her heart is made of bubblegum
seohyun/minho, seohyun/kyuhyun, pg-13, ~6.3k w
i wrote this for bollywoodrecord at bornalady secret santa! happy holidays, everybody!
seohyun has high standards for guys. cho kyuhyun meets them, and choi minho doesn't.
“Someone smart,” Joohyun would answer when asked what kind of guy she’s attracted to.
All her life, intelligence was the basis of her schoolgirl crushes. She always liked that valedictorian type, with the glasses and the funny hair and no room in his heart for socializing, just probably books and videogames. She found it endearing, and she thought that she could always get along with that type, with their mutual love for classic novels and world history. She just had chemistry (her favourite science) with guys like that.
Girls made fun of her because she never settled for anything but the top of the class. And for her, the guy had to be at least a bit cute, too. “You’re going to die a virgin,” Sooyoung joked one time and Joohyun just shrugged; she would have rathered die single than to marry someone she wouldn’t love forever. Sometimes she doubted herself - that she should just give in, to like the guys everyone else liked - because her standards were way too high. No guy ever met them perfectly.
Well, not until she met Cho Kyuhyun.
It happened when she first moved into her dormitory at her university campus. She was one of the few freshmen girls who were staying on campus, so she was assigned to share a room with two juniors.
“I’m Soonkyu, and this is Sooyeon - ow!” the girl with the pixie cut said while the other girl elbowed her.
“Please, call me Jessica.” She laughed coldly at Soonkyu’s annoyed expression and shook Joohyun’s hand, then proceeded to pull Soonkyu onto the lower bunk bed, where they talked in loud voices about their friends and professors and which physical education subjects they had enrolled in.
They intimidated Joohyun a lot, but they were friendly and seemed easy to get along with. She bowed politely and excused herself to unpack her things. She was relieved to see that her roommates were nice enough to let her have her own bed while they shared the bunk beds.
She was unpacking her things quietly for about half an hour maximum when Soonkyu and Jessica stood up from the bed they were sitting on, stretching and grabbing their phones.
“Hey, Joohyun, want to go for a walk?” Jessica asked, stretching her arms.
“We can show you around a bit,” Soonkyu said as she pulled a sweater over her head.
Joohyun widened her eyes as she looked up at their expectant faces. She nodded hesitantly, surprised at their easy friendliness. They laughed at her timid expression and Soonkyu pulled her by the hand up and out of the room.
Joohyun looked back at her messy bed and cringed. “W-wait, my stuff -”
“They’ll stay if they aren’t alive,” Jessica laughed as she pushed Joohyun’s back out onto the dorm corridor and out the building.
“W-wait, my ponytail needs to be fixed -”
“These are the bulletin boards,” Soonkyu raised her arms as she showcased five large corkboards behind glass panes. “They put all kinds of stuff on here. Mostly lists of names. People who passed entrance exams, course professors, the honor roll - speaking of, Sica, who’s on top?”
Jessica looked at her knowingly then skipped over to the second bulletin board. She furrowed her eyebrows trying to look for the list, and then let out a bored sigh when she found it. “As usual, Cho Kyu -“
“-Hyun,” Soonkyu rolled her eyes and snorted, lowering her arms. “Why am I not surprised.”
Joohyun raised her eyebrows. “Why, what’s up with him?”
The other two looked at each other and burst out laughing.
“...I don’t really know where to start with him,” Soonkyu said after wiping beneath her eyes. Jessica nodded beside her.
“He’s just...this guy,” she tried to explain, “except not really. He’s too much for me, honestly.”
Soonkyu rolled her eyes and punched Jessica playfully on the shoulder. “That’s not what you said when you had a crush on him in freshman year!” she teased.
“Hey,” Jessica slapped her hand away with a pout, “everyone had a crush on him freshman year. He’s good looking and smart. Come on, how could we not, we just all wanted to bring him to our mothers. Come on, you liked him too!” she whined.
“Hey, I’m not denying anything,” Soonkyu laughed, and then looked at Joohyun, whose eyes were wide open with interest. “He doesn’t seem to be interested in girls though. People pretty much throw themselves at his feet.”
“Maybe he’s gay,” Jessica said absentmindedly, and Soonkyu shrugged.
“I don’t think so - guys throw themselves at him too,” she sighed. “I heard from Jinki that he just locks himself in his room when he gets to the dorm. Apparently they hear him playing some stupid video games at night, when he could actually get laid or something.”
Jessica sighed with her. “Such a waste of good looks.”
Soonkyu shrugged her shoulders again and looked at the darkening sky. “So we should really show you the cafeteria now. Well, since it’s almost dinner time and all.” She smiled at Joohyun and waved for her to follow them.
Joohyun clenched her fists in the pockets of her coat and bit her lip to contain a giggle. “He sounds perfect,” she whispered to herself, blushing as she realized what she had just said, and ran on towards her roommates to rid herself of the heat rising up her cheeks.
Joohyun sat across an empty seat and was left out of Soonkyu and Jessica’s conversation about their sophomore year memories together, but she didn’t really mind. She liked watching people come and go from the cafeteria doors and settled for doing that instead.
She tried to play games with herself after she had finished eating her small salad, like guessing what major each person was taking and what year they were in. Most music majors were easy to tell apart, with guitar cases slung around one shoulder or drumsticks sticking out of their back pockets. The fashion students, too, were distinct, with their over-the-top dressing. Freshmen were particularly easy to distinguish - the ones with eyebrows furrowed in fear and exclusion, voices low as to not attract attention.
Her eyes settled on a particular boy - tall and handsome, skinny but muscular. He had big eyes and a charismatic smile. She couldn’t really figure him out, because he was wearing basketball shorts and a hoodie, obviously going back to his dorm after playing with the guys he was with, so she guessed he was an athlete. But in his hands was a cleanly wrapped accountancy book for the first semester.
He didn’t have the apprehension of a freshman, and his looks - he didn’t look like the type to go into accountancy. She quirked an eyebrow at him, studying at how comfortable he looked within the seemingly older guys, throwing his arms around their shoulders and seeming to hold long conversations with them.
“Liking what you see?” Soonkyu asked smugly, making Joohyun turn her head and raise her eyebrows.
“Oh, no, nothing like that,” she replied, embarrassed, fanning her hands in front of her face.
“He’s good looking,” Jessica approved, watching him closely. “And a freshman, I think. Nice body, too.”
“And look! He seems interested,” Soonkyu giggled and nodded towards the boy.
The boy had turned towards them and his eyes widened. After a while he turned away with a small smile, biting his lip as if holding back a huge grin.
“He must have been looking at you, unnie,” Joohyun said, shaking her head and trying to hide her face in her hands, “really.”
Jessica cocked her head and smiled. “And look, he seems to be friends with Cho Kyuhyun too.”
At that, Joohyun widened her eyes and looked up, only to see what seemed to her to be the cutest boy she’s ever seen in her life.
She had never quite had a thing for pale skin and indifferent expressions, but this guy - he was beyond what she had imagined. From her roommates stories he had already sounded flawless, but seeing him really made her feel like he was nearly more perfect than anyone on the face of the planet could be.
She gaped at him as he talked to the boy with the big eyes and she felt her heart pound in her ears and her cheeks turn pink. Her eyes followed them to their table a few rows away from them and stared at the way Cho Kyuhyun talked, chuckled, laughed, and rolled his eyes behind his glasses until Jessica poked her forearm.
“Sorry to cut the show short for you, but we better get going,” she laughed and nodded towards the entrance.
“Ah,” Joohyun laughed with her, “I’m sorry.” She picked her tray up and followed the two older girls towards the trash bins and then to the entrance.
What she had missed was the awed look the boy in the basketball shorts had eyed her with as she left the building.
Her first class was Biology.
She didn’t rush to class because Seo Joohyun was never late, and she wanted to make that clear to her professor. She was the first one in, smiling politely with a quiet ‘good morning’ to the middle-aged woman in front of the blackboard.
