(no subject)
I have to move back in with my mother. I'm not even trying to be hopeful about this in any way. That would simply be foolish. I'll be staying with her, again, in her tiny one-room flat with virtually nothing to do but observe her lack-of-eating habits and her horrifically visible spine. The last time I was there with nowhere else to go, I stopped eating and sleeping almost entirely and just started cutting all the time to cope with it. So many times I felt so hopeless I just wanted to give up, but then my life started changing. Improving. Now it looks like that's over and everything feels even worse than before. And how poorly I'm handling it just shows me that I'm too fragile and broken to ever truly function anyway. Yeah, I'll try looking for a new place. I even have at least one potential flatmate. But we have a very limited price range and I have to worry about places allowing my cat. I am terrified that this will be far less temporary than I need it to be. I'll do my best to have some patience, but I'm really just too worn and tired to waste time on hope these days.
But it doesn't actually matter. Everything is meaningless, myself certainly included, and it's just a matter of when people will see that.
Did you know that the man who composed the song "You Light Up My Life" committed suicide last year? I don't know about anyone else, but this speaks to me. It says a lot about the frailty and uncertainty of being human. But, yeah, that could be just me.
But it doesn't actually matter. Everything is meaningless, myself certainly included, and it's just a matter of when people will see that.
Did you know that the man who composed the song "You Light Up My Life" committed suicide last year? I don't know about anyone else, but this speaks to me. It says a lot about the frailty and uncertainty of being human. But, yeah, that could be just me.