Big shout out to Willy the Terrorist
Here's the full version of my band bio...I have offered a translation in ()
Kristen Klempert will be attending Washington University in St. Louis this fall as a defense against the dark arts(chemistry) major and a herbology (music?) minor. Since joining band her freshman year, Kristen has meandered her way through the flute, pit percussion, french horn, and oboe sections. Her favorite composer is Ralph Vaughn Williams, who wrote The Planets (that guy was a fucking dumbass) and her favorite note would have to be either a, g, or f (re arrange em what have you got...kyle). Kristen often recalls her first day of symphonic band when Italian in Algiers made her weep (cause she sucked). To think how far she’s come from that day makes her eyes well up all over again (because she's gone in the wrong direction...and still sucks). She’d like to thank Mr. M for nurturing this progress and making her band experience unforgettable (you ruined my life you motherfucking soul sucking napolean complex ridden midget from hell). Kristen would also love to thank her hot marching band captains for assuring that she could march in any, and I mean any(penis), formation, minion for putting the music away, and last but not least all the DIBS and UMNOS(not omnos) members and everyone with a navel(don't be weirded out). Without you guys those Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday nights of mobilizing and hydrating would have been pointless (by pointless i mean would have driven me to jump off the top of joe bud's stadium). While Kristen looks forward to continuing her musical sojourn( far far away), playing the fight song will always bring a smile to her face(hehe). To those not graduating this year, Kristen laughs in your general direction and offers this advice: Always watch for the stand tune signs at games (good luck finding them), be territorial (or else you'll get peed on), and love( did i ever mention i hate that manO. If you ever need anything don’t hesitate to call 284-1988 or her cell 485-0614.(unfortunately the advice was not read.)
Kristen Klempert will be attending Washington University in St. Louis this fall as a defense against the dark arts(chemistry) major and a herbology (music?) minor. Since joining band her freshman year, Kristen has meandered her way through the flute, pit percussion, french horn, and oboe sections. Her favorite composer is Ralph Vaughn Williams, who wrote The Planets (that guy was a fucking dumbass) and her favorite note would have to be either a, g, or f (re arrange em what have you got...kyle). Kristen often recalls her first day of symphonic band when Italian in Algiers made her weep (cause she sucked). To think how far she’s come from that day makes her eyes well up all over again (because she's gone in the wrong direction...and still sucks). She’d like to thank Mr. M for nurturing this progress and making her band experience unforgettable (you ruined my life you motherfucking soul sucking napolean complex ridden midget from hell). Kristen would also love to thank her hot marching band captains for assuring that she could march in any, and I mean any(penis), formation, minion for putting the music away, and last but not least all the DIBS and UMNOS(not omnos) members and everyone with a navel(don't be weirded out). Without you guys those Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday nights of mobilizing and hydrating would have been pointless (by pointless i mean would have driven me to jump off the top of joe bud's stadium). While Kristen looks forward to continuing her musical sojourn( far far away), playing the fight song will always bring a smile to her face(hehe). To those not graduating this year, Kristen laughs in your general direction and offers this advice: Always watch for the stand tune signs at games (good luck finding them), be territorial (or else you'll get peed on), and love( did i ever mention i hate that manO. If you ever need anything don’t hesitate to call 284-1988 or her cell 485-0614.(unfortunately the advice was not read.)