second before she pushed cancel and threw it down onto the bed.
She couldn’t be the one making all the moves, not now. Her choice was made, had been since the night she had told John as much-hadn’t he realized that she meant it when she said he was her choice even if Cristian was alive?
She groaned, hating the feel of the tears still sliding down her cheeks. Surrendering to her weakness, Natalie reached into her drawer and pulled out the small strip of pictures she had banished there immediately after the Statesville fiasco was over.
There was a jagged edge about halfway down where she had torn some off and given them to John. She briefly let her mind wonder if he still had them-but she quickly shook the question away. She didn’t know if she could handle the answer her mind would give her.
She refocused her attention on the pictures in her hand. “We were so happy,” she whispered. She remembered the day they had been taken so clearly-the last pictures before the truth about Cristian had come out. They were also some of their only pictures, as John wasn’t very keen on being photographed.
They had been in Atlantic City for the day, just wandering and reminiscing when she had spotted the small photo booth. It hadn’t taken much sweet talking from her before they were squeezed into the booth and taking pictures.
She smiled weakly as she ran a finger over her favorite. He had said something and when she turned he’d leaned in, giving her a short and sweet kiss. She could remember the blissful feeling that had shot through her so clearly, and it heightened the pain of the moment that much more.
Why do I keep believing?
What am I hoping for?
Why can’t I let you go?
I did all I could do.
Why do I think there’s something more?
I just don’t understand,
How love slipped right through our hands,
John sighed as he stared down at the small photo strip in his hand. If anyone had told him that he would ever get into one of those booths, he would have laughed them out of the police station. But Natalie had asked and he’d known there was no way he could turn her down.
“Wonder why that is?” he mused aloud. He knew why. He couldn’t say the words, but he damn well felt them. Why couldn’t that be enough for her?
Of course, that was another question he knew the answer to. She didn’t trust her judgment when it came to him anymore, and who could blame her?
He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he looked at the floor around him. Every picture of Natalie he owned was spread out in front of him. He gently ran a finger over his favorite-their first picture together.
He looked so uncomfortable, as he always did in front of a camera, yet he also recognized the slight ease that nobody else could see. It came from being next to her, she’d always had a calming effect on him and that was one of the many things he missed so much.
God, there were so many things he missed. He missed waking up with her arms, missed going to sleep with her in them, and most of all he missed just having her there. He knew that he should, but he couldn’t regret the stolen time he’d shared with her. Memories, though they tore him apart inside, was all that kept him going these days.
Didn’t I make you happy?
Didn’t I get inside your heart?
Didn’t I make you love me?
Didn’t I?
Didn’t I, now, baby?
I turned my world upside down.
I turned myself inside out,
But I still lost you,
Didn’t I?
Natalie jumped at the knock on the door and she hurried to replace the pictures in her drawer. She moved to sit on the bed, scrubbing at her face as she tried to erase all traces of her tears.
“Come in,” she called out. The door opened and Tess-or was it Jess? These days there was no guarantee-walked in.
“Hey.”
“Hello Tess,” she replied dryly, hating that they hadn’t been able to integrate Jessica yet. Tess was the last person she wanted to see right now. “What do you want?
“That’s not a very nice way to speak to your ‘sister’,” Tess replied, laying on the sarcasm with the last word before sitting down on the bed beside Natalie.
“I got bored. Nash is still in California and-I know I don’t show it, but I do get lonely you know. I’m never alone but this kid isn’t exactly great company.” Natalie looked at Tess in surprise.
“You came in here for the company?” Tess shrugged, clearly uncomfortable. “Well, you are this kid’s aunt-no matter who the mother or father is. Besides, like I said I’m bored.”
“I’m not really in the mood for company right now.” Tess studied her for a moment. “You’re obsessing over that cop, huh?” Natalie opened her mouth to protest, but Tess cut her off. “I recognize the look. Why don’t you just call him if you miss him so much?”
“Because I’ve wasted too much time chasing John around as it is,” she replied, stunned at the words coming from her lips. When had she become desperate enough that Tess qualified as someone to spill her heart out to?
