(no subject)
He's leaving. And it's for real now. All this time, Dustin leaving for the army seemed so...intangible, so far off. But he got a call today and he's being sworn in on Monday. ((sigh)) Things between us have been so...weird lately. Him being all confused about everything, and wanting his space. And it SUCKS. I hate not knowing what he's thinking or feeling, or if he misses me. And I hate not being able to spend what little time is left together. I guess that's why we broke up. It really wasn't fair to me on the whole, to just sit around and wait for...for what? I don't know! But now, I just wish he wasn't leaving. Even if we never got back together, even if we never did all those things on the list of stuff I wanted us to do this summer, even if he never kissed me again, even if he never says "I love you", even if we argue too much, even if we only spoke "hello" in passing...At least I would know he's safe. Here. In America. And at least I would know that if it's meant to be, we WILL get another chance.
But now I have to face the fact that...he may never come back. I know he thinks about that a lot. I tell him not to. He shouldn't think that way. I probably shouldn't either. But it's hard not to when it's someone you love. I wanna be there for him, but...I can't. I don't know really know how. And when I try, he just pushes me away.
Everything is slipping through my fingers...
No matter how tightly I hold on.
But now I have to face the fact that...he may never come back. I know he thinks about that a lot. I tell him not to. He shouldn't think that way. I probably shouldn't either. But it's hard not to when it's someone you love. I wanna be there for him, but...I can't. I don't know really know how. And when I try, he just pushes me away.
Everything is slipping through my fingers...
No matter how tightly I hold on.