She took a seat front and center of the class, slung her backpack across the back of her chair, and took out her notebook and pens, placing them neatly above her table. The woman smiled at her then looked back at a stack of paper. After a few minutes, other students came milling in, some chatty with newfound friends, but most quiet and intimidated by the different classroom setting than they were used to.
Joohyun watched people sit side by side, eyeing everyone with curiosity. She wasn’t surprised no one had come to sit beside her - she was sitting in the most dangerous spot in class, plus she hasn’t made any new friends yet. She didn’t feel disappointed; actually, she felt pretty content. No seatmates meant no distractions, and she preferred it that way.
Most people were settled in when their professor decided to stand from where she was seated and start to speak.
“Good morning. I’m Professor Kim Soori and I shall be your Biology professor for the next -” She stopped speaking as the door opened and a boy stepped in, coughing and panting. “Please, take a seat,” she said sternly.
Joohyun’s vision shifted from the professor to the boy, and met his eyes. She was surprised to see that it was the boy she saw in the canteen the other day - the one with big eyes and basketball shorts. Cho Kyuhyun’s friend, she thought instantly, and she shook her head to get rid of the things running through her mind.
The boy grinned suddenly at their eye contact, and he started moving towards her. Joohyun panicked for a bit, widening her eyes and shaking her head, but calmed down by the time he sat down right beside her and smiled at her.
She gave him a small smile back and tried to concentrate on her professor, but at the back of her mind, she knew she wanted to turn to him and ask him certain things.
You’re a freshman? You don’t look like a freshman -
So, you’re taking accountancy? I wanted to take that too, but it’s not as beneficial -
You know Cho Kyuhyun, right -
“Hi, I’m Choi Minho,” he leaned towards her and whispered with a smile.
“Seo Joohyun,” she smiled back.
“Pretty,” he said, and then widened his eyes and shook his head. “I mean…your name.”
She just formed an ‘o’ with her lips and laughed, and looked back at the teacher, trying to concentrate. She couldn’t get rid of the feeling that he was still staring at her, though.
She looked at him again and found him looking at her with an amused expression on his face, and she cocked an eyebrow in question.
“…I-I’m sorry if I’m bothering you,” he said with a grin, and she noted that he didn’t sound fully apologetic. She looked at the blackboard, now with a few scribbles, and looked back at him.
She suddenly remembered her mother’s reminder to try and socialize more.
“What’s your major?” she quipped quietly, and her stomach dropped. She was never the type to initiate conversation, and it felt odd. There really was a first time for everything, she guessed.
He seemed taken aback, but he continued smiling anyways. “Business Administration, how about you?”
She blinked at him. Business Administration meant he was smart, and she was ashamed to say it, but she never would have guessed. “Then why do you have an accountancy book?” He gave her a look, and she realized she really shouldn’t have said that - her stalker-like tendencies were showing. “I-I saw you holding one. Before. In the cafeteria.”
Minho continued to give her a funny look, but there was something in his eyes - was he flattered? - that made him look relieved. “I have to take it for four semesters,” he said.
“Oh,” she looked down at her hands, folded neatly on top of her blank notebook. “Well, I’m in International Diplomatic Affairs,” she said dully.
He quirked an eyebrow. “What do you want to be?”
“…You’d laugh,” she groaned.
He just grinned. “I wouldn’t.”
She looked off to the professor, who was rambling on about taxonomy, and back at him, then made a face. “An ambassador.”
He laughed and she put her face in her hands. “Wait - I’m only laughing because I don’t know why it’s funny!”
She blinked at him again. “I…I don’t really know. I feel like I dream too big. Maybe I should have just taken Accountancy.”
Unexpectedly, he gave her a small smile and an awkward pat on the back. “I’m sure you can do it. I mean, you of all people! I’m sure you can.”
After a look from Joohyun, he withdrew his hand and cleared his throat. “I mean. Not that I know who you are or anything. You know what, you just look like a very capable person!” he ended with an embarrassed laugh and a wrinkle between his eyebrows.
Joohyun just laughed. “Thanks.”
He blinked, surprise and sincerity apparent on his face. “I mean it.”
Joohyun laughed again. “Really, thanks. That means a lot to me,” she said with a huge smile on her face.
The professor coughed and looked at the two of them sternly, frowning. “Please, listen. It’s your first day - you do not want to miss the basics of Biology, or you will not understand a single thing this whole semester -”
“We should listen.” She smiled, and clicked a pen open, ready to start taking down notes.
She couldn’t help but grin throughout the period. Only when they were dismissed and she waved a hand at Choi Minho did she realize how fast it took her to get comfortable with the boy, and it disturbed her quite a bit - she was never the type to get along with someone so fast, she was usually the type to gradually warm up to someone - but she decided to erase her thoughts from her mind, to try to not overthink.
Joohyun’s favourite place in the whole world was the library.
Well, it used to be her high school library, but the university library quickly took its place, with its expanded reference area and strictly studious atmosphere.
She loved the way that every time she inhaled, it was the smell of yellowed pages and fine print, and that every time she turned a corner, a new book was just waiting to be found. She loved that there were no kids looking for books on aliens, no perverted pre-teens looking for human anatomy booklets; just her and her fellow college university students, looking for significant research and accurate documents.
No, the library couldn’t get any more perfect than this.
But of course, life liked proving her wrong.
Joohyun made a turn towards the encyclopaedias, a slight spring in her step. She didn’t really know what she was doing, because it was still the start of the school year - there wasn’t any homework to be done yet. She guessed it was just personal interest getting the best of her.
In her concentration from staring at the black hardbound covers that covered the topmost shelf, eyes widened in awe as she pored over the golden engraved numerals on their spines, she didn’t notice someone curled over the bottom shelf, where the thin, brown versions lay.
“Ow,” a low voice huffed as she felt her foot hit something below. She lowered her vision and sharply inhaled as her eyes met a headful of familiarly messy hair and black-rimmed glasses -
Cho Kyuhyun.
They stared at each other for a while, the same apologetic expression on their faces. Joohyun broke the gaze first - she could feel a blush creeping up her neck and her ears.
“I-I’m sorry, sunbae, I wasn’t watching where I was going -“
“It’s fine,” he replied, standing up and dusting himself off. “I’m sorry, I was in the way.”
She looked up at him and shook her head. “Oh, it isn’t your fault at all -“
“Don’t worry,” he smiled at her. She was positive she was going to have to get her inhaler; she was going to start hyperventilating.
For a while Joohyun just kept looking at him with a certain shy stare, and then he finally spoke again.
“And please, don’t call me sunbae,” he said with a frown. “Cho Kyuhyun,” he bowed slightly then held out a hand.
I already know that, she wanted to say, but replied instead, “Seo Joohyun.” She bowed ninety degrees (or more) back, then shook his hand slightly, her grip weak.
“Joohyun-sshi,” he tested her name on his tongue. The skin on the back of her neck prickled. “See you around, Joohyun-sshi.”
She smiled up at him. “See you, sunbae - Kyuhyun…sshi -”
“Oppa?” he laughed.
“Kyuhyun oppa,” she giggled weakly. She watched as he turned around and walked out the front door, tugging his hoodie around himself tighter. When she turned back around to face the leatherbound reference books and silver bookends, she felt the butterflies in her stomach stir and she couldn’t help but giggle furiously over the past three minutes, when she was breathing the same air as Cho Kyuhyun.
Cho Kyuhyun, Cho Kyuhyun, Cho Kyuhyun -
She knocked her head against the bookshelf, telling herself to calm down. Joohyun, you aren’t like this, you’re not supposed to be like this! You’re level-headed and determined, focus, focus, focus! But althroughout her internal monologue, she couldn’t help the grin that would creep up on her lips at the thought of Cho Kyuhyun, his mouth moving to the words, “Joohyun-sshi.”
After her last afternoon classes, Joohyun would go to the library. Partly because she loved that place - the silence and the studious atmosphere - but also because she loved the feeling of her stomach dropping at the sight of Cho Kyuhyun poring over a book, five other stacked at the side, his glasses sloped down his nose and his laptop open on his right, his Starcraft screensaver glowing on the monitor.
