Reflections on my career choices
So this interview I had yesterday for the freelance gig: turns out it's a local game publisher of which I'd never heard looking for people to write books based on their games. And they're going through a temp agency to find them ... which indicates to me they really don't have a clue either about their work pool or their potential audience. After some thought, I decided that I'm going to write to the woman I interviewed with and take myself out of the running.
Why? Because I realized on the way over that I wasn't really interested in this opportunity to begin with, that I answered the call for a science fiction and fantasy editor more out of habit than out of desire, and that I was making myself crazy over it. And because on the way back I realized that the deeper I got into the interview, the more I understood that I was dealing with a group thatat the moment anywaywas out of its depth, and that I didn't want to be the person, once again, who sets up a company's publishing division only to have them discard me after the hard work is done. They can sink or swim on their own.
I had a moment of enthusiasm about referring some writers I know for the position. Then, once again, I found myself wondering why I was being so generous to a company I had no obligation to. It would, of course, be nice to get work for my friends and that garners good will but, I wonder, to what end? Then I thought, isn't that what a literary agent does? Yes...but an agent also negotiates deals, something which I never enjoyed....
I also realized yesterday that I'm genuinely disinterested in the work I'm doing at Microsoft. It's an income, surely, and I'm capable of doing the work assigned to me, but with no enthusiasm, which often eats into work quality.
I've come to realize that I've gotten into the habit of taking jobs I know I can do, whether they interest me or not, for an income rather than because I want to do the work, and it makes me unhappy/frustrated/angry on a regular basis. I also realized that I have this little reserve of envy for some of my friends who are doing exactly what they want to be doing, are doing it well, and are getting opportunities I would relish having myself. That little reserve of envy is just poison, and I want to be rid of it. So now I'm trying to figure out how to change my situation. Every time I think about what I want to be doing, I realize that it will require a significant reorganization of my finances and, possibly, my entire life. I just have to find the courageand the emotional werewithal to make the leap. It would be easier if I had a second income or a partner to provide same. It would be easier if I didn't have a mortgage and debt that I'm still trying to dig out of. It would be easier if I hadn't made the decision to change cars. But...well, here I am, and I'll have to figure out how to change things. I don't think I can afford to be lazy about this any more. My dad died at 47, my mom at 56. At my age, if history repeats itself, that leaves me a limited amount of time.
In other news, last night twilight2000 showed me that the Mars rovers each have their own LiveJournals. Follow along with spiritrover (the Goth) and opportunitygrrl (the Perkygoth) as they explore the Red Planet, bolding going where no NASA probes have gone before!
Why? Because I realized on the way over that I wasn't really interested in this opportunity to begin with, that I answered the call for a science fiction and fantasy editor more out of habit than out of desire, and that I was making myself crazy over it. And because on the way back I realized that the deeper I got into the interview, the more I understood that I was dealing with a group thatat the moment anywaywas out of its depth, and that I didn't want to be the person, once again, who sets up a company's publishing division only to have them discard me after the hard work is done. They can sink or swim on their own.
I had a moment of enthusiasm about referring some writers I know for the position. Then, once again, I found myself wondering why I was being so generous to a company I had no obligation to. It would, of course, be nice to get work for my friends and that garners good will but, I wonder, to what end? Then I thought, isn't that what a literary agent does? Yes...but an agent also negotiates deals, something which I never enjoyed....
I also realized yesterday that I'm genuinely disinterested in the work I'm doing at Microsoft. It's an income, surely, and I'm capable of doing the work assigned to me, but with no enthusiasm, which often eats into work quality.
I've come to realize that I've gotten into the habit of taking jobs I know I can do, whether they interest me or not, for an income rather than because I want to do the work, and it makes me unhappy/frustrated/angry on a regular basis. I also realized that I have this little reserve of envy for some of my friends who are doing exactly what they want to be doing, are doing it well, and are getting opportunities I would relish having myself. That little reserve of envy is just poison, and I want to be rid of it. So now I'm trying to figure out how to change my situation. Every time I think about what I want to be doing, I realize that it will require a significant reorganization of my finances and, possibly, my entire life. I just have to find the courageand the emotional werewithal to make the leap. It would be easier if I had a second income or a partner to provide same. It would be easier if I didn't have a mortgage and debt that I'm still trying to dig out of. It would be easier if I hadn't made the decision to change cars. But...well, here I am, and I'll have to figure out how to change things. I don't think I can afford to be lazy about this any more. My dad died at 47, my mom at 56. At my age, if history repeats itself, that leaves me a limited amount of time.
In other news, last night twilight2000 showed me that the Mars rovers each have their own LiveJournals. Follow along with spiritrover (the Goth) and opportunitygrrl (the Perkygoth) as they explore the Red Planet, bolding going where no NASA probes have gone before!