“Okay, does John know you want him to be doing the chasing? From what I hear you pretty much told him not to. The man’s not a mind-reader, is he?”
Natalie looked at her in disbelief. “What?” Tess rolled her eyes. “And people say men are dense."
And last but not least, my 'baby' that I still want to try and finish if only to say I did. It's Nikey though (Michael/Natalie), so be warned.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, don’t sue.
Author’s Note: I will always be a Jolie fan, but I think I’m getting a bit burnt out writing just them all the time. Also, I have always loved the potential of this pairing!
Inspired By: “Mustard on French Fries” http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2418669/1/
Summary: What will happen when Natalie and Michael grow closer after their partner’s betrayals?
A/N2: This takes place around current events. MARCIE FANS BE WARNED I dislike her immensely and that will shine through here.
Natalie Buchanan groaned as she watched Michael McBain walk into the diner. He smiled his lopsided grin and plopped himself down at her table. She made a face at his intrusion and dipped her fry in mustard. “Whoa, are we back to this?” She tore the end of the French fry off with a savageness that caused Michael to sit back and put his hands up in surrender. “I come in peace.” She rolled her eyes and couldn’t help but laugh, shaking her head.
“It’s not you,” she said. Michael nodded, understanding dawning in his eyes as he waited to hear more. “It’s that idiot you call a brother.” He nodded. “Isn’t it always?” She reached across the table, punching him in the shoulder. He rubbed it, grimacing in pain. “So what’d Johnny do this time?” She rolled her eyes. “It’s more what he didn’t-what he’s not doing.”
Michael nodded. “Uh… huh.” She shook a fist at him and he quickly backtracked. “I meant uh, what isn’t he doing?” “I feel like we’re back to how we were before I got kidnapped. He gives me his little puppy dog, ‘don’t-hate-me-Natalie-I’m-not-such-a-bad-guy’ looks and lately he’s even been talking to me about his feelings.” She let out a frustrated sigh. “But-“ “But its’ not enough,” Michael supplied as she tried to find the words. “Yeah, exactly. I think I’m finally beginning to move on.”
“Move on-as in to Cristian?” Natalie snorted with laughter. “Yeah, right. I don’t even know who he is anymore. He’s not the man I married.” Michael nodded. “That’s for sure.” “To be honest, I think that what Cris and I had-it was real, and it was special, but-“ She shook her head. “It was first love. John and I-we were real love, the kind that could have lasted, but John’s just not in the place for that right now. I can’t keep hanging on to us to give him time to fix himself, you know? I’m sick of being in limbo.”
Michael nodded, reaching over and stealing a fry; looking offended when Natalie slaps his hand away. “What? You steal my food and I can’t return the favor?” “Yeah, that’s generally the way it works. You need to make a note?” He rolled his eyes and pointedly stole another fry. She threw her hands up. “You’re just like your brother-so damn impossible!” He grinned. “But that’s why you love us!”
Her eyes glinted evilly as she picked up the bottle of mustard and poured it all over her fries. Nonplussed, Michael reached over and stole another one. He popped it into his mouth and chewed. Natalie laughed as a shocked look crossed over his face. “Hey, this is good!” She smirked at him. “Told you.” She tossed her hair back and ate the last French fry. “So, now what do you want to do?”
Thirty minutes later, Natalie was sitting on Michael’s bed. “I cannot believe I let you talk me into this.” She shook her head and he laughed as she gingerly lowered the tweezers. Suddenly a loud buzzing sound filled the room and Michael pumped his hand in the air victoriously. “And the Operation champion holds his title!”
Natalie was furious, however. “We’re playing again!” He chuckled. “Just face it, Nattie. You’re good at a lot of things, Operation just isn’t one of them.” She stuck her tongue out at him. “Oh, how mature we are.” “Damn straight. Now I am going to the bathroom and when I come back I’m kicking your ass!” She walked out of the room, not acknowledging his rebuttal.
Yeah, that's it. Have fun with the reading, and please feed the muse--I really wanna finish these!!!!