He is perfect, she told herself every time with a small smile on her face. She was happy just to see him on her way to her usual favourite bookshelf (between 800 and 900), but sometimes she’d be lucky enough to get him to look up and give her a little nod of recognition or a turn-up of lips in a grin, and if she was really, really lucky, he’d even put up his hand and wave at her.
After six weeks of continuously stalking keeping a close eye on Cho Kyuhyun, Joohyun finally decided on a way to approach him.
“Excuse me,” Joohyun cleared her throat, hands folded against her lap. She was seated on a chair behind Kyuhyun’s, her hips turned sideways and her head near his. “K-Kyuhyun o-oppa.”
Kyuhyun turned his head so that their faces were practically twelve inches apart, and he raised his eyebrows, adjusting his glasses on top of the bridge of his nose. “Joohyun-sshi?”
She smiled at him, practically jumping with glee at the sound of her name on his tongue. “Y-yes,” she nodded. “Um, oppa, I was just wondering…”
“Mhm?” He turned around in his seat, facing her more. She stiffened slightly.
“Um -” It wasn’t like her to be so incoherent. “C-can you teach me how to get the limit of this function?” She smiled meekly and raised her graphing paper. “If you’re not busy, that is.”
She was bullshitting, of course - she understood how to get the limit of functions perfectly. Math was her best subject, even better than her speaking, but her sources (Soonkyu and Jessica) told her that Cho Kyuhyun was a sucker for Calculus.
And they were right. Joohyun saw the way that his eyes sparkled behind his glasses at the word ‘limit’.
“Sure, I don’t mind at all.” Kyuhyun smiled and scooted his seat nearer to her table. She could feel his breath in her ear, almost. “Do you have an extra pencil?”
“Joohyun!” Soonkyu’s high voice echoed in the room as Joohyun entered.
“Yes, unnie?” she asked, removing her shoes with both hands.
“Come here,” Jessica said, and when Joohyun lifted her eyes, she saw the two of them sitting on her bed, giving her raised eyebrows with their arms crossed over their chests.
“Um, okay,” Joohyun gave them a weirded-out look and sat at the edge of her bed. Jessica and Soonkyu looked at each other, then at her, and then Jessica drew a breath and opened her mouth.
“What’s up with you and Cho Kyuhyun?” she asked, concern lacing her expression.
Joohyun widened her eyes and shook her head, and she felt her heart thud behind her chest. “Nothing! Nothing at all! W-why? Has he said anything?”
Soonkyu sighed. “No, no, people are just saying they see you two together at the library a lot.”
Joohyun didn’t try to hide her grin. “Unnie, he’s just helping me with Calculus,” she said insistently.
Jessica wrinkled her nose. “But you’re great at Calculus. You did my homework.”
“Y-yeah, I’m doing f-fine, b-but - that’s besides the point, he’s just tutoring me on some things I don’t understand, okay, unnie?”
“If you say so.” Jessica leaned back and put up a foot against Joohyun’s pillow. Joohyun flinched, but didn’t say anything. “But just remember, be careful.”
Joohyun’s smile faltered. “Why should I be careful?”
Soonkyu rolled her eyes. “It’s just that Cho Kyuhyun leads girls on, making them think he likes them back.”
“Then when they confess, he rejects them,” Jessica ended bluntly, chopping her right hand against her left to make her point.
Joohyun felt herself get red. “I-I don’t think Kyuhyun oppa likes me back,” she said. “I have no expectations.”
“Good,” Jessica said as she relaxed her tense back and slumped down against the headboard, then yawned. “Anyways, we should go back to studying. Exams are starting soon.”
They all nodded and went off to their own chairs and beds, leaving Joohyun to sit at the edge of her bed with her heart full of hope.
Maybe I can be the first to prove everyone wrong.
She knew she was taking it the wrong way, but her friends always told her when they’d poke at her stiff habits, “What’s life without a little risk?” Maybe it was the right time to let loose a little.
Biology was thrice a week, for one and a half hours per day. It was also the only subject Joohyun had with Minho, but somehow, she felt like she had spent more than four and a half hours per week with him.
She always looked forward to Biology, not really because she liked learning about living things and their anatomies and parts, but because she liked having someone like Minho around; someone who she could talk to casually but still be productive with when it came to schoolwork. Her Biology reports had all been A’s so far, with him as a partner.
She realized that she never actually saw Minho outside class, though, no matter how much she liked being in his company, and wondered if she should bother asking him to hang out. She never actually saw the need, so she shrugged it off. Besides, it was three days until the exams started, no use in asking, really.
He seemed to see the need though.
The night before her Pre-Calculus and Conversational English exams, Joohyun heard three knocks on her room door. She put a bookmark where her eyes left off, pulled down the sleeves of her favourite t-shirt, and headed towards the door, thinking it was either Soonkyu or Jessica heading back from a coffee shop or anywhere equally as quiet.
Instead of a harassed girl with too many books in her arms and a lipstick-stained venti-sized takeout coffee cup in hand, Joohyun opened the door to Minho, backpack on his shoulder and ramen cup noodles and cold coffee cans in a plastic bag hanging from his wrist.
“Hi,” he said with a smile, shifting from one foot to the other.
She pulled him into the room before any of the other girls could see him waiting at her door. As soon as she slammed in shut, she pulled down her ponytail and shook her head. “What are you doing here?” she asked softly, embarrassed.
Minho’s smile faded slightly, but it was still there. “Um,” he shrugged, “Kyuhyun told me you asked him for help in Math. I’m okay at Math. And I need help with English. So. Yeah.” He grinned and raised the ramen cups from the bag.
Joohyun sighed and sat on her chair, her arms crossed tensely. “Kyuhyun said that?”
She saw his throat quiver. “Y-yeah, why?”
“N-nothing.” She shook her head then glanced at her books. “Look, um, Minho, sorry, I just can’t afford to have any distractions tonight. You see, I don’t really study well if I’m not by myself, and these are our first exams in college and I just…look like a mess right now, I’m sorry,” she said, embarrassed, running her fingers through her hair, crossing her legs over her ratty Pororo pajamas and shaking her head some more.
He was still grinning. “I-it’s totally f-fine, I get you. I understand,” he sucked in a breath. “So yeah, um, see you after the tests.”
She stood up and opened the door. “See you, Minho-sshi.”
“See you,” he waved. She was about to close the door when he stopped it with his hand. “Um, and I’m sure you’ll do great…on the tests.”
She laughed a bit and nodded. “Thanks, Minho-sshi,” she replied, and pushed the door. He stopped it again.
“And by the way…you don’t look like a mess at all, you look great.” He grinned.
Her smile softened. “Thanks, Minho-sshi,” she said again, and finally shut the door, locking it firmly.
“Kyuhyun oppa,” she whispered over his shoulder the night after the exams at their usual library tables, “how were your exams?”
“Oh, Joohyun-sshi.” He turned and smiled, pushing his glasses back. “Fine; manageable. How about you?”
“Difficult.” She grinned back. “I think I need more help with Calculus.”
“Really?” He raised an eyebrow. “Well, I’ll always be here if you need me, okay?”
“Okay,” she laughed as her heart made a ballerina twirl in the air.
A few days before everyone left for Christmas break (it’s been a bit too fast - her first semester was just full of studying and thinking of Cho Kyuhyun), Minho had appeared beside her in the cafeteria, kimbap and water on his tray.
“Hey,” he smiled and nodded.
“Minho-sshi,” she greeted, bowing her head slightly.
“Nice to see you outside Biology class, for once.” He sat down in the plastic chair directly in front of her. “Even if it’s really late now and everything.”
“Yeah, everyone’s leaving this week aren’t they?” She raised her eyebrows as she fixed her chopsticks on her fingers.
