(no subject)
This entry will not be as long as the last ... I promise!
So I called my "support counselor" as I like to call it today to update her on how I'm doing with my depression and anxiety...... and she said that I have graduated!!!!!!!!!! I'm sooo happy that I can actually say I'm doing better and feeling better! When I had first went into talk to my doctor she had recommended me to my "support counselor" who is very understanding and very helpful!
When I visited the doctors for the first time you are supposed to answer a few questions on how you felt etc..... and on their chart I rated about a 18 in Octoberish today I rated 2!!!! I'm sooo happy! I have grown so much within the past 6 to 8 months its crazy to even look back at who I was and the way I thought.
Friday Night I went out with my girls and had an amazing time! We went to Sneaky Peets, which is a local bar/club in downtown Minneapolis. I danced my way up onto the stripper pole that they have there and I guess I'm just that good that when I got down all the men were around me hounding me for my number, I am not trying to be full of myself but I shall say I am pretty attractive :) I then had to convince the men that I was here with my "girlfriend" and succeeded quite well with playing the lesbian roll that night! We obviously made it home safe and sound and I then went to bed.... The next morning I woke up hung over but yet I still had an amazing laugh when looking at my phone......
My ex had contacted me and I just burst out laughing! To think that people really can think the way he does and I will say a lot of our relationship was physical but it also had feelings and to think what I saw in him.... This is the ex that I had mentioned in previous posts about him emotionally abusing me and saying very hurtful things and showing me pictures of him and the girl he cheated on me with in Florida in a yacht. I should actually post our text messages on here because they crack me up and maybe then you can actually understand the type of person that I was dating.... This is all starting from Feb 13 2012 This is all the exact text messages I have not changed anything because well ... then it’s not truthful!
(starting Feb 13 2012 B is the ex and K is obviously me )
B- Still hate me? it would be nice if you would say hi.
K- What do you want me to say brett?
B - Hi for starters :)
I'm smiling real big. Just want to make sure you are doing good I just think about you is all. I get you hate me that doesn't mean I have to hate you.
K - ...
B - ok I'm stupid what does three dots mean?
K - So fo all the days to contact me you do the day before valentines day... why?
B - Ya I guess why would you of rather waited for today?
K - you didn't answer my question ... why?
B - Why I have been sending you a text just about every month, you know why because I care about you.
k - hahaha I wasn't getting them - Ever since I saw you with bonnie that night ... I had to block you from my phone .... so I wasn't getting any of your texts...
B - ok
K - So you kept texting after I wouldn't even respond?
B - Well what do you want me to say about that, and now I'm not blocked why is that? lol
K - Because verizon only blocks for 90 days
B - of course I don't give up.
K - LMFAO
B - well i guess you can put in a new request sorry for bothering you
K - What did you expect me to do Brett I had nightmares of you killing me because of how bad you hurt me not that it matters now but I couldn't stay emotionally stable but I'm actually a lot better now and I want to forgive you and tell you thank you
B - You know I never meant to hurt you and I'm very glad to hear your doing better no matter what you think i do care about you and I hope you realize that its not because I want something from you
K - Its really hard for me to comprehend that but ok
B why is that hard to believe? have i ever said anything different nope I haven't and for the record you shut me out I didn't shut you out but I understand your feelings
K - are you happy now?
B Sure I am and not because of a woman though I am single, I have learned so much about myself just wish you didn't get caught in the cross fire and never wanted that ... PS fuck off i know what your thinking that because I'm single is why I contacted you, really i have sent a text to you at least once a month so screw off lmao
K - Do you really think I'm that vain?
B - no I'm just happy being me , nothing to do with a moman, I do find happiness making a woman happy not going to lie about that and your smile always makes me happy I think about your smile all the time. what do you mean vain? vain has nothing to do with it
K - nvm doesn't really matter, lol
B - ok lol thanks for saying hi today in your own little way
K - How is being a grandpa now feel?
B - really you had to go there LOL its good I guess you want to merry me and become a grandma LOL ?
K - I was concerned how everything was going to pan out lol and I don't believe in marriage so never would happen...
B - oh you don't believe in marriage, think your stealing my lines babe lmao and it didn't pan out the best some day I'll fill you in on all that.
k - I don't believe in it as people do not respect eachother and no one has yet to prove me wrong that being said.... hmmmmm
B - well I guess we don't believe in it for different reasons ...
B - how are you donig anything exciting goin on, work going good, your parents good, do you have a bf?
K - I'm good and my parents are good
B - do you regret anything on how things went down?
K that's a very dumb question sweetie, don't think i have to answer that but i would like to think we both have regrets.
K - I don't regret anything
B well that says a lot
k - about what?
B - about how you handled yourself after - I said somethings I wish I wouldn't have but I always cared about you and I never lied to you about my feelings for you I just wasn't ready and you did something that I don't think I can ever get over but when a person doesn't care they have no regrets I get that
K - that I went through your phone is that what you can't get over? and I have no regrets because its the past and made me who I am today there really is no need to live for yesterday but only for today
B - no I forgot you went through my phone lol no I don't give a shit about that lol my god that's small ptoatoes, I mean sleeping with josh thats like me going and sleeping with sarah and I hear you about living for today that all I'm about .
