(no subject)
i giv everyone this crap about believing in love and finding someone that matters but do i genuinely believe that? probably not. no1 i know has never been made better for attempting to love. love is bullshit. it's a masacistic illness that invades the bodies of the vulnerable and no matter what you do you can't escape it. i need to harden myself, make it so i don't feel anything, stop this hurt i always feel because i try to care. hope is one of the most dangerous tools bc people are selfish beings. they want everything at the expense of others. mayb it's just me, maybe i was never worth loving. i am so fucked up, no one could ever know everything that's wrong with me and they wouldn't care. i dont even know wat's wrong with me. i want to be me again, i want to be normal. if not that i want anything, to be skinny, pretty, funny, interesting, something appealing. i want to maybe b somewhat greedy and have something that no one else has. why does life do this to people. it's like designed to kill hope. i dunno if you can actually live in this world and still believe in real love.