“Yeah, they are.” He leaned forward and cracked open the plastic container of his lunch. “Um, listen, if you want any help with Calculus -”
Joohyun gave him an exasperated look and shook her head. “You know, Minho-sshi, I’m perfectly capable at Calculus.”
His smile shattered into a confused, sad wrinkle between his eyebrows. “B-but Kyuhyun hyung said you were getting help from him the past few weeks.”
Joohyun sighed in defeat. “Um, Minho-sshi, that’s different -”
“How’s it any different -”
“Look, Minho,” Joohyun said helplessly, and leaned forward after looking around her, only to see other students laughing out loud, too concentrated in their own conversations. “Can you keep a secret?”
Minho nodded, eyebrows still furrowed.
Joohyun looked around again, and slumped down on her seat. “I…I like Kyuhyun oppa. I’m asking him for help in Calculus because I want to spend time with him,” she whispered as quickly as possible, not looking up from her unfinished fried rice. “I feel like a horrible person - I’m not usually like this, I swear I’m not, please don’t judge me - but you understand, right?”
Silence followed.
“…W-when you like someone, you’re desperate to catch their attention,” she continued slowly, staring at her bottle of water.
After another moment of silence, Minho cleared his throat. “Y-yeah, I understand,” he said brightly. “I totally understand.”
“Thanks, Minho-sshi,” she smiled but didn’t dare look up, too embarrassed to face him.
He nodded, then proceeded to open the plastic wrapper of his wooden chopsticks and start to eat his lunch. They continued eating quietly until he broke the silence once more.
“You know, Joohyun-sshi,” he said, and she looked at him at the sound of her name, “you should talk to Kyuhyun hyung. If you really like him…you should talk to him.”
Joohyun sighed. “You think so?”
“Yeah, totally!” He grinned widely, as wide as he could have managed. “I’m sure he feels the same. Somehow.”
Her eyes glimmered. “You really, really think so?” he could see the small smile appearing on her face as she shifted her hair to one side.
He just nodded with the same fake smile on his face and watched her grin as she finished her lunch.
“I have to go, Minho-sshi,” she said after taking her last gulp of water and standing up to collect her things from the seat beside her, slinging her bag on her shoulder and carrying some books by hand. “I have to return some books to the library.”
He wiped his mouth with a tissue and gave her a small wave. “See you.”
She turned to him again and leaned in. “And thank you for everything, by the way.”
He smiled - genuine this time. “You’re welcome.” He smiled until his cheeks hurt, until she walks out the cafeteria doors. After that, he slumped again the table, sticking his chopsticks in his uneaten kimbap and groaning into his arm.
Joohyun couldn’t find Kyuhyun at all, not even at the library, until the day that everyone was supposed to leave the dorms.
She was all wrapped up in scarves and no coat, running from the cafeteria to the dormitories in the snow, when she bumped into him. His back was facing her, but she could tell, from all the times that she had stared at him, thought of him, that it was really him - by the way he was walking, the hair on the nape of his neck, and the book tucked between his arm and his torso.
“Kyuhyun oppa!” she called out, his name tingling on her lips, smiling even though she was shivering. It felt weird to be shouting - she was never one to shout - but she felt the need to, somehow.
He turned around, his skin like the snow and his coat gathering falling snowflakes. “Joohyun-sshi,” he smiled as he headed towards her.
“Oppa,” she panted, tugging the scarves around her for warmth. “Um, oppa, I have to…I have to tell you something.” She could feel a blush creeping up her neck, even with the cold wind against her face.
“Yes?” He stepped forward curiously, one eyebrow up, lips curled in a soft smile.
This is it Joohyun, don’t spoil it Joohyun…
“I-I like you, oppa,” she breathed out in little puffs, her stomach dropping to the ground. She bit her tongue as she watched her words sink in his mind.
As she saw his face contort into confusion, then into understanding, she held her breath and felt her heart being stopped by a pair of strong hands.
“Oh.” He licked his lips. “I’m sorry Joohyun-sshi, I-I can’t -”
She felt the hands crush her heart into tiny bits and pieces, like broken glass on the snow-covered grounds. She didn’t even bother listening to his explanation - she just watched his lips move and his eyes wavering - in…what was that? Pity? His face blurred in her vision, and she dropped her head in disdain as she felt tears roll down her cheeks.
She felt arms wrap around her, a warmth that she longed for weeks - months - before. But now it just felt like pain, shooting up her gut and running through her veins.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her hair. She pulled away from the embrace and wiped her face with her hands, and tried her best to smile up at him.
“It’s fine, oppa. I understand,” she said, “happy holidays.”
With that, she ran away, too scared to turn back, too ashamed to think straight.
Everyone had gone home for the holidays, but Joohyun decided with her parents early on that she was going to stay in the dormitory during Winter break, because it was a hassle with all the holiday traffic and the Christmas commotion. They hardly celebrated Christmas anyways, and she wanted to read up on her next few classes, so it was fine.
But being alone with three rebellious seniors in the girls’ dormitories on Christmas Eve was making her a bit lonely, and they were getting drunk and smoking pot in the dorm lounge, which she didn’t want to be involved in. She didn’t quite want to stay alone in her room either, so by eight o’clock, she put on her coat and put three books in her backpack and headed for the cafeteria.
There was only one stall open in the cafeteria - one that sold hot chocolate for cheap, and a bit extra for additional small marshmallows on top. As she paid for her cup plus the marshmallows, she gave the lady a small smile. “Happy holidays,” she greeted, as cheerfully as she could manage.
It was hard getting her mind off a few days ago, when she had cried herself to sleep in Soonkyu and Jessica’s comforting arms, and at the embarrassing, shameful thoughts that she actually had a chance. She blew on her hot chocolate and pretended they were the memories that she wanted to let go of, and as soon as she cracked open her book, she made sure to dissolve herself into the world of the history of Asia, curling up on the plastic bench.
She had been reading and sipping her chocolate for around two hours when she noticed someone walk in the cafeteria. Weird, she had thought most people were back home or getting drunk in their rooms.
Then her eyes met Choi Minho’s.
She watched him head towards her, and what felt like relief and happiness rushed down her stomach.
“So,” he smiled, “how was the thing with Kyuhyun hyung?”
She stopped smiling and shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
He raised his eyebrows and leaned forward, but didn’t press on. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he replied quietly, biting his lip as he sat down in front of her.
They stared into nothingness for a while, avoiding each other’s gazes as much as possible.
“Anyways.” She forced a small smile, breaking the tension. “What are you doing here?”
He shrugged. “Gyms here are better than they are back home,” he said with a small smile.
She laughed, surprised at herself, covering her mouth with the palm of her hand.
“How ‘bout you?”
“Books here are better than they are back home,” she smiled, shutting the cover of her book and facing Minho more. He laughed along with her.
And she continued laughing - she realized, it was weirdly easy to do so when she was with Minho.
All this time, it was always Choi Minho - always Choi Minho to make her smile and laugh.
It’s a minute to midnight of Christmas Eve, and Minho and Joohyun are in the drink aisle of the convenience store right outside campus, decked in Santa hats they stole off the school decor and two layers of coats. They decided being alone in a cafeteria wasn’t quite festive enough.
“This is really your first beer?” Minho laughs, opening her bottle with an opener he borrowed from the cashier.
“Yeah, I was always too scared to try,” she responds nervously, gloved fingers cautiously wrapping around the cold glass.
“You won’t regret it, I promise,” he smiles as he opens his own bottle, then opens a pack of chips with his teeth.
“How much longer?” she asks, giddy from the wait.
“Ten seconds,” he laughs at how cutely she bounces from one foot to the other.
“Nine, eight, seven -”
“Six, five, four, three, two, one - Merry Christmas!” they end together, and as soon as they clink their bottles against each other, take a large swig each.
As soon as the rim of her bottle left her lips, she starts giggling, but they are quickly silenced by a pair of warm lips on hers.
“Oh -” she says as soon as he pulls away. “Oh. M-Merry Christmas.”
A stupid grin stays on her face the whole night long.
And then she realized - Choi Minho had broken her standards system.
