A smörgåsbord of many things.
So... wow. More and more I am feeling 2009 will really be the best year ever. Few things that surprise me:
-I am going to be 23. TWENTY FUCKING THREE! holy shit. I never thought Id pass being a teenager or 21.. lol.
-Financially, I am actually in order. Things are really starting to even out with being comfortable and not worrying about money or being without it.
-I have really rose above the fog of relationships and the bullshit that goes with them. It seems it just isn't worth worrying about in general, I've come to find, if a person leaves your life...then its their loss. People worth loving actually stick around.
-Love finds you when you dont expect it to, and you just have to ride the wave it puts you on to know what happens. I get what "taking a risk" actually means. And its not saying yes to things that seem right at the time. Its about thinking something is totally ridiculous and choosing to follow it.
- I am a lot tougher than I thought. Perhaps even more than most men who consider themselves "men". (aka. pussies, wimps)
-My mental capacity makes me more powerful than I imagined. I feel like I am a pillar of strength to uphold my family, my actual friends, be a leg supporting my job, and in general, supporting myself. I know I am not, but i feel invincible this year, and that i have grown so much in just one measly month from 08-09.
So update to my actual readers - I broke my relationship off, the day after christmas (not my initial plan...but i had no choice) - especially with the advice and help of two lovely people who were nice enough to give me their thoughts on here :). I took my thoughts in with other trusted thoughts, and everything became clear. In return, i found his friends and ex made a hate group for me on facebook, he told me im too much of a guy, and that he hopes my next boyfriend is bisexual, because hes going to have to be to like me. Pretty much, he emasculated himself by saying hes a giant fucking vagina and that my inability to be needy towards him made him feel like he wasnt worth anything.
Some relationship. What a waste.
I find him continuously trying to injure me on social network sites and leaving little "things" to make me feel bad about myself and my decision. Instead of actually feeling bad, I pity him, and that someone old enough to be above that kind of conniving "mental ninja-ing" is not. I am glad to have closed that book. A big "fuck you" to you too.
Anyway, I what I need (sometime in the distant future) is a badass, basically. An nonjudgmental, accepting, easygoing, open minded, unconditionally loving, respectful person, who actually wants to have fun and be my friend, lover, and partner. Oh, and i need to laugh.
Next topic: Falsities and Being a Friendship Doormat -
I am fucking finished being taken advantage of my good nature, generosity, my status, and being robbed respect and dignity. I seem to have some fake friends who think they can bully me. Usually I dont get mad, I just seem to compromise or try and mend things when they get angry or don't like something. For example - If I go to the movies and i want to see something they hate, I always let them pick something else, yet I go even if its the opposite way around.
and the "Oh, you make more money than I, so why dont you drive...your car is better."
Perhaps its time for me to stand up for myself. If something pisses me off, im going to fucking say something. Basically I'm at the end of my rope with these bullshit double standard people I know. I feel like ejecting them all from my life. And just focusing on people who actually care about ME and not THINGS. I seriously consider deleting myspace, then I just realized I should just delete people I never talk to. Its kinda dumb to be friends when its all for show.
Also, I just want to say thank you to everyone who reads this. I know youve been with me for years and I value our near yet far away friendships. I think you are all great, beautiful people. Thank you for letting me read into your souls too. Love to you all.
I know who matters. And to think such perfect timing as 2009 came. What a reset button. I feel light, clean, and reconciled.
Free and Easy - Kate
<3
The Great Below.
-I am going to be 23. TWENTY FUCKING THREE! holy shit. I never thought Id pass being a teenager or 21.. lol.
-Financially, I am actually in order. Things are really starting to even out with being comfortable and not worrying about money or being without it.
-I have really rose above the fog of relationships and the bullshit that goes with them. It seems it just isn't worth worrying about in general, I've come to find, if a person leaves your life...then its their loss. People worth loving actually stick around.
-Love finds you when you dont expect it to, and you just have to ride the wave it puts you on to know what happens. I get what "taking a risk" actually means. And its not saying yes to things that seem right at the time. Its about thinking something is totally ridiculous and choosing to follow it.
- I am a lot tougher than I thought. Perhaps even more than most men who consider themselves "men". (aka. pussies, wimps)
-My mental capacity makes me more powerful than I imagined. I feel like I am a pillar of strength to uphold my family, my actual friends, be a leg supporting my job, and in general, supporting myself. I know I am not, but i feel invincible this year, and that i have grown so much in just one measly month from 08-09.
So update to my actual readers - I broke my relationship off, the day after christmas (not my initial plan...but i had no choice) - especially with the advice and help of two lovely people who were nice enough to give me their thoughts on here :). I took my thoughts in with other trusted thoughts, and everything became clear. In return, i found his friends and ex made a hate group for me on facebook, he told me im too much of a guy, and that he hopes my next boyfriend is bisexual, because hes going to have to be to like me. Pretty much, he emasculated himself by saying hes a giant fucking vagina and that my inability to be needy towards him made him feel like he wasnt worth anything.
Some relationship. What a waste.
I find him continuously trying to injure me on social network sites and leaving little "things" to make me feel bad about myself and my decision. Instead of actually feeling bad, I pity him, and that someone old enough to be above that kind of conniving "mental ninja-ing" is not. I am glad to have closed that book. A big "fuck you" to you too.
Anyway, I what I need (sometime in the distant future) is a badass, basically. An nonjudgmental, accepting, easygoing, open minded, unconditionally loving, respectful person, who actually wants to have fun and be my friend, lover, and partner. Oh, and i need to laugh.
Next topic: Falsities and Being a Friendship Doormat -
I am fucking finished being taken advantage of my good nature, generosity, my status, and being robbed respect and dignity. I seem to have some fake friends who think they can bully me. Usually I dont get mad, I just seem to compromise or try and mend things when they get angry or don't like something. For example - If I go to the movies and i want to see something they hate, I always let them pick something else, yet I go even if its the opposite way around.
and the "Oh, you make more money than I, so why dont you drive...your car is better."
Perhaps its time for me to stand up for myself. If something pisses me off, im going to fucking say something. Basically I'm at the end of my rope with these bullshit double standard people I know. I feel like ejecting them all from my life. And just focusing on people who actually care about ME and not THINGS. I seriously consider deleting myspace, then I just realized I should just delete people I never talk to. Its kinda dumb to be friends when its all for show.
Also, I just want to say thank you to everyone who reads this. I know youve been with me for years and I value our near yet far away friendships. I think you are all great, beautiful people. Thank you for letting me read into your souls too. Love to you all.
I know who matters. And to think such perfect timing as 2009 came. What a reset button. I feel light, clean, and reconciled.
Free and Easy - Kate
<3
The Great Below.