Yes, Twelve Step is the only time he admits it, and that's by accident. (He also manages not to say it directly, even though there's no doubt the statement applies to him and on some level he knows it.)
Whether he believes in his own bullshit or not... I think it's a little bit of both. On the one hand he is very calculating--again, by his own implicit admission. He's calculated in how he keeps the team together, how he keeps himself in charge, how he gives Sophie just enough to keep her around. He's incredibly calculating in how he gets everyone--including Maggie--on board in Second David, but he doesn't typically give it a lot of forethought. Addicts are exceptionally good at rationalizing all sorts of bad behavior.
On the other hand, Nate *does* think that he's better than the rest of the team. Sophie's right when she says that in First David, and she's right in Two Horse when she calls him an arrogant son of a bitch. (And either Hutton or John Rogers or both have said as much in interviews.) He absolutely thinks he's better than everyone, but he doesn't believe he's a white knight, exactly. (with Stirling at the end of Two Horse: "suffering doesn't make you a hero" / "I never claimed to be")
Nate needs to believe he's better than everyone because otherwise what gives him the right to sit in judgment? In the David Jobs we get the repitition of "remember that we helped people" which he needs to pacify his conscience. Nate hates himself, but he's not actively suicidal. The best lies have the truth in them. Again, addicts are really fucking good at rationalization.
So yeah, Nate thinks he's better than everyone. I don't think he thinks he's particularly virutuous, but he doesn't need to be because helping people cancels that out. There is that moment in Twelve Step where the guy asks Nate (and I'm paraphrasing) "if you do bad things to help people, doesn't that make it okay?" Parker comes in before Nate could answer, but I'm really curious what Nate would've said--partly because I have no idea what Nate would've said.
I don't think Nate ever takes the time to think about any of this because it would all fall apart. He's self aware, but he's too afraid of the truth to be given to any kind of self-reflection. Still, he's too smart not to be self aware on some level, and he *does* hate himself, and I think if he were completely unaware, he wouldn't be so good at rationalization and he wouldn't be so scared of the truth.
Uh, short answer? He has to believe some of it; he doesn't believe all of it; on some buried level he knows it's all a lie.
Whether he believes in his own bullshit or not... I think it's a little bit of both. On the one hand he is very calculating--again, by his own implicit admission. He's calculated in how he keeps the team together, how he keeps himself in charge, how he gives Sophie just enough to keep her around. He's incredibly calculating in how he gets everyone--including Maggie--on board in Second David, but he doesn't typically give it a lot of forethought. Addicts are exceptionally good at rationalizing all sorts of bad behavior.
On the other hand, Nate *does* think that he's better than the rest of the team. Sophie's right when she says that in First David, and she's right in Two Horse when she calls him an arrogant son of a bitch. (And either Hutton or John Rogers or both have said as much in interviews.) He absolutely thinks he's better than everyone, but he doesn't believe he's a white knight, exactly. (with Stirling at the end of Two Horse: "suffering doesn't make you a hero" / "I never claimed to be")
Nate needs to believe he's better than everyone because otherwise what gives him the right to sit in judgment? In the David Jobs we get the repitition of "remember that we helped people" which he needs to pacify his conscience. Nate hates himself, but he's not actively suicidal. The best lies have the truth in them. Again, addicts are really fucking good at rationalization.
So yeah, Nate thinks he's better than everyone. I don't think he thinks he's particularly virutuous, but he doesn't need to be because helping people cancels that out. There is that moment in Twelve Step where the guy asks Nate (and I'm paraphrasing) "if you do bad things to help people, doesn't that make it okay?" Parker comes in before Nate could answer, but I'm really curious what Nate would've said--partly because I have no idea what Nate would've said.
I don't think Nate ever takes the time to think about any of this because it would all fall apart. He's self aware, but he's too afraid of the truth to be given to any kind of self-reflection. Still, he's too smart not to be self aware on some level, and he *does* hate himself, and I think if he were completely unaware, he wouldn't be so good at rationalization and he wouldn't be so scared of the truth.
Uh, short answer? He has to believe some of it; he doesn't believe all of it; on some buried level he knows it's all a lie.
(long answer is long)
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