And she didn’t mind one bit.
i wrote this for bollywoodrecord at bornalady secret santa! happy holidays, everybody!
seohyun has high standards for guys. cho kyuhyun meets them, and choi minho doesn't.
“Someone smart,” Joohyun would answer when asked what kind of guy she’s attracted to.
All her life, intelligence was the basis of her schoolgirl crushes. She always liked that valedictorian type, with the glasses and the funny hair and no room in his heart for socializing, just probably books and videogames. She found it endearing, and she thought that she could always get along with that type, with their mutual love for classic novels and world history. She just had chemistry (her favourite science) with guys like that.
Girls made fun of her because she never settled for anything but the top of the class. And for her, the guy had to be at least a bit cute, too. “You’re going to die a virgin,” Sooyoung joked one time and Joohyun just shrugged; she would have rathered die single than to marry someone she wouldn’t love forever. Sometimes she doubted herself - that she should just give in, to like the guys everyone else liked - because her standards were way too high. No guy ever met them perfectly.
Well, not until she met Cho Kyuhyun.
It happened when she first moved into her dormitory at her university campus. She was one of the few freshmen girls who were staying on campus, so she was assigned to share a room with two juniors.
“I’m Soonkyu, and this is Sooyeon - ow!” the girl with the pixie cut said while the other girl elbowed her.
“Please, call me Jessica.” She laughed coldly at Soonkyu’s annoyed expression and shook Joohyun’s hand, then proceeded to pull Soonkyu onto the lower bunk bed, where they talked in loud voices about their friends and professors and which physical education subjects they had enrolled in.
They intimidated Joohyun a lot, but they were friendly and seemed easy to get along with. She bowed politely and excused herself to unpack her things. She was relieved to see that her roommates were nice enough to let her have her own bed while they shared the bunk beds.
She was unpacking her things quietly for about half an hour maximum when Soonkyu and Jessica stood up from the bed they were sitting on, stretching and grabbing their phones.
“Hey, Joohyun, want to go for a walk?” Jessica asked, stretching her arms.
“We can show you around a bit,” Soonkyu said as she pulled a sweater over her head.
Joohyun widened her eyes as she looked up at their expectant faces. She nodded hesitantly, surprised at their easy friendliness. They laughed at her timid expression and Soonkyu pulled her by the hand up and out of the room.
Joohyun looked back at her messy bed and cringed. “W-wait, my stuff -”
“They’ll stay if they aren’t alive,” Jessica laughed as she pushed Joohyun’s back out onto the dorm corridor and out the building.
“W-wait, my ponytail needs to be fixed -”
“These are the bulletin boards,” Soonkyu raised her arms as she showcased five large corkboards behind glass panes. “They put all kinds of stuff on here. Mostly lists of names. People who passed entrance exams, course professors, the honor roll - speaking of, Sica, who’s on top?”
Jessica looked at her knowingly then skipped over to the second bulletin board. She furrowed her eyebrows trying to look for the list, and then let out a bored sigh when she found it. “As usual, Cho Kyu -“
“-Hyun,” Soonkyu rolled her eyes and snorted, lowering her arms. “Why am I not surprised.”
Joohyun raised her eyebrows. “Why, what’s up with him?”
The other two looked at each other and burst out laughing.
“...I don’t really know where to start with him,” Soonkyu said after wiping beneath her eyes. Jessica nodded beside her.
“He’s just...this guy,” she tried to explain, “except not really. He’s too much for me, honestly.”
Soonkyu rolled her eyes and punched Jessica playfully on the shoulder. “That’s not what you said when you had a crush on him in freshman year!” she teased.
“Hey,” Jessica slapped her hand away with a pout, “everyone had a crush on him freshman year. He’s good looking and smart. Come on, how could we not, we just all wanted to bring him to our mothers. Come on, you liked him too!” she whined.
“Hey, I’m not denying anything,” Soonkyu laughed, and then looked at Joohyun, whose eyes were wide open with interest. “He doesn’t seem to be interested in girls though. People pretty much throw themselves at his feet.”
“Maybe he’s gay,” Jessica said absentmindedly, and Soonkyu shrugged.
“I don’t think so - guys throw themselves at him too,” she sighed. “I heard from Jinki that he just locks himself in his room when he gets to the dorm. Apparently they hear him playing some stupid video games at night, when he could actually get laid or something.”
Jessica sighed with her. “Such a waste of good looks.”
Soonkyu shrugged her shoulders again and looked at the darkening sky. “So we should really show you the cafeteria now. Well, since it’s almost dinner time and all.” She smiled at Joohyun and waved for her to follow them.
Joohyun clenched her fists in the pockets of her coat and bit her lip to contain a giggle. “He sounds perfect,” she whispered to herself, blushing as she realized what she had just said, and ran on towards her roommates to rid herself of the heat rising up her cheeks.
Joohyun sat across an empty seat and was left out of Soonkyu and Jessica’s conversation about their sophomore year memories together, but she didn’t really mind. She liked watching people come and go from the cafeteria doors and settled for doing that instead.
She tried to play games with herself after she had finished eating her small salad, like guessing what major each person was taking and what year they were in. Most music majors were easy to tell apart, with guitar cases slung around one shoulder or drumsticks sticking out of their back pockets. The fashion students, too, were distinct, with their over-the-top dressing. Freshmen were particularly easy to distinguish - the ones with eyebrows furrowed in fear and exclusion, voices low as to not attract attention.
Her eyes settled on a particular boy - tall and handsome, skinny but muscular. He had big eyes and a charismatic smile. She couldn’t really figure him out, because he was wearing basketball shorts and a hoodie, obviously going back to his dorm after playing with the guys he was with, so she guessed he was an athlete. But in his hands was a cleanly wrapped accountancy book for the first semester.
He didn’t have the apprehension of a freshman, and his looks - he didn’t look like the type to go into accountancy. She quirked an eyebrow at him, studying at how comfortable he looked within the seemingly older guys, throwing his arms around their shoulders and seeming to hold long conversations with them.
“Liking what you see?” Soonkyu asked smugly, making Joohyun turn her head and raise her eyebrows.
“Oh, no, nothing like that,” she replied, embarrassed, fanning her hands in front of her face.
“He’s good looking,” Jessica approved, watching him closely. “And a freshman, I think. Nice body, too.”
“And look! He seems interested,” Soonkyu giggled and nodded towards the boy.
The boy had turned towards them and his eyes widened. After a while he turned away with a small smile, biting his lip as if holding back a huge grin.
“He must have been looking at you, unnie,” Joohyun said, shaking her head and trying to hide her face in her hands, “really.”
Jessica cocked her head and smiled. “And look, he seems to be friends with Cho Kyuhyun too.”
At that, Joohyun widened her eyes and looked up, only to see what seemed to her to be the cutest boy she’s ever seen in her life.
She had never quite had a thing for pale skin and indifferent expressions, but this guy - he was beyond what she had imagined. From her roommates stories he had already sounded flawless, but seeing him really made her feel like he was nearly more perfect than anyone on the face of the planet could be.
She gaped at him as he talked to the boy with the big eyes and she felt her heart pound in her ears and her cheeks turn pink. Her eyes followed them to their table a few rows away from them and stared at the way Cho Kyuhyun talked, chuckled, laughed, and rolled his eyes behind his glasses until Jessica poked her forearm.
“Sorry to cut the show short for you, but we better get going,” she laughed and nodded towards the entrance.
“Ah,” Joohyun laughed with her, “I’m sorry.” She picked her tray up and followed the two older girls towards the trash bins and then to the entrance.
What she had missed was the awed look the boy in the basketball shorts had eyed her with as she left the building.
Her first class was Biology.
She didn’t rush to class because Seo Joohyun was never late, and she wanted to make that clear to her professor. She was the first one in, smiling politely with a quiet ‘good morning’ to the middle-aged woman in front of the blackboard.
