things i have learned from self-help books
one person's common sense is never another person's common sense because it's not common-sense at all, it's wiring. and i am not wired the same way as you, therefore it is fruitless and foolish for me to get upset at you for acting and reacting the way you're wired. weird how hard that one is to internalise.
empathy is a curse which even people who actually have it may agree with. i'll make do very nicely with a combination of reading people for fun and a moral obligation to put myself in their shoes.
what i see as consultation, someone else sees as laying down the law because if i'm looking for confirmation that i'm right and i don't get it, i'll keep going until someone either agrees with me or argues me down. [or, in the case of my boss, squishes me.] this is a real, specific, ongoing problem which i have finally got to the root of, thanks to a friend. solution: only consult this person when i genuinely don't know the answer and i'm willing to take hers.
i need to find a job that doesn't encourage fault-finding and cause me constant irritation turns out that although, say, i like to fix stuff and i like groups to work together and i'm pretty good at big-picture stuff, what really makes me happy is knowledge and learning, i think all the time, and what i do without ever stopping to contemplate it is treat people as individuals and how my best guesses indicate they want to be treated. so a job where i manage a process and there is never any time to not manage the process is probably not very good for me. job-hunting when i've done all the urgent things that are currently shouting at me?
empathy is a curse which even people who actually have it may agree with. i'll make do very nicely with a combination of reading people for fun and a moral obligation to put myself in their shoes.
what i see as consultation, someone else sees as laying down the law because if i'm looking for confirmation that i'm right and i don't get it, i'll keep going until someone either agrees with me or argues me down. [or, in the case of my boss, squishes me.] this is a real, specific, ongoing problem which i have finally got to the root of, thanks to a friend. solution: only consult this person when i genuinely don't know the answer and i'm willing to take hers.
i need to find a job that doesn't encourage fault-finding and cause me constant irritation turns out that although, say, i like to fix stuff and i like groups to work together and i'm pretty good at big-picture stuff, what really makes me happy is knowledge and learning, i think all the time, and what i do without ever stopping to contemplate it is treat people as individuals and how my best guesses indicate they want to be treated. so a job where i manage a process and there is never any time to not manage the process is probably not very good for me. job-hunting when i've done all the urgent things that are currently shouting at me?