K - you said you didn't care as long as it made me happy for second as I heard through the grape vine you were sleeping with people the entire time we were seeing eachother and we weren't together you let me walk away and went the otherway you had your prize so you shouldn't be upset because you didn't choose me its blunt I know but it is the truth and I'm honest and if it hurts I'm sorry but I don't have to jsutify anything because I guess I really don't so think I'm a bitch and I'm a dirty whore if you want only i know the truth and your beliefes are yours
b - what's funny is you listen to the wrong people you listed to a bunch of drama queens that love to stir up trouble that knew nothing at all and you should've known that
k - your best friends? hmmm k weird when I hear it from multiple people but i hope you cleaned up your game since lol and I can't believe I caught you by one piece of paper lol gosh I'm too smart for my own good sometimes lol
b - you listened to one guy that would say anything to get in your pants that had no contact with me at all so how would he know anything ya git me? jerm he'll say anything for the sake of drama, i mean really did you think i would share anything how i felt or what I was doing with them yahoo's ?
k - just saying brett its really not an issue anymore you don't have to justify anything to me really...
b - I get that it's not a big deal but it was to me that you would listen to them lol but yes whatever and ps you started it with the regret question lol
b - i would bend you over and smak your ass right now if you were here for starting that regardless I'm glad your doing good keep it up :)
k - hahaha so many jokes going through my mind right now
b - are they dirty ones?
k no just my mean hummor lol so i filter
b - why you so mean to me lmao bat time to ask if i can come fuck your brains out tonight then lmao you are a meanie
-k - i don't need sex anymore i have many toys that pleasure me better than anyone can lol
b - ok i beg to differ and you have made statements to that effect about me unless you were lieing lol and need has nothing to do with it ... so let me know what time you want me lol
k - you haven't seen my toys
b - ok let me play with them then lol i can be a big help and a toy has no passion at all
k - but passion is only good when you lust someone lol
b - oh i forgot you don't lust for me anymore
b - lol my penis respects you very much lol no matter what you think dear i have never disrespected you so what time do you want me over?
k - good joke lol
b - deep down you really want to see me
k - do i now ?
b asking a question with a question means a definate yes
k LOL
b - AND THAT REALLY CONFIRMED IT
k if thats what helps you sleep at night - is it hard to believe that I can actually say no to sex?
b your not only saying that but also no to me
******The next text messages are all in sequence but there was a time lapse from the first bunch - I had contacted the girl he had cheated on me with to appologize to her from the time I had met her and I was completly rude and hateful, but then I realized she had no idea about me since we had talked. He had done the same thing to her has he had done to me as I found out while we were talking and the way she described her feelings was that he was completly discusting *******
b - you really just had to contact her so she can go through more pain, what was the point of that? she is nothing like you leave her alone.
k - I was appologizing to her on how i treated her when I met her because i knew it wasn't her fault idk how you two of you eneded not my business but thats on you not me i just appologized to her because she deserves it
b - and now was the time for you that who are you trying to kid you did that for your own personal vindetta, pretty fucking shitty but guess that should be expected from you, why didn't you appologize to me lol thats all I have ever been is nice to you, you just couldn't handle I wanted to see other poeple besides just you ... GROW THE FUCK UP
k - because you don't deserve an apology you hurt me more than i could ever hurt you - get over yourself you think everyone should love you because you have " game " take a look at a mirror and look at the damage you caused - I don't need you and never did i was just to blind to see what you truley are and I don't care if your with other people they are just stupid enough to fall for your manipulative personality. I know I'm a better person and could never fathom treating others the way you did. so be pissed and tell me this bs crap to make me feel bad I really don't give a shit on how you feel about me you made the bed so sleep in it.
b - oh your one to talk lmao you know your so right I treated you so bad and your such a great person to go fuck an ex's best friend just to get back at me lol your such a saint lmao if you didn't care sweetie you would have never went out of your way to contact her and I sleep just fine in my bed I don't make up shit in my head like some i know the truth.... lol and to think i cared about you lmao
k - LOL you FUCKED other people when we were seeing eachother - and for you to be an ex that would mean we would have to be in a relationship so according to you we weren't... we weren't together you were with bonnie so why should you really care who i fuck you gave josh consent to so fuck off
b - I never fucked anyone when we were in a relationship you just fell for josh's shit.
k - josh wasn't the one who told me
b well you got flat out lied to - i never cheated on you I cared about you and always did care about you
k - don't blame me for your problems - i don't really care so live your life - if you don't care about me anymore why would you still be trying to justify yourself to me?
b - pull your head out of your ass I'm not blaming you for shit, just don't know why you had to go throw salt on bonnies wounds pretty fuckin shitty. holy shit you are so fucked up in the head lmao if you didn't care why would you contact bonnie ya fucken freak i did care about you even after the whole josh thing now you can go jump off a bridge
k - and yet again advise i will never take from you lol
b - sweetie youir still in love with me its ok
k - ummmm lol no i think not sorry to burst your bubble
b - I come in lets make up you can come over and i can fuck you liek the dirty little whore you are lmao your one crazy bitch, you give women a bad name, why do you think guys leave you all the time lmao
k - i don't really care none of them can pleasure me the way a my vibrator can and who said I wasn't happy and in a relationship lmfao jokes on you
b - lmao well enjoy
***** so now that you have read this and are still not bored :) ******
The text message from him on Saturday morning was as follows.....
B- Hey so I'm playing in a band now LOL the rock star that I am... any way we are going to need pictures for cd's and concert posters are you interested or should I look elsewhere, you know I love your work. anyway think about it and let me know.
With that being said I now hope that you can actually understand why I was laughing.... If you have any questions feel free to ask but if you have anything hurtful to say.
I also got two microdermals this weekend which are amazing and I love them! Other than that nothing too new is happening!