She took a seat front and center of the class, slung her backpack across the back of her chair, and took out her notebook and pens, placing them neatly above her table. The woman smiled at her then looked back at a stack of paper. After a few minutes, other students came milling in, some chatty with newfound friends, but most quiet and intimidated by the different classroom setting than they were used to.
Joohyun watched people sit side by side, eyeing everyone with curiosity. She wasn’t surprised no one had come to sit beside her - she was sitting in the most dangerous spot in class, plus she hasn’t made any new friends yet. She didn’t feel disappointed; actually, she felt pretty content. No seatmates meant no distractions, and she preferred it that way.
Most people were settled in when their professor decided to stand from where she was seated and start to speak.
“Good morning. I’m Professor Kim Soori and I shall be your Biology professor for the next -” She stopped speaking as the door opened and a boy stepped in, coughing and panting. “Please, take a seat,” she said sternly.
Joohyun’s vision shifted from the professor to the boy, and met his eyes. She was surprised to see that it was the boy she saw in the canteen the other day - the one with big eyes and basketball shorts. Cho Kyuhyun’s friend, she thought instantly, and she shook her head to get rid of the things running through her mind.
The boy grinned suddenly at their eye contact, and he started moving towards her. Joohyun panicked for a bit, widening her eyes and shaking her head, but calmed down by the time he sat down right beside her and smiled at her.
She gave him a small smile back and tried to concentrate on her professor, but at the back of her mind, she knew she wanted to turn to him and ask him certain things.
You’re a freshman? You don’t look like a freshman -
So, you’re taking accountancy? I wanted to take that too, but it’s not as beneficial -
You know Cho Kyuhyun, right -
“Hi, I’m Choi Minho,” he leaned towards her and whispered with a smile.
“Seo Joohyun,” she smiled back.
“Pretty,” he said, and then widened his eyes and shook his head. “I mean…your name.”
She just formed an ‘o’ with her lips and laughed, and looked back at the teacher, trying to concentrate. She couldn’t get rid of the feeling that he was still staring at her, though.
She looked at him again and found him looking at her with an amused expression on his face, and she cocked an eyebrow in question.
“…I-I’m sorry if I’m bothering you,” he said with a grin, and she noted that he didn’t sound fully apologetic. She looked at the blackboard, now with a few scribbles, and looked back at him.
She suddenly remembered her mother’s reminder to try and socialize more.
“What’s your major?” she quipped quietly, and her stomach dropped. She was never the type to initiate conversation, and it felt odd. There really was a first time for everything, she guessed.
He seemed taken aback, but he continued smiling anyways. “Business Administration, how about you?”
She blinked at him. Business Administration meant he was smart, and she was ashamed to say it, but she never would have guessed. “Then why do you have an accountancy book?” He gave her a look, and she realized she really shouldn’t have said that - her stalker-like tendencies were showing. “I-I saw you holding one. Before. In the cafeteria.”
Minho continued to give her a funny look, but there was something in his eyes - was he flattered? - that made him look relieved. “I have to take it for four semesters,” he said.
“Oh,” she looked down at her hands, folded neatly on top of her blank notebook. “Well, I’m in International Diplomatic Affairs,” she said dully.
He quirked an eyebrow. “What do you want to be?”
“…You’d laugh,” she groaned.
He just grinned. “I wouldn’t.”
She looked off to the professor, who was rambling on about taxonomy, and back at him, then made a face. “An ambassador.”
He laughed and she put her face in her hands. “Wait - I’m only laughing because I don’t know why it’s funny!”
She blinked at him again. “I…I don’t really know. I feel like I dream too big. Maybe I should have just taken Accountancy.”
Unexpectedly, he gave her a small smile and an awkward pat on the back. “I’m sure you can do it. I mean, you of all people! I’m sure you can.”
After a look from Joohyun, he withdrew his hand and cleared his throat. “I mean. Not that I know who you are or anything. You know what, you just look like a very capable person!” he ended with an embarrassed laugh and a wrinkle between his eyebrows.
Joohyun just laughed. “Thanks.”
He blinked, surprise and sincerity apparent on his face. “I mean it.”
Joohyun laughed again. “Really, thanks. That means a lot to me,” she said with a huge smile on her face.
The professor coughed and looked at the two of them sternly, frowning. “Please, listen. It’s your first day - you do not want to miss the basics of Biology, or you will not understand a single thing this whole semester -”
“We should listen.” She smiled, and clicked a pen open, ready to start taking down notes.
She couldn’t help but grin throughout the period. Only when they were dismissed and she waved a hand at Choi Minho did she realize how fast it took her to get comfortable with the boy, and it disturbed her quite a bit - she was never the type to get along with someone so fast, she was usually the type to gradually warm up to someone - but she decided to erase her thoughts from her mind, to try to not overthink.
Joohyun’s favourite place in the whole world was the library.
Well, it used to be her high school library, but the university library quickly took its place, with its expanded reference area and strictly studious atmosphere.
She loved the way that every time she inhaled, it was the smell of yellowed pages and fine print, and that every time she turned a corner, a new book was just waiting to be found. She loved that there were no kids looking for books on aliens, no perverted pre-teens looking for human anatomy booklets; just her and her fellow college university students, looking for significant research and accurate documents.
No, the library couldn’t get any more perfect than this.
But of course, life liked proving her wrong.
Joohyun made a turn towards the encyclopaedias, a slight spring in her step. She didn’t really know what she was doing, because it was still the start of the school year - there wasn’t any homework to be done yet. She guessed it was just personal interest getting the best of her.
In her concentration from staring at the black hardbound covers that covered the topmost shelf, eyes widened in awe as she pored over the golden engraved numerals on their spines, she didn’t notice someone curled over the bottom shelf, where the thin, brown versions lay.
“Ow,” a low voice huffed as she felt her foot hit something below. She lowered her vision and sharply inhaled as her eyes met a headful of familiarly messy hair and black-rimmed glasses -
Cho Kyuhyun.
They stared at each other for a while, the same apologetic expression on their faces. Joohyun broke the gaze first - she could feel a blush creeping up her neck and her ears.
“I-I’m sorry, sunbae, I wasn’t watching where I was going -“
“It’s fine,” he replied, standing up and dusting himself off. “I’m sorry, I was in the way.”
She looked up at him and shook her head. “Oh, it isn’t your fault at all -“
“Don’t worry,” he smiled at her. She was positive she was going to have to get her inhaler; she was going to start hyperventilating.
For a while Joohyun just kept looking at him with a certain shy stare, and then he finally spoke again.
“And please, don’t call me sunbae,” he said with a frown. “Cho Kyuhyun,” he bowed slightly then held out a hand.
I already know that, she wanted to say, but replied instead, “Seo Joohyun.” She bowed ninety degrees (or more) back, then shook his hand slightly, her grip weak.
“Joohyun-sshi,” he tested her name on his tongue. The skin on the back of her neck prickled. “See you around, Joohyun-sshi.”
She smiled up at him. “See you, sunbae - Kyuhyun…sshi -”
“Oppa?” he laughed.
“Kyuhyun oppa,” she giggled weakly. She watched as he turned around and walked out the front door, tugging his hoodie around himself tighter. When she turned back around to face the leatherbound reference books and silver bookends, she felt the butterflies in her stomach stir and she couldn’t help but giggle furiously over the past three minutes, when she was breathing the same air as Cho Kyuhyun.
Cho Kyuhyun, Cho Kyuhyun, Cho Kyuhyun -
She knocked her head against the bookshelf, telling herself to calm down. Joohyun, you aren’t like this, you’re not supposed to be like this! You’re level-headed and determined, focus, focus, focus! But althroughout her internal monologue, she couldn’t help the grin that would creep up on her lips at the thought of Cho Kyuhyun, his mouth moving to the words, “Joohyun-sshi.”
After her last afternoon classes, Joohyun would go to the library. Partly because she loved that place - the silence and the studious atmosphere - but also because she loved the feeling of her stomach dropping at the sight of Cho Kyuhyun poring over a book, five other stacked at the side, his glasses sloped down his nose and his laptop open on his right, his Starcraft screensaver glowing on the monitor.
