Sod.
I have very little interest in LiveJournal anymore, and I probably won't be writing in it again for at least a while. I cancelled automatic charges on my paid account, so that will be gone in September unless I bother to renew it. I guess that was a sort of heads up.
I last posted in here with that little "will" thing and that may have worried some people. But, as you can tell, I'm not dead. I did try to take my life that same night, true, but it failed so here I am.
I am living with my mom full time now. I am finally trying to make the right decisions for myself to claim some form of independence, and it leads me to the floor of my mom's apartment. Awesome.
I plan to keep this as concise as possible, because I find it difficult to believe there are many people reading who actually give a fuck about the reality of what's happening anyway.
I didn't mean to frighten anyone the night I posted about my laptop, but I meant what I said about who should have it in case. I also truly meant to die that night and I am still not okay with the fact that I didn't. I am still so afraid of the unknown, though, that I cannot do anything like that again right now. I failed at living my life so much that I feel the only real solution is to die, and I even fail at killing myself. How's that for the self-esteem.
Hello, my name is Julianna and at 24 years of age I have already ruined my own life.
And it is my fault, I know. I'm too scared to stand up for myself, so I take it all lying down while people just keep kicking. I will harbour resentment for every hurtful thing someone has ever done, even if they thought it was simply funny. I will take the blame if that makes you feel better. And you know full well that if you blame me enough, I will actually start to believe it really is entirely my own doing.
I can only resent those who hurt me because there is not enough hate; I reserve all of that for myself because I always let them.
Adieu.
I last posted in here with that little "will" thing and that may have worried some people. But, as you can tell, I'm not dead. I did try to take my life that same night, true, but it failed so here I am.
I am living with my mom full time now. I am finally trying to make the right decisions for myself to claim some form of independence, and it leads me to the floor of my mom's apartment. Awesome.
I plan to keep this as concise as possible, because I find it difficult to believe there are many people reading who actually give a fuck about the reality of what's happening anyway.
I didn't mean to frighten anyone the night I posted about my laptop, but I meant what I said about who should have it in case. I also truly meant to die that night and I am still not okay with the fact that I didn't. I am still so afraid of the unknown, though, that I cannot do anything like that again right now. I failed at living my life so much that I feel the only real solution is to die, and I even fail at killing myself. How's that for the self-esteem.
Hello, my name is Julianna and at 24 years of age I have already ruined my own life.
And it is my fault, I know. I'm too scared to stand up for myself, so I take it all lying down while people just keep kicking. I will harbour resentment for every hurtful thing someone has ever done, even if they thought it was simply funny. I will take the blame if that makes you feel better. And you know full well that if you blame me enough, I will actually start to believe it really is entirely my own doing.
I can only resent those who hurt me because there is not enough hate; I reserve all of that for myself because I always let them.
Adieu.