He is perfect, she told herself every time with a small smile on her face. She was happy just to see him on her way to her usual favourite bookshelf (between 800 and 900), but sometimes she’d be lucky enough to get him to look up and give her a little nod of recognition or a turn-up of lips in a grin, and if she was really, really lucky, he’d even put up his hand and wave at her.
After six weeks of continuously stalking keeping a close eye on Cho Kyuhyun, Joohyun finally decided on a way to approach him.
“Excuse me,” Joohyun cleared her throat, hands folded against her lap. She was seated on a chair behind Kyuhyun’s, her hips turned sideways and her head near his. “K-Kyuhyun o-oppa.”
Kyuhyun turned his head so that their faces were practically twelve inches apart, and he raised his eyebrows, adjusting his glasses on top of the bridge of his nose. “Joohyun-sshi?”
She smiled at him, practically jumping with glee at the sound of her name on his tongue. “Y-yes,” she nodded. “Um, oppa, I was just wondering…”
“Mhm?” He turned around in his seat, facing her more. She stiffened slightly.
“Um -” It wasn’t like her to be so incoherent. “C-can you teach me how to get the limit of this function?” She smiled meekly and raised her graphing paper. “If you’re not busy, that is.”
She was bullshitting, of course - she understood how to get the limit of functions perfectly. Math was her best subject, even better than her speaking, but her sources (Soonkyu and Jessica) told her that Cho Kyuhyun was a sucker for Calculus.
And they were right. Joohyun saw the way that his eyes sparkled behind his glasses at the word ‘limit’.
“Sure, I don’t mind at all.” Kyuhyun smiled and scooted his seat nearer to her table. She could feel his breath in her ear, almost. “Do you have an extra pencil?”
“Joohyun!” Soonkyu’s high voice echoed in the room as Joohyun entered.
“Yes, unnie?” she asked, removing her shoes with both hands.
“Come here,” Jessica said, and when Joohyun lifted her eyes, she saw the two of them sitting on her bed, giving her raised eyebrows with their arms crossed over their chests.
“Um, okay,” Joohyun gave them a weirded-out look and sat at the edge of her bed. Jessica and Soonkyu looked at each other, then at her, and then Jessica drew a breath and opened her mouth.
“What’s up with you and Cho Kyuhyun?” she asked, concern lacing her expression.
Joohyun widened her eyes and shook her head, and she felt her heart thud behind her chest. “Nothing! Nothing at all! W-why? Has he said anything?”
Soonkyu sighed. “No, no, people are just saying they see you two together at the library a lot.”
Joohyun didn’t try to hide her grin. “Unnie, he’s just helping me with Calculus,” she said insistently.
Jessica wrinkled her nose. “But you’re great at Calculus. You did my homework.”
“Y-yeah, I’m doing f-fine, b-but - that’s besides the point, he’s just tutoring me on some things I don’t understand, okay, unnie?”
“If you say so.” Jessica leaned back and put up a foot against Joohyun’s pillow. Joohyun flinched, but didn’t say anything. “But just remember, be careful.”
Joohyun’s smile faltered. “Why should I be careful?”
Soonkyu rolled her eyes. “It’s just that Cho Kyuhyun leads girls on, making them think he likes them back.”
“Then when they confess, he rejects them,” Jessica ended bluntly, chopping her right hand against her left to make her point.
Joohyun felt herself get red. “I-I don’t think Kyuhyun oppa likes me back,” she said. “I have no expectations.”
“Good,” Jessica said as she relaxed her tense back and slumped down against the headboard, then yawned. “Anyways, we should go back to studying. Exams are starting soon.”
They all nodded and went off to their own chairs and beds, leaving Joohyun to sit at the edge of her bed with her heart full of hope.
Maybe I can be the first to prove everyone wrong.
She knew she was taking it the wrong way, but her friends always told her when they’d poke at her stiff habits, “What’s life without a little risk?” Maybe it was the right time to let loose a little.
Biology was thrice a week, for one and a half hours per day. It was also the only subject Joohyun had with Minho, but somehow, she felt like she had spent more than four and a half hours per week with him.
She always looked forward to Biology, not really because she liked learning about living things and their anatomies and parts, but because she liked having someone like Minho around; someone who she could talk to casually but still be productive with when it came to schoolwork. Her Biology reports had all been A’s so far, with him as a partner.
She realized that she never actually saw Minho outside class, though, no matter how much she liked being in his company, and wondered if she should bother asking him to hang out. She never actually saw the need, so she shrugged it off. Besides, it was three days until the exams started, no use in asking, really.
He seemed to see the need though.
The night before her Pre-Calculus and Conversational English exams, Joohyun heard three knocks on her room door. She put a bookmark where her eyes left off, pulled down the sleeves of her favourite t-shirt, and headed towards the door, thinking it was either Soonkyu or Jessica heading back from a coffee shop or anywhere equally as quiet.
Instead of a harassed girl with too many books in her arms and a lipstick-stained venti-sized takeout coffee cup in hand, Joohyun opened the door to Minho, backpack on his shoulder and ramen cup noodles and cold coffee cans in a plastic bag hanging from his wrist.
“Hi,” he said with a smile, shifting from one foot to the other.
She pulled him into the room before any of the other girls could see him waiting at her door. As soon as she slammed in shut, she pulled down her ponytail and shook her head. “What are you doing here?” she asked softly, embarrassed.
Minho’s smile faded slightly, but it was still there. “Um,” he shrugged, “Kyuhyun told me you asked him for help in Math. I’m okay at Math. And I need help with English. So. Yeah.” He grinned and raised the ramen cups from the bag.
Joohyun sighed and sat on her chair, her arms crossed tensely. “Kyuhyun said that?”
She saw his throat quiver. “Y-yeah, why?”
“N-nothing.” She shook her head then glanced at her books. “Look, um, Minho, sorry, I just can’t afford to have any distractions tonight. You see, I don’t really study well if I’m not by myself, and these are our first exams in college and I just…look like a mess right now, I’m sorry,” she said, embarrassed, running her fingers through her hair, crossing her legs over her ratty Pororo pajamas and shaking her head some more.
He was still grinning. “I-it’s totally f-fine, I get you. I understand,” he sucked in a breath. “So yeah, um, see you after the tests.”
She stood up and opened the door. “See you, Minho-sshi.”
“See you,” he waved. She was about to close the door when he stopped it with his hand. “Um, and I’m sure you’ll do great…on the tests.”
She laughed a bit and nodded. “Thanks, Minho-sshi,” she replied, and pushed the door. He stopped it again.
“And by the way…you don’t look like a mess at all, you look great.” He grinned.
Her smile softened. “Thanks, Minho-sshi,” she said again, and finally shut the door, locking it firmly.
“Kyuhyun oppa,” she whispered over his shoulder the night after the exams at their usual library tables, “how were your exams?”
“Oh, Joohyun-sshi.” He turned and smiled, pushing his glasses back. “Fine; manageable. How about you?”
“Difficult.” She grinned back. “I think I need more help with Calculus.”
“Really?” He raised an eyebrow. “Well, I’ll always be here if you need me, okay?”
“Okay,” she laughed as her heart made a ballerina twirl in the air.
A few days before everyone left for Christmas break (it’s been a bit too fast - her first semester was just full of studying and thinking of Cho Kyuhyun), Minho had appeared beside her in the cafeteria, kimbap and water on his tray.
“Hey,” he smiled and nodded.
“Minho-sshi,” she greeted, bowing her head slightly.
“Nice to see you outside Biology class, for once.” He sat down in the plastic chair directly in front of her. “Even if it’s really late now and everything.”
“Yeah, everyone’s leaving this week aren’t they?” She raised her eyebrows as she fixed her chopsticks on her fingers.
“Yeah, they are.” He leaned forward and cracked open the plastic container of his lunch. “Um, listen, if you want any help with Calculus -”
Joohyun gave him an exasperated look and shook her head. “You know, Minho-sshi, I’m perfectly capable at Calculus.”
His smile shattered into a confused, sad wrinkle between his eyebrows. “B-but Kyuhyun hyung said you were getting help from him the past few weeks.”
Joohyun sighed in defeat. “Um, Minho-sshi, that’s different -”
“How’s it any different -”
“Look, Minho,” Joohyun said helplessly, and leaned forward after looking around her, only to see other students laughing out loud, too concentrated in their own conversations. “Can you keep a secret?”
Minho nodded, eyebrows still furrowed.
Joohyun looked around again, and slumped down on her seat. “I…I like Kyuhyun oppa. I’m asking him for help in Calculus because I want to spend time with him,” she whispered as quickly as possible, not looking up from her unfinished fried rice. “I feel like a horrible person - I’m not usually like this, I swear I’m not, please don’t judge me - but you understand, right?”
Silence followed.
“…W-when you like someone, you’re desperate to catch their attention,” she continued slowly, staring at her bottle of water.
After another moment of silence, Minho cleared his throat. “Y-yeah, I understand,” he said brightly. “I totally understand.”
“Thanks, Minho-sshi,” she smiled but didn’t dare look up, too embarrassed to face him.
He nodded, then proceeded to open the plastic wrapper of his wooden chopsticks and start to eat his lunch. They continued eating quietly until he broke the silence once more.
“You know, Joohyun-sshi,” he said, and she looked at him at the sound of her name, “you should talk to Kyuhyun hyung. If you really like him…you should talk to him.”
Joohyun sighed. “You think so?”
“Yeah, totally!” He grinned widely, as wide as he could have managed. “I’m sure he feels the same. Somehow.”
Her eyes glimmered. “You really, really think so?” he could see the small smile appearing on her face as she shifted her hair to one side.
He just nodded with the same fake smile on his face and watched her grin as she finished her lunch.
“I have to go, Minho-sshi,” she said after taking her last gulp of water and standing up to collect her things from the seat beside her, slinging her bag on her shoulder and carrying some books by hand. “I have to return some books to the library.”
He wiped his mouth with a tissue and gave her a small wave. “See you.”
She turned to him again and leaned in. “And thank you for everything, by the way.”
He smiled - genuine this time. “You’re welcome.” He smiled until his cheeks hurt, until she walks out the cafeteria doors. After that, he slumped again the table, sticking his chopsticks in his uneaten kimbap and groaning into his arm.
Joohyun couldn’t find Kyuhyun at all, not even at the library, until the day that everyone was supposed to leave the dorms.
She was all wrapped up in scarves and no coat, running from the cafeteria to the dormitories in the snow, when she bumped into him. His back was facing her, but she could tell, from all the times that she had stared at him, thought of him, that it was really him - by the way he was walking, the hair on the nape of his neck, and the book tucked between his arm and his torso.
“Kyuhyun oppa!” she called out, his name tingling on her lips, smiling even though she was shivering. It felt weird to be shouting - she was never one to shout - but she felt the need to, somehow.
He turned around, his skin like the snow and his coat gathering falling snowflakes. “Joohyun-sshi,” he smiled as he headed towards her.
“Oppa,” she panted, tugging the scarves around her for warmth. “Um, oppa, I have to…I have to tell you something.” She could feel a blush creeping up her neck, even with the cold wind against her face.
“Yes?” He stepped forward curiously, one eyebrow up, lips curled in a soft smile.
This is it Joohyun, don’t spoil it Joohyun…
“I-I like you, oppa,” she breathed out in little puffs, her stomach dropping to the ground. She bit her tongue as she watched her words sink in his mind.
As she saw his face contort into confusion, then into understanding, she held her breath and felt her heart being stopped by a pair of strong hands.
“Oh.” He licked his lips. “I’m sorry Joohyun-sshi, I-I can’t -”
She felt the hands crush her heart into tiny bits and pieces, like broken glass on the snow-covered grounds. She didn’t even bother listening to his explanation - she just watched his lips move and his eyes wavering - in…what was that? Pity? His face blurred in her vision, and she dropped her head in disdain as she felt tears roll down her cheeks.
She felt arms wrap around her, a warmth that she longed for weeks - months - before. But now it just felt like pain, shooting up her gut and running through her veins.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her hair. She pulled away from the embrace and wiped her face with her hands, and tried her best to smile up at him.
“It’s fine, oppa. I understand,” she said, “happy holidays.”
With that, she ran away, too scared to turn back, too ashamed to think straight.
Everyone had gone home for the holidays, but Joohyun decided with her parents early on that she was going to stay in the dormitory during Winter break, because it was a hassle with all the holiday traffic and the Christmas commotion. They hardly celebrated Christmas anyways, and she wanted to read up on her next few classes, so it was fine.
But being alone with three rebellious seniors in the girls’ dormitories on Christmas Eve was making her a bit lonely, and they were getting drunk and smoking pot in the dorm lounge, which she didn’t want to be involved in. She didn’t quite want to stay alone in her room either, so by eight o’clock, she put on her coat and put three books in her backpack and headed for the cafeteria.
There was only one stall open in the cafeteria - one that sold hot chocolate for cheap, and a bit extra for additional small marshmallows on top. As she paid for her cup plus the marshmallows, she gave the lady a small smile. “Happy holidays,” she greeted, as cheerfully as she could manage.
It was hard getting her mind off a few days ago, when she had cried herself to sleep in Soonkyu and Jessica’s comforting arms, and at the embarrassing, shameful thoughts that she actually had a chance. She blew on her hot chocolate and pretended they were the memories that she wanted to let go of, and as soon as she cracked open her book, she made sure to dissolve herself into the world of the history of Asia, curling up on the plastic bench.
She had been reading and sipping her chocolate for around two hours when she noticed someone walk in the cafeteria. Weird, she had thought most people were back home or getting drunk in their rooms.
Then her eyes met Choi Minho’s.
She watched him head towards her, and what felt like relief and happiness rushed down her stomach.
“So,” he smiled, “how was the thing with Kyuhyun hyung?”
She stopped smiling and shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
He raised his eyebrows and leaned forward, but didn’t press on. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he replied quietly, biting his lip as he sat down in front of her.
They stared into nothingness for a while, avoiding each other’s gazes as much as possible.
“Anyways.” She forced a small smile, breaking the tension. “What are you doing here?”
He shrugged. “Gyms here are better than they are back home,” he said with a small smile.
She laughed, surprised at herself, covering her mouth with the palm of her hand.
“How ‘bout you?”
“Books here are better than they are back home,” she smiled, shutting the cover of her book and facing Minho more. He laughed along with her.
And she continued laughing - she realized, it was weirdly easy to do so when she was with Minho.
All this time, it was always Choi Minho - always Choi Minho to make her smile and laugh.
It’s a minute to midnight of Christmas Eve, and Minho and Joohyun are in the drink aisle of the convenience store right outside campus, decked in Santa hats they stole off the school decor and two layers of coats. They decided being alone in a cafeteria wasn’t quite festive enough.
“This is really your first beer?” Minho laughs, opening her bottle with an opener he borrowed from the cashier.
“Yeah, I was always too scared to try,” she responds nervously, gloved fingers cautiously wrapping around the cold glass.
“You won’t regret it, I promise,” he smiles as he opens his own bottle, then opens a pack of chips with his teeth.
“How much longer?” she asks, giddy from the wait.
“Ten seconds,” he laughs at how cutely she bounces from one foot to the other.
“Nine, eight, seven -”
“Six, five, four, three, two, one - Merry Christmas!” they end together, and as soon as they clink their bottles against each other, take a large swig each.
As soon as the rim of her bottle left her lips, she starts giggling, but they are quickly silenced by a pair of warm lips on hers.
“Oh -” she says as soon as he pulls away. “Oh. M-Merry Christmas.”
A stupid grin stays on her face the whole night long.
And then she realized - Choi Minho had broken her standards system.
And she didn